


An Unbearable Sight

by Ponderess



Series: AUS - Universe [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon - Manga, Character Study, Deviates From Canon, Drama, F/M, Gen, Manga Spoilers, Multi, Romance, UA - universe alteration, saw this tag suggestion on Tumblr and totally using it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2017-12-30 20:26:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 142,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ponderess/pseuds/Ponderess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>When we love we tend to disregard ourselves in favour of caring for someone else.</em> ― Neither Annie nor Eren had expected to take the fall that is loving a person, but in the damp walls of Annie's prison cell they find that there might be something worth more than anything they ever fought for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Eyes Filled with Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading, please note that this started off as a one-shot and grew to a full fanfiction due to demand and my muse kicking in. I have an idea where this is going by now, but nothing is set in stone.
> 
> This is more drama than it is romance. Just thought I'd note this, before you end up disappointed. And wow, I'm really happy I discovered the "Character Study" tag here, because this is basically what I'm doing here quite often.
> 
> It's highly recommended to have read the manga - at least chapters 17, 31-33 and the beginning of chapter 34 are worth having a look at, since the anime pretty much fucked up the relationship between Eren and Annie. (A month later and I'm still mad at the conclusion of the anime adaption.)
> 
> Also stay wary of manga spoilers. Though I'm pretty much ignoring the manga plot from chapter 34 onwards, spoilers for the revelation in chapter 42 will be presented without further notice. You have been warned.
> 
> (Btw. I'm better at ranty notes than I am at good summaries. I really wish it weren't so.)

 

([Source](http://jbadgr.tumblr.com/post/81107198763))

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**Prologue: Eyes filled with Hurt**

.: :.

She was defeated. With its arms torn off, the huge body she possessed was slumped to the ground. Unable to move by the weight of another titan pressing it down, she could only hold out inside it as countless people from the Scouting Legion were swarming towards her. There was no point in even trying to push her titan form any further – it was only useless flesh now. It was the last shelter she had from this cruel world – and they were cutting into it, tearing through the chunks of flesh on her neck in which her real body was preserved.

Annie didn't know what was worse: that she had failed in fulfilling her mission to take Eren, or that she had failed to escape over the wall. The memory of Mikasa cutting off her fingers on both hands so she could no longer cling to the wall shot through her mind again. And the thought of those merciless eyes when her former comrade from the 104th training squad had told her to fall still made the hair on the back of her neck stand on edge.

They'd never gotten along very well in their training days, but now Annie was sure that Mikasa downright resented her. The dark haired girl being weirdly overprotective of Eren – the very person Annie had attempted to kidnap – it wasn't really surprising. But compared to her affectionate and caring behaviour towards her childhood friend, the cruelty she could show towards others was astounding. Annie seriously wished to never have to face that cold-hearted girl again.

Fresh air approached her as they tore open the muscle of her titan form to retrieve her real body. She was so numb and exhausted from fighting and running in that huge body that she was still tied up to. And even if she could've moved, what would've been the point of fighting back when their numbers were so high and she was so weak?

Still, she was scared of facing them. The blood of their comrades was on her hands – she was well aware of that – why should they have any mercy for her. She had squashed their friends like insects, why should they do any less to her.

Huge fingers gripped her, ripping her out of the last bit of shelter she had left. Eren had her in his grasp and she found it hard to breathe even though her face was now freed from the titan flesh and her lungs had full access to air again. Half of her wanted to close her eyes, so she wouldn't have to see what was coming for her, but the darkness behind her eyes scared her now more than ever.

Tears ran down her cheeks as she desperately tried to think of a way out, the words of her father from long ago echoing in her ears. He had asked her to treat the whole world as her enemy and told her that he'd be always on her side. And he had made her promise to come back to him one day, and she really had intended to. She had wanted to survive, not only for her own sake, but also for her father's sake. And so far she had managed to. This time however she had run out of options.

As soon as Mikasa had sent her falling, Annie had known she had lost. Unlike that time in the forest of giant trees, there were no titans anywhere that she could call to devour her titan body, while she made her escape in the turmoil of it. And where would she run off to anyway? They knew her face now.

Her feet hit the ground as Eren put her down. Only now did she notice how shaky and weak her legs were. She would surely fall to her knees, if it wasn't for the huge hand of Eren's titan body which refused to let her go. Somehow she was glad about the warmth of his steaming fingers that engulfed her. But life soon left those limbs and she knew that he as well was releasing control of his titan body, leaving the massive limbs to slowly dissolve from their heat.

Members of the Scouting Legion approached her, tearing off the motionless titan fingers that enclosed her body and seizing her. She struggled, however with little effect – her body was currently far too weak for her to put much effort into resisting.

The hands grabbing her restrained her. They were way too close, she just wanted to shake them off, but it was no good. Her body was so tired she could barely hold herself upright on her own anyway. So she gave in to the enemy closing in on her and tried not to think too much about what was awaiting her in their custody.

The tears had dried up. All that was left for her was an indistinct emptiness and her heavy breathing. Her skin was almost numb to the touch of the scouts confining her. Their voices were far off and barely reached her ears as her gaze aimlessly wandered past them.

And then she saw him. Lying in Armin's arms, he seemed as exhausted as she felt after manoeuvring the huge body dissolving nearby. But still he was looking at her with these wide amber eyes of his – just the way he had looked at her right before she had transformed into her titan form. Why was he looking at her like that? What was it with this guy and his big earnest eyes? If only he would stop.

Eren struggled to get up, barely breaking eye contact with her. Armin seemed to argue with him to stay put, but the brown-haired boy did not listen. Keeping his eyes fixed on his target, he started to move towards her.

Annie wanted to turn away. She wanted to avoid directly facing him a second time even more than she wanted to avoid his gaze. But she could not even avert her eyes from his green irises. Somehow they had trapped her gaze and she could only stare at him with unease as he approached slowly, getting steadier and steadier on his own feet again.

"Why?" he exclaimed as he was yet a few steps away from her. Someone called his name – maybe Mikasa – but he ignored whoever it was, as his hands pushed passed Annie's many guards and grabbed her by her shoulders.

"Why would you do that?" he repeated – louder this time – and shook her.

Even if she wanted to, Annie could not answer. The scene left her dumbstruck and horrified at once. His voice sounded so desperate, like she had never heard it before and- where those tears in his eyes? Why was he crying now? Why was he crying while saying her name?

She was barely aware that her mouth was gaping open. It hardly mattered though given the fact that she struggled to comprehend what was happening before her eyes right now.

Was he crying because of her and what she had done, or was he crying _for_ her? But that was ridiculous. Why would he be crying for her? Why would he – the boy that had exclaimed so many times without hesitation that he would kill all the titans – cry for _her_ – the girl who had come for him transformed into a titan and had killed several of his comrades in her attempt to capture him. To him surely her actions must seem more treasonous than to anyone else here.

And yet she could not detect any resent in his earnest eyes, only the desperate sadness and the question how things could have come to this. Eren sure was special. Even the goodhearted Armin now looked at her like she was a traitor – well, to them she was just that after all – but not Eren. What an idiot. Or maybe fool was closer to it.

His honest idiocy had actually started to fascinate her a while back. It had been clear to Annie that their diverse mind-sets made it feel like they were living in two worlds that were completely different from each other. And in some way she had wanted to test him with his ideas of how things worked and show him a bit of her world. That had been very likely one of the main reasons she had offered to teach him some of her hand-to-hand combat skills.

Now she wondered if she just should've stayed away from him with that naïve attitude towards life he displayed despite the things he had apparently gone through. Maybe then it wouldn't pain her so much to face him right now, to see him cry _because of her_. Maybe then it wouldn't freeze her to the spot. Yes, maybe, just maybe.

Scouts were still all around, some of them standing close by trying to break them apart. But Eren refused to let go of her shoulders. Did he really await an answer of her? What was he expecting to hear? That it was all a misunderstanding? No, it surely wasn't, there was no denying the facts.

He seemed to realise. His fingers loosened up and slid from her shoulders as he slowly gave in to the people ushering him away. It felt like a final goodbye, though none of them was able to bid the other farewell. Eren just silently turned from her and for some reason it saddened Annie more than anything she could've ever imagined.

"Eren- I'm sorry," she hadn't even known she was about to say these words, before they were out. He froze and looked back at her in surprise.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you what you want to hear," she specified. Yet actually she was sorry for everything. But most of all she was sorry that she wasn't able to stay with him and they could never try to be friends. So far she hadn't even known for herself, but now she felt it all so clearly.

Eren gulped visibly, yet he didn't say anything. Maybe he was grasping what she had left unsaid, but maybe he just didn't know what to make of her words. During their time together in the 104th training squad, she had had the impression that he often was a bit slow on the uptake. And then again, sometimes he had surprised her by comprehending more than she had expected of him.

He really was one of a kind.

The scouts holding her were growing impatient. Eren and Annie shared one last look before she was dragged away to her unavoidable fate. His gaze was hefted to her back until she was out of sight, oblivious to the tears that were welling up in her eyes again.

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	2. 01: Ask for Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have a thing for wide-eyed Annie (especially if Eren is the one causing it). If my drawing skills weren't so unreliable I'd probably draw surprised Annie for my pleasure.

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**Chapter 1: Ask for Answers**

.: :.

He had asked for her again and again. Every day of the week for three coherent weeks he had mentioned her name at least once to try and figure out what was happening to her. Captain Levi, who was in charge of her interrogation on top of having Eren in his custody, was growing really impatient with him.

His replies went from an indifferent "Shouldn't you be training to control your titan powers with Hanji's squad or something?" over a threatening "Listen up, brat. You're fine as long as I hold responsibility for you, but if you keep on nagging I might change my mind. So keep your trap shut and already fucking stop asking me about that, will ya?" to an almost mocking "Gee, what is it with that girl? Do you want to do some titan mating with her, or why are you obsessing so much over her?"

Eren, who was still intimidated by the captain ever since their first meeting – not to mention having experienced an explicit taste of the man's hard kicks first-hand at one occasion –, swallowed down the anger these remarks caused in him. However he did not back down. In the nearly two months the teenager had spent with him, he had realised that Levi wasn't too bad after all. His superior had taught him at least one or two valuable life lessons so far and – despite his impassionate demeanour most of the time – he had a heart that sometimes even showed a little, if you paid attention.

However the captain's cold-heartedness towards his enemies was what worried Eren. After all, so far Annie had given the man enough reason to be considered his enemy. She had wiped out his whole squad for instance.

Since the incident Levi had kept a straight face – at least in the presence of the young man under his charge – but that meant hardly anything, since his impassive features seemed to be set in stone. Who knew, underneath the layer of indifference he displayed to the outside world maybe lay a vengeful man, a man that could not forget about his deceased squad members. And one thing was certain: his kicks could mess up your body pretty badly – Eren had felt that for himself. Who knew what else he was capable of doing to someone who had killed his comrades.

Seeking revenge or not, the double duties sure took their toll on the captain. He was unusually short-tempered and moody. During the days he had to keep an eye on the young teen – whose ability to transform into a titan still was considered a threat even though he had improved at using it – while his nights were cut short because he spent at least half of it with Annie, trying to get some information out of her.

Because Levi couldn't be in two places at the same time and had to get at least some sleep during the night, the female type titan was confined in the same old castle Eren had become accustomed to living in. Yet the young scout had no idea where exactly she was held – the dungeons were big and he only went there for sleeping as it had been ordered for security measures. And he knew that he would get hell if he tried to find out where his former team mate from training days was being kept.

So he stuck to asking about her, hoping that someday his superior would get tired of it and finally tell him how she was doing. But after no progress in three weeks his patience sure was wearing thin. He couldn't tell who might snap first: the captain or he himself.

Steadily resigning, Eren sighed one night over dinner after having an especially fruitless questioning session with Levi: the older man had decided to simply ignore him and just silently proceeded to eat his meal.

Resting the head with the brown hair on the table in frustration, he grumbled more to himself than to anyone: "You don't have to answer my questions, but at least let me see her once, Captain."

Levi took a sip from his cup of tea and leaned back in his seat.

"Fine," he eventually said, "you can have your titan date."

Eren's head shot up in surprise.

"Really?" he asked wide-eyed. He was far too excited about the prospect of actually seeing Annie to get offended by the captain's choice of words.

The dark-haired man just shrugged, eyeing an unspecific spot on the opposite wall. "If it makes you shut up."

The young scout swallowed. He wasn't sure if he could promise to never ask for Annie again once he got to see her, so he didn't.

"When?" he asked instead.

His superior seemed to consider it for a moment.

"As soon as you've finished your plate and I'm done with my tea we can go."

"What, seriously?" The boy lightened up even more.

"Yes," the captain replied. "But if you keep asking stupid questions and don't hurry, I might change my mind."

Eren didn't have to be told twice. He ate the last bit of his dinner in haste and soon after they were on the way to the dungeon. It almost seemed surreal to him as they climbed down the stairs together in the dim torchlight, like he wasn't sure whether he was dreaming or not.

Levi was giving him half an hour, any extension of the time limit and the captain had promised to drag him out by his brown hair. It was a rather generous offer, Eren thought – especially considering he'd been molesting his superior for three weeks without getting anything out of him. And now he got to see her, would be able to speak to her.

He couldn't deny that he was nervous about facing Annie once more. Not only had he been intimidated by her during their days in the 104th training squad, but their last encounter had left him truly unsettled. Even three weeks later he yet hadn't been able to fully process what had happened that day in the eastern wall town of Wall Sina.

He still couldn't quite comprehend that Annie had attempted to kidnap him and ruthlessly killed several people in the process. But what troubled him more than having been forced to fight her was her behaviour after being captured.

Eren had confronted her even though he had known deep down inside that it was too late for reasoning. And at first she had reacted as expected: not giving any kind of explanation for what she had done, leaving him with his unanswered questions. But then, right before being taken away, she had _apologised_. And there had been this sadness in her eyes that had made him nearly lose the ground beneath his feet.

Though Annie had specified that she was sorry for not being able to give him the answers he wanted, he couldn't shake the thought that there had been more to her apology. She was bad at lying after all as far as he was concerned. He may not have been able to read her like an open book, but when she spoke he could tell the truth from a lie.

So night after night he had been mulling over what she really had wanted to say back then, but just couldn't. He wasn't necessarily expecting an explanation this time, for all he knew she might not even talk to him – why would she want to? But he at least had to give talking to her a try.

By the time he and the captain reached the door to her cell Eren's heart was racing and he struggled to think straight. Every question he had wanted to ask her got jumbled up in his head or completely disappeared. His stomach wailed with unease.

Still he listened to Levi's last instructions, reminding him not to do anything stupid as best as he could. The boy then gave a formal salute, offering his heart to show how serious he was about this.

His superior acknowledged it with barely a nod and opened up the door that revealed a sparely lit cell. In the dim torchlight Eren could only make out Annie's shape on the bed at the opposite end of the room. She faced the wall and so far showed no reaction to hearing her cell door open.

Hesitantly the boy entered the cell. His heart was racing and his thoughts were rushing so fast through his head, he could barely follow up with what they were even about.

A few steps into the room and he heard the door fall shut behind him and being locked. He knew Levi would be waiting on the other side for him, making sure he didn't exceed his time limit. However he couldn't make out a sound from outside – the thick, heavy door was probably swallowing up most of it. That gave him a sense of privacy.

After taking a deep breath to calm himself down a little, he approached Annie further – however still staying about an arm's length away to be sure.

"Annie?" he carefully tried, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"It's me, Eren," he added, yet the blond girl remained motionless in the semi-darkness. Maybe she was sleeping. Or she didn't want to see him and just pretended to be asleep.

He listened out for her breathing. It didn't sound relaxed and regular, more like she was tense and trying to inhale as little as possible. So she was awake.

Instead of calling her out on it, he decided to just continue talking to her. After all he now knew that she could hear him, and maybe she would actually listen to what he was going to say. So there was a chance she might even react at some point. Though he wasn't sure what exactly he was going to say.

"I hope they've been treating you somewhat alright," Eren started rambling. "I know they can be pretty rough – especially to someone with this kind of" – he was searching for a way to put it – "ability that is considered a threat. I should know I went through the same after the Trost incident."

He paused. What even was he saying?

"No, not the same," he corrected. There had been people that had believed in him and had been willing to put their trust in him. Annie had no one who believed in her – no one in the right position to save her anyway.

Eren was startled by his own thoughts. His gaze got caught on a tile on the floor while he reconsidered. Did he want to _save_ Annie? Where had that word even come from? Three weeks ago he had been guilt ridden about the deaths of his comrades and now he thought about saving their killer?

But it was Annie after all. She had been his comrade, too.

A short, dry laugh escaped his throat at this revelation. He felt a sense of irony in his situation.

"Remember when I talked big about killing all the titans and now look at me," he shared his thoughts with the floor. "I guess things aren't quite as simple as I had thought back then…"

He focused on his breathing while trying to sort out some of the chaos inside his head. So many thoughts sprang at him from all directions he couldn't even finish most of them. They just got lost in the tumult of half-sentences, disappearing as quickly as they had come up.

"I'm just trying to understand," he concluded. "Annie, I just need to know _why_."

His eyes were fixed on her back again, willing her to speak. However she kept her silence and he grew tenser and tenser with every passing minute. He wasn't good at this. His patience had been tested more than enough over the past weeks and he clearly wasn't apt at interrogating someone. He wondered bitterly why they hadn't received any lessons on that as trainees.

"No real reason."

Annie's reply came out of the blue, but the few words she had uttered in her usual impassive tone enraged him. He tried his best not to let his temper get the better of him, but it was really hard.

"Don't fuck with me!" he pressed out through gritted teeth.

She still did not face him and that made his anger even worse.

"I just wanted to survive," she added just as casually.

"Survive?!" Eren shouted, no longer able to hold back. "Is trying to kidnap me what you call surviving? Was killing all those scouts necessary for your survival?! You came to attack us! Couldn't you have stayed with the Military Police save inside Wall Sina?!"

"What do you know about me?!"

Infuriated she turned around to face him with scary eyes, the chains tied to her wrists rattling heavily from her sudden movement.

"Well, what do _you_ know about me?!" he retorted.

"Nothing, but I don't go around acting like I know it all, do I?!"

Her voice was quieter than his, but also sharper.

Eren was taken aback by her accusation and the glint in her eyes that accompanied her words. He swallowed hard. Ashamed he looked at the floor again, escaping her stare. What did he know about her? He had made some assumptions during their time together, but what did he actually _know_?

He took a few breaths to calm himself and when he faced her again, she was back to her normal indifferent self. Looking at her it seemed like nothing had even happened.

"Tell me then," he prompted.

"Huh?"

Her face was off for only a second, so he wasn't even sure, if the surprise in her eyes had actually been there. But it seemed like she hadn't expected him to say something like that and couldn't quite follow his words.

He took a breath, deciding to elaborate.

"I know you became a soldier trainee, aiming to join the Military Police," he began stating the facts he had gathered about her over the years. "I know that you're very skilled and ranked as fourth among the top trainees. You like to keep to yourself and don't talk much. But when you get to display the unique hand-to-hand combat skills you learned from your father you liven up. And when you smile – which you rarely do, but when you do you look beautiful."

Eren broke off. That last one hadn't been supposed to sound like that. He hadn't even intended to say it at all, it just had slipped out. His breathing, he now realised, was heavier from talking so fast and barely catching a breath.

Though he avoided direct eye-contact, he still looked in Annie's general direction. His gaze hovered over her forehead or down to one of her ears, but it was still enough to catch a glimpse of the expression in her face.

Her eyes were wider than usual and she had absolutely frozen in place. If she had been surprised before, she now was in shock. It vaguely reminded him of how she had looked when he first had declined her offer to teach him her combat skills.

After what felt like minutes to Eren, but probably were just a few seconds, she blinked away her confusion and regained some composure. She adjusted herself by letting her feet slide from the bed and sitting more upright.

But she said no word. All she did was eyeing him with a look he could not quite pinpoint. It made him feel more uncomfortable than he already had been after blurting out those words without even realising.

Since Annie made no attempt to continue the conversation, he decided to try and brush over it by going back to what his original intent had been.

"The point I was trying to make," he picked up vaguely where he left off, "was that yes, I only know this much of you and yes, that is not a lot. So please, fill in the gaps for me so I can try and understand."

Her eyebrows narrowed at his last words. She was mad again. Despite the chains on her wrists she rose from her bed. Her left arm remained strangely stretched out behind her back, because her shackles restrained her from moving it any further away from the wall.

They still weren't at eye-level, because she was a head shorter than him. Despite all that she looked really intimidating – probably just as much as Captain Levi could if he wanted to. Eren shivered a little at the thought of him.

When she spoke her voice was quiet and firm, yet it had an undertone to it that was almost threatening.

"Since when are you trying to understand others and their reasons? Since when do you listen to what others say?"

Eren registered her intend to provoke him, but he remained strangely calm.

"Haven't you noticed?" he replied with barely more than a whisper. "I listened to you."

This took her off guard. Her eyes widened in surprise again and he could see her shrink back a little.

Then she turned sideways, taking some of the strain from her left arm as she no longer had to hold it in an uncomfortable angle behind her back. Bangs of her blond hair blocked most of her face from his view, but he still could see a smile gracing Annie's lips.

"You have a tendency to surprise me, Eren," she said softly and he liked the way she made his name sound maybe just a little too much. Her tone was warmer than he had ever heard it and there was no sadness in it like last time.

"You've got some surprises up your sleeves as well and they're not necessarily unpleasant," he mumbled. Regarding the pillow on her bed with a helpless smile, he wondered what had caused him to phrase it like that.

Her head turned towards Eren and there was open curiosity in her gaze.

"Since that day during our training in hand-to-hand combat I've been trying to put my finger on what it is with you," she admitted truthfully.

He shot her a puzzled look however he did not dig deeper.

Standing there in Annie's cell began to wear him out. How long had he been here anyway? He remembered the time limit, yet he decided not to think too much about it. If it was time to leave he'd risk getting dragged out by his hair, he wouldn't leave any moment sooner.

Judging that the probability of Annie attacking him was really low, he walked over and sat down on the foot of her bed. Following his example, she sank down on the spot in the middle of the bed. She let her shoulders slump a little as she did so. The gap he had left out of insecurity remained between them.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" he asked after a moment of sitting there in silence, his arms resting on his thighs.

"It's a long story," she replied, taking her time.

Somehow he felt too depleted to pressure her on the matter. Instead he let the silence take over again. It had something peaceful.

"Say, Eren…," she started after a moment. "Do you hate me?"

He turned towards her in surprise, meeting her gaze that was fixed on him. Did he? He felt confused thinking about it.

After returning with the scouts from their mission beyond the walls there had been no doubt about it: he had hated the female titan for what she had done. But when learning that it was Annie, he hadn't been able to tell anymore how he felt towards her and he had banned the thoughts of the female titan as far from his mind as he could.

"I- I do," he stated truthfully. "I hate the female titan for what she did. But," he swallowed, "I cannot hate you."

Annie shook her head at him.

"There's just me and what I did, no matter what form I took to do so."

He felt like crying. Because she spoke the truth and he knew it, but he still couldn't accept it.

"I know," he whispered weakly.

Something passed over her face, the fleeting shadow of an emotion. But it was gone before he could identify it. She raised her right hand slowly, staring intently at him. Her arm reached for him and she only stopped inches from his cheek as the chain tied to her wrist rattled from being strained.

Eren did not move. He just stared with wide eyes into the blue of hers, chest rising and falling a little faster than usual. Annie herself had frozen in her spot after reaching the limit of her hand's current mobility. Her face was unusually soft, her lips lightly parted and for a moment he could've sworn he saw her warm breath escape from them.

The door was bolted open and both turned towards it in surprise. Her hand had disappeared by her side so quickly it was almost like it had never been so close to touching his face.

Upon looking they saw Levi appear in the doorframe, a threatening shadow against torchlight.

"Time's up," he informed impassively.

"Y-yes," Eren replied, needing a little to collect himself.

He looked over to Annie, but she had turned away, taking interest in the wall to her right.

He didn't know what to say to her and he didn't want to test his impatiently waiting superior any further, so he got up wordlessly. Even when glancing back she kept her gaze stoically at the wall as he left.

The door was shut behind him and he could hear the Captain lock it as he stood frozen in the middle of the hallway.

"Did you get what you wanted?" Levi asked, stepping up beside him. Eren shot him a sideways glance, but the man did not look at him.

"No," he mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Thought not," was his superior's reply and with that he started walking, expecting the young scout to follow him.

Eren fell into step behind him, forcing himself not to look back as he walked away from Annie's cell.

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	3. 02: Out of Balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annie is tough to write for me. That would probably explain why out of 12 so far published chapters (including the prologue) there are only three in her POV. So enjoy a little insight into her mind as it doesn't happen too often in this story (so far).

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**Chapter 2: Out of Balance**

.: :.

The door slammed shut and Annie was alone. Eren had parted without a word and she had let it happen in silence. What could they have said anyway? It's not like they were practiced in talking to each other. It's not like they knew what words to use or how to use them at all.

There wasn't any telling if they'd ever meet again. But knowing Eren she wouldn't be surprised if he somehow forced his way back to her. She had learned how stubborn he was. But then again she wasn't sure if he even wanted see her again. She didn't even know if _she_ wanted to see him again.

Releasing a long breath she finally tore her face off the wall where she had stared the last couple of minutes. Some of the tension that had built in her ever since that man had appeared in the doorframe left her with the air she exhaled. She let herself fall onto the pillow and rested the back of her hand on her forehead, blocking most of her vision.

That man, the captain – Levi was his name, if she remembered correctly. The mere thought of him gave her chills.

She still remembered their first encounter in a forest outside of Wall Rose. He had talked about chopping off her arms and legs. And the way he had said it had been so cruel, despite his voice being almost devoid of any emotion – or maybe exactly because of that. In the end she had kept her limbs, but he had cut her titan form up good.

She frowned. Thinking of him was something she wasn't very keen on. It was bad enough that he came by every other night to interrogate her. She was surprised he hadn't actually cut off some of her limbs to make her talk. But being in his presence was enough to make her freeze in place.

Closing her eyes she willed the unpleasant thoughts away as best as she could. Eren popped back into her mind. She had thought about him a lot these days. Their parting after her capture had occupied her most of the lonely hours in this cell. But also other memories had come up.

Eren, that idiot! That stupid, ignorant, naïve kid! How dare he act so righteous! How dare he make her heart skip a beat! She was so mad at him right now for being who he was. And she was mad at herself for being so unbelievably fascinated with him.

Why did she care what he thought of her? Why did she care if he hated her? She had placed her bet a long time ago it wasn't like some idiot would make her want to reconsider, right?

Annie raised her hand from her forehead, letting it hover a few inches above her face so she could examine it in the dim torchlight. It was the hand that had almost touched Eren's cheek. She stared at it in silence, contemplating what had been going through her mind back then. Had she actually wanted to kiss him?

She rested the hand over her eyes again, giving a dry laugh at the thought. She knew she had, there was no questioning it. Still, she couldn't quite tell why and that was driving her almost insane.

Yes, she respected Eren. He had his own stoic way of going about things and she could hardly say she agreed much with him, but he was standing up for what he believed and you didn't see that with too many people – not that vehemently anyway. It was a trait that had caught her attention and she often found herself torn between admiring his stubbornness and condemning his stupidity. But, unlike Jean for example, she had never bothered much to argue with him, because she had considered it rather pointless.

And that's why it had shocked her so much when he had stated that he had listened to her. There had been a soft tone in his voice she had never heard him use before. It had stroked her ears and made her stomach tingle.

She sighed to escape the lingering effect of the memory. Things sure had spiralled out of control – and not everything had been _her_ fault. After all Reiner had been the most pressed to call off the original plan of breaching Wall Maria and focussing on Eren when they had realised he was a titan shifter like them. True enough, she had easily rooted with Reiner on the matter, outvoting Berthold's reluctant protest. But that had been for practical reasons, not because she specifically liked Eren.

So when had she started to care so much for him? When had she started to care for anyone inside these walls at all?

Annie gave another sigh, this time it was in frustration. Tonight wasn't her first dip into such thoughts and she really wasn't keen on having them. But ever since the attack on Trost they had come up occasionally.

When she had apologised to that dead girl during their clean-up of the Trost district she had really meant it. She hadn't known her name, they'd probably never talked before, but they had trained together, had been comrades and Annie had betrayed her.

She had let them all down, had let her co-trainees die a painful death, alone and in fear. She had seen the same fear in the eyes of her survivors and even though she didn't like to admit it, it had stirred something in her.

Killing had never been a problem – she was trained to kill – but she wasn't used to seeing the aftermath of her deeds. She wasn't used to remembering their faces, how they had laughed, maybe how they had cried, how they had gritted their teeth while giving their best during their training. These thoughts had been what had kept her from killing Armin while she had squashed all the other scouts in her way like insects.

And that had been her grave mistake, because Armin had uncovered her. In a way he was the reason she was stuck in this cell and would probably never see daylight again.

Stupid emotions! Because of them she had messed up and now she was paying the price – which led her right back to Eren. And after his visit tonight, after she had been only inches away from touching him – from kissing him – the thought of him was almost torture.

He'd better not come back, she thought bitterly. Then she could gradually forget about him. She had to worry about herself, she didn't have the nerve to worry about Eren Jaeger's hurt feelings as well. It was simple as that. She had to find a way to get out of this cell, to survive and get back home to her father. That's all she needed to care about – at least she tried to tell herself so. But her thoughts kept going back to the people she had hurt and Eren's face became clearer in her mind the more she tried not to think of him.

She wished she'd never gotten stuck inside these walls. Then she'd never met all those people and wouldn't be in this dilemma. Or at least she should've rooted with Berthold for once and convinced Reiner to see the attack on Wall Rose through. Just get it over and done with then move on to Wall Sina, that's what they should've done. Instead she was caught and tied down in this rotten place and those morons Reiner and Berthold probably didn't even think about breaking her out.

Resigned she turned on her side and resumed the position she had been in before Eren's visit. Like this she stayed, staring at the wall while the anger boiling inside of her slowly ebbed off and left enough room for that dreadful guilt she had become acquainted with over the last month or so.

No one came to interrupt her mulling in her thoughts. And she did not sleep until the faint light of daybreak reached through the bars of her small cell window and exhaustion dragged her off into the unconscious state of dormancy.

She was wrapped up in a haze for most of the day, sliding barely into consciousness and then dozing off again. Occasionally a guard interrupted her in her sleep when bringing her food rations. However she never woke up enough to feel hungry, so she just had a few sips of water once and again and then dropped back onto her bed.

Like this the day faded and only as night fell she gradually dragged herself out of her dazed state. She was just in the process of stretching herself and giving in to a yawn when her cell door opened. But instead of seeing the expected Captain Levi to interrogate her once more, it was Eren who entered the cell.

It didn't really surprise Annie that he was back, though she had hoped she'd be spared from putting up with the emotional ordeal. It was not like she couldn't stand the sight of him anymore, but after their last few encounters she became strangely tense in his presence. Something inside her spiralled out of control and she found it hard to keep her cool around him. So she tried to retreat to a stronghold she barely had to use: anger.

However, that didn't quite work the way she wanted it to. The way he kept his distance, unsure of how to approach her this time, made her almost roll her eyes, yes. But it was kind of cute to see him so reluctant when most of the time he was so annoyingly straight forward and she really couldn't use that right now. And _that_ was what ticked Annie off.

She didn't want an endearing Eren. She wanted an angry Eren that was ready to lash out at her. Just like the first time he had fought her in his titan form when he hadn't known it was her.

Furious and raging, she could handle that. She could even handle the small episodes of fear it had caused in her. But endearing was something different. Endearing meant sympathy, and sympathy meant guilt – she had experienced more than enough of that for her liking.

She wanted to be angry at him. She wanted him to give her a reason to get really mad, to remind her of what a stupid idiot he was. Seeing him standing there in her cell, looking around without really knowing what to fix with his gaze, seeming so _lost_ wasn't really serving that purpose. If so, it did the opposite – and that made her mad, but it wasn't the kind of anger she wanted. It wasn't the kind of anger that made her disregard him.

It probably left her just as clueless as he was on how about to act now. She considered ignoring him – it definitely seemed better than throwing her pillow at him and telling him to get lost. And the previous night it had worked quite well for a bit. But back then she hadn't been aware that Eren had entered the cell.

This time she had basically jerked around at the sound of the door, because yes dammit, a part of her had been awaiting Eren already. She cursed that part as much as she cursed him but that didn't really change anything. And now she was facing him and ignoring him was only half as easy as if she had stayed turned towards the wall.

So she just sat – knees held tight to her chest by her arms – and stared. _He_ had come here, _he_ wanted to talk to her, so _he_ should be the one to open his mouth first. But he just stood there and uttered not a single word.

This time Annie couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. Did she really have to initiate conversation? Of course she could stay quiet until he either spoke or his time was up, but she couldn't stand the tension. She was on edge and it was especially disquieting, because she'd never experienced anything like it before.

"So?" she prompted curtly, not knowing what else to say.

Eren's eyes shot towards her at the sound of her voice, meeting her expectant gaze. He seemed to consider something, then made his way over to her and slumped down on the bed beside her. She noticed how he left less space between them than the last time.

"So," he dragged out the word a little, "I can't seem to let it go."

A variation of emotions from anger to resignation rushed through Annie. Somehow the latter was the one that stuck with her while the others faded as quickly as they had come up and she sighed.

"Why are you always in over your head?" she asked without really thinking.

He was obviously confused, because he turned towards her with a questioning "huh".

"I mean _this_ ," she pointed around herself with her hands, making her shackles rattle from the movement. Eren still didn't quite get it and blinked in confusion.

"What- you mean _you_?"

Annie shot him a look that was supposed judge him for being so slow on the uptake, but she wasn't sure if it actually delivered. She considered what she actually had meant and decided that he wasn't that far off.

"Yeah, something like that," she admitted then, leaning her head against the wall.

She caught his reaction only out of the corner of her eye. He slightly averted his head and – wait, was he blushing? Now this just wasn't fair! And what even was he thinking? Something told her she didn't really want to know.

"Don't tell me you can think of something else than killing titans," she muttered more to herself than to him, but he sat close enough to hear her.

"That's kind of insulting, you know," he replied. "Of course I also think of other stuff, for example…" His voice trailed off and left her curious.

"Yeah?" she encouraged him to finish his sentence.

"You know," he waved with his hands, which was unusual for him – apart from clenched fists he wasn't one to talk with his hands. "…you," he finished the sentence shyly.

Annie just stared. It probably shouldn't surprise her after the previous night, but she just couldn't quite comprehend it. How was he thinking about her? The way she thought about him, all twisted and torn? And why was her heart beating faster as their eyes locked now?

She wanted to look away and get a hold of herself, but she was caught. Was she imagining things or was Eren actually getting closer? Her breath hitched in her throat. He was actually leaning in. She thought about turning away, but she was frozen in place.

And then their lips touched, even though neither of them really knew what they were doing. Annie hadn't bothered with kissing before. Until the previous night it had been like the farthest thing from her mind. She could imagine things being similar for Eren.

Instinctively she went along, moving her lips against his, beginning to taste him. Her eyes fluttered shut, so she could focus on the sensation of their mouths lightly parting and pressing together again in repeated motion. But something was off.

This wasn't right. There probably were a bunch of reasons why they shouldn't be doing this, but her mind seemed to have shut down and couldn't remember a single one of them.

As his hand touched her neck her instincts kicked in and she roughly pushed him back, forcing him onto his back. She quickly followed in her movements, kneeling over him and pinning his arms down to the mattress. His eyes were wide in surprise about her sudden change of action.

Annie knew now what was off. She remembered now why they never should've kissed – not on this day, not the day before, nor any other day.

"Annie, wh-," Eren tried, but she cut him off.

"No!" she hissed. "Never!"

He didn't catch her drift, but just stared at her in confusion.

"You're so stupid sometimes, Eren Jaeger." Her tone was sharp enough to make him keep his mouth shut. "I thought we cleared this up yesterday. I'm the one that tried to kidnap you. I killed people right in front of your eyes just because they got in my way. You hate me. Be honest, you probably hate me from the bottom of your heart. So you don't just go ahead and kiss me!"

She was definitely mad at him now. He shouldn't need her to remind him. He had so much anger in him, but ever since their fight in the forest of gigantic trees he'd never directed it at her and it was wrong, it was not like him at all.

And she was mad at herself, because she had given in to this stupidity. She didn't need this. This wasn't surviving. This was manifesting stupid emotional bonds and it wasn't what would get her home to her father. The whole world was her enemy, how could she have forgotten about that? How had that idiot beneath her made her forget that?

Eren, too, was angry now. He fought off her hands that pinned him down and sat up as she let him go and backed away from him.

"Why did you have to remind me?" he spat at her.

"Because you're an idiot and were actually forgetting about it!"

"And you didn't just now?"

Annie took a moment to calm herself down a little. Then she replied quietly, but very sharply: "And it will never happen again."

She knew it was the truth. She could not slip up like this again or she might as well break her own neck. But if she played her cards right now and managed to push Eren away so he would never come back, she would have it a lot easier.

"Fine," he snapped, clearly hurt. Getting up rashly he added, "I'm done here," and walked over to the door.

She watched him hammer against the wood, keeping her face as impassive as possible. His knocks were answered quickly and he left the cell without another word or a look back, letting the door fall shut behind him.

Annie sank into her pillow again and allowed herself a few calming breaths. She had done it; she had pushed Eren out of her life, never to return again. Now she could focus on banishing him from her thoughts as well and thinking up a way to get out of here. Surviving and returning home like she'd promised, those were her priorities.

The door was yanked open once more, but this time it fell shut more silently. However, she was too overwhelmed from what had just happened with Eren to look up right away.

"That was quick."

Her jaw clenched at the sound of the captain's voice. She had no nerve to endure him right now.

"I hope it was sweet at least."

Oh, definitely not like this! If he wanted to be a mocking ass again, he clearly picked the wrong time. In her head she pictured turning into a titan and squashing him with her hands. It helped her to keep calm for the moment.

"Mind your own business." She managed to sound at least a little bored.

"Oh!" There was a slight shift in Levi's voice that differed a little from his usual indifference. "Talking back today? This is clearly going to be an interesting night."

Annie gritted her teeth even more. She really had no nerve for this right now.

Yes, it is going to be an interesting night, she thought, just you wait!

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	4. 03: Tumult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is the chapter in which the story started taking the M-rating-route or something. You can hate me for the development, but I'm not sorry. Also, writing that last bit with Eren was a lot of fun.

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**Chapter 3: Tumult**

.: :.

Eren stayed in bed a little longer than usual. The incident with Annie on the previous night was enough to make him moody for at least a day, if not a whole week.

He considered if he could pass off as ill to avoid his duties and basically every human interaction. But he didn't expect to have good chances. Probably the captain would order him to some extra cleaning if he tried.

Demotivated he dragged himself out of bed and went about the troublesome business of getting dressed. The most annoying part about putting on the uniform was definitely dealing with the full-body belt for the 3DMG. He messed it up a few times this morning, because he wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing.

Eventually everything sat how it was supposed to and he made his way to get some breakfast. The former HQ of the Scouting Legion where they currently stayed was barely occupied. Apart from the captain and him there were only a hand full of guards that took turns in front of Annie's cell doors – and Annie herself of course, but she was locked up, so there was hardly a chance of walking into her while moving about.

When Eren entered what served as the mess hall he found it almost empty. Two guards who probably were on duty in the afternoon had just finished and went off to spend their free morning somehow. That left only him and the captain that still sat with his usual cup of tea at one of the tables.

Because anything else would've seemed strange and above all rude, Eren slumped onto the empty seat opposite of Levi, mumbling a curt "morning" in the process. His superior didn't even acknowledge it and kept staring absentmindedly past Eren's left ear. The young scout really didn't mind it though and tended to his breakfast in silence.

That was the good thing with the captain: he didn't bother with small talk. If he had something to say he said it, if not he stayed silent. And Eren had learned to do the same around him. He welcomed it actually, because he'd never been good at filling the silence with pointless conversations.

However, today something seemed different about the older man. He wasn't wearing his usual indifferent expression that made him seem bored by the world. His face was still nearly emotionless, but his narrowed eyebrows combined with a gaze that seemed to stare at an invisible horizon told Eren that he was mulling over something. And that he had never seen with him before.

Even though he really wasn't keen on starting a conversation, the teen felt obligated to check if his superior was doing alright. Seeing Levi who usually seemed in full control of everything act slightly different was unsettling.

"How's the leg?" he tried between two bites of bread.

The captain shot him a sideways glance and Eren was expecting to be told off. To his surprise however he was wrong.

"It's coming along."

It was a short reply, but Levi had answered, not questioning the young scout's sudden interest in his injured leg.

"Good," Eren commented, already out of things to say.

As he continued eating though, he kept eyeing the man seated opposite of him with caution. That was something said man could not ignore for long and he gave him an annoyed look.

"What is it?" he demanded impatiently.

The young scout used the time he needed to chew and swallow his mouth full of food to consider how he should go about this. His experience with the captain told him that it was best not to beat around the bush and so he decided to be blunt.

"Something's wrong," he noted.

Levi considered this while having a sip of his tea. When placing his cup back on the saucer, he resumed staring at an undefined spot at the other end of the room. Eren took that as a sign that he wouldn't get an answer. It didn't really surprise him, so he just went back to finishing his plate.

"I chopped off her limbs," the captain stated suddenly.

His subordinate nearly choked on a bite of bread. It didn't matter that he wasn't fully done with chewing yet, he swallowed nonetheless.

"You did _what_?!"

Levi just shot him a look meaning "you heard me".

Eren felt like he was going to be sick. He knew whose limbs they were talking about – there was no doubt about it. And though he had been mad at Annie up to this moment this certainly wasn't something he would wish on her.

Even worse than picturing her mutilated was the way the captain had said it. He had sounded so casual as if he had been talking about something trivial like the weather. It rendered the young scout almost speechless.

His superior rolled his eyes at him.

"Don't give me that shocked look. You wanted to know what was wrong, so I told you."

"How can you- mention it like it was nothing?! How- can you even _do_ that?!"

Eren was searching for words in his fury. He found it hard to remember how to breathe. Never before had he been so disgusted by the senior scout.

Levi didn't reply. He had resumed to stoically staring at the wall again. This outrage possibly didn't even reach him in his thoughts, but that didn't stop the boy from going on.

"You don't just cut someone's limbs off – whether they can regrow them or not! It still fucking hurts!"

The captain stayed impassive. He didn't tell him to shut up. He didn't remind him that they were in the military and they were fighting one nearly futile battle after another. That they needed all the information they could gain and desperate times demanded for desperate measures, so inflicting pain during an interrogation was the norm.

Deep down inside Eren knew that for himself. He had considered it from day one of Annie's capture and admittedly had been surprised when he'd learned that nothing like it had happened so far.

He had no right to be mad at his superior for doing his duty. Actually he should be furious at Annie for everything she'd done, but he just couldn't get himself to.

He propped his elbows up on the table and buried his face in his hands. Why was everything so complicated and fucked up? He had thought he knew what right and wrong was. He had thought he knew what side he was on. But it kept happening. Annie was cornered or hurt and he had the instinct to protect her, to fight for her.

And that instinct had almost brought harm to his childhood friends. Mikasa and Armin had almost died, because Eren had been reluctant to fight Annie. For him to get away they had been ready to get squashed by her titan hands – just like Levi's squad.

Annie was the enemy there was no doubt about that. And it left him feel torn and hurt and _so mad_. Because he didn't want her to be. Because he couldn't see her like that. Because he held her far too dear by now to think he ever could hate her and say she deserved to be squashed.

But he did hate her titan form and he knew that there was actually no difference between those two, yet he just couldn't get himself to accept that.

All these thoughts ate away at him and he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They seeped out between his fingers accompanied by silent sobs that rocked his body. He didn't care that he wasn't alone. He didn't care that of all people to be there and see him like this it was the captain of whom he didn't know what to think right now. The flood of thoughts and feelings was just so overwhelming he had no choice but to let it out.

"Is it that bad?" Levi's voice was soft, almost sympathetic when he asked the question.

At the sound of these words Eren tried to regain some composure, swallowing down the sobs and wiping the tears from his now swollen eyes. However he dared not to look at his superior directly and neither was he capable of replying. He didn't even manage a nod, but the captain understood.

The man gave a sigh, rested one arm on the table and leaned over.

"Listen, Eren," he began and the sound of his name was enough to make the boy look at him and pay attention. "I know forgetting about her is hard – especially if you're constantly being reminded that she's here – but this is the kind of thing that will drag you down. In fact it has already started to do so, if I'm judging the situation correctly. So save yourself and get over it."

Eren swallowed hard while processing these words.

"That sounds like being selfish, yes, and it actually is," the captain continued, "but in the end selfishness is just a form of our survival instincts that are there for a good reason. Because when we love we tend to disregard ourselves in favour of caring for someone else. But there's no guarantee that someone will care for us and stop us from giving too much.

"In the long run we are responsible for ourselves and our happiness. You cannot depend on others to take care of that for you. They can support you in it, yes, but the main part is up to you. So you've got to take what's not good for you and cut it out of your life as best as you can."

Levi's voice had become more intense by the end of his little speech. It reminded Eren of that time when he had told him to do something about not being able to transform into a titan.

"Is that an order?" the young scout asked sheepishly. His superior gave a sigh.

"It's an advice – probably the best anyone could give you on the matter. So what you do with it is up to you but keep it in mind at least."

Eren nodded. He couldn't quite imagine the man being in love – it just seemed so strange because Levi usually showed little to no emotion – but he could tell that the captain knew what he was talking about – be it from personal experience or from seeing it happen to someone else. And so far the advice he had passed on to his subordinate had been of value.

He considered asking the older man about his experience on the matter, but he doubted he would be given any insight on it, so he dropped the thought.

"Take the day off," Levi said, leaning back in his chair again. "Go for a walk or something, whatever it takes to sort your thoughts out. But" – he fixed the young scout with his sharp eyes – "don't do anything stupid, are we clear."

"Yes sir! Thank you, sir!" Eren was quick to answer.

He finished the last bites on his plate and then left the mess hall. The captain stayed behind with his tea that had definitely gone cold by now.

Eren walked and walked without taking notice of his surroundings. His mind was racing fast and he just didn't know what else to do, so he had decided to follow Levi's suggestion and went out. Where to, he didn't know – or didn't bother to think about. His feet just moved, faster and faster until he was running.

When he finally came to a halt he found himself in the forest nearby the old headquarters – or at least he hoped he was still nearby. The exercise had actually taken its toll on him and Eren leaned panting against a tree to catch his breath.

The captain had told him to get over Annie, but how did you get over something? Hell, if he knew! Five years and he still hadn't forgotten about his mother's limb body being crushed by gigantic teeth. He had actually held on to the image, feeding his fury and determination to get where he needed to go to kill some titans. The only reason why he hadn't been thinking as often of it over the last two months was that so much had happened.

But he certainly wasn't over it – not completely. So how did he forget about Annie? Annie who was here, Annie who was still breathing, Annie who was in pain as her limbs regrew.

Eren squeezed his eyes shut, however that did not really help to ban the mental image that had appeared at the thought. Instead he could almost feel the pain surging through his body. He'd had a good taste of it in Trost when fighting the titans for the first time. First one had gotten a bite of his leg and then another had severed his arm and swallowed him. The memory of it made him wince.

And in his case the severing had happened quickly. Who knew, the captain might've taken his sweet time while cutting through Annie's arm. And then the other. And then the same procedure with her legs.

He shivered at this idea and shook his head rashly to get rid of it. He didn't need to think of that. Things were bad enough as it was. Picturing Annie in pain was just bringing his stomach close to hauling out his breakfast.

Leaning his back against a tree trunk he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He needed to sort his thoughts out like Levi had suggested and wild fantasies were counterproductive.

If only Armin was here. Maybe his best friend's sharp mind could help bring some order into this mess. But then again Eren wasn't sure if he wanted to share his feelings towards Annie with him.

He certainly didn't want to tell Mikasa about it, for several reasons actually. She and Annie never really getting along was the one thing. The other had occurred more recently during their mission to capture Annie: When Eren had failed to turn into a titan in order to fight Annie Mikasa had inquired if he harboured some kind of special feelings for the blond girl.

Back then Eren had been too surprised by that suggestion to actually respond. But he'd had the reflex to deny it and would've probably been convinced that that was the truth. Now however he knew better.

He liked Annie that much he could say for certain – he had kissed her after all. And the thought of proving Mikasa's suggestion didn't appeal to him at all.

How much he actually liked Annie he found hard to tell. Was it love? Levi had used that word. However, whether he actually suspected Eren to be in love or whether that had been a more general scenario he had depicted to make his point, his young subordinate wasn't sure.

Eren rubbed his forehead. He wasn't the best analytic and trying to figure himself out seemed harder than anything he'd ever done in that field. So mulling it over wouldn't really get him very far. He needed someone to talk to.

Quite possibly he could approach Captain Levi for some more advice, but it didn't sit right with him. Yes, he might not be turned away if he admitted that he had problems with sorting things out on his own, but confiding in this man that – despite them having warmed up for each other during their time together – still intimidated him to some degree – he just wasn't comfortable with that.

He'd be damned before he asked one of the guards he didn't even know by name for help. So what options were left?

Should he request for Armin to be allowed to visit him? But that might take a while and he wasn't even sure if Armin – despite his brilliant mind – could be particularly helpful in this situation. So who else could he…?

And like this he had is answer. He didn't even have to consider it for long. Annie was here, the matter actually concerned her, so Eren might as well go and talk to her. It would probably be awkward and she'd most likely call him an idiot, but since both things had happened before he didn't feel like he had much to lose. And just maybe he could get a better idea of what she felt for him. She had kissed him back, so there had to be something.

Having made his decision, Eren broke into a sprint to get to the former headquarters as soon as possible. As he ran he tried not to think about what exactly would expect him in Annie's cell. Had her limbs grown back by now? He wasn't entirely sure how long the process would take. Also, the captain hadn't given any hints about when he had severed her arms and legs.

He reached the courtyard, causing the horses to shift in uneasiness as he dashed passed the stables. No one was in sight as he entered the gate of the building, barely reducing his speed.

It didn't occur to him that what he was about to do maybe was something from the category "stupid" that the captain had warned him not to do. It also didn't come to his mind that he at least should ask permission before going to Annie. Though he hadn't specifically been told to stay away from her since the first time he had been allowed to see her, he clearly didn't have the authorisation to do so whenever he pleased.

But these rational considerations did not concern Eren as for now. He didn't even pay proper attention to his feet. On his way down to the dungeons he stumbled and almost tripped on the stairs. Yet he found the right way without effort, despite only having visited Annie twice.

Before the turn into the corridor to his destination, he came to a halt, catching his breath the second time today.

He had no idea how to get past the guards, but he figured he'd improvise. So he straightened up and determinately walked around the corner. He didn't expect to intimidate scouts, who had been on several dangerous missions by now, much, but at least he could look like he belonged here, even though he was faintly aware that he probably was about to do something his superior would not approve of.

The two guards who were on duty noticed him and eyed him suspiciously as he approached. As Eren reached them, the male on the left, who was approximately two years older than him and about his height, stepped up between Eren and the cell door with crossed arms.

"You shouldn't be here," he commanded.

I know, Eren thought, but he wasn't going to admit that.

"I _have_ to be here," he replied instead. And it was the truth. He didn't have to mention that the reasons for him having to be here were personal and not an order from higher up.

Both scouts examined him with narrowed eyes, but Eren did not budge.

"Will you please let me through, so I can get on with this?" he asked them, managing to sound polite, but also a little annoyed and pressed on time. There was another moment of silence in which they just stared at him.

"No," the female scout on the right replied then.

Though she spoke silently, her tone was clear and there was something threatening in it. She looked to be around 19 years old and though she didn't seem much taller and less intimidating than the captain, she'd probably hold her ground against most people despite her physical disadvantage.

Eren considered his options as impassively as possible.

The male guard grew impatient.

"Didn't you hear us? You have no business here. Now get lost!" he barked.

Taking a deeper breath, Eren decided to be daring.

"I'll transform," he stated calmly.

For a moment they both stared.

"The f-," the guy started. "We're underground!"

"See if I care."

Eren kept his voice low and even managed to put a hint of roughness into it. His eyes grew a little wider as he let them sway between the two guards in his way. That was the good thing about having such an abnormal ability like transforming into a titan: people bought way more easily into the mad monster act.

They seemed to consider the possibilities while exchanging some glances. If Eren was lucky, they fell for his bluff and believed he would actually be mad enough to transform in a place like this.

In that case their chances weren't well despite wearing their 3DMG. Even if they had enough confidence in their skills to take on a titan with intelligence, Eren's transformation probably would destroy the ceiling. Should they manage to not get crushed from the debris that would be raining down on them, moving around with their 3DMG inside a crumbling building was probably impossible.

Eren was pretty sure their conclusions went something along those lines. And if they weren't some complete weirdos or were as sharp as Armin, they wouldn't be willing to take the risk of him transforming and wrecking the whole building. Of course neither would he – the captain could very well kill him for that – but they didn't have to know that.

"Fine," the woman said. Her narrowed eyebrows told him that she didn't like to give in.

Her partner opened his mouth in protest, but she didn't give him the chance.

"Let him through," she ordered her comrade and even though he still didn't look happy with it, he obeyed and stepped aside.

The female guard pulled out a key and unlocked the cell door, then pulled it open for Eren to enter. He suppressed a smile and held back a "thank you" that would've sounded too mocking to be ignored by them and passed them silently.

The door fell shut as soon as he was inside.

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	5. 04: Racked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some insight into Levi's mind. Yes, he's my absolute favourite character in SnK. Yes, I enjoy writing him. No, he won't take over the story.

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**Chapter 4: Racked**

.: :.

"Captain!"

Levi who had been on his way to his office stopped in the middle of the corridor. Turning around he saw Herbert, one of the scouts who were stationed here to guard the cell of Annie Leonhard, approach him with quick steps.

He narrowed his eyebrows slightly at the sight of the young man, having a sense of ill foreboding. Everything about the situation told him that something was wrong. And in this barely occupied place – the former headquarters of the Scouting Legion – the possibilities as to what could be the cause of that were limited.

"Shouldn't you be on guard right now?" he demanded.

"Yes sir!" Herbert confirmed, halting before him and saluting. "I'm here to report that Eren Jaeger just forced his way into the cell of the imprisoned Annie Leonhard."

Levi's eyebrows drew even closer together as his instincts were proven to be right yet again.

"He did what?" he growled, though he had understood very well.

Herbert was uncomfortable for having to report the unpleasant news to the captain which would explain why the brown-haired boy stared straight ahead instead of looking at his superior, still saluting as he continued.

"He threatened to transform into a titan and wreak havoc should we not let him pass."

Levi almost groaned. What was that stupid brat Eren Jaeger thinking? Hadn't he told him to get that girl out of his life and not to run straight back to her? And what was that idiot doing now? Not only had he gone back to Annie Leonhard's cell without asking permission, he also had threatened the guards with transforming into a titan. Could you be any more reckless and – above all – stupid?

He wasn't even sure if Eren had only been bluffing to get his way in or if he'd actually been serious about it. But if he had been serious he was a bigger shithead than Levi had thought. He was not sure what he was going to do with the boy in that case.

Cursing Eren Jaeger in his mind for being such a pain in the ass, he rubbed his forehead. Herbert was still standing there, awaiting his orders. At least he had stopped saluting or Levi might've actually told him to do so.

The dark-haired man sighed barely notable before addressing him.

"Return to your post and stand by," he instructed. "I will come by later and check on things."

"Sir?" The scout seemed confused about the orders. He dared to look at Levi's face.

"Just leave them be for now," the captain explained. "You made the right call to let him into the cell. It's less troublesome compared to him transforming in the dungeon and possibly ruining the whole building."

Levi did not mention his suspicion that Eren had bluffed. He decided to give Herbert a little affirmation instead, since the young man seemed troubled about having failed in his duty. And it really wasn't Herbert's fault that Eren was such a shithead, so Eren should be the one to suffer all the consequences. How exactly those would look like, he would decide depending on the situation when he reached the dungeon.

"Dismissed," the captain told Herbert who was still standing in place.

After another salute the scout strode off and Levi looked after him, already lost in thought.

This day clearly wasn't a good one. As if the night with the Leonhard girl hadn't been bad enough, now Eren had to cause trouble as well.

Levi hoped that things wouldn't go to hell with these two together right now. He really could do without another mess to clean up today. And he definitely needed to clear his head a little before he could deal with that brat Eren's stupidity that had to come in bloom at such an inconvenient time.

Apart from him no one knew that Annie currently wasn't shackled.

Those two better be too busy with their lovey-dovey things to jump at each other's throats or Erwin would give him hell for not looking after Eren or losing an important prisoner – or possibly both.

Supressing another sigh, Levi made his way to the kitchen to get himself a cup of tea. That was just what he needed before sorting things out in the dungeon. While he walked through the corridors he found himself recalling the events of the previous night.

_He still held the blade in his hands. The one he had borrowed from the guards outside in his stinging fury. The one he had used to sever that blond witch's limbs inch by inch, slowly so that he had been sure she had felt every single second of it._

_The blood was long gone from it. He had wiped it off in his usual manner to keep things clean. But he couldn't wash his hands from what he'd done. That knowledge stuck to him even stickier than the actual blood he had spilled. And now that the rush of anger had ebbed away and the guards had silently disposed of the severed limbs, stained bed sheets and the blood on the floor, he felt strangely empty._

_The air in the cell was hot and moist from the steam rising from her regrowing arms and legs. The blond girl was silent most of the time, only rarely he could make out a muffled moan from here. She was trying to be brave, he knew. It must fucking hurt!_

_Levi took no pleasure in Annie Leonhard's pain. He tried not to think too much about the remorse he felt at what he'd done. Mostly he wondered what had been up with the girl this time._

_Usually she was impassive, barely reacting to his presence and answering his questions with silence. He recognised this quality from himself. High emotional self-control that passed off as boredom towards others was something he had perfected for himself early on. That's why she reminded him a bit of himself when he had been that age. If they'd met in different circumstances they might've gotten along pretty well, he thought._

_But tonight she had been different. She had lashed at him, she had_ provoked _him. A part of him couldn't fight the impression that she had wanted for him to hurt her. And when he had done it she had sneered at him as if to prove that he had nothing on her. He wondered if it had something to do with Eren._

_By now, Levi had no doubt that Eren cared more for Annie than was actually good for him. But he couldn't tell if it was mutual. Part of him had hoped to gain some insight when bringing these two together. But on the previous night he had decided to leave her be after Eren's visit to her cell._

_It had been intuition. When Levi had opened the cell door to pick Eren up, he'd had the feeling that he'd been interrupting something. The tension in the room had been almost concrete. So he'd taken a bet and wanted to let things play out a little between these two._

_But tonight Eren had stormed off after being in the cell for a rather short amount of time and Levi had known that he couldn't depend on the instable emotions of a hormone-driven teenager. Because soldier or not, to some extend Eren was still a kid._

_So he had gone back to taking the matters into his own hands again. And that's what had let him here leaning against the wall of this stifling hot cell and waiting for the limbs to regrow that he had cut off._

_He wasn't even sure why he stuck around when he could just as well leave her to herself. But he was fairly certain he wouldn't get to rest anyway, so it didn't really matter._

_Suddenly he registered movement from the corner of his eye. Before he knew it, Levi was grabbed by his collar and dragged away from the wall. Then a foot was wrapped around his ankle and stole his balance with a quick jerking movement. He landed hard on his back, the air rushing from his lungs from the impact._

_Annie was on top of him, pressing her small hands firmly against his throat. Apparently she had waited for her limbs to regrow, so she could catch him off guard while she was still untied. And he had actually been so sloppy to give her the opportunity._

_The blade had slipped from his hand during the assault and now was out of reach. His arms were sprawled out on the floor in a gesture of surrender. He really had messed up._

_Levi looked up into her cold blue irises, filled with murderous intent. It was almost like looking into a mirror. Yet, when their eyes locked, something soft flashed in hers. She was hesitating._

_"Come on – do it!" he pressed out._

_The blond girl bared her gritted with trembling lips, but she did not tighten her grip._

_"This is your chance, isn't it? Get me out of the way, get Eren and get out of here," he teased._

_He wasn't scared of dying. He'd been prepared for it for a long time now. Being choked to death or being bitten in half – it was all the same to him. Dying here or dying on the next mission, right now he didn't care either._

_Death wasn't something honourable anyway. Most soldiers died in pain, and in fear, and in agony, and alone. He'd never expected anything better for himself. In that prospect things hadn't changed much for him from the times he had still been roaming the streets as a criminal._

_Her hands were shaking now and her eyes had grown wide. She looked more weak and fragile than he had ever seen her – and he had seen her cry in her titan form. It was ironic. Wasn't she the attacker? Shouldn't she be in control? Was it because he had mentioned Eren? He was willing to put it to the test –and if it was the last thing he did._

_"Or are you going to leave Eren behind?"_

_He took a moment to consider how to phrase his teasing words best. So far she hadn't reacted notably to the repeated mention of Eren._

_"He'd be hurt if you left without giving him an explanation, don't you think?"_

_This time he had hit home. For a moment her shaking hands were still wrapped around his throat and her face was strained from conflicting emotions he couldn't keep up with, but then the pressure was gone. So was the weight of her body as she got off him and walked out of his view._

_Levi pressed his eyes shut while adjusting his breathing to a normal level. His lungs were burning from the sudden access of air._

_That had been a close call. Erwin would've raised him from the dead only to kill him again if Levi hadn't survived this. He wondered if Eren's recklessness was rubbing off on him. How troublesome._

_As breathing became less painful, he picked himself up from the floor as gracefully as he could. The dirt stuck to his clothes from his encounter with the stone tiles. He regarded it dismissively as he dusted himself off as good as possible. A few steps away the blade was still lying on the floor._

_Annie stood by her bed facing the wall, so he couldn't see her face when he turned to her. Shoulders slumped her bare arms were hanging down beside her and her head was tilted downwards. She looked somewhat resigned._

_With his arms crossed he resumed his leaning position against the wall like nothing happened. He decided to continue the interrogation, but this time he would take it to a new field. It seemed he had struck gold._

_"So Eren, eh?" he prompted._

_This time she did not react to the name – at least not as far as he could tell. She just stood there in front of the bed in her torn up clothes not changing her posture even a little. He made a mental note to have her arranged some new clothes. The ragged hems of her sleeves and the legs of her pants reminded him too much of how he'd lost control._

_"It's not what you think." Her tone was silent and a little raspy, but calm._

_"Oh?" Now he was listening attentively. "In your opinion, what am I thinking?"_

_She still was turned away, so he couldn't pick up any slips in her expression – if they even were there at all. Her body language was unreadable anyway, because she hadn't moved even a tiny bit since he had turned towards her. He had to hope for her answer._

_"That I'm in love with him."_

_It was barely a whisper, but Levi heard her. He couldn't stop his eyebrows from shooting up a little. Did she feel caught? Usually when people got defensive and denied something it was because it rang true to some degree. And if his judgement wasn't off from the leftovers of adrenaline rushing through his veins after her assault on him she seemed to have just done that._

_Unfolding his arms he pushed himself from the wall. Keeping her in his eyesight he slowly walked over to where the blade was still lying._

_"I didn't even imply that," Levi told her as he bowed down to pick up the blade, his eyes trained on Annie Leonhard's figure. She flinched barely notable and wrapped her arms around herself, as if she needed comfort. That was the only movement he make out._

_He could leave it at this, having her wonder how much he had figured out. It was something he could pick up on the next time he came to interrogate her. Maybe he could leave her to it for a few nights actually, letting it eat away at her and making her more worked-up by the time he came around again._

_Because he took pity on her, or because he was a little disgusted by the thought of having to touch her regrown wrists, he did not put her back into shackles. In her current state he figured she wouldn't start a riot. The wave of fierceness seemed to have ebbed off. She was harmless – at least for now._

_He left the heated cell and passed the guards without a word. This night had given him some interesting insight. It hadn't been any more successful on learning about their enemy, but he had learned something about Annie Leonhard. And if he played his cards right, he might be able to tear off some layers and get some truth out of her._

He had yet to write the report on this night and he seriously wasn't looking forward to it. It had never been one of his favourite parts of the job, but how did you objectively describe how you lost control and mutilated a girl?

He'd never written a report about himself inflicting violence on others before and the thought of it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Because doing something gruesome and writing about it were two completely different things. He was trained to do it without a hint of hesitation or emotion. He didn't know how to put it into words, though.

Levi finished his tea and rubbed his temples. There was no one around, so he allowed himself this moment of weakness. But just a couple of seconds and then it was over.

He pushed back his chair, the noise of wood scratching over stone disturbing the quiet of the hall as he got up. Usually he didn't mind the silence in the building that was too big for a handful of people. But today it irked him. It left too much room for unpleasant thoughts.

With the empty cup he stopped by in the kitchen. Then he finally made his way to Annie Leonhard's cell. There was no putting it off any longer, even if he wanted to.

As he headed down to the dungeon, he hoped things weren't too messy when he got there. Bringing Annie and Eren together after all had proven to be a risk that had an unpredictable outcome. If they picked up from where they had stopped the night before, they might as well be at each other's throats by now.

He pushed away the thought of it. His indifference was endangered should he linger on it any longer. He guessed he'd just have to see for himself upon getting there.

At least the corridor to Annie's cell wasn't collapsed as he walked into it. But he really hadn't expected that to be honest – he'd have known far sooner if two titans had been raging in the dungeon. Roaring and collapsing stone walls would've alarmed every present soldier for sure.

"So, how are things?" Levi demanded to know when he reached Herbert and his co-guard Ella.

Fleetingly he noted that she wore her auburn-brown ponytail more loosely than during missions. She seemed to have a good balance between being practical and staying comfortable. It was not a bad feat to have.

"Nothing peculiar, as far as we can tell," Herbert reported.

And again he saluted. Levi really wished he would stop overusing this formality. But he said nothing of course. If this was the young scout's only conspicuous habit, he was better off than most of his comrades. The scouts were a club of weirdoes – admittedly the captain himself was no exception.

"Good," Levi noted, not showing the hint of relief he felt at those words.

Then he positioned himself opposite the door, leaning against the wall in his usual stance with arms crossed.

"Captain," Ella spoke up, but paused a little before inquiring, "what now?"

He barely glanced at her straight face, before he simply stated: "We wait."

Levi trained his eyes on the locked cell door. Whatever was going on behind it right now, he might never learn. He just hoped there wouldn't be another mess to clean up today.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If they'd met in different circumstances they might've gotten along pretty well, he thought._ ― writes the author who totally ships Levi with Annie in a not-crack way, haha.


	6. 05: Giving in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No big words beforehand. Just enjoy a chapter full of Annie/Eren.

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**Chapter 5: Giving in**

.: :.

"I'm so, _so_ sorry."

It was the first thing that came to mind even before he had taken in the situation in the cell. Eren didn't blurt it out though like he was in haste. The words were heartfelt and sincere. His voice was low and almost resigned from the pain it caused him to say it.

He knew it wasn't much, yet it was all he could manage for now. Words had never been his speciality. And he was particularly bad with apologies – even if he himself hadn't been wrongdoer this time.

Annie propped herself up on her right arm to face him better and eyed him curiously.

Now that he actually looked at her, she didn't show any sign of being mutilated. In fact, nothing in the cell indicated the gruesome deed. He couldn't even make out a stain of blood. The only proof seemed to be her clothes. Both her sleeves and the legs of her trousers were mostly missing. And the frayed hems were coloured dark red – the only inelegance that hadn't been taken care of.

"Why are you apologising?" Annie wanted to know. Though she spoke in her usual impassive tone, she seemed surprised by his entrance. Her eyes looked a fraction wider than was normal.

Eren swallowed. He didn't want to bring up unpleasant memories, if she only had healed recently. So he decided to be as vague as possible – also because spelling it out would definitely hurt _him_.

"I heard what happened last night…"

She blinked at his reply. "That doesn't answer my question."

Eren was confused and a little uncomfortable because he had to explain things further. Uneasily he shifted his weight on his feet.

"I'm sorry for what happened, that's all I wanted to say," he mumbled.

It wasn't what he had come for, but as he had entered the cell he'd known that this was what he had to tell her first. Only then could he even consider talking to Annie about liking her.

She let herself drop back onto the bed and looked at the ceiling.

"You're weird," she stated, "and idiotic."

Eren frowned. That was not exactly the reaction he had expected. Was he missing something again? Or was this still because of the previous night? He didn't get offended by her remarks though. His confusion about where they had come from was too big.

Maybe because he stayed silent, she turned towards him again. This time she sat up, positioning herself in the middle of the bed. Crossing her legs, she rested her sleeveless arms on her bare knees. In the corner of his mind Eren noted that he'd never seen her in clothes that covered so little of her body. However her piercing stare chased these thoughts away quickly.

"What even _do_ you know about last night?" Annie inquired.

"You know- that…," his words trailed off as his eyes wandered over to her bare arms. He couldn't get himself to say it.

"You mean that your captain cut off my arms and legs," she completed his sentence.

Her voice sounded detached, like it had nothing to do with her. It made him want to scream. Why was she acting so indifferent after probably going through hell? She had every right to hurt or be angry or anything – why was she so fucking calm?

"You're really stupid," she claimed in her usual bored voice.

With her right hand she tucked a few strands of blond hair behind her ears. Only now did he notice with surprise that there were no shackles on her wrists.

"Like usually you judge a situation before gaining all of the details," Annie continued, her voice sounding a little fiercer. "Have you even considered that I might have provoked him?"

"I…," Eren tried to reply, but he didn't really know what to say. So he just stared at her with his mouth gaping open. To him she was a bad liar, yes, but he never could tell why she said the things she said – especially not recently.

Unfolding her legs and putting her feet on the ground, she stemmed herself up on her arms while she leaned back a little. There was a strange glint in her eyes as she examined him.

"I wonder how you'd react if I told you the things I told him last night." Her tone was low and her mouth twitched up in the indication of an evil smile.

Eren didn't like this. He didn't like this at all. He'd never seen her look so malicious. He didn't want her to look so malicious. What the fuck was up with her? This was not what he'd come for.

"You know, Eren," the way she made his name sound in that strange, low tone sent an unpleasant shiver down his spine. "Those comrades of yours – the people that fought with and for you – died a pointless death. The scouts are mere sacrifices."

His eyebrows narrowed as the anger began to build in his stomach. But he was still unexpectedly calm for his standards. He walked over to her and gripped her by her shoulders.

"What the fuck are you saying?" he growled leaning over her and gripping her by her shoulders.

Annie made no effort to reply, she just tilted back her head so she could look into his eyes. Slowly she took his head into her hands and pulled him into a kiss. He was bent over in an uncomfortable angle, but he did not move. Neither did he kiss her back. He just stared past her at the wall.

Yet as her tongue traced along his lips and claimed entry, he opened up and let her taste him. She explored his mouth, while he was frozen in place, almost numb to the sensation of her touch.

As she released his lips after a while, she still kept him in place with her hands, ensuring that their faces were only inches apart. He noticed that his breathing was involuntarily just as hitched as hers. Their eyes explored each other, trying to figure out the other's thoughts.

"I have failed as a warrior," she stated, her voice raspy. "And I like to think it's your fault."

Eren wasn't sure what she was talking about, but that she blamed him for failing made his stomach and knees feel weak. This time he leaned in to initiate a kiss, but she pulled back a little, preventing their lips from touching. He hovered over her, nose almost pinching her cheek and feeling the warm air she exhaled onto his skin.

But he wasn't going to be satisfied with that. He took her face into his hands, so she could no longer avoid his lips as he pressed them onto hers. And she gave in to him, her hands sliding down as her mouth cooperated with his.

Eren inched closer at her touch, bringing up his right knee on the mattress to hold his balance. His tongue explored her mouth for the first time and though he wasn't quite sure what he was doing it sent an excited shiver down his spine.

Slowly Annie's hands wandered around to his back and pulled him even closer. He almost fell over again, bringing his left hand down just in time to hold himself up. But that wasn't enough for her. She slid sideways, gently urging him to move along with her, hands on his back and her lips still holding his captive.

He followed her carefully until she lay on her back and he was kneeling on all fours above her on the bed. Their lips lost touch as he halted to take in the sight before him.

"What?" Annie asked as his gaze travelled over her upper body.

She was a little flushed and breathless from their intense kiss. It was hardly any different for him.

"I just wanted to appreciate this moment," Eren stated, eyes focusing on her face again. "Usually you're the one on top."

He felt a little silly speaking his mind. He really had no idea how to behave in this kind of situations. Did you talk? Did keep your mouth shut unless you had something to say that most certainly wouldn't ruin the mood? Or did you keep your lips too busy with other things to even think of speaking?

Probably bringing up their training days when she had taught him her special moves in hand-to-hand combat wasn't very suitable. Or was it? He really didn't know. Strangely enough it didn't seem like a too different situation right now. But maybe his mind was currently just dysfunctional.

"Oh shut up," Annie commanded, but there was one of her rare soft smiles on her lips.

Her hands gripped his shirt and dragged him down, so she could engage him in a kiss again. He gave in easily and they rolled sideways until his back was against the wall. Annie pushed forward, wrestling a little with his hands as she did so.

He met her fierceness with his own, not willing to let her take over. Gradually he shoved her backwards again, so he could inch out of the corner she had landed him in. Their lips were still intertwined, their tongues getting better and better at tasting and exploring and dancing around each other.

Annie's hands had returned to the back of his neck and her fingers played teasingly with strands of his hair. It provoked Eren to become more daring. He pushed forward more vigorously, rolling her onto her back again and pressing his body into hers. She submitted and pulled him even closer by his neck.

On an impulse he retreated from her mouth, trailing off to her jaw and down her neck. There was so much more of her body he wanted to explore, not only with his hands that currently were taking a liking to her hips.

She gasped as he decided to use is tongue to trace up her neck. That incited him to remain a little longer on the sensitive area and test her reaction. But soft kisses sparked not enough in her to satisfy him, so he intensified the sensation his lips left on her skin and started to suck. Carefully at first, then harder to test how far he could go.

Her body tensed and her fingers pulled the strands of hair on the back of his neck. The reaction sparked excitement in him, but there was also worry rooting in his inexperience. Was he going too far? Should he stop? So he wondered, yet he liked the way he could make her respond too much to just shy away.

"Eren…"

The way she shakily breathed out his name electrified him. Had he had more experience – or rather any experience at all – he'd enjoyed to push her even further. But as it was, his worry made it hard to tell pleasure from pain. He let go of the skin he had sucked on her neck and brought his head on eye level with her again.

"Are you alright?" Eren asked with concern in his panting voice.

Annie gave a short, breathless laugh and nodded.

"I didn't know you were so good with your mouth," she managed, breathing equally accelerated.

"Erm… thanks." He wasn't really sure how to reply. "I didn't know either."

Her features lightened up in a way he'd never seen with her before as she laughed openly. He wasn't sure what exactly had spawned it, but he knew that he wanted to see her like this more often. It made life seem so good. It made the world seem more beautiful than he'd ever considered it to be.

Shifting sideways, he propped himself up on his right arm to enjoy the view. With his free hand he stroked a few strands of blond hair out of her face as she calmed back down. He wanted to hold on to the moment and dwell in the sweetness of being with her for as long as he could.

Her blue eyes wandered over to him. The smile had faded, but her lips were still slightly parted in the aftermath.

"What?" Annie asked almost in her normal tone of boredom. But it was not dismissive it was just the way she usually talked.

"What "what"?" Eren returned the question, because he didn't know what she was referring to.

"You've got this weird expression…" – she paused, thinking of a way to describe it – "...like you just woke up from a really good dream or something."

He gave a short, sincere laugh.

"Maybe because I'm happy," he offered.

"Happy?" she repeated, looking more surprised than she sounded.

Eren's face fell as he remembered the circumstances they were actually in. Annie was a prisoner. They were on opposed sides. And in the previous night she had had her limbs cut off, probably enduring long hours of pain in which they regrew.

"Or is it too early to be happy?" he asked unsure.

She looked away, giving it a thought.

"I don't know," she admitted.

Silence took over and Eren felt a little disheartened. He had gotten so carried away by the sensation of his lips on hers and on her skin he had forgotten a very ugly truth. And now he felt like he had messed it up.

He placed his right arm on the pillow – his elbow in a slight angle so his hand didn't hang out of the bed – and rested his head on it. The fingers of his other hand wandered over to her right arm, above which they hovered hesitantly. After remaining like this for a moment he plucked up his courage and brought down his index finger on her skin right by the bloody hem of her sweater.

She inhaled sharply – probably because of the memories rising at his touch – but she did not shake him off. Gently he drew small circles across her skin where the frayed cloth ended. His thumb joined in and he started stroking down her arm.

"He shouldn't have done that to you," he whispered while caressing her skin with his hand.

Annie's face was still averted from him, so he could see her profile but not look into her eyes. He couldn't read her expression, it was without emotion.

"It's alright," she replied quietly, sounding just as dull as she looked.

Again she was so detached on the matter and it sparked Eren's anger.

"No, it's not!" he disagreed. Though he spoke up to emphasise his words, he did not shout. However he composed himself and adapted a softer tone when he continued. "You don't have to brush it off, like it's nothing. It's okay not to be strong all the time."

Silence engulfed them once more. Annie who had remained frozen in place until now, stirred beside him. His hand still rested on her arm, so he could feel small trembles making their way through her body – first almost insignificantly weak, but then gradually growing stronger.

When she turned towards him he saw the tears in her eyes as the sobs rocked through her.

Once again he had said something without thinking. He had simply spoken his mind, without anticipating her reaction. And now he didn't quite know how to deal with her unexpected outburst of emotion.

Eren knew that more words wouldn't be able to comfort her now. So he did the only thing he could think of: he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. She slid against him and pressed her face into the fabric of his shirt. He could feel every silent sob shaking through her now.

"I just want to go home."

Her words were muffled against his chest. They felt so strangely familiar to him and he knew it was because they had accompanied him over the last five years in the back of his mind. And maybe it had been just the same for Annie. And maybe just like him something had prevented her all this time from returning there.

Eren pressed his lips to her head. His hands rubbed her back soothingly and gradually she seemed to calm down and the trembling of her body declined.

Eventually Annie broke away from him and sat up. She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes, regaining some of her composure.

"I'm sorry," she said a little abashed. "I didn't mean to unload this all on you."

He sat up next to her, bringing back some of their previous closeness. His right hand found her shoulder and his lips were inches away from her temple, but he dared not kiss her right now. So he just let her feel his warm breath on her skin.

"It's okay," he assured her.

Annie leaned into him, letting his lips meet her temple. Eren wrapped his arms around her again and turned his head sideways so her forehead rested against his cheek. They remained silent in the comfort of each other's warmth and it was almost peaceful after the turmoil of emotions that had flooded them since he had entered the cell today.

In this moment as he smelled her scent so close by her side and thought about Annie – of how natural it felt by now to touch her, to embrace her, to kiss her – Eren realised it. The answer he had come for – he knew it now without question.

A sense of daring gripped him. He couldn't tell if the words would come out right. He wasn't even sure if now was the right moment. But he wanted to share this moment of clarity with her.

"Annie," he whispered, "you know, I…"

His voice trailed off as she leaned away a little and turned her head to face him. Her lips were so close it was hard to resist the urge to kiss them. They shared a look and it was like she could read it in his eyes.

"Don't!" she stopped him, just as he was about to say it.

Before he could protest she pulled him into a feverish kiss. As their mouths met she chased away the words from his lips. Their hands reached for each other again, bringing their bodies closer together. But she drew away from him all too soon, leaving him panting and longing for more.

Something passed over her face, a thought he couldn't uncover.

"Come back tomorrow," she breathed, her finger tips tugging at the back of his neck. "I will tell you everything. That captain of yours can come and listen, too, if he wants. I don't even care anymore."

Annie pressed another kiss on his speechless lips and he willingly met her with the same intensity. His tongue was challenging hers and he revelled in the sensation of her fingers tangled in his hair.

After a few sweet, but too short moments she released his lips and Eren knew it was time to let go.

"Tomorrow," he murmured breathlessly, his face still hovering before hers, extending their intimacy only a little. She barely nodded in affirmation, but he didn't need it.

He let his lips brush her cheek as he climbed over her and got off the bed. After a few moments to normalise his breathing he turned and walked to the door.

While he knocked and waited for the guards to let him out, he could feel her eyes on his back. Her breath still sounded a little hitched. A smile stole itself on his lips, knowing that he'd caused her panting. But it only lasted a few seconds.

The key was turned in the key hole and the female guard pulled the door open. She stepped aside to let him through and the opposite wall came into his vision. Eren's stomach dropped and the aftereffect of the bittersweet intimacy he just had shared with Annie dispersed. There the captain leaned, his sharp gaze fixing him.

He was done for, the boy thought as he reluctantly walked out into the corridor. The guards had probably reported his little act to get into the cell and now his punishment would follow. He surely was in for a beating if not for worse.

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	7. 06: Unexpected Turns

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**Chapter 6: Unexpected Turns**

.: :.

"So?" Levi asked still leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "Did you get what you came for this time?"

"Er…"

The question took Eren by surprise. He'd expected at least a little bit of anger coming his way and probably something along the lines of "you've really gone too far this time, brat" or "now you're really making me do it, brat" or he didn't even know – definitely something with him being called a brat in a threatening way. But instead he was asked the same question as he had received when leaving Annie's cell for the first time the other night like it was nothing, like he was allowed to be here.

He stared at his superior, trying to measure how mad the man was. Anger seemed to be the first thing to seep through the mask of indifference. But as usual the impassive face gave nothing away about the feelings of the man behind it. If he was boiling he hid it incredibly well.

"Yes, pretty much," the young scout stated truthfully – because in a way or another he had.

He wasn't quite sure how to behave towards the captain now, but he figured honesty was his best shot. Well, not that he'd had many options to answer that question. There really was no point in saying "no", was there? Maybe it would spare him further questions as for now. But he might as well be caught at lying. After all he hadn't tested his ability to be deceiving in a while.

"Good," Levi just said and pushed himself away from the wall. "Let's go."

Eren was left perplexed as the man started heading down the corridor. However he caught himself quickly enough and managed an affirmative "yes" before actually hurrying after his superior. The thoughts in his head had picked up an even quicker pace.

Was he off the hook so easily? Or had Levi a punishment in mind that would require them to go somewhere specific? Maybe the captain just didn't want to beat him up in front of the guards. Because no matter how nonviolent his superior's behaviour towards him had been ever since his trial – that first impression still stuck with the boy unpleasantly, even though he knew it had been an act.

As he caught up with the captain, he fell into a silent trot beside him. His eyes occasionally wandered to search the smaller man's face for a hint of anger – anything at all. But there was nothing he could make out. So he decided to say nothing regarding his unauthorised visit to the dungeon until the older man brought it up himself.

"You didn't mention she provoked you," Eren noted as they were out of the guard's earshot.

Now that he had gained some new insight on the events of the previous night it was his way of coming to terms with Levi after his outburst in the mess hall earlier this morning. Maybe he even could pass it off as an apology, though it wasn't an entirely earnest one.

He still thought what the captain had done was horrible and he wasn't willing to forgive him yet – not after Annie had cried in his arms. But he was a soldier after all and Levi was his superior and they were not supposed to have sympathy with the enemy. So from this point of view he didn't really have the right to speak up.

Levi shot him a glance with a raised eyebrow that could almost be called amused. Maybe he wasn't angry after all, but Eren didn't dare to bet on that. Not yet.

"Did she mention that? How cute," the man commented in – had there been a hint of mockery in his tone? Eren wasn't sure. But maybe he'd just imagined it.

"You don't have to be so mean," he mumbled without thinking.

The reply he received was clearly sarcastic this time.

"Oh, I'm sorry not all of us where so privileged to train with miss tiny-killer-titan and get to know her good side. I'm sure she's lovely when she doesn't squash people."

Eren did not point out that a remark regarding Annie's height was ironic coming from Levi. He didn't want to strain the man's good will and patience any further for the day. Most of all he tried not to jump into an argument over how his superior saw the blond girl. It was highly inappropriate – so much even he could tell – and the captain had a point: Eren had met Annie as a comrade Levi however had met her as an enemy.

What would _he_ have done, Eren wondered, if he hadn't known Annie for three years? How would he treat her if it wasn't for the bond with her he had unconsciously developed while sparring with her? If he thought back to their fight in the forest of giant trees and how he'd promised to rip her to pieces that was probably what he'd eventually done if given the chance.

As he walked alongside the man, the young scout tried to put himself in his superior's shoes. From the captains point of view the most prominent thing about Annie was most likely the fact that she'd brought about the death of several of his comrades. Considering this, he had actually treated her surprisingly well since she had been captured.

Well, apart from the previous night. But she had called the deaths of his squad and the other scouts pointless and as a man who – as Eren had learned in his time with him – valued human lives highly, of course that had triggered his fury.

What had Annie meant anyway when she had called the scouts sacrifices? Was it even of significance or had she just said it in order to provoke? Eren guessed he'd learn the next day when he'd come to visit her again. Speaking of which…

"She said she'd tell me everything," he informed his superior as he started to climb the staircase behind him. He figured that this time he definitely needed permission to visit Annie, if he didn't want to have his neck broken for sure.

Levi stopped in his tracks and turned to face him. The young scout reacted in the blink of an eye, halting a few steps beneath him, so he actually had to look up to see the man's face. Pierced by blue eyes, Eren quickly offered more on the matter.

"Tomorrow," he specified. "She said if I come by tomorrow, she'll tell me everything."

Silence. The gaze fixing him was so intense, he almost felt himself shrinking beneath it.

"She said, you can come, too," he added more subdued.

The staring continued and he felt challenged by the older man not to blink or break eye contact first. There was no telling what Levi thought of the new information or how he would judge it. But as he looked up into those unreadable eyes, Eren considered his chances to see Annie again – no matter for what reason – to be really low.

"Can you take it?" the captain finally inquired quietly.

"Huh?" Eren blinked in confusion, because he couldn't quite follow.

The senior scout inhaled audibly which indicated that he was going to waste a few more words on him than most of the time.

"Can you take everything that she said she was going to tell you? Because "everything" can be a lot and "everything" can be cruel and we're most likely talking about the reason for the attack on mankind. And the trouble with reasons is that they might be perfectly acceptable for one, but seem horribly wrong to the other."

He paused to make sure his words were fully perceived. Eren couldn't quite shake the feeling that with the last half-sentence he and his short temper were what the man referred to in particular.

"So I'm asking you, Eren," Levi's tone was more intense than usual, his eyes were piercing the boy, "can you take it? Can you keep your cool no matter how cruel and infuriating the things you'll learn tomorrow might seem to you?"

So this was what it came down to after all.

Eren swallowed the lump the intensity of the captain's gaze and words had left in his throat. He hadn't really thought it through when Annie had offered to tell him everything, so he was caught off guard now. But he was determined to see it through and if he had to bite his tongue – well, maybe not literally or he might end up transforming into a titan. That would be more than counterproductive – or should he say inconvenient?

"Yes sir," he whispered firmly.

Levi nodded merely visible.

"Good," he concluded. "We'll arrange everything then."

With those words he turned back around and continued climbing the stairs like nothing happened, leaving a shocked Eren who had been frozen in place to hurry after him yet again. But the young scout caught up easily enough with a few quick steps. Those were the perks of having longer legs than your superior.

They let silence take over again. For now everything was said, though the boy still expected to get some kind of feedback for his unauthorised entry of Annie's cell. But it didn't seem like a worst-case-scenario was coming for him, which was a relief.

Also, Levi let him take part in a crucial interrogation of Annie despite his misbehaviour. Did that mean the man trusted in him or was it just a compromise to finally gain the long awaited information? Eren could only guess, but he tended towards the latter.

The stairs led to the entrance hall where unexpectedly a group of people was gathered. The wings of freedom on the backs of their green hoods clearly identified them as fellow scouts. The sound of Levi's and Eren's footsteps on entering the hall caught their attention and the one standing closest who was also the tallest of them turned around to face them.

It was commander Erwin.

"Ah, perfect timing," he greeted them in his usual formal voice.

"What an unexpected surprise," Levi replied as he and Eren walked over.

He sounded sarcastic again, which Eren began to wonder about. While regularly bored by the world and seeming to stand above everything, anything coming from the captain that didn't sound indifferent seemed out of character to his subordinate.

Erwin kept a straight face. The smaller man's remark seemed to neither impress him nor offend him in any way.

"Did you nearly die last night, or what's with the sarcasm?" he asked matter-of-factly.

Now Eren definitely was worried. If even the commander who had known Levi far longer picked up on his sarcasm, there had to be something to it. And what was that remark about nearly dying? How did something like that even play into it? Maybe it was some code the two men had developed between themselves.

Levi just offered a dismissive "tsk" and Erwin seemed to let it go. Instead he turned to the young scout who'd watched their exchange attentively.

"Hello Eren," he greeted. "How are you?"

"Hello," Eren replied, surprised about being addressed all of a sudden. "I'm good."

It was actually not far from the truth. He'd just failed to mention the inner turmoil from recent events and the anticipation for the next day, but that wasn't something you discussed in the middle of an entrance hall. And he wasn't sure if he even wanted to discuss it with the commander at all.

There was no rule you had to report any personal feelings or love affairs to him. At least as far as Eren knew. Before now he hadn't really concerned himself with something like that. He hadn't considered it could ever become relevant for him. But he vaguely recalled that any relationships of romantic or sexual nature – how Instructor Shadis had put it – had been strictly prohibited among trainees. Could the same rule apply to the scouts as well?

Actually Annie wasn't a scout, but a former member of the Military Police. And currently a prisoner, which made matters even worse. And Levi knew? How had Eren not ben told yet to get over her – as an order not just as a good advice?

"Good," Erwin nodded, regaining the boy's attention. "I've brought you some company."

Only now as the tall man's hand indicated the three scouts behind him who had stayed silent so far, Eren paid attention to them. In pleasant surprise he recognised Armin, Mikasa and…

"Don't ask me, what I'm doing here. I don't know either," Jean scowled at Eren who couldn't hide the dismay from his face completely as he recognised him.

However, before either of them could say another word Mikasa stepped in between them and called for Eren's attention. She took his hands in hers and asked him concernedly if he really was alright. She clearly didn't like having been separated from him yet again. Probably she still mistrusted Levi for his demeanour in the courtroom.

Eren nodded absentmindedly. His attention had shifted again to their superiors as Erwin suggested a private briefing on the current situation. Eren's heart faltered as he thought about how that meant the commander now would learn about everything with Annie and him and probably have the final say in the matter of Annie's interrogation the next day. He wasn't sure what outcome to expect.

Levi did not decline Erwin's suggestion, which seemed to be treated as an approval. The two men strode off without a further word, leaving their four subordinates to stare after them in wonder.

"Geez, what is it with these guys," Jean grumbled.

"I don't know," Armin replied thoughtfully. Probably he did some analysing, but he didn't consider it worth sharing.

"Anyway, hello Eren," he turned towards his childhood friend.

Eren who was still processing so many changes to his current situation, blinked confused. He only managed a short "hello" before Levi called for his attention from the other end of the hall once more.

"Eren, behave. Don't make me have your sorry ass report to me everywhere you go in advance."

Without even waiting for Eren's obedient "Yes sir!" the captain followed Commander Erwin out of the hall. They had left for the wing where his personal quarters and his office were located.

"What does that shorty think you are," Mikasa growled, "his dog?"

"Let it go, Mikasa," Eren begged her resigned.

There wasn't even much time for him to feel delighted about the arrival of his two childhood friends, because as he looked at their and Jean's faces he thought that he had no idea how to explain to them what had happened between him and Annie. And though he knew that conversation might not even reach the topic of her, it still left him uneasy.

"So, you want to go for lunch?" he asked, trying to hide his discomfort.

It was still a little too early for lunch, but he considered they could head there already anyway.

Armin accepted right away while Jean mumbled something like "yeah, whatever". Mikasa just silently joined them as Eren led them towards the mess hall. She was still scowling, quite possibly because of Levi. Eren suppressed a sigh. He really hoped this wasn't going to get awkward.

As they walked down the corridor, Eren feigned interest in how his comrades from training days were doing. It currently didn't concern him too much – he had other things on his mind – but it gave them something to talk about.

From Armin – who was the only one really taking part in the conversation with him – he learned that neither of those three had seen the others since their last mission. Word was they were doing formation training somewhere.

"Huh?" Eren expressed his surprise as he sat down on one of the tables in the still empty mess hall. "Why aren't you guys with them. Shouldn't you be training with them as well, then?"

"Yeah, about that…" Armin paused, piquing Eren's interest.

"I think that Commander Erwin and his most entrusted men consider at least one of our co-trainees to be Annie's spy."

Eren looked up shocked at his friend's assumption.

"What? Why? And how come they don't treat you as suspects as well?" he blurted out. "I mean, I know you'd never do that, but how would the commander know?"

"You see, Eren," Armin began and then he shared all the conclusions he had come to since the last mission.

He told his friend how Eren's position in the formation hadn't been marked in the formation plan and how diverse information about it had been given to the soldiers. He explained how Annie had approached from the right side and how all of their comrades – whose training sessions probably were just false pretence to keep them busy and unaware of Annie's capture – had been told that Eren was positioned on the right side of the formation. Then he also recalled Commander Erwin's speech the evening they had joined the Scouting Legion and how specific he had been about mentioning Eren.

"…so I think the whole mission was actually to lure out and capture an enemy," Armin concluded, not having to mention that that enemy had turned out to be Annie.

Eren was dumbstruck. He paid no attention to Mikasa sitting indifferently next to him and Jean looking bored vertically of him. If he had though he would've noticed that they didn't seem like the information was anything new to them.

"But how could Commander Erwin have known back then that someone would come after me? How could he assume it would be someone from our training squad?"

"Well, I can only guess again," Armin offered, "but I think it can be concluded from what happened at Trost."

"What do you mean?" Eren asked, holding back a comment on how not everyone was as intelligent as Armin and could conclude these things easily.

So Armin explained his thesis for him, the three stages he had derived on the basis of the attack on Shiganshina five years: The first was the destruction of the outer gate through the Colossal Titan, in the next stage the titans flooded the district, and at last the Armoured Titan destroyed the inner gate and breaching the wall.

"If you compare this with the attack on Trost about two months ago you'll realise that back then it never went beyond the second stage," he finished.

Eren felt a little dizzy from learning all this new information. Filtering through it was especially hard with everything else that had happened today already.

"So what, the Armoured Titan didn't show up, how has that anything to do with me?"

Maybe Armin was too polite to roll his eyes or it really didn't bother him that he had to explain to others some of the things that seemed so obvious to him.

"Not only did they not destroy the inner gate, they let you stopper the hole in the outer gate. They called off the attack, because they _saw you_. They must've seen you emerge from your titan form the first time and taken an interest in you."

Slowly the pieces fell into place, though Eren still couldn't quite understand how anyone could've figured this out two months ago.

"So you're saying…," he summed up to be sure he got it right, "…that the Armoured Titan and the Colossal Titan were among our training squad all the time?"

"Most likely," Armin agreed quietly.

Eren's shoulders hunched in resignation as he processed this. People he had trained with, people he possibly had talked to – gotten close to – were very likely the ones he blamed most for the horror that had happened at his home district Shiganshina.

The four young scouts sat together in gloomy silence each of them dwelling on their own thoughts. Armin, who had known it for the longest, probably just left the others some space to deal with this information. Mikasa wouldn't get thrown off by a revelation like this, she probably was still cursing Levi. And Jean – who knew, what Jean was thinking. Eren clearly didn't – but then he didn't really care. He had his own thoughts to mull over.

"I guess I know what I'm going to ask Annie tomorrow," he mumbled absentmindedly.

All three of his comrades suddenly turned to him. Their faces displayed a mixture of surprise and disbelief, as if they weren't sure they really had understood him right just now.

"What?" Jean and Armin asked almost simultaneously.

"Nothing," Eren tried to brush over it.

"I just realised that I have to help with lunch preparations in the kitchen today," he exclaimed then and got up hastily.

He left his friends without any further word alone in the mess hall and hurried to the kitchen. Technically he was still relieved from his duties.

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	8. 07: Constellations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another chapter for you, this time featuring titan trio and Shadis - what fun to write.  
> (Meanwhile I'm awfully behind on my writing schedule and still haven't finished chapter 12, argh.)

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**Chapter 7: Constellations**

.: :.

His taste was still on her lips and the sensation of his touch stuck with her. Annie lay on the bed with her eyes closed, holding on to the sweet moment she had spent with Eren. The memory of their lips colliding and his hands caressing her skin would never leave her. The kisses that had made her forget the pain of cut flesh and regrowing limbs were seared into her mind now.

She hadn't planned for things to turn out like this. They had gone far off the track. She didn't feel bad for caving in, though. Like she had told Eren she didn't even care anymore, not about her mission, not about her secrets. She probably could never return to her home village and that still saddened her, but she had found something here that was worth holding on to.

It still felt a little ironic to her that out of all the idiots it had to be Eren. But over the last three days she had learned that there was something to him she hadn't given him credit for until now. And now she really wanted to know him, every little detail of him, anything she had missed so far. And she wanted _him_ to know _her_.

The prospect of getting everything off her chest was just too tempting she didn't even care what would come from it. Eren's reaction was hard to guess for her. She had always thought that he wouldn't understand, even when he'd offered to try. But then she hadn't expected him to kiss her, to hold her so gently, to _care_ for her.

How much of that warm behaviour towards her would remain after he learned the truth, Annie couldn't tell. Yet she had _hope_. For the first time in her life she allowed herself that naïve emotion. And it felt strange, but also good. So even though she didn't know whether Eren would actually be able to live up to his promise to try and understand, she gave up to the feeling, not thinking about the possibility of it being crushed the next day.

It was all so unlike her, Annie knew that – oh how she knew it, better than anyone – but that was the effect Eren had on her. He drove her up the walls and into a corner and out of her mind. And then she ended up doing stupid things.

Really stupid things.

Things like provoking the captain to hurt her and sneering at him like a madwoman, because his fury gave her some kind of rush. Things like pulling Eren close and kissing him instead of pushing him away, because the rush of their lips colliding was even more electrifying. Things like deciding to completely give up on being a warrior. Because letting Eren into her life – letting him _in_ – meant surrender. And for the very first time she was actually willing to do that.

If Reiner and Berthold could see her now! They'd probably give her hell for this. Well, Reiner would. Berthold would just silently stare at her and most likely wish death on her in his mind or something like that. She had never really known what exactly to make of his intense staring. But then again it never had fazed her much.

Berthold had always been distrustful of her after all. Reiner less so, but still he had felt the need to remind her of their mission by pitting her against Eren during a training session. It was actually funny to think that this very instance was essentially what had led her here.

Hadn't Reiner put Eren in Annie's way, she would've never paid him too much attention. She probably never would've even talked to him. And she definitely wouldn't have offered to teach Eren the special moves of her father. And hadn't Reiner called off their attack on Trost, things would've gone differently. The three of them would be inside of wall Sina looking for the coordinate instead of placing their bets on a first-generation titan shifter who was by far harder to obtain – simply because he was a living, breathing thickhead and a lot heavier to carry.

She definitely wouldn't have ended up here, in this cell, as a prisoner, so close to Eren. She wouldn't even have had the chance to fall in love with him. And at this point there was no denying that she was at least in the process of it, if she wasn't head over heels in already.

Actually she felt like she couldn't fall in any deeper. It wasn't in her nature to give in to affection like that, so straying so far from being rational and pragmatic was a huge deal in her case. Throwing aside her objection like that was something that had never even occurred to her before. And now that it did it was easy – almost shockingly so.

If she thought back to when she had joined the military with Reiner and Berthold, she barely recognised herself anymore. The Annie from back then would've never done what she had done today and was still about to do tomorrow. The Annie from back then had been right not to mingle with her co-trainees. She wouldn't have been compromised like this.

_She eyed Reiner and Berthold who had dragged her behind one of the storage houses viciously. Well, Reiner had dragged her there, Berthold had just tagged along and kept his distance as usual. So she ignored the lean boy for the most part and focused on his blond friend who had his back against the wall of the storage house._

_"I thought we had agreed not to be seen together," Annie demanded, arms crossed before her chest._

_"Relax, Annie, no one's coming around here."_

_Reiner tried a smile to ease the tension between them. She nearly rolled her eyes at him. He couldn't be that daft, or was he? She really hoped not, or things might go horribly wrong. Reiner was in charge of them and usually made the calls. If he made a miscalculation or got reckless their mission was in serious danger. And if he messed this up, if their mission failed because of him she would tear out his insides – that was for sure. Annie hated failure. She couldn't even stand the_ idea _of losing._

_"How do you know? We've been here for a week now, it's not like there are any foreseeable routines yet," she pointed out. "And I for my part really don't want to get caught holding secret meetings behind a storage house. That's not what I would call keeping a low profile."_

_"Yeah right, I get it," Reiner was quick to reply, sounding a little annoyed. "Let's get straight to the point then."_

_"Make it quick," Annie replied, indicating that she was willing to listen to him._

_Reiner didn't need to be told twice._

_"Just a short recap: We're aiming for the top of the class to enlist with the Military Police directly. After our graduation as trainees we will take out Trost and Wall Rose then we'll head for Wall Sina where we'll hopefully find the coordinate," he summed up._

_"Is it really necessary to take out Wall Rose if we can get inside of Wall Sina anyway?" Berthold surprisingly objected and Annie had to agree that she had been wondering about the same thing. It sounded like unnecessary effort. She didn't like unnecessary effort. Reiner however shot him a warning glance._

_"Once we have the coordinate we have to get all the way to Wall Maria and beyond to return to our village – the less the possibility of meeting humans on our way the better. I don't want the mission to fail because we get caught while crossing the territory inside of Wall Rose," Reiner explained. Then he fixed Berthold with narrowed eyebrows. "Don't tell me you're feeling sorry for those humans."_

_"No!" Berthold held his hands up defensively. Annie could make out a drop of sweat on his temple. He was clearly uncomfortable under Reiner suspecting gaze._

_"Good," Reiner seemed willing to let it go. "We wouldn't want our mission endangered because of something like that."_

_"It means additional effort though," Annie pointed out. Her own surprise that she jumped in for Berthold was mirrored on the faces of her comrades as they turned to look at her._

_"We'll be full-fledged members of the military by then and most likely be expected to fight. That would make evacuating to Wall Sina even more difficult than when we got inside of Wall Rose two years ago," she explained herself. "Shouldn't we at least wait until we're with the Military Police inside of Wall Sina and then act?"_

_"That would all be fine if it wasn't for the bit where all three of us would have to get all the way back from Wall Sina to Wall Rose and most likely will be missed. Even if the humans don't suspect us of being responsible for the breach of Wall Rose, it would most likely get us into trouble," Reiner reminded them a little annoyed that he even had to point it out._

_"Look, I know it's not a perfect plan, but it's the best plan we have," he came around, his voice softer now, "unless you can think of something better, of course."_

_Annie just stoically stared past him and Berthold at the wooden wall of the storage house. Reiner took that as a no._

_"Good then," he concluded. "While we're stuck here on stand-by try and keep a low record. You know the drill." He counted off the things they had agreed on while they had been stuck with the refugees from Wall Maria over the last two years: avoiding to get injured, so they didn't get unwanted attention when their wounds were healing inhumanly quickly. Also, fitting in with the humans and interact with them, while still staying emotionally detached from them._

_"I told you, I'm not doing that," Annie snarled._

_Her attitude had always bothered Reiner and Berthold. While those two were close, Annie had kept her distance which had left them always a little suspicious of her. And for tonight Reiner had enough of her uncooperativeness._

_He pushed himself away from the wall and slowly rounded her. Annie stayed put, arms still crossed before her chest and not even trying to follow his movements with her eyes. Only her ears gave her an idea of where he was as his steps made crunching noises on the gravel._

_She could hear him pause behind her back. Then his hands were on her, one gripping her by her neck the other on her left hip, and he shoved her against the wall of the storage house. She barely avoided a broken nose by jerking her head to the left in the last second. Her cheek rubbed harshly against wood. She could feel the steam starting to rise from her skin as the scratches attempted to heal up._

_Of course she could've easily escaped his grip. Despite him being taller and physically stronger than her she had some moves that could send him flying on his back. But she preferred to avoid fighting him back and showing them off. He and Berthold would possibly only become even wearier of her, if they knew she outmatched them in hand-to-hand combat. She didn't want to draw any attention to herself, not even their attention._

_"I've had it with your uncooperativeness," he growled, pressing her into the wall._

_"Oi, Reiner," Berthold intervened weakly._

_Once again Annie was surprised that he even spoke up for her, but she didn't think too much of it. It was a less than half-hearted attempt and Annie didn't expect it to change the situation in any way. Yet it seemed enough for Reiner to stop and regain some composure after his outburst._

_The pressure of his hands disappeared. However, Annie stayed just how she was, the last remnants of steam rising from her healing cheek. Her breathing was accelerated and her raised pulse pumped adrenaline through her body after the inflicted violence. She wanted to focus on calming down, so she wouldn't do anything rash._

_But she didn't get the privacy. Reiner turned her around by her shoulder and shoved her backwards, so she was facing him with her back against the wall. He put his left hand against the wood beside her head, blocking her escape, and leaned in close. On her left Berthold had inched closer, watching them both carefully._

_"You know," Reiner said more calmly now, "if you could just try to be a bit more of a team player…"_

_Annie stared at him blankly._

_"I just don't see how befriending humans is necessary for the plan to succeed," she said indifferently._

_He opened his mouth to reply, but got cut off before even uttering one word._

_"Oi, what do you think you're doing!"_

_At the sound of their instructor Shadis Reiner backed away from her immediately. Annie continued looking straight ahead, watching how he nervously turned in the direction the fast approaching footsteps came from. From the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of Berthold swallowing hard to her left._

_"This isn't-," Reiner started, but Shadis didn't let him explain._

_"I don't need you to tell me what this is or isn't!" he barked, coming into Annie's view._

_As soon as he stood in front of Reiner, he gave him a taste of his already famous headbutt – he had given out quite a few in their first week as trainees already. Reiner's knees gave in a little however he managed to stay on his feet, which would make him the first of the squad. Maybe he had suspected something like this would come and was prepared for the impact._

_"I know exactly what this is. Two boys rounding up a girl alone – you perverted pigs, I will have you crawl in the dirt for this!"_

_Berthold shifted uneasily away from Annie and Reiner looked a little bewildered at the accusation. But they did not even try to clear up the misunderstanding. What would they have said anyway – "no, we were just discussing our secret mission to breach the walls together"? They were actually lucky that Shadis misinterpreted their little gathering as harassment._

_"You," Shadis pointed at Annie, "get the hell out of here!"_

_She didn't need to be told a second time, but slipped away immediately. As she turned her back on the scene and walked away, Shadis started to berate Berthold and Reiner in his usual angry tone about how the military was all about discipline and not following some animalistic instincts and how he was going to have them scrub their perverseness out of their system once and for all._

_Rounding the corner, Annie couldn't suppress a small smile. Knowing they had to endure a long tirade from Shadis now and then would be sentenced to extra work or something similar, gave her some kind of satisfaction. Of course she wouldn't tell them – they had enough trouble getting along as it was – she would just keep the memory for the next time Berthold eyed her with suspicion or Reiner felt like giving her another speech. It would make having to deal with them a little more bearable at least._

_Her thoughts were interrupted as her right shoulder collided unpleasantly with an arm. On her way to the girl barracks she must've become a little inattentive or else she would've avoided the encounter easily enough, of course. But it wasn't like she would apologise._

_"S-sorry," a male voice said._

_Annie looked up angrily at the brown haired boy who smiled apologetically. As soon as her blue eyes locked with his green ones, his smile faded and he swallowed nervously. She didn't bother much with him and simply walked off, unaware that she had just made a memorable impression on him._

The sound of a key being turned in the lock called Annie back from her memories. Shortly after, her cell door was being yanked open and she turned to see two female scouts enter the room. The shorter one with her auburn hair in a loose pony tail closed the door behind them. Meanwhile the taller one who had her blond hair cut even shorter than most boys tossed a bundle of clothes at Annie.

"Here," she said, "get changed."

Annie obeyed silently. She got up from her bed and out of her torn sweater and pants. The two young women had the decency not to stare at her directly. They could've though for all Annie cared, in the military you couldn't be shy about your body. You got changed and had showers with everyone else. There was little privacy – apart from the separations of males and females of course.

The new set of clothes was a bit too big for her, but they fit well enough. The white pants were a little worn out, but still of a decent quality and the grey shirt fell loosely around her torso. Its sleeves covered her hands halfway as they were notably longer than her arms. She couldn't shake off the feeling that they were male clothes, but it didn't bother her too much. They were clean and she figured that was all she could ask for. Appearance had never been a big issue for her anyway.

When she was done changing and the blond scout had taken her old clothes off her – probably to throw them away – Annie was ordered to lie down on her bed again. She did as she was told without objection and also offered her hands as asked. They pushed her sleeves up her arms and reattached the shackles to her wrists. Then they left her alone with her thoughts again.

As she held up her hand and watched the chain dangling from her wrists her mind drifted back to her home, to her mission, to the boys Reiner and Berthold that had been told they could rely on her, but never really got themselves to trust her. And they had been right not to. Tomorrow she would sell them out.

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	9. 08: Strategic Means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more Levi POV to build up a bit to Annie's interrogation.
> 
> Re-reading this just now made me emotional towards the end. But that might just be me.
> 
> If I don't get too sidetracked, I can post the next chapter in a bit.
> 
> Also, if you're looking for more Annie/Eren stories, my friend has started to upload his fanfiction [Dissonance](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1040528) to this site and I can only highly recommend it. (According to him giving him feedback on the story suffices to name me as a co-author, though I can assure I am not involved with the actual writing and thus consider myself as a reader not a writer of the story. But yes, definitely read it.)

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**Chapter 8: Strategic Means**

.: :.

They walked in silence. There was no need to talk before they reached Levi's office where they could discuss things in private. And honestly, Levi wasn't all too keen on giving his report. Knowing Erwin, he would have to go into full detail on the recent events – and he especially wasn't looking forward to talking about last night.

As he held stride with the taller man beside him, Levi feigned interest in the view out of the windows they were passing. It was an act that Erwin must've gotten bored of by now. It was an automatism that Levi barely even thought about anymore after entertaining it for roughly twenty years. Being bored by what was directly in front of him, always acting like there was a better way to spend his time, like he didn't care, was one of his coping mechanisms.

He didn't even have to pretend that a thought didn't occur to him right away, because he was too busy not caring, by now that was just how it happened. Lena had already passed them when he stopped and called her back.

As the blond scout turned, Levi simply asked her to tag along. Neither she nor Erwin questioned his intentions when they continued down the hallway together. Lena respectfully kept her distance as she followed the two men that were her superiors.

Erwin still didn't scrutinise his motives when the captain indicated the door to his office and told him he'd be right with him. He simply went on ahead into the room as suggested while Levi took Lena a few doors further where he currently spent his nights.

The scout stood in the bedroom and actively did not watch as her superior filed through the clothes in his wardrobe. Neither did she let her gaze wander through the neat room or ask what she was here for. Levi recognised the silence of someone who knew the truth of this world: people are cruel and the less you show of yourself the less they can hurt you. She probably had a story of her own to tell on the matter that he would never ask her about.

After not too long Levi pulled out a pair of pants he had worn too often for his taste and would replace soon anyway despite them still being acceptable. He added a grey, long-sleeved shirt he only randomly put on when he was on leave and stayed inside. He could as well do without it, he figured.

Levi turned back to Lena and presented her with the neatly folded clothes.

"Take these to Annie Leonhard for her to change," he instructed. "You can probably throw away the ones she's wearing now."

Lena knew, of course. She had been on duty during the night and had been left with the unpleasant task of cleaning up the mess. While her co-guard had flinched when looking at the blood and the severed limbs, she had kept a straight face, stoically doing as she was told.

"And then tie her back up," he added without further explanation.

She confirmed the order and left to execute it right away.

In a way Levi welcomed it was her that crossed his way, because she didn't seem like the type to care about where Annie Leonhard's new clothes came from. But honestly he didn't bother whether word made round that he donated textiles for a prisoner. Even for a girl Annie was pretty small, so getting something elsewhere for her to wear would've been a hassle and he really wasn't up for investing so much effort into that. And prisoner or not, it didn't sit right with him to leave the girl wearing rags.

He closed the wardrobe and strode out of the room to meet Erwin in his office for their briefing. The man stood by the window, taking a look at the landscape. There was a faint wrinkle on his usually plain forehead, a shadow of troubling thoughts that probably clouded his view. But when he turned on the sound of the closing door every trace of it had left his features.

Levi slumped onto the couch, crossing his legs and resting his right arm on the back of the piece of furniture as he liked to do. He didn't bother to offer Erwin a seat – the commander shouldn't need an invitation to get comfortable. Neither did he apologise for leaving him to wait while instructing Lena.

Erwin pulled over one of the chairs from the office table and sank onto it elegantly. Even in private – and that was what a meeting of the two men was by now – he didn't relax much. Leaning forward he rested his forearms on his knees, but his back remained straight. Levi almost rolled his eyes at the man's inability to loosen up. But he knew him long and well enough to understand that it was just how he was.

Actually they were similar in that manner: they both had a way of keeping their composure and not letting emotions show. With Erwin it affected his whole body more than it affected his face: the taller man could show a smile once in a while, but usually was stiff as a piece of wood. Levi – while paying less attention to his posture – had long ago trained his face in staying impassive like it was set in stone.

"So," Erwin inquired, getting down to business right away, "any achievements or breakthroughs in the interrogation of Annie Leonhard?"

Levi decided to begin with the outcome rather than summing up the turmoil of the last two or three days. He hated when someone held back essential information when being asked, so he didn't intend to do that himself.

"She's going to talk," he stated simply. Going into the details would be more complicated.

The news surprised Erwin. He straightened his shoulders even more – Levi wasn't entirely sure how that was even possible – and his face indicated he was paying full attention. From now on he would register every word, analysing every little detail of the information he was about to receive. Levi didn't bother too much with guessing what was going on in that brilliant mind of his commander, but after about five years with the man he hadn't failed to notice certain habits and mechanisms.

"What, just like that?" Erwin inquired, only letting on a hint of surprise.

"Ha!" Levi laughed dryly. It had hardly happened "just like that" and inducting the commander into the particulars should be fun. He wasn't keen on it at all.

"You read my reports?" he asked Erwin as a peg.

"About the interrogation of Annie Leonhard and your surprising reluctance to use violence – yes, I have."

Levi shot him a sharp look. Was that bastard telling him he was going soft? Well, sooner or later something like that had to come, after he'd only reluctantly agreed to give Eren a beating during the trial. It had cost him some effort to come to terms with Erwin's strategy to get Eren for the Scouts. When he had joined the military he had thought he'd never have to randomly use violence against someone ever again. He was with the Scouting Legion after all and not with the Military Police.

And though it was up for debate how human a titan shifter could be considered to be, the ones they had encountered so far were still just kids in a way. Kids who'd seen a lot and could do horrible things for sure, but still they were kids. Hurting them left a bad taste in his mouth – even if it was Annie Leonhard who had squashed his entire squad and who knows how many others. He still had qualms when thinking about the last night – not that he would share that with anyone.

"And the ones about Eren?" he picked up the conversation.

"I've skimmed through those," Erwin admitted. "He showed a lot of interest in Annie Leonhard's condition, didn't he?"

Levi nodded curtly.

"Two nights ago he asked to see her. And I decided to comply with his request."

Erwin was silent, awaiting further details. So Levi summed the events up as best as he could, without leaving out important details. His tone was impassive, even as he went on about Annie's teasing words and his drastic reaction. All the while Erwin listened patiently and gave no indication of wanting to interrupt. However Levi himself broke off after describing the mutilation. He needed a moment to keep his composure.

"And that's when she said she would talk?" Erwin offered to help him over the sudden stop in his report.

Levi sighed. They'd seen too much of each other by now for him to care about letting his impassive mask slip a little. The man had already picked up on it anyway. Apart from Erwin no one knew that looking death in the eye brought forth Levi's sarcasm. Apart from Erwin no one had ever seen him after barely getting away with his life.

"No," he admitted. "Eren forced his way into her cell this morning and I don't know what happened in there but when he came out he told me she wanted to tell him everything."

Erwin stayed motionless. There was no way of telling what went through his head, what he thought of the information he had just received. As always he just catalogued it in that brilliant mind of his where he judged it, but never shared anything of it with others. And usually it didn't bother Levi, but now he wished the man would give up something of it.

"So, Eren – do you think he's up for it?"

Erwin decided to hear Levi's opinion first before sharing his own. Probably he held back his final judgment until he had learned enough to help him see it from as many angles as possible. That was how he always went about things. Levi on the other hand had already made his decision.

"He wouldn't be alone," the small man offered. "I would be with him the whole time, but the questioning would be left to him – those seem to be the conditions on which she will talk."

They shared an intense look in silence.

"You already agreed to let him do it." It was a simple statement. And as always Erwin's tone was objective. There was no telling what he thought of it.

"You left me in full charge of the interrogation," Levi reminded him. "And I hadn't expected you to show up here any time soon."

Of course Erwin didn't have to be told. He knew for himself and he hadn't criticised Levi's decision.

"It's a big risk," he noted however. "Eren's hot temper might be less favourable for us this time. If he loses control – and it's quite possible that he will, considering the circumstances – there's a high possibility we might not even get to some of the very essential parts of information."

Naturally it was something to be concerned with. Levi had considered it himself. But this might be their best, if not only shot.

"Didn't you yourself conclude after the last mission that we would have to take big risks to outmatch our enemy?" he reminded the commander.

Erwin nodded in agreement.

"It's true, we might never get a chance like this," he offered.

They let silence build up. Each of them considered their options once again. Levi didn't like spending so much thought on a decision. The more time he wasted thinking over something, the more his mind ruled out his intuition. And he liked to rely on his intuition. It usually led him to make good calls. On the battlefield when making decisions and giving orders had to happen in a matter of seconds – that was when his experience and his intuition worked best together.

Finally Erwin broke their quiet musings.

"Do you trust Eren?"

A dry laugh escaped Levi's lips.

"He's a hormonal fifteen-year-old that has fallen for the enemy – even if I wanted to, I wouldn't trust him with my life right now."

He didn't use the term "in love". He still wasn't entirely sure just how serious it was. Call it giving Eren the benefit of the doubt or something. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Because even though those feelings currently seemed to work in their favour – in the long run they'd spell big trouble, he could tell.

"But if we're talking about whether I trust Eren to pull through with the interrogation," he added, "then yes, yes I do. I think he's really serious about this. He really wants to know and that can work to our benefit."

Again Erwin nodded.

"I trust your judgement, Levi," he offered. "But we're going to see this through till the end."

There was a pause in which Levi could anticipate what would come next. And he made a good guess.

"If something goes wrong," Erwin continued in his formal tone, "if for some reason she stops talking before telling us all we need to know, we're not going to leave it at that."

Levi almost grimaced. He knew exactly what Erwin was implying and he didn't like it – especially not the idea that Eren would be present.

"You'll have to prepare Eren for the worst case scenario," the commander suggested. Well, actually it was more of an order.

With his left hand Levi pushed back his bangs. It was rare for him to do so. They were cut just short enough to not bother his vision much and he had gotten used to the tickling feel of them shifting over his forehead long ago. So the motion happened out of discomfort, to give himself a moment before replying.

"I'm sure he's going to be delighted by the thought of me mutilating his girlfriend again," he remarked sarcastically.

Erwin's eyebrows inched up only a little.

"He knows about that?"

"Yeah," Levi growled darkly, leaning back his head onto the cushion of the backrest.

"I'm surprised he didn't jump at my throat when I told him this morning. And actually I feel like I would've deserved it at least a little," he added in a quiet confession.

Erwin took an audible deep breath and shifted on his chair a little. Levi could hear the rustling of clothes and the creaking of the chair while he stared at the ceiling.

"Okay," he could make out the slight change in his tone as the commander spoke now, "what happened?"

Levi kept silent, as if he didn't know what Erwin meant. It would need more than that simple question to make him talk about it. Of course Erwin knew and he gave a sigh. This was the most open they had been with each other in a while. Usually they showed less emotion even in their private talks.

"If Eren didn't jump at your throat, then who did? Ever since I've arrived you've been throwing in these random sarcastic remarks – and you haven't acted like that since I nearly cut you up during one of our first encounters."

The smile Levi showed at the mention of that very incident was distorted. It only flashed over his face for a short moment and was hard to catch from Erwin's angle.

"I let my guard down," Levi admitted reluctantly. His tone was grim.

A pause occurred in which Erwin only blinked dully. Levi couldn't see it, but the man's silence was enough to cause a reaction. His head snapped back up and he gave Erwin a sideways glance to see if there was a hint of his thoughts on the straight face. Of course there wasn't.

"I stayed in the cell to wait for her limbs to regrow" – he avoided saying her name, but he didn't have to – "and she got me. I let my guard down and she got me."

Levi had raised his voice a little during that confession. His tone was defensive, angry. This was something he couldn't stay impassive about – at least not with Erwin who knew him so well by now. And it irked him to show so much emotion, but somehow he also didn't care.

The corners of Erwin's mouth twitched up into one of his rare smiles. When he spoke he sounded smooth and reassuring.

"But you're still here none the less."

Another dry laugh from Levi.

"Yeah, because I brought up Eren. And to my luck she seems to be at least half as smitten with him as he is with her."

"That's probably why she's going to talk,' Erwin concluded to which the dark-haired man just replied with an undefined "mh".

They let silence take over once more while Levi slipped back into the suit of his impassiveness. Then he got up calmly as if the last part of the previous exchange had never happened.

"I'm going to look for Eren and bring him the news," he said indifferently as ever.

"Good," the commander noted, rising to his feet as well. "I will pay our prisoner a short visit – making sure she won't mind that I join in tomorrow as well."

The captain left it without comment. It only suited him that the tall man would be present during the interrogation of Annie Leonhard the next day. That meant he wouldn't have to report everything before they could discuss how to proceed after regaining what hopefully would be valuable information to them.

Thus they parted, arranging for another meeting in the evening. They wanted to discuss some possible strategies for the next day, so they could act right away in the case that Annie would do what they were betting on and give away her accomplices. The suspected recruits were being kept busy with formation training, but they must be getting suspicious by now.

Levi headed towards the kitchen where Eren should be helping to wash up after lunch only to remember that he had given the boy off from his duties today. To his own luck he found him in a corridor before he could wonder where to look for him instead: Eren hung around aimlessly at one of the lined-up windows.

Crossing his arms Levi approached him.

"Trouble in paradise?" he noted in an almost bored tone.

The look Eren shot him was sharp, before the young scout realised who stood before him. Immediately his eyes darted away again to avoid the stare of his superior. The corner of Levi's mouth twitched a little as he leaned against the cold stone. Eren's behaviour was almost endearing.

"Go ahead, roll your eyes at me," Levi offered, causing the teen to give him a startled look.

Eren's eyes scanned his face intently as if he was looking for something. Levi wondered how the kid even put up with him. Especially today he was horrible to bear. So he decided to cut to the chase.

"I talked to Erwin and he agreed to let you handle the interrogation tomorrow," he let him know, "but we're going to both sit in on it."

Eren nodded in reply. Now came the hard part. Levi inhaled audibly.

"Listen, Eren, tomorrow it's all or nothing." His tone was quiet and emphatic. "So either she's going to tell us everything we want to know, or we're going to make her. You got that?"

Eren stared darkly. Levi hadn't expected anything else and it bugged him. The kid had gone through a lot already and he didn't want him to hurt more. For fucks sake, he'd developed a weak spot for Eren Jaeger and a weakness was the last thing he needed now.

But this was important, he couldn't go soft now – or at least he couldn't show it. He was a natural at coming off cold and impassive, he just had to play it up to being a heartless bastard.

"So, if your girlfriend doesn't behave-"

"She's not my girlfriend," Eren growled and Levi had to give him credit for talking back.

But of course he didn't let it on. He brushed over it, continuing the act.

" _If_ she doesn't behave," he repeated, "just know that neither will I."

Eren's eyes bored further into his. In another situation Levi might've secretly welcomed the boy's stubbornness showing towards him – it was a significant part of his personality after all and its lack in their interaction had bothered Levi a little, though it was a hard trait to deal with. But now it was most unwelcome as it made things more difficult than they already were.

It was so very telling though. It showed how deep in Eren already was and how far he was willing to go for Annie Leonhard. And that spelled the real trouble. Levi would have to deal with that soon or everything might just go to hell. But he had scheduled that for after the questioning rendezvous.

"What the heck is up with you, Captain?" the young scout asked, much to Levi's surprise.

The feeling stayed hidden behind his mask. He just blinked impassively, keeping his straight face.

"You don't act like yourself," Eren added.

Levi felt caught, but he was good at playing it off. Hiding the truth behind a joke worked very well to prevent people from fully grasping it, as he knew. He usually didn't use that strategy though.

"Maybe I'm in shock after your girlfriend nearly choked me to death last night," he offered mockingly, as if it was nothing, as if he wasn't presenting a more vulnerable side of himself.

This time Eren did not pick up on the "girlfriend" term.

"Was that before or after you cut off her limbs?" he asked challengingly.

Wow, that kid learned fast, Levi noted. This was almost beginning to entertain him. He allowed himself a dark chuckle.

"After."

The word hung between them as they just stared at each other.

"I won't let you hurt her again," Eren finally growled.

Levi raised an eyebrow. The kid had made yet another daring move against him. Though he secretly took forbidden delight in the fact, he also made a side note to sort the young scout out as soon as the interrogation was done the next day.

"Then make sure that I get no reason to do so." He'd leaned in a little to better aim his intense glare at his opposite's eyes. "Because if you get in my way I will cut you first."

The threat was clear in his dark tone.

"Think about it Eren," he added, back to his normal voice and previous posture. "You'll have to pick a side."

With that he turned around to let Eren brood on his words. As he walked away he remembered to call over his shoulder:

"Come to the entrance hall right after breakfast tomorrow. We're going to the dungeon together."

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	10. 09: Speaking from the Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've almost reached the interrogation, but this is important beforehand. Also Mikasa's POV because why the hell not. (Actually one of my readers on fanfiction.net had suggested it and it worked out really well.)

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**Chapter 9: Speaking from the Heart**

.: :.

Something about Eren was off. Ever since Armin had shared his theory on the Colossal Titan and the Armoured Titan being someone from their training squad Mikasa had noticed how Eren had become strangely silent and absentminded. It was unusual, she thought. She had expected his anger to boil up, but he had barely reacted. Instead he had mumbled something about asking Annie and then he had run off to help in the kitchen.

During lunch he had been just as quiet and normally it wouldn't have bothered Mikasa – because Eren wasn't regularly engaging in conversation – but in the context it just wasn't _right_. What the hell was going on? What had happened in the time they had been separated? Did it have something to do with Annie? Mikasa remembered how reluctant Eren had been to fight Annie in the Stohess District and how she had suspected that he had developed feelings for her. But he had looked genuinely shocked by her suggestion, so that couldn't be it, right?

_Mikasa made her way through the scurrying scouts to get through to Eren. The adrenaline from fighting Annie was still burning in her system and the cold sweat from discovering the huge living titan inside of Wall Sina made her clothes stick to her skin. But she didn't care about all that. Her focus was on Eren in the middle of all this chaos, standing there just staring into the distance._

_"Eren!" she called out._

_Finally she reached him and rested her hand on his shoulder._

_"Eren, are you alright?" she asked, voice more softly now._

_Snapping out of his trance Eren turned towards her, looking bewildered by her appearance._

_"Yeah, I just-" he mumbled confused. "I'm just exhausted."_

_Mikasa hadn't expected any less, fighting Annie in his titan form was bound to take a toll on him. But there was something else – something in his expression, his eyes – which she couldn't quite pinpoint. He just looked so_ crushed _as if he had been the one to fall from the wall._

_But there was another time for finding out what that was, she decided. She could ask him about it later. Now she had to take care of him first. His feet were already beginning to give in._

_Her right arm slid beneath his shoulders to support him. He did not protest, resting his left arm around her neck to steady himself further. The transformation and the fight sure had worn him out. He shouldn't even be on his feet in the first place._

_"It's alright," Mikasa whispered soothingly. "Everything's going to be fine."_

_She had no idea why she was saying that, but the words had effect on Eren. His tense body relaxed against her and the softening of his features as he closed his eyes was a relief. Exhaustion took him in a heartbeat. While his head leaned against hers, Mikasa motioned for someone to help her take care of him._

That damned Annie! Whatever had bugged Eren back then had something to do with her, Mikasa was sure. She just wished she had gotten the chance to ask him about it. But she was set on doing so now – as soon as she found Eren that was.

Right after finishing his meal Eren had run off to the kitchen again. And despite Armin's objection, Mikasa hadn't been able to stay put for long. She needed to talk to Eren. She needed to find out what was wrong. Armin had suggested leaving him alone for now and letting him open up on his own terms, but she couldn't. Carla had made her promise to look after Eren and that's what she intended to do. Because the problem with Eren and his stubbornness was that it usually was too late before he even thought of opening up.

However she had no idea where the kitchen was or if Eren even had gone there like he had claimed to do. So Mikasa had wandered the corridors for several minutes now in hope of finding him or at least someone who could give her a hint on where to look. But she had to admit her effort was pretty futile.

She was about to give up, when she took another turn and finally saw Eren. He leaned with is back against the wall between two windows. His eyes were closed and his expression was resigned. Never had she seen him so… _weak_ before. Yes, she had seen him cry, but his tears usually were accompanied by anger and his will to fight. But now he looked so tired and overwhelmed, not even his exhausted look after fighting Annie in the Stohess District compared to it. It was disquieting.

Mikasa paused. She didn't quite know how to approach him, let alone talk to him. It felt like she was looking at a stranger. This wasn't the Eren she knew, the Eren she grew up with, the Eren that had fuelled her will to fight, the Eren that had saved her life. Because the Eren she knew never gave up, he never backed down. The Eren she knew didn't forfeit when pushed to the ground, he always picked himself up right away, pushing himself further.

Taking up all her courage with a deep breath she walked over to Eren and positioned herself at the wall beside him. He showed no sign of noticing her presence.

"Hey," she tried softly.

It was a careful approach. She didn't want to rush into things straight away. First she had to see how he'd react to her appearance. Eren could be hard to reason with and she had no feel for how difficult talking to him would be now.

Eren opened his eyes. He registered her only with a short side-glance before looking straight ahead.

"Hey," he sighed in response.

He even sounded tired! It was like another punch into her gut where the sight of Eren just had hit her moments before. Mikasa crossed her arms before her chest, focussing on the movement to keep herself busy. Her eyes met the opposite wall a few inches away from where his gaze aimed. Thus they leaned side by side against the cold stone.

"What's the matter with you, Eren?" she tried after a moment.

His reply was a faint moan. He really didn't want to talk about this, she understood that, but it also confirmed her assumption: Something was going on and she was determined to get to its core. She couldn't back down now.

"Were you avoiding me?"

In her mind it wasn't a question. She knew it as a matter of fact. But she had decided to tread carefully and it was important she chose her words and phrases with good thought. Anything that could be taken as an accusation had to be avoided.

Eren gave a sigh and tried for an answer.

"Mikasa, I-"

She didn't want to hear it if it was a half-hearted attempt of an explanation. Her voice firmer she cut him off with her next question.

"Does it have something to do with Annie?"

As Mikasa looked sideways she found him staring at her. A mixture of surprise and shock was in his eyes and his mouth gaped open in a reply he couldn't form.

Her stomach tightened. She had gone there and now there was no taking it back. If he got mad at her now, she might never get another chance to discuss this with him. So she remained stoical and hoped for the best as she bore into his eyes with her own.

Eren broke away and let his gaze aimlessly wander over the stones ahead of them. Still so resigned, Mikasa thought and she honestly couldn't decide what to think of it. It was beneficial for her, because it improved her chances to see their talk through without him cutting her off. But it was so unlike him not to talk back to her and it set her even more on edge.

"I know you don't like her…," he began, but his voice trailed off.

They both didn't really know how to discuss this. But they knew that they had to talk about it now that it was on the table. Mikasa tried to stay diplomatic for as long as she could.

"Do _you_ like her?" she inquired silently.

They had resumed to looking at the wall ahead of them. It seemed better like this, the words came easier.

"Yes," Eren finally whispered.

It stung to have her suspicions confirmed. Mikasa inhaled deeply while she considered how to proceed now. A part of her wanted to smack him in the hope that he would return to his senses. But she knew that wouldn't do the job. She had to use words and she had to use them carefully to remind him of what Annie was, of what she'd done.

"Eren," she paused, making her final decision on what to say now. "She's the enemy."

"I know," he growled weakly.

"She killed people in cold blood..."

"I know!" His voice was firmer now, angrier. "I know what she did. And I know I should forget about her, but I can't."

He hesitated before continuing and she knew that what was about to follow was nothing good.

"I don't want to," Eren admitted more softly.

Mikasa closed her eyes. She actually had to force back the pool of tears that threatened to well up. She didn't want to hear this. She _wasn't ready_ to hear this. She had engaged this conversation without really considering what she might learn and now she just wanted Eren to shut up. But he had started to open up and his mouth didn't run dry of words. They kept coming, rushing over her and suffocating her with their meaning.

"We kissed," he whispered. "And it felt so _good_. I thought I'd never want to do anything else again. I didn't want to _think_ of anything else."

Her eyes became wetter behind her closed lids, but her throat felt dryer with every word he said. She swallowed hard, but it made the lump building in her throat just tense up painfully. And then he said the words that hurt the most.

"I love her."

It was just a whisper but it hit Mikasa right in the chest. She felt like she couldn't breathe because everything in there was being compressed: her lungs, her heart. Her fists clenched around nothing, but she needed the feeling of holding on to something. She didn't know what else to do.

"I know I shouldn't," Eren continued, taking advantage of her speechlessness. "I know I should pick a side – actually there shouldn't even be a question about what side I'm on, because things should be simple. But they aren't. I hate the titans, I hate those that breached the walls, but I also love Annie and I'm hoping… Even though I know it's impossible, I'm hoping that there's a way I can be with her."

His voice had tensed more with every sentence. Mikasa could hear the emotions vibrate in it: desperation, anger, bitterness. She was sure that wasn't how you were supposed to talk about love. But then she had also thought that you couldn't love someone who treated and killed people like they were insects – that Eren couldn't love someone like Annie.

The silence embracing them was suffocating. Eren had shared all he had wanted to say and even more than enough, if you asked Mikasa. She stayed immobile, fists clenched, finding support from the cold stone pressing against her back. The threat of tears breaking from behind her closed lids had dwindled, but she did not dare to open her eyes. She only focussed on breathing.

"Please, say something," Eren finally begged, his voice weak and a little strained.

"What do you want me to say?" she inquired, her eyes blinking open. Somehow she managed to sound neutral, keeping her tone even lower than his.

Her gaze remained on the wall ahead. She heard him sigh beside her.

"I don't know," he admitted in defeat.

There was less tension in the air as silence stretched out between them once more. Mikasa welcomed it. She needed time to think, figure out how to proceed from now on. Though she had suspected it the shock from Eren's revelation still sat in her gut. She couldn't help but feel that her idiot foster brother had lost his mind somewhere along the way and it was now on her to help him get it back. But how did she implement that if he probably would claim to be perfectly sane?

She didn't like to think of Eren like that. It meant treating him like a child despite them being the same age. But this was worse than anything Eren had ever gotten himself into. Five years ago when he had been set on joining the Scouting Legion to see the outside world was nothing compared to this.

Back then she had wanted to talk him out of it, but he hadn't listened and she hadn't been good with words anyway. So she had told his parents about it. She had known that it wasn't a nice move, because Eren had entrusted his plans with her like a secret, but it had been the only option she'd been able to think of.

Ever since Eren had saved her life she had been set on keeping him out of harm's way. That had proved to be really difficult, because he was a hothead who rushed into things with no consideration of getting hurt. So she had seen it as her duty to have his back and pick him up whenever he got smashed down.

And now it was just them. Carla had been killed and Grisha had disappeared. Apart from Armin and Eren, there was no one left for her. Mikasa would be damned if she let anything happen to them. She wouldn't sit back and watch Eren get hurt in a messy love affair with Annie – because that only could end in tears and blood!

"Are you mad at me?"

The soft whisper of Eren's voice drew her back from her thoughts. Mikasa sighed barely audible.

"I'm not mad," she then stated truthfully.

Taking a moment she considered how to phrase her words.

"I just don't think I can understand," she finally added.

Eren gave a short and dry laugh.

"Believe me – I don't quite understand it myself."

Mikasa clenched her jaw. She wished Armin was here. He was good with words. He could reason with Eren, make him see how there would come nothing good from this. And he could make sure that Eren listened and actually understood.

"Remember when you swore to kill all titans?" she remarked half-heartedly.

"Remember when I _turned_ into a titan?"

Eren sounded almost amused. But his tone was clearly serious as he continued.

"That's what I meant: Things aren't simple as that. No matter how much we want to be able to distinguish between right and wrong, the lines are blurred which makes it hard to tell one from the other. I've come to understand that now."

"Are you telling me that I'm mistaken in thinking that it's wrong?" Mikasa wanted to know. The bitterness she felt only barely touched her voice.

"How can it be wrong to love someone?" Eren asked softly in return.

If it was even possible, Mikasa clenched her fists harder than before. She was really fighting the urge to punch him now. It was just so frustrating, because everything in her head screamed at her that it was wrong. Common sense told her that it was wrong. Why couldn't Eren see that?

"How _can_ you love someone like that though?" she burst out, losing the composure she had fought so hard to keep. "I don't get it!" Her voice became weaker. "I really don't get it."

That was all she managed before she was spent. The confusion and frustration she felt in this situation was just so numbing.

Despite her harsh words, Eren remained surprisingly calm. He seemed to choose his words carefully as he spoke, almost like a diplomat. It made Mikasa wonder when he had learned that.

"If someone asked you why you cared for me and stuck with me despite being an unreliable titan shifter that is always in danger of losing control and actually almost hurt you when I did last time-"

"You're not _that_ unreliable," she interrupted him.

She didn't want to hear the point he was trying to make. She didn't want him to compare her feelings for him with his feelings for Annie. Those were completely different circumstances. Those were completely different things.

" _If_ someone asked you that," Eren continued, "what would you say?"

Finally Mikasa turned to face him and found him already looking at her intently. She stared back into his calm, green eyes, but when she spoke she looked away again.

"You saved my life."

It was a stubborn reply, she knew that. And there was far more to be said than that, but she didn't want to go into detail. Not now, not while they were having _this_ conversation.

"That's it?" Eren asked, but he didn't sound offended like his words might imply. "You see, technically speaking you probably did more than enough to repay me for that, so there's no need for you to hold on."

"Are you saying I should stop caring about you?" she asked bitterly.

It hurt to think that he would suggest that. He had always shoved away her helping hand and resisted when she had shown her care for him, but never had he told her off like this.

"No, that's not what I mean," Eren objected quietly. "What I'm trying to say is that these things are not rational and often hard to explain."

His hand found hers and he entangled their fingers. The pressure as he squeezed slightly was comforting and the words he spoke next were reassuring.

"You're my family, Mikasa," he whispered, "my _only_ family."

Mikasa shut her eyes with a deep breath. The tension in her limbs eased up. Without thinking about being rejected she turned over and leaned into him. She let go of his hand only to wrap both her arms around his back as she rested her head on his shoulder. Eren mirrored her and pulled her in close. They had never hugged like this, but it felt good for once not to be pushed away by him. Mikasa held onto him for dear life, scared that he could slip away from her.

Eren's mouth was close to her ear. She could hear him breathe into her hair as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"You can't save me from this." His voice was a soft whisper. "I don't want to be saved."

That was too much for her. Mikasa buried her face into his neck and started to sob. As desperation rocked her body, Eren's hands rubbed her back soothingly. Even with the motion he closely held her to his chest and she gripped his shirt tightly, because holding on to him didn't seem enough.

The kiss he placed on the brim of her ear was subtle. She didn't know when Eren had even started to consider showing this kind of affection to others, but right now she was too upset to wonder about it. The gesture was accompanied by two words that first weighed heavy on her heart, but then strangely eased the pain.

"I'm sorry."

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	11. 10: The Ugly Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is: Eren interrogates Annie. That should give some insight. (Side note: I wrote this before chapter 51 of the manga came out, so can I just say: I called it!)
> 
> Next thing I'll do is publishing my side-story project A Sight Beyond. It will consist of random one-shots that will give some further insight on some characters and some events in the universe for An Unbearable Sight.
> 
> This story will continue of course. Two more chapters and we're up to date here. New chapters usually come out once a weekend, though I cannot make any guarantees. Just a headsup for later.

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**Chapter 10: The Ugly Truth**

.: :.

"Eat!"

Since their conversation the previous day Mikasa seemed more persistent than ever in her care for Eren. Her voice was commanding and her eyes told him that she would feed him with her own hands if he didn't obey.

Eren let her do it without complaint. He had given her quite a shock when telling her about his feelings for Annie and though she had come to accept that there was nothing she could do in that matter, she seemed to be set on looking after him in every possible way she still could. Most likely it was a way of compensation, because he had made it clear that she couldn't save him from his feelings for Annie and whatever they might result in.

So Eren obeyed and took another bite of bread though he really wasn't in the mood for eating. His stomach felt like it was twisted and not particularly happy to be fed – most likely a result of his nerves being on edge.

Today was the day: the moment of truth.

Eren really didn't want to waste time with breakfast. He just wanted to get down into the dungeons and talk to Annie. The prospect of learning everything – where she had come from and what she had come for – had kept him up most of the night in tense anticipation.

Mikasa knew what lay ahead and so did Armin and Jean. The previous afternoon Eren had taken up his courage and told them about Annie's interrogation he was allowed to lead today. After his honest talk with Mikasa it seemed a lot easier to do.

He also had told them of what Levi had said. They had avoided the matter of how much Eren cared for Annie – Armin had been decent enough not to ask and surprisingly the same applied for Jean. Mikasa had already agreed beforehand not to press the matter much – especially not in the presence of others. It was bad enough that Levi and now even Erwin knew of it, Eren really didn't want it to be spread any further.

So the four of them had discussed how Eren should proceed best. Well, Armin and Jean had with Mikasa occasionally throwing in a comment. Eren had let them confer and only joined the conversation when being asked something.

Armin had suggested to let Annie just start talking. She had offered to give up the information after all, so it would be best to let her share what she was definitely willing to give up and only follow up with a question to lead her narration into the right direction when necessary. Jean had listed things Eren should definitely ask her, because they were of crucial significance. Thus they concluded Annie should give all the needed information without having to be tortured.

"Just, don't be an ass!" Jean had suggested. "If you piss her off that will hardly help her talking."

Eren had growled that he knew that and he'd be just fine. But if he was honest that was something he worried about. One harmonious moment spent with Annie didn't mean he was on the save side. Conflict could still come up easily. They had always clashed together with their bodies and their words. Annie hadn't needed Eren to hold back so he hadn't even tried. That hadn't always been the best way to get what he wanted – though in their training time Eren hadn't wanted anything particular from her. He just had sucked up anything Annie had taught him as best as he could.

The interrogation was something entirely different. After almost a month of standstill the Scouting Legion would be able to make their next move – if they gained the necessary information that is. Eren couldn't fuck this up! He had to be diplomatic, stay in control of his emotions, no matter what Annie might throw at him. And that was something he was still in the process of learning.

Somehow Eren managed to force down his breakfast under Mikasa's watchful eyes. He parted in silence from her, Armin and Jean, grimacing as Jean called "We're counting on you, Eren!" after him. As if the task ahead didn't weigh heavily enough on his shoulders.

When he reached the entrance hall his superiors already awaited him. Eren didn't remember seeing either of them since the previous day, not even during the meals. Most likely they had stayed in Levi's office to talk without interruption. Eren didn't even want to know what they had discussed about him or his relationship to Annie.

Erwin offered a curt nod as the young scout came towards him while Levi didn't even acknowledge Eren's presence. The captain seemed so bored by what happened in front of him that a stone wall was enough to catch his attention.

"Are you ready?" Erwin asked which Eren confirmed with a nod.

By now his heart was beating significantly faster than was normal and he could only hope that it wasn't written all over his face. Never in his life had he been so nervous about something. But maybe that was because he had never given something so much thought before.

Erwin indicated the staircase to the dungeon by which he stood. "After you."

Swallowing hard, Eren took the lead down the stone steps and towards Annie's cell. By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs his mind was blank. So much for proceeding as planned – he couldn't recall anything from what Armin or Jean had said.

When they arrived in front of Annie's cell door Eren wished he had ignored Mikasa's stern look and skipped breakfast. Even the thought of speaking was troublesome, because he was sure as soon as he'd open his mouth the contents of his stomach would erupt from it. He swallowed and clenched his hands to fists to stop them from shaking as one of today's guards turned the key in the lock.

The door was pulled open and Eren summoned all his determination with a deep breath. He straightened his posture, shouldering the invisible weight of the task he had to fulfil now. Then he firmly walked into the cell.

Everything was set: In the middle of the room stood two chairs facing the bed. Eren noticed another chair propped against the wall out of the left corner of his eye. Annie sat on the mattress currently eating a piece of bread – or maybe just picking it apart, it wasn't entirely clear. The chains dangled from her wrists once again and occasionally rustled with the movements of her hands.

Like usually, she didn't react to the sound of footsteps right away. Only after playing with the piece of bread in her hands a little longer she gave her visitors her attention. Her eyes came up slowly, her pupils stopping right at the brim of her eyelids as she met Eren's gaze. The look they shared was different from any they ever exchanged before.

Eren tried to figure out Annie's expression. Her eyes weren't piercing him with a sharp glare, but something meaningful lay in them – a meaning that was beyond him. He held her gaze with a graveness that he hoped would deliver that he very well understood the importance of what was about to follow.

Finally Annie broke their eye contact and dropped the piece of bread onto the plate resting beside her bent legs before shoving the plate aside. She did so with slow movements, taking her time as if to indicate that the situation held no meaning for her. However, her gaze before had said otherwise.

Eren took the opportunity to chance a look behind him where his superiors stood before the recently shut door. The commander gave him a reassuring nod and walked to the chair by the wall where he sat down. Meanwhile the captain just strode to the right and halted by the wall, assuming his usual posture against the cold stone.

One of the two chairs in the middle of the room was probably set up for him, so he could be right by his subordinate's side and give him support if necessary, but he seemed to have no intention of taking it. Eren could guess why Levi had chosen his spot on the wall: it allowed him to keep an eye on all the important spots in the room, from Erwin's location over Eren's seat to Annie's bed. Like this he could look at all the faces of the three people that were in a cell with him.

So Eren took his spot on one of the two chairs alone. He felt strangely isolated in the middle of the small space with the others scattered around him. But he faced Annie directly and that was the thing that mattered. He would be leading the interrogation, he recalled, she would talk to him. The other two were just bystanders – and he hoped it would stay like that.

While Eren tried to find a comfortable and appropriate sitting position – first leaning against the backrest, then readjusting by leaning forward and ruffling his hair, because his hands were itching to do something – Annie crossed her legs, maintaining her position in the middle of the mattress. Her blue eyes were watching him carefully all the time.

Resting his arms on his knees, Eren finally stopped shifting. The leaning in seemed appropriate for the talk he was about to have with Annie. He had decided to ignore the two other men and just focus on her, initiate a conversation with her and see where it would go. Armin had suggested something like that, hadn't he?

"So," Eren fixed her with his eyes, "tell me everything."

His voice was low and calm. The limbs in his body were tense in anticipation. He ignored Levi's staring eyes though he could clearly feel them trained on him.

"Where do you want me to start?" Annie's whisper matched his tone.

He didn't have to give it much of a thought.

"How about you tell me where you're from first?"

"The very beginning, I see."

She gave a faint smile, apparently pleased with his choice. It was too weak to lighten up her eyes, but there was definitely softness in the blue of her irises. She hid it behind her eyelids as she inhaled deeply, preparing herself for her tale.

"My village lies far beyond Wall Maria in the mountains," Annie began, meeting Eren's gaze again. "It's high up, where the titans can't reach it. My tribe is settled there ever since mankind found refuge inside the walls."

She paused and her eyes trailed off as she seemed to consider how to go on. But Eren could feel the first traces of excitement spark deep in his entrails.

"That tribe of yours," he asked, "are they all titan shifters?"

Annie nodded. "That's right."

Now he had to decide: should he first ask about the origin of the titan shifters and thus maybe get an understanding of who they were, or should he ask for why they had attacked mankind after apparently living peacefully right outside the walls for a hundred years? Eren wasn't really sure he was ready to hear about the latter yet. But he also was aware that he didn't have all day and that was the part he definitely had to cover before his superiors got impatient.

"Why are you here then – after a hundred years not bothering with," he found himself struggling with drawing the line so clearly – he didn't want to separate himself from Annie – yet still he used the word, " _us_ , why have you come here now?"

It wasn't directly asking about the attack on the walls, but she would have to give her reasoning. At least if she hadn't changed her mind about telling him everything.

Annie took another moment before replying. This seemed to have become the set pace of the conversation and Eren actually welcomed it. Though the slow progress of uncovering the information left his body tense and on edge, he was otherwise calm. There was no boiling anger setting fire to his entrails that would endanger him of losing his composure and fucking up the interrogation.

"You see," Annie said, "this is where it gets complicated."

"How so?" Eren prompted, feeling the tension rise. He clenched his hands to fists and relaxed them right away to work some of it off.

Annie's eyes shifted again. Her gaze wandered over the walls as if she was trying to pick up the words she could use from there.

"There's some history to it," she stated vaguely, letting her blue orbs find the green of his once more.

"Tell me then," Eren prompted.

Now she closed her eyes, rummaging in the corners of her mind for what to tell him.

"I only know the short version of it," she started, keeping her lids shut. "About humans living in different unions called "countries" and constantly being at war with each other."

Though she couldn't see him, Eren nodded. These stories – though almost forgotten – were also still occasionally told inside the walls and he had heard them a few times.

"Some of them dreamed of overcoming all those disputes and uniting all of mankind."

Annie gave a short, quizzical laugh at the thought and Eren couldn't hold that against her. In his fifteen years of living in this world he had seen his share of human behaviour. Living together in perfect harmony seemed something mankind was incapable of ever achieving.

"A group of people – we only call them The Founders – took it upon themselves to work for that silly dream. They thought that if all of mankind had one enemy those fools would unite through fighting together instead of fighting each other."

That concept, too, Eren had heard before. He had called it naïve himself when Commander Pixis had brought it up back in Trost. But he did not say so now. He didn't want to interrupt Annie's narration.

"They were willing to make great sacrifices for that."

Annie's lips twisted up in a malicious smile. Somehow this part of the story seemed to greatly amuse her. Her eyes flew open again and she fixed Eren with a testing glare. It reminded him of the one she had given him the previous day when calling the scouts mere sacrifices. He prepared himself for what came next.

"They created the titans."

A pause followed in which she studied his reaction, but Eren was ready, expecting the worst.

"After a lot of researching and a long row of tests they managed to turn humans into humongous, mindless beasts with an animalistic instinct that draws them towards humans and makes them want to devour them alive."

Eren clenched his fists to suppress the disgust and anger taking hold of him. The glint in Annie's eyes told him that there was yet worse to come.

"They're out there, humans rotting away in their huge vessels they cannot control. I heard that if enough of your body is left after encountering the fluid in their stomach you turn into a titan as well. Think about it, people you may have known – may have called family or friends – might be out there, walking around as brainless, stupid titans!"

She laughed in delight. It was horrible and disgusting and it brought her delight. Eren clenched his jaw. He understood now for sure that Annie didn't identify or sympathise with humans. She was not like them, she was something different – she was a titan shifter. But that left him to wonder where he was in all this. He considered himself human. He had grown up inside the walls, that was – to his own regret – all he had ever known of the world. Yet technically he was a titan shifter.

"But don't feel bad about killing them." A sneer was still playing with Annie's lips. "They're beyond saving, probably just an empty shell, a lump of meat that over time is fusing more and more with the titan body. Cutting them out would probably be pointless."

The thought of it made Eren sick. He didn't want to dwell on it.

"So, they created titans – what happened then?" he offered to get Annie back on track.

"They set them free of course," she stated. "Have them terrorise humans all over the world and drive them into the walls – or what those that were left of them."

"Wait," Eren intersected, "I thought the titans were mindless. How could they – those Founders have been sure that enough humans would make it to the walls?"

"Our ancestors – the first titan shifters – gained their abilities in the same labs. They were trained in controlling their titan form and coordinated the attacks to some extent, making sure that enough humans made it to the walls."

Eren's head was getting dizzy from all this new information. It was disturbing how Annie told it like she was actually sharing a funny story when in fact she was summing up the history of horrible events that really had happened. But his thoughts got caught up on one thing, helping him to focus.

"The walls – how did they build them? Why is there a huge titan inside of Wall Sina where we caught you in the Stohess District? Are the whole walls filled with titans like that?"

Annie shrugged. "I don't really know. Are there titans inside the wall?"

It was believable that she'd had no idea about that, so Eren didn't push it.

"What happened then?" he asked instead. "The humans barricaded themselves inside the walls and the titan shifters built their village in the mountains and that's it?"

In confirmation Annie gave a nod. But something was still not adding up. Eren narrowed his eyes sceptically.

"What about the scouts?" he questioned. "You called them sacrifices. How do they fit into all this?"

She let her gaze rest on him once more before answering.

"As a friendly reminder that the titans still exist and are to be feared." Her face and voice were serious now. Maybe she didn't want to test Eren more. Or she just had gotten enough fun out of the fact already.

"The descendants of The Founders are probably in the highest positions inside the walls and passed the stories down in their families just like we passed them on in ours," Annie offered. "They don't intend for humanity to ever leave the walls again. And therefore they need to somehow keep the fear within the people to prevent them from wanting to venture outside. So they send out the scouts disguised as an attempt to regain territory for mankind. But every time the scouts return – battered and bruised, their numbers decreased – they serve as a reminder of the horror."

Eren shook his head.

"That's not how it's supposed to be," he mumbled, too shocked to feel anger about these horrible claims.

Again Annie just shrugged.

"That's the way it seems to be working," was all she offered.

Rubbing his eyes, Eren took a moment to refocus. He wasn't even halfway done with processing all this information, but he didn't have that as his priority right now. Possibly it was better this way, or he might lose it right here right now.

"So, what is your purpose now?" he got back to his original question that had brought forth this horrible history.

This time Annie hesitated. The break before her answer was longer than in the conversation so far.

"I'm looking for The Coordinate," she finally stated.

"What coordinate?" Eren was puzzled.

"The serum – or the formula of the serum that can turn humans into titan shifters."

He blinked, confused by her words.

"Why would you need that?"

Annie sighed, closing her eyes in the process.

"My people are endangered. More and more of them can no longer master their titan form. Upon turning they become the same vile, mindless creatures that we so successfully avoided for all those years."

Now the anger broke through the numbing bafflement and surged up in him.

"And that's why you break through the walls, causing the deaths of countless humans?!" Eren shot at her, not caring about keeping his composure.

Her eyes narrowed and sparkled dangerously. He knew that look, now she was mad, too.

"We asked for help," Annie hissed. "The formula was all we asked for, but they refused. I watched my mother lose her mind and devour several people before my father struck her down. My _own_ mother, Eren, killed before my eyes!"

A shiver went down his spine at the emphasis in her voice. He knew that feeling of having to watch your mother being killed. And he didn't wish it on anyone. But still, it didn't justify the breach of Wall Maria and the endless nightmare it had brought upon people.

"A third of humanity!" Eren reminded her.

"Well, I don't care!" she shot back immediately. "I don't care about mankind! When has mankind ever cared about us?! And don't tell me they didn't know, because there are people who know and they refused to help us the one time we approached them! I'm not going to watch anything like this happen to my people again!"

Eren was on his feet without even realising his brain had ordered his limbs to move, but he caught himself just before mindlessly lashing at her. Instead he turned around and let out his feelings on one of the chairs. The wood crashed loudly to the ground from his forceful kick. With clenched fists he stayed with his back to Annie. He only barely registered the shapes of Erwin and Levi in the room.

"And what about me?" he finally pressed between his teeth. "Am I supposed to watch my friends and comrades being eaten?"

Annie offered no reply and as he turned back towards her, she had turned her head sidewards. The bangs of her blond hair shielded most of her face from his view, so he couldn't tell if she actually didn't care, or if she just pretended not to.

He focused on breathing: inhaling, exhaling, inhaling and exhaling – over and over again. When he had calmed down to some degree, he let himself sink onto the still standing chair. As he managed to refocus his mind, another thought came to him.

"Me," he suddenly brought up. "Why did you come for me then?"

Through the strands of blond he could see blue dots flicker in his direction for a moment.

"Because you're a first generation," Annie stated curtly.

"A first generation?" Eren had difficulties to follow up. "What does that mean?"

"A first generation titan shifter," she clarified, facing him again. "You didn't inherit your abilities like my people you received them directly through an injection just as our ancestors a hundred years ago. You're pure."

"Pure?" he echoed, trying to wrap his head around that word and how it connected to him.

"Yes," she followed up. "Your blood contains the full formula that was used for the serum, which means you're the prototype. I'm not saying your abilities are flawless, but neither were the ones of our ancestors who received their titan shifter powers in a lab. The important thing is that you shouldn't have the degeneration that causes my people to lose control and never return to their usual selves again."

Eren nodded while he processed her words.

"Yup," he confirmed aloud what he had suspected right away, "I still don't get it."

Obviously Annie couldn't hold back her annoyance now, because she rolled her eyes.

"Which part don't you get?" she inquired.

"How I can help you with your degeneration problem or however you want to call it."

"We just need your blood, Eren. If we had that, we wouldn't need the formula for the serum to find a cure, we could work with the serum in your blood."

"Wait – you want to experiment on me?" Eren wasn't very fond of the idea.

Annie sighed, apparently losing her patience with him.

"It's just a little blood you wouldn't even miss," she countered. "I'm sure you can afford giving up something of that."

"I don't see why I would do something like that for people who basically hold responsibility for the death of countless humans," he replied bitterly, the thought of his mother's body being snapped in two by gigantic teeth entering his mind.

In the proximate silence Annie simply looked at him. He tried but failed to read her expression. It was devoid of emotions and her eyes didn't give anything away either. She was just watching him while dwelling on some thought.

"Never mind," she finally concluded. "It's not like it mattered now anyway."

Her gaze strayed again and he found himself wondering how she felt about it. Her voice had been clad in that usual boredom, but something else had mixed into it: resignation?

He rubbed his eyes. Completely uncovering the enigma that was Annie Leonhard would have to wait for now. He needed to focus on the interrogation and fish for information that could be useful to the Scouting Legion. He knew there was something he was still missing. What was it again?

Of course, it shot through his mind, as he remembered all of a sudden: one question he definitely had to ask.

He fixed Annie with his eyes, determined to get an answer to this one and if it was the last thing he did in this interrogation.

"The Colossal and the Armoured Titan" – she snapped her head back to face him again – "who are they?" He thought of what Armin had told him the day before. "They were in our training squad, too, weren't they?"

Annie narrowed her eyebrows, giving a long, testing stare. Internally Eren hoped that he wouldn't recognise the names at first, meaning that he hadn't interacted much with whomever the traitors were. Annie was one thing, but another friend having stained their hands with the blood of humans was more than he could handle.

Her eyes still held his caught as she finally spoke again.

"Berthold and Reiner."

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	12. 11: In all Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we get to business, I wanted to let you know that the first chapter of [A Sight Beyond](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1045697) came out, which is basically going to be a collection of one-shots that tie in with this story here. It's my way of exploring additional scenarios and characters without getting sidetracked from the main plot of this story. So yes, you totally should check it out.
> 
> As for this chapter: I think Eren and Levi are my BroTP in this story. (If you're wondering what they're outside of this story: They're 2/3 of my OT3 as I ship Annie/Eren/Levi, basically. Goddamn being a multi-shipper. Goddamn shipping teenagers with a grown-up man about twice their age.)

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**Chapter 11: In all Honesty**

.: :.

"No fucking way!"

Eren knocked back the chair in the process of jumping to his feet. Fury rose up and tore at his insides. This was too much! This couldn't be true! Berthold and Reiner being the Colossal and the Armoured Titan? She must've been mocking him!

But Annie looked at him and he knew that she had been entirely serious.

"Those fucking traitors!"

Rendered mindless by rage he stepped forward, but he didn't get very far before his collar was being yanked back, cutting roughly into his throat. Eren brought up his hands to pry the fingers from his shirt, but no matter how hard he dug at them, their grip did not loosen. Instead he was the one who had to give in, stumbling backwards from the pull. Cursing under his breath and still trying to escape the firm hand on his collar, he found himself forcefully guided out of the cell. His back collided painfully with cold stone as he was thrown with full force against the wall in the hallway. The impact had him gasp for air.

"Calm down."

Levi leaned in close, one hand pressed against the wall next to Eren's shoulder, the other on his chest, holding him in place. The young scout was panting in protest, still burning with anger, eyes wildly shifting over the wall that now separated them from Annie.

"Calm. The fuck. Down!" the captain repeated.

The emphasis in his voice caught Eren's attention and the young scout finally fixed his erratic eyes on his superior. The focusing helped settling his nerves. He began adjusting his breathing bit by bit, he began _thinking_ again. All the while Levi's eyes pinned him down, taking in every little change in the teen's expression and mood.

"Better?" the man asked as the heaving of Eren's chest was almost back to normal.

The young scout nodded in confirmation, his vision sharpening again. His gaze wandered away from Levi's face, but this time he actually took in what his eyes registered. The two scouts guarding the door stood still with impassive faces. Eyes looking straight ahead, they made an effort not to pay attention to what was happening right in front of them.

Erwin hadn't come out of the cell with the captain and him. Remembering Levi's words from the day before, Eren swallowed hard. What was the commander still doing in there? He couldn't be…? Hadn't they gained enough information? What more could he want to know?

Eren's stomach clenched painfully. He had fucked up, hadn't he? He had totally lost it just now and Annie would be paying the price. Leaning his head back against the wall he stared up at the ceiling. His eyes were suspiciously wet. For all that was dear, he would never be able to forgive himself!

"You did well."

Levi's hands were gone. He apparently had decided that it was safe to let go of Eren and the teen wouldn't rush off to do something stupid again.

Eren clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. If the captain gave him some shit like it being unavoidable to harm Annie, he swore, he would fucking punch him! He didn't even care about consequences he would smash his fist into the captain's face.

Whatever Levi wanted to say – if he had something to add at all – was cut off by the sound of the door handle being pushed down. Eren's head snapped away from the wall and he fixed his eyes on the spot ahead of him to see Commander Erwin emerge from Annie's cell.

He looked calm as always. His stern face implied that he was thinking only of duty. There was no telling what he'd done behind the wooden door until now.

Eren caught Erwin chancing a glance at Levi. The two men exchanged a curt nod and then the commander turned and walked away. The eyes of the young scout silently followed him until he took the turn out of the corridor.

Eren really wished someone would tell him what was happening, because he wasn't sure at all. What silent agreement had his two superiors come to? What about Annie? Was she alright? And what would happen to her now that she had talked?

The captain showed no intention of filling him in, so Eren decided he had to ask.

"What's going to happen now?" he inquired as he turned to Levi whose face had adapted a strangely dark and stern look.

The usually impassive expression of the man was perturbed by narrowed eyebrows that cast dark shadows around his eyes in the dim torchlight. It hinted at the grim thoughts that probably were rummaging behind his forehead now.

When he faced Eren, his features relaxed a little. But the dark aura still weighed heavy on him.

"There'll be an order to capture Reiner and Berthold. Preparations have been made already yesterday."

Eren nodded to show he understood. The mention of his two comrades – former comrades – from the 104th training squad still raked at his insides. Learning about Annie had been one thing. But to know that the figures that symbolised the fall of Wall Maria and the destruction of his home – the horrible death of his mother – were actually Reiner and Berthold felt like the worst treason Eren had ever experienced. This was so more personal than Annie killing Levi's squad and though Eren now knew their motivations and understood the urgency and their need, the way they had gone about it enraged him immensely.

But he swallowed down the anger and pain as best as he could. For the moment he had other priorities.

"What about Annie?"

Levi eyed him carefully, before answering.

"Nothing for now. She gave us information we can work with. We have no business with her for the time being."

"Yes, but is she alright?"

Eren didn't care if this earned him a sarcastic remark from the captain, he just had to know. Baring Levi's piercing eyes was something he could manage by now and was willing to put up with. And he got stared down, but that was fine by him as long as it got him an answer.

"Come on, Eren," the captain said after a bit and started to walk. But Eren wasn't going to budge so easily.

"Not until you give me an answer."

Levi stopped and turned back to him. His narrowed eyebrows made the look in his eyes seem even sharper, more intimidating. He gave a short side-glance to the two scouts guarding Annie's cell who – Eren noted has his eyes briefly followed Levi's – where standing like two statues on either side of the door.

When their eyes met again, Levi had still the same urging look in them. Eren had the feeling that this meant he would be well advised to just come along without protest. But he couldn't figure out why he was supposed to do so. And if he wasn't clear to show now that he stuck to what he'd claimed – that he'd stick up for Annie – then how could he be taken seriously. So he remained stubborn.

"Yes," the captain insisted, "yes, you will."

The meaningful look was lost on Eren.

Levi glanced to the guards again, moving his lower jaw in small, strained circles. His patience seemed to run out, because next thing he did was grabbing Eren by the collar again and making him come along.

"Stupid brat," he hissed, "you like being dragged around today, do you?!"

Eren resisted as best as he could, but the short man sure had some strength in his arm. So all the young scout could do was stumbling along until his superior stopped halfway to the stairs.

"I don't know about her emotional well-being," Levi growled, "but Erwin didn't cut her up, if that's what you were worrying about."

A sigh of relief escaped Eren's lips. His collar had been released and he stood upright again.

"So I didn't fuck up," he mumbled more to himself.

"I told you, you did well," Levi offered.

Eren rolled his eyes.

"That's a matter of perspective, isn't it," he countered.

The older man did not respond to that.

"So now that we've sorted that out," he said instead, "do I still have to drag you or will you come along on your own?"

Eren shrank back a little as he became aware of how inappropriate his behaviour had – once again – been. The captain could kick his ass into the next week for that. But it seemed like the anger of the man had already faded. His face had returned to displaying the usual impassiveness.

"Yes, sorry sir," the young scout mumbled quickly.

The apology was dismissed wordlessly, Levi just turned to continue walking. This time Eren did follow as he was asked to, though he would've preferred to return to Annie. There was just so much he still wanted to talk to her about – not relevant for the interrogation, but relevant for him, relevant for the two of them – whatever they were to each other now.

But he understood that it really wasn't the time to be disobedient or make a fuss to get what he wanted. He had strained the captain's patience more than enough, he could tell. And though he wasn't sure what was coming next, he followed in the older man's steps without asking questions.

Eren found himself in Levi's office. A little unsure of himself he stood between a couch on his right and a shelf on his left and looked around while the captain shut the door. The desk in front of the window was – just like the rest of the room – in a notable neat state. Though there were some papers piled up on it, they looked sorted and orderly stacked.

When he caught Eren's wandering gaze, Levi indicated the couch with a nod.

"Sit," he offered and the young scout stiffly took a seat at the far end of the cushion.

He had a weird feeling. Until now he had never been called to his superior's office. This had to be something serious. He swallowed, but the lump of worry had already nested itself in his throat and probably wouldn't leave so soon.

"We need to talk," Levi stated, looking down on his subordinate.

Something in his stance, the fact that he was standing in the middle of the room at all – because when did he ever do that? – was making him look tense. The crossed arms and the stern look did not help the impression. In combination with these words – which was something the young scout had never heard his superior say before – in such an intense tone there was no doubt about the current situation.

Yes, definitely serious, Eren thought.

"First thing," Levi continued with crossed arms," for your own good – never make such a scene like that again – unless you want the whole Scouting Legion to discuss your personal business, of course, because there are people who would do that with tremendous pleasure and to great extent. Understood?"

Eren thought he did, so he gave a slow nod. Had that been the reason the captain had told him to come along without answering his question about Annie? It would explain the side-glance the man had given to the guards.

Man, it sucks to be bad at picking up subtle hints, Eren contemplated.

"Good."

Now that that matter was settled, Levi seemed to relax to his normal self and slumped onto the couch. Eren had a déjà vu of the scene after his trial – only this time he flinched less as the captain let himself drop into the cushion beside him.

"So," Levi began, "how are you doing?"

"Huh?"

Eren was caught off guard. Was the captain trying to make casual conversation with him or what was happening?

Levi was unimpressed by the teen's thick-wittedness.

"I asked how you were doing," he repeated, "after learning all this information."

"Oh, that…" Eren leaned back, giving it a thought.

"I haven't really had time to fully process everything," he admitted then and the captain only nodded.

The next words were spoken more out of a reflex than the young scout actually thinking about them – because if he'd given them a proper thought he would've decided against expressing them. He wouldn't even have let them close to his lips.

"What about you?"

Immediately Eren wanted to bite off his tongue. What was he thinking, asking his superior something like this? Could he cross any more lines with the man?

Levi took an audible breath.

"Honestly?"

Rhetoric question or not, Eren did not dare to answer. He probably should just keep his mouth shut from now on, because he could mess up even more.

"I'm fucking pissed as hell," Levi growled darkly, causing Eren to look at him in surprise.

The young scout hadn't expected this honesty. On the captains profile Eren could make out the narrowed brows that made the man's small eyes look even gloomier. Levi's gaze seemed to be staring holes into the wall. His jaw worked in small tense movements. His words hadn't been an understatement.

"Do you have any idea how many people I had to watch die," he continued, "how many of my man I could not save?"

Eren was struck by the intensity of Levi's voice. He had no idea how to behave while the man shared his frustration. All he could do was listen to him and watch as the features of his face were strained and the muscles of his throat worked hard.

"I promised myself – promised them – that their deaths weren't meaningless, that they contributed to mankind's victory and that one day we would see the end of this thanks to their sacrifice. But all this time what we did was pointless. We were just marionettes in a bizarre act. There was never hope to break free from the walls. We're stuck here forever."

The bitterness in Levi's voice resonated in Eren's ears and the meaning of his words was like a punch in his guts. Because the captain was right: if the whole act with the Scouting Legion was just a farce and the fight against the titans pointless, then Eren's dreams, the wish to see the world beyond the walls were just a ridiculous fantasy that would never come true.

"She might've lied," he offered in a weak attempt to console the man and himself.

Levi's head snapped around and his eyes searched Eren's face.

"Do you think she did?" he asked sceptically, his voice low.

"No," Eren admitted truthfully. "I actually think she's shitty at lying."

The captain nodded absentmindedly and turned his head to look away again. Eren eyed his palms that he had pressed into his lap. Annie had given them an ugly truth and Eren felt strangely disorientated, because he didn't know where that left the scouts. But most of all he didn't know where that left him.

"So what now?" he shared the question that concerned him the most. "Are we just going to give up?"

"I'll be damned if we just give up now," Levi growled. "We'll kill all the titans and render the walls useless ‒ that's what we'll do, Eren. Whoever is in on this can go to hell! We'll show them what the Scouting Legion is made of."

Eren just nodded. He couldn't muster the will to fight right now – not if he wasn't even sure anymore what he was fighting for. The question that had come to him during the interrogation was weighing heavily on him now: Where was he in all of this? Did he belong with the humans, or maybe the titan shifters?

"What am I?" he asked out loud. "To you, Captain," he turned to face his superior, "what am I?"

Levi let his gaze rest on Eren, expression unreadable as ever.

"You're human," he finally offered. "To me – you are so very human."

The boy gave a humourless laugh.

"Since I turned out to be a titan shifter I was met with distrust, rejection and open hatred. People called me a monster – _you_ called me a monster."

"I wasn't referring to your shifter abilities, remember?" the captain interjected.

"Still, you didn't trust me at our first meeting and you don't trust me now – and really, I don't blame you. But since we're being honest, Captain, I was never an actual scout to begin with, I'm only a means to an end."

He didn’t look at Levi and the man stayed silent as Eren started to count off a long list of things.

"I lost the freedom to decide over myself, my admission to the Scouting Legion was decreed by others. I was expected to aid mankind's victory with my shifter abilities – and I complied with it because I really wanted to give my all for that cause – but I'm not even fully trusted with doing that.

"I was used as a bait to lure out Annie without my knowledge. Your squad asked me to trust in them, but wasn't willing to equally rely on me. Because I'm not just a solider – I wasn't their comrade – I'm an unreliable secret weapon that has to be handed carefully and needs to be controlled so I don't fuck everything up!"

Panting, Eren came to a halt in his speech. He hadn't even been aware these things had been piling up inside of him, but now that he had let it all out he felt like a weight had been taken off his chest.

Carefully he watched his superior, looking out for any reaction the man was showing beyond his impassiveness. He wasn't sure if he had gone too far to speak his mind like this, but it was too late now anyway. Also, if the captain had been honest, then so could Eren. It wasn't as if the man couldn't handle it.

Levi who had been looking at him the whole time briefly shut his eyes and rubbed them. Eren registered the motion that seemed to be a means of getting time to think in the back of his head. It was filed away now with the sarcasm he had noted the previous day. Because since then Eren had started to analyse his superior more thoroughly, especially picking up on the behaviour that differed from the man's usual apathy.

"First," the captain started, "– to get that out of the way – of course my squad wasn't willing to let you fight. They were ordered to protect you and I'm sure you agree with me when I say that you don't throw something you want or have to protect at all costs into harm's way, but do your best to keep it away from it. Comes with the definition of protecting."

Already Eren wanted to object, but Levi didn't let him.

"It's true that how things went down wasn't really fair towards you, I admit that. But this is the Scouting Legion – the Scouting Legion as led by Erwin – and as a member you are expected, without always having full knowledge of the plan, to trust in your superiors and that their decisions are made to benefit the mission and the future of mankind as best as possible.

"Because in the end the Scouting Legion – every single member of it – is just a means to an end, as cruel and cynical as that might sound. You and I may be considered as more important due to our abilities that allow us to be of more help to mankind, but in the end our lives don't weigh more than those of the soldiers who fell in battle already or will in the days to come."

Taking a pause, Levi leaned his head towards the wall, bringing up his hand from the backrest to scratch it. Eren was too caught up in the words he had just heard to take the opportunity and say something. He just watched as the captain looked away in thought before facing him again to continue.

"Your situation downright sucks, I get that. I don't know how it feels to be in your shoes, because I was never even nearly in a comparable position. And you're right, I don't trust you" – Eren braced himself to be alienated, however what followed surprised him - “but not because you're a titan shifter.

"I don't trust you, because you're still young and you have yet to make all these experiences that will make you grow and become fully reliable. I don't trust you, because you're human with emotions that still render you unable to control yourself and just think before acting way too easily. And yes, I don't trust you, because right now you're playing with fire – a fire that could bring by far larger damage than just burning you."

Eren gulped. He knew exactly where this was going.

"We're talking about Annie now, aren't we," he stated resigned.

A grunt was all he received in reply, but he didn't really need it.

"Do you think she's the enemy?" he asked after a while, question burning too strongly under his nails to hold it back. As he looked over to the captain he could see the man slightly narrowing his brows in thought.

"I think that she's dangerous. She seems to be prepared to achieve her goals by all means and that's what makes her a threat to mankind to reckon with."

The answer was reasonable. Eren was aware that Annie was no friend of humanity in general, like he didn't consider himself a friend of the titan shifter tribe she belonged to. Of course there seemed to be an exception for both of them, but that was just that: an exception.

"Do you consider her human?" Eren followed up. It was something he had been wondering in the back of his mind and since the captain had explicitly called Eren human despite his shifter abilities, the young scout couldn't help but wonder what the man's take on Annie was.

Levi gave him a mildly curious look – at least that was how Eren interpreted the side-glance of the captain. But the man's gaze was aiming for the windows by the time he answered.

"I hadn't considered it possible by the way she attacked us on our mission. But yes," he faced the young scout again, "I think she's human – and you seem to bring out the most human part of her."

Feeling uncomfortable under his superior's gaze, Eren blinked and eventually looked away. His throat needed clearing before he could respond.

"I don't know what to say to that," he mumbled, feeling the need to say something despite it turning out to be something stupid like this.

"I didn't expect you to," the captain offered bluntly as ever.

They fell silent at this for a while.

"Eren" – the boy turned his head to meet the man's gaze, showing that he was listening – "whatever is going on between the two of you – I shouldn't tolerate it."

Eren's eyes displayed surprise at the captain's choice in wording, brows narrowing questioningly.

"I also shouldn't tolerate you going back down there and sort out your personal issues with her."

It took a moment for Eren to get what Levi was saying. He held the man's intense gaze while processing the words. Then it finally clicked.

"I understand." The young scout took it as his cue to leave. As he got up he added: "Thank you, sir."

Levi gave a dismissive wave with his hand.

Just as the young scout put his fingers on the doorknob the captain spoke once more.

"Are you leaving us, Eren?"

Eren paused, looking back at Levi whose gaze was aimed at the opposite wall.

"I'm not, sir," he replied with what he thought back then was the truth.

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	13. 12: What Was Left Unsaid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time I wanted to upload this the rich text editor didn't work and I honestly didn't want to go over 4k+ words and add in the html code for the formation manually, so I postponed posting this chapter and then I forgot about it. But today I decided to read this chapter before working on the next one and I remembered about posting it. So here you go. I was told it's the best chapter of the story so far (and I feel so, too). I hope you enjoy.

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**Chapter 12: What Was Left Unsaid**

.: :.

She did not flinch, she did not avert her gaze – though her instincts were to just do that. But Annie was good at hiding her feelings, at keeping her composure. She had stared terror in the face and not even batted an eye. Eren’s second outburst in the course of her interrogation was nothing compared to that – so she told herself.

But all the while – as he stepped towards her, as he was being dragged backwards and out of her cell by the captain – she found herself wondering if she’d expected too much of Eren. Though she didn't like to admit it, his reaction to her revealing that Reiner and Berthold were titan shifters as well – the very titan shifters that had destroyed the gates of the walls – shook her. She had expected Eren to be hurt and feel betrayed – she knew how much he had looked up to Reiner especially – but his outrage surprised her.

How stupid of her, she thought however, of course he was angry. After all she knew about him that was the obvious reaction to reckon with. Had she seriously deluded herself into thinking that Eren would keep his cool and take it like it was no big deal? Just because he hadn't been raging when facing her in Stohess – how ridiculous she had made and assumption based on that.

Commander Erwin was still sitting in the room, his calm, unreadable gaze resting on Annie. She stared back equally motionless. That prick had set up a trap for her and she had fallen for it and now he was just seated there in his chair, calmly and in control like nothing could ever make him lose his cool. It pissed her off!

Yesterday had been the first time she'd seen him more closely. He had come by to inform her that Eren would be put in charge of her interrogation as she'd requested and that he, the commander, would sit in as well as the captain, if she didn't mind. The way he phrased his words – so thoughtful and seemingly considerate – made her want to claw his eyes out or – even better – rip off his tongue.

Of course she did not object – it was not like she honestly had a choice. Though she wouldn't admit it, she wasn't keen on experiencing the sensation of metal cutting through her skin, tearing through her flesh and muscles and scraping on her bone ever again. And she could tell that the sharp, calculating mind of Erwin Smith could think of even more ways to make her suffer until she bent to his will.

At least like this she had been able talk to Eren, tell him her story herself before he heard bits and pieces from others and answer the questions _he_ wanted to know. That was all that mattered, she had reminded herself.

Finally the commander rose from his seat. Every movement of his was deliberate and Annie came to the conclusion that she despised him more than she despised the captain. Damn these high ranking militaries and their composure! She'd like to drive nails into his eyeballs just to see how calm he would be then.

"Thank you for your cooperation," he spoke with the same formality as the day before.

Annie couldn't help but picture herself lying on the floor – sore and wounded, aching from every word they had forced from her lips – and the commander standing above her, saying these very same words in the very same tone. The image brought a shiver creeping up her spine that she did her best to suppress.

"I didn't do it for you," she replied, managing to make her voice sound bored as it was characteristic for her. Her words however were a weak counter. He didn't deem them worth of a reply, but left her in silence.

A wave of mixed emotions rippled through Annie as she let herself sink backwards against the wall. She could make out relief that the questioning was over, remorse at having sold out Reiner and Berthold, worry about how Eren would behave towards her now, and sadness and anger at the stirred memories of her mother and the uncertain fate of her tribe.

In her short life she'd learnt that honesty was something that came with a price – a high price more often than not. Despite this she'd decided to be honest with Eren. She hadn't been sure how he would react to her story. That's why she had stopped the words that had been about to form on his lips. She didn't want him to say something so important and then having to regret it later. If he said it she didn't want him to have to take it back. She wouldn't be able to take that.

Annie sunk into the pillow of her bed. The plate with the leftovers of her breakfast had been carelessly placed on the floor. She hadn't been hungry in the first place, so she saw no point in eating up.

In her mind she kept replaying her conversation with Eren, trying to filter out his reactions to every word she had said. She paid no attention to the scouts that came in after a while, removing the three chairs together with her remaining breakfast. All that mattered was whether Eren would ever show up again or whether he would stay away from her for good this time. She found herself hoping for the former.

When Eren did arrive it felt like he had taken his sweet time, though it couldn't have been too long. He seemed to have steadied himself after his outburst Annie noticed when she sat up on her bed to get a better look at him. It was a relief to see him calmed down again, to see him return to her. Annie hadn't even been aware that something had weighed on her chest, but suddenly breathing felt so much easier.

He hesitated slightly after closing the door behind himself and she fought back the urge to jump up and haul herself at his chest, feeling him, holding him, inhaling his scent – because she wasn't one to display emotions so openly, because she knew he probably was still processing everything he'd learned today and needed space to do so, because her shackles barely allowed her to stand up from the bed.

She remained still for a moment, waiting for him to take the initiative. Eren however said nothing, so Annie decided to be the one to break the silence.

"Hey," she greeted him softly, because she didn't know what else to say.

His reply was an equally silent "hey", nothing more. He wasn't even meeting her gaze.

She felt the tension take hold of her again. It was like everything she had said during the interrogation today had built up between them and she didn't know how to work her way through the pile of unpleasant truths, how to get through to him. He, too, seemed to make no attempt to move aside some of the mess. He just stood there, at the other end of the room, so far away.

It made her go insane, this distance. She just wanted to feel him again, for him to soothingly whisper into her ear and tell her that it was alright. Because it meant that he accepted her, it meant that he would stay with her. But she tried to shove those wishes aside.

"You came back," she whispered. It was noting the obvious, she knew that, but it meant a lot to her – more than she could express.

"Of course," he muttered like there wasn't a single doubt about it. Yet still he didn't look at her, didn't face her. His gaze wandered around – over the floor tiles and the walls – actively avoiding her.

"That's not a given," she remarked, hinting at all the doubts that had tormented her mind until his return to her cell. And even now that Eren was here, she wasn't sure what it meant.

"It is!" he objected, finally meeting her eyes. That and the intensity in his tone made her involuntarily hold her breath.

"I'm in on this," he assured her with resolution in his voice, "whatever this is. I'm not going to back out, because I'm not a coward, because I don't want to."

"Then what the fuck are you still doing over there?" Annie spoke exactly what was on her mind and almost regretted it immediately. So much for giving Eren space to process the load of information she had dumped on him earlier.

The expression on his face was a mixture of shock and surprise. Her remark had done well to freeze him in place – at least for a moment. Then he shook his head in disbelief and gave a short laugh.

"Fucking hell, Annie," he grumbled and she wasn't sure if he was amazed or put off by her.

"I mean it," she insisted. There was no backing out now. You didn't do things half-heartedly, not when it concerned someone like Eren Jaeger.

The look in his eyes was unreadable. She could make out the hint of a thought pass through his green orbs, but she couldn't even begin to guess what was on his mind right now. Anticipation climbed up inside of her and she could barely stand not knowing what he'd do next.

"Annie, I…," he began softly, but broke off. His lips remained parted as if he was ready to continue, but no further words passed over them.

"What?" she inquired. Unease tugged at her stomach, preparing to crawl into it and twisting it into a nest where that uncomfortable feeling could get comfortable. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to know what was on Eren's mind right now, but she also couldn't leave it unsaid.

"I'm not like you, Annie," he spoke, studying her face. "I can't follow down the road you're going."

Strangely enough, Annie couldn't stop the corners of her mouth twitching slightly upwards.

"In case you hadn't noticed," she informed him, "I'm tied up, so I'm not going anywhere."

He briefly closed his eyes and gave a humourless smile.

"You know what I mean."

She sighed, like him taking her time to keep her lids shut a little longer than just simply blinking. It seemed she needed to clear up something. She shifted a little on the mattress to become more comfortable though there wasn't really a point to it. It was more a means of gaining some time to find the words she needed now while she knew Eren's gaze was hefted onto her.

"I didn't tell you all those things to convince you or to draw you on my side or anything," she declared, eyes scanning the wall next to him. "I told you because I wanted you to know me like you let me know you."

Because I want you to, because I _need_ you to, she added in her mind, but the words didn't even find their way to her lips. These confessions were still new to her and she had a hard time being so honest. This kind of honesty meant letting down your guard, becoming vulnerable.

Unsure of his reaction to her words Annie glanced back at him. Eren's eyes had grown wide and his mouth gaped open, moving silently with the words he couldn't utter. She didn't know if that was a good thing or if she should be worried.

Her body tensed. She was on the brink of regret and would definitely fall in if he drew away from her now. This was the biggest risk she'd taken in a long time – if not in her whole life – and a big part of her was expecting it to blow up in her face. Life had taught her to always expect the worst.

She wanted to avert her gaze again, in this case she'd rather not see it coming – it would hurt enough as it was. But she forced herself to keep her eyes fixed on him, because this was important. This was the commitment she was making, this was how far she was willing to put herself out there for Eren – Eren, who stood still motionless at the other end of the room – and if he didn't pick up on it that was the last time she'd ever do that.

He regained control of his features again and Annie could barely stand the tension anymore. If only he would say something, do something that could give her a hint on what he was thinking. But instead his eyes had become unreadable once more and it confused her and it scared her, because those green orbs had always been so honest with her. Today was the first time she was completely unable to tell what was happening behind them.

When Eren finally moved it was a relief, no matter the outcome. Looking determined he closed the distance between them, knelt on the bed before Annie and took her head in his hands. The fierceness with which he captured her lips was overwhelming.

He shoved her backwards onto the bed and climbed over her, not giving their mouths a single moment of rest. She gave herself up to his demanding kiss, parting her lips to allow entrance to his fiery tongue. Her hands tugged at his shirt and flattened against his back, keeping the heat of his body close. She felt his fingers wander, from her neck down to her sides and up again.

She didn't want him to break away, but he eventually did, leaving her longing for air and more of his taste. His hot breath brushed over her face as he studied her features.

"I'm a mess right now," he informed her, voice low and racked with heavy breathing.

Her reply came equally hitched. "What makes you think I'm any different?"

The corners of his mouth twisted upward in a short, pained smile before he buried his head in her shoulder. She could feel his full body weighing down on her as he sunk onto her in resignation. He inhaled deeply, the air being sucked in by his nose tickling her skin as he took in her scent.

So this time Eren was the one who needed consoling, it dawned on Annie and she let her arms embrace him, her hands stroking gently over his back and his hair. It disquieted her that his passion had ebbed off as quickly as it had arisen. She yearned for it, that blunt desire he had shown for her. It was a language she could speak – her body instinctively reacting to him, mirroring and matching him as if it was designed to do so, as if there was no doubt they were made for each other.

Showing feelings was something entirely different. She had turned her body into a fortress a long time ago, burying her emotions deep down inside of her for no one to see. Unwrapping these layers, digging deep and letting it pour out, was something she was struggling to do – actually she wasn't willing to do it, because it meant becoming openly vulnerable.

If you had trouble accepting your own feelings, how even did you start dealing with other people's emotions? How did that thing called "compassion" work? Annie could distinguish the feeling – she knew she experienced it now – but she wasn't sure how to show it. Eren had been there for her the day before when her walls had crumbled and the tears had leaked out and she wanted to do the same for him. Still, Eren without anger, without passion, without that fire driving him onwards, but drained and limb – it left her feeling strangely powerless and not knowing what to do.

His body pressed into her, weighed her down, suffocated her. As gently as possible she started pushing against him, rolling both of them sideways. Her shackles rattled with every motion. She rested her head on his while he still had his face buried in her shoulder.

"Eren?" she tried carefully, hand still caressing his back and fingers stroking through his hair. His immediate response was a sigh.

"I'm sorry," he then mumbled against her collar bone. "I'm just so… _confused_ right now."

Annie couldn't quite tell why he was apologising. Maybe his confusion was rubbing off on her or maybe the situation they were stuck in was downright confusing, so no wonder they both had difficulties coping.

"I'm not even sure I know who I _am_ anymore."

The desperate tone in Eren's voice pinched her right in the chest and she held on to him, her hands never stopping in their soothing motions. She pressed her lips to his temple to give him some kind of comfort while words didn't come easy. Then she started trailing kisses down his cheek, pulling back a little so she could access his mouth. He responded to her, hanging on to her lips with his like their touch was as essential to him as oxygen.

Annie broke away from him to rest her forehead against his, using her hand to steady his head as he tried to re-engage her in a kiss.

"Eren," she tried gaining his attention. He did not respond, not meeting her gaze as he still was just attempting to capture her mouth with his.

"Eren," she repeated more intently, "look at me!"

His half-closed eyelids fluttered open, green orbs finally meeting her. His body became still as he focused on her eyes and her eyes only.

"You're Eren Jaeger," she told him, hand stroking over the side of his face. "You're the boy who fights to win and rather dies trying than doing nothing at all. You're the boy who wants to see the world beyond the walls."

Her fingers played with brown strands and traced down his neck. She wanted to say more, to tell him how much he meant to her, but she didn't know how. How could she express that feeling in her chest that took hold of her when he was with her or just when she thought of him? Annie was pretty sure she'd never learned the words that were fitting to describe it.

Eren squeezed his eyes shut, face contorted in a mixture of emotions. She could filter out pain but also relief at her words. This time she let their lips meet as he leaned in again and he clutched onto her in desperation. Maybe her words hadn't been enough. Maybe her lips were giving more comfort when touching him than when uttering words. It wouldn't surprise her.

His mouth trailed off and he buried his face in the crook of her neck again. The chain tied to her right wrist was draped over her side while she had her arm wrapped around his neck, but she didn't mind its weight.

"Okay?" she asked him, because she couldn't quite pin-point his mood.

"Yeah," he sighed and nodded. "Thanks."

Silence spread out, only budging a little for the sound of their breathing. Being tangled up with Eren was comforting and soothing. Annie closed her eyes to focus on feeling him nestled against her and hear him inhale and exhale in a soft rhythm that matched hers.

"How much have you seen of it?" Eren eventually broke through the quiet occupying the room. His voice was muffled from speaking against her collar. "The outside world, I mean."

She took a moment to think about it, wrapped up in the warmth of his body. She remembered hunting trips with her father in the mountains and learning to use her titan form on various grounds what felt like such a long time ago. They never had strayed too far from the secure confines of their village. The titans had a tendency to ignore shifters until their attention was drawn, but still they had always tried to avoid even the chance of conflict.

"Bits of it, I guess," she then vaguely replied.

"What about the ocean?"

"No, I've only heard about that," she offered, wondering why he took such big interest in these things all of a sudden. The ocean had been mentioned in the beginning of the origin story of her tribe that had been told to her as a kid. But she had never thought much of it. In fact she'd had other things to worry about. "It's supposed to be really big, if I remember correctly."

She felt Eren shift in her arms, resting his head more comfortably on her cheek. He still held her close, fingers gracing the back of her shirt.

"One day I'm going to go there," he told her with soft voice right next to her ear. "I'm going to travel this whole wide world and then I'm going to be free."

"Free," Annie echoed, a hint of sadness sneaking into her voice. It was something she only could dream of but never hope to obtain. In her whole life she'd never really been free to act on her own will. "That sounds good."

"Yeah. No more people telling me what I should do, or can't do, or who I should be. Because when this is all over, when the titans are gone and the walls are rendered useless there's nothing that holds me here."

Suddenly he pulled back, resting his head on the pillow. As their eyes locked she could make out the excitement sparkling in his green irises. Her heart actually skipped a beat seeing him lighten up like this. With his hand he combed through her bangs and stoked her cheek.

"I'm going to take you with me, Annie," he proclaimed.

At this Annie laughed softly. His mood swing delighted her as much as it amused her, because he was spouting absolute nonsense.

"You shouldn't make promises so lightly," she reminded him, holding up an arm beside her face to present the shackle that was encasing her wrist.

Eren narrowed his brows, his eyes losing their glint a little, but his gaze becoming even more intense.

"I mean it," he insisted, sounding a little offended.

"I didn't suggest you didn't mean it," Annie offered. She had easily found her composure again and fixed him with her glaring eyes. "You're a real fool sometimes, but an upright one."

"Oi," he growled, apparently a little insulted by her words, but not really up for arguing against her.

She rolled her eyes, because he still hadn't picked up on the hint that was dangling almost right in front of his eyes. Sometimes he really had difficulties with getting the obvious, but she would be lying if she'd say she didn't think it was endearing in a way – not that she would ever admit to that.

"I'm a prisoner," she pointed out, shaking her wrist slightly and making the chain rattle to jog his memory. "I'm not exactly free to go..."

Eren glanced over at her ties. He took hold of her arm, letting his gaze rest on the metal binding her and tracing his thumb around it.

"We'll work that out when the time comes," he mumbled.

Annie felt conflicted. There were a million reasons why that would never end well – simply kissing Eren in her cell was chasing a dream that had no future – and yet here she was doing it anyway. The fact that he was saving a place for her in his future gave her another one of those delightful pinches to her chest that only he could cause. Annie felt stupid for it – and confused.

"Why would you even want me to come with you?" It was a thought she spoke as soon as it popped into her head.

Once again she found herself wondering about Eren Jaeger and that irrational mind of his. She couldn't quite keep up with him. She was thankful and glad that he cared for her and yet it didn't make sense to her.

He looked at her incredulously. It took him a moment to decide on how to phrase his answer.

"Because I want to stay with you, of course!"

"That's pretty ridiculous," she commented.

His eyebrows narrowed.

"Don't you tell me that's ridiculous after kissing me like that," he growled. "Don't you tell me you feel nothing for me after opening up to me like that."

She wanted to object, but realised that he had a point, so she stayed quiet.

"I care for you, Annie," Eren continued, "I really do. I love being with you and I want you to be okay. And when you're not I want to be there for you and make you feel better somehow though I really suck at that stuff. I want to share with you what's important to me and I want you to be able to do the same. And- damn, I just want you to be there with me."

Annie watched as he closed his eyes with the last sentence.

"So being the idiot you are you really fell in love with me," she noted quietly. It didn't resonate in her voice, but she was actually astonished. She had guessed it and still it was different to hear him say these things now.

He looked at her again and she could see his throat work as he swallowed.

"Yes," he whispered.

"You know that was a big mistake, right?"

"I refuse to believe that."

"Yes, because you're an idiot."

A smile threatened to form on her lips and Annie pressed them onto his mouth. It was to hide the hint of emotion on her face. But mostly it was her way to express what she wasn't able to put into words yet.

She felt the warmth spreading from her chest and she held on to him tightly. As she melted against him she didn't know if it actually translated into the slow dance of their lips, but she hoped that he could somehow tell.

The things Eren had described – she really wanted that, too.

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	14. 13: Afterthoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while, but I've got a new chapter for you. I hope you're not allergic to fluff. ;)

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**Chapter 13: Afterthoughts**

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If a year ago someone had told Eren he would fall in love with the enemy he would've suggested they go see a doctor because they must've hit their head really hard – and not only because back then Eren thought that the enemy was a cruel, mindless and inhuman predator that consumed humans like they were berries you could plug from a bush. Yet here he was, lying on a worn-out bed in a damp cell with Annie Leonhard – the Female Titan that crushed several of his comrades from the Scouting Legion like insects, the girl with the small figure that nonetheless could knock him off his feet in a heartbeat. The exceptional thing was that he didn't want it any other way. He was in deep in commitment, willing to take Annie just the way she was, with all that blood on her hands.

Eren looked down at their entangled fingers, examined with his eyes how their limbs were winding together. Their foreheads touched and he could feel her warm breath gracing his cheek. A sense of anticipation gripped him. It felt like the whole truth was in his reach just behind her lips, resting on her tongue. Eren had no guarantee of course and he also could not say for sure if he would be able to handle it should she continue to speak it. But he had this feeling that he could get things right – he wanted to get things right – for Annie, for the sake of being with her, for the sake of making sense of this cruel world, which seemed a lot easier to do with her by his side.

Pulling back his head a little, Eren took a good look at Annie's face framed by the golden strands of her bangs – a sight he wouldn't be getting enough of any time soon. They lay facing each other in silence after their kisses had been continually interrupted by her shackles. They had kept getting tangled up in the chains and it had become really awkward by the time Annie had suggested they should just lie on the bed instead of pushing and rolling around on it. Otherwise Eren wouldn't be thinking about the truth right now and whether he could handle it, but which parts of her body he should tend to with his hands and lips. (With his blood rushing, but remarkably small amounts of it reaching his brain that was about all the thoughts he had been able to consider – which would explain why he nearly had gotten himself strangled at one point.)

"What?" Annie inquired, frowning at him.

"Nothing," Eren replied, eyes still resting on her. "I just wanted to look at your face."

"Why? Are you going somewhere? Need something to remember?" Her tone sounded flippant as if she feared he could leave her and never return.

"I thought I made it clear that I'm not going anywhere."

"Well, I'm the one tied up," the reminder was accompanied by her shingling the chain on her wrist with a wave of her arm, " _I'm_ definitely not leaving here. You on the other hand are free to go when- and wherever you like."

"Mh, I'm not exactly free to go," he corrected her. "Anyway, I want to make absolutely clear that I wouldn't want to leave here without you."

She laughed softly, her chin sinking to her chest and her gaze drifting down, the corners of her parted lips delicately tugging upwards. It was beautiful to watch. Her smile was actually contagious. He traced the outline of her cheek with his fingers and then moved on to play with a few strands of her blond bangs. Annie closed her eyes and her features relaxed as she leaned a little closer. Eren's gaze got caught on her mouth and he thought of the truth again – the truth she had to offer.

"I still have some questions," he breathed into the air.

"Mh," she made an undistinguishable sound. "I figured."

After a moment in which he wondered if that had been his cue to ask away, she met his gaze and offered: "Go ahead, I'll tell you what you want to know."

"Okay…," he began, thinking about what he should bring up first.

"What did you think of the people inside the walls when you first got here?" he then inquired. It seemed like a good starting point. She had her eyes closed again and leaned against his hand that still was loosely tangled up in her hair.

"Nothing much," Annie shrugged.

"So you really didn't care about the deaths your actions caused," Eren spoke a thought that already had occurred to him while listening to her story earlier that morning.

Annie drew in air, but the exhale did not follow immediately. "Not at first…" Her voice, nothing more but a faint whisper, lost itself after the short confession. There was no change in her expressionless features. She kept her eyes closed.

Already prepared for that kind of answer, he swallowed down the memories of pain and agony drenched in human blood. His mind couldn't go there right now if he wanted to be able to keep talking to Annie reasonably instead of losing his head again.

"The first time I felt guilt," she continued to his surprise, "was at Trost when I heard Armin say that you had died."

Now Annie paused to take hold of Eren's hand and press her lips against its palm. He let her caress it, the display of affection combined with the words she just had uttered making his heart flutter in his chest like it had forgotten how to function properly, because it suddenly had discovered the possibility of flying and wanted to try it out. Through the anticipation that tensed up his muscles he had to remind himself to breathe.

"I felt guilty about the others, too: Thomas, Mina, Franz – hell, I even felt guilty about people I never ever talked to and don't even recall the names of," she exclaimed, eyes locked onto his hand. She took another moment to place kisses on his skin. When she spoke again her tone dropped notably. "I hadn't expected you to die. I hadn't even thought I'd care, but ever since then it's been eating away at me."

Eren listened, mesmerised by her words. His heart felt like it had swollen with every syllable and now was taking up more space than usual. He tried to focus on inhaling and exhaling regularly, but he kept on getting side-tracked by her voice and the words she spoke.

"I really should've listened to my father," she mumbled into his palm. "Treated the whole world like my enemy…particularly never gotten close to you."

This was enough for him. Eren brought up his other hand and took hold of her head before capturing her lips with his.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't listen to your father and got close to me," he whispered after the kiss.

"Don't be," she mumbled in reply.

"Why?" He tried to catch her eye, but the lashes on her drooping eyelids shielded her blue orbs from his gaze. "Do you regret it?"

She shot him just a short glance. "That is kind of an unfair question asking for a simple answer when things are actually a lot more complicated."

"So you _do_ have some regrets," he stated. Of course it was unfair of him, because she was right: this was trying to simplify things when actually they were way too complex for that. Still, the thought that she could have regrets about him stung and he needed to know for sure.

Annie sighed. "I don't regret lo- caring for you," she clarified. "But I regret the circumstances."

Eren averted his gaze from her face. "Well, that's something, I guess," he mumbled.

In a quick movement she slung her arms around his neck, the cool metal of her chains sliding over his skin, and she rested her forehead against his cheek.

"You idiot," she whispered, "don't sound so disappointed."

"I'm not…" Eren tried, though he knew exactly that she was right.

"Shut up," she cut him off sharply. The way she clung to him felt so desperate, he obeyed and just silently wrapped his arms around her back.

"I was scared you wouldn't come back after the interrogation, afraid that you would turn from me upon learning the truth." Her voice sounded raspy like she was fighting back tears. "So, don't you dare get disappointed because I'm regretting all this bullshit standing between us!"

He pulled her closer and pressed his lips against the tresses of her tied-back hair. "I won't," he reassured her. "I'm sorry if it came off like that."

Annie didn't allow his display of affection for very long. After a short a moment she shrugged of his hands and sat up.

"You'd better be," she noted with a short laugh. It wasn't from happiness or amusement, but the kind of thing people sometimes do to play off the fact that they're hurting. Eren was pretty sure Annie was close to tears – or at least she had been just a moment ago.

He gave her the space she needed to collect herself until she settled back in his arm and rested her head on his chest. Without a comment he wrapped his arm tighter around her shoulders and pulled her in again. She gave in to the motion, curling closer against his body. For a while no sound could be heard in the cell apart from the steady rhythm of their breathing.

"So what about Reiner and Berthold?" Eren finally tried to pick up on the previous questioning.

"What about them?"

"How do you feel about selling them out? Had you even intended to give up their names?"

He felt the movement of her shoulders drawing up in a shrug.

"I had made up my mind by the time I told you to come back here today," she then offered. "When I said I was going to tell you everything I meant everything."

Maybe it was because there had been an unusual amount of emotion in her voice just a moment ago, but the indifference that now occupied her tone again bothered him.

"How can you be so casual about this? They're your comrades after all."

"We weren't very close, you know."

"Yeah, but still…," Eren tried, but trailed off, because he wasn't entirely sure how to make his point.

"We had a bit of a bad start," Annie explained after an audible exhale.

"How so?" he inquired, curious for the details.

"I didn't save Berik."

The completely unfamiliar name puzzled Eren. "Who's Berik?"

"He was part of the mission." Annie began picking at the fabric of his shirt. "Actually, he was our leader." There was an audible exhale as she braced herself to tell the tale.

"On our way here we got attacked by a titan. I was the one carrying the others and though it was only about half as tall as my form, it toppled me over. The guys who had been sitting on my shoulders for the trip fell off me and I lost sight of them as that titan drove its nasty claws into my face."

She went over to drawing shapes on his chest and Eren wondered if she was aware of doing it or if the motions were subconsciously while she thought back to the events.

"When I got back on my feet I saw how Berik pushed Reiner out of the way and got grabbed by the titan that had attacked us. So I did what I had to do to save the mission: I picked up Berthold and Reiner and made a run for it."

Eren tried to picture the scene: Reiner as a boy – maybe just as scared of an approaching titan as Eren had been back in Shiganshina – and having his comrade sacrifice himself in his stead. It was a weird idea to Eren. In his memory Reiner had always been the strong protector of his comrades that everyone could rely on.

"Reiner was so mad at me." Annie gave a short and soft laugh at the memory. "He made this whole scene once we had stopped for some rest. So I told him to suck it up and take responsibility instead by being our new leader. That made him shut up and refocus, but I don't think he ever really forgave me for that."

Reiner being mad was another thing Eren found hard to imagine. In their training time together he'd been supportive and encouraging, sometimes even a bit ridiculous and great to have a laugh with (or about). Never once had Eren seen him mad, not as far as he could remember.

A dry chuckle escaped Eren's lips.

"What?" Annie inquired, lifting her head from his chest so she could look at him.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "It's just – all this time I thought I knew who Reiner was, when in fact I don't know him at all."

She let her gaze wander while thinking about his words.

"Oh, I think you do know him," she then objected, eyes fixing on Eren again. "You probably have a pretty good idea of who he is, you just don't know where he's coming from. But then again, how many people do you ever get to know as well as that?"

"Mh…" He blinked in consideration of that. "I guess you're right."

It seemed Annie considered the topic to be over, because she rested her head back on his chest without another word. Eren wouldn't know what else to say at this point anyway.

"So, what about Berthold?" he inquired instead after a moment. "Is he mad at you because of the incident with Berik, too?"

"No," she admitted, "the thing with Berthold is a completely different story."

"Tell me then."

She sighed, probably at the memory of what she was about to discuss.

"He was there when my mother transformed and lost control," she then jotted out. "He had to watch her eat his father before she was taken down."

Eren swallowed at this. Like during the interrogation earlier this morning he felt sympathy for Annie to have lost her mother like that, to have witnessed it and now having to talk about it again. He, too, wasn't very fond of speaking about his mother's death, because it brought up horribly memories he wished he didn't have. It was probably similar for Annie.

On top of that Eren felt with Berthold. It seemed they both had lost a parent in a similar way. Eren could vividly imagine a young Berthold witnessing how his father is being picked up from the ground and devoured, the helplessness he must've felt. Eren remembered that feeling only too well from the day the people of Shiganshina had fallen prey to the titans. Because Berthold had destroyed the outer gate. The irony tasted bitter in his mouth.

Eren decided not to comment on any of it and stay directly on topic. There was only so much sympathy he could muster and so many thoughts he could waste on what Berthold and Reiner had done that day before he felt the anger boiling up again.

"What's that got to do with you, though?" he asked, trying to ignore the small turmoil that had broken loose in his guts and would definitely erupt if he continued thinking about the breach of Wall Maria five years ago.

"I'm the daughter of the killer of his father?" Phrasing it like a question, Annie made it sound like she thought it was obvious.

"Still, that's unfair," Eren pointed out, his fingers stroking gently over her shoulder. "It's not like you had any influence on what happened, so he can hardly blame you for it."

"I resemble her quite a bit," she stated, "my mother: blond hair, blue eyes, general facial structure, you know stuff like that." She shifted a little in his arms and rearranged the position of her head on his chest. "The similarities are even more significant when it comes to our titan forms. The first time he saw me transformed he seemed like he wanted to run away."

Eren eyed down to catch a glimpse of her face as he heard a soft laughing sound escape her lips. But the angle made it impossible for him to read her expression.

"I really can't blame him though," Annie continued. "I haven't forgotten the events of that fateful day nine years ago either."

"You could've worked past that maybe," he suggested after giving it a thought. "You know, build new memories with him."

"I didn't want that," was her objection right away. Her tone wasn't sharp, but she didn't need that to make herself clear. "I was trained to be on my own and only depend on myself."

"And yet here you are with me," Eren whispered, appreciating this fact more than ever before.

"Yeah...," Annie murmured. "It really sucks, to be dependent on you." That was a pinch right into Eren's chest. "It's nothing I'm used to or comfortable with." That was something he could understand to some extent.

For the first time Eren wondered if maybe he was in the course of asking too much of Annie. Was he taking things too fast for her? She had indicated that opening up was a big deal for her and she had given up quite a bit to him already which he realised he should appreciate. From here on he would have to tread carefully and try not to push too hard or she might pull away completely. That he definitely didn't want.

"It's not that bad to depend on people," he pointed out. "I mean, if you find the right people you can actually trust."

"But I _need_ you, Eren," she stated. Then she added more quietly: "I don't want to need you."

To him that didn't sound too bad, but Eren wouldn't mention that. He knew that when Annie brought something up he'd better consider it or he might as well throw himself into the open mouth of the next best titan.

"Why?" he inquired. "Are you scared you could lose me?"

"Things come and go," she noted in her usual indifferent tone. "I don't want to wake up one day and need something that is no longer there." She shifted her head closer to his neck. "And I don't want you to make any promises to me that that won't happen, because you can't know. You can't possibly know."

"You're right," Eren agreed, "I can't know and I'm not going to make any promises." He slowly turned on his side and made her slide off his chest in the process. Then he chuted down a little so he was at eye-level with Annie and fixing her with his gaze brought his hand to her cheek. "But I know that right now I need you, too. And I'd rather be with you now and miss you later than never being with you at all."

Her lips quivered slightly.

"Since when can you do that?" she asked quietly.

"Do what?"

"Saying the right thing at the right time."

"Mh" – Eren gave it a thought – "maybe you're bringing out the best in me?"

Annie knitted her eyebrows together. It seemed like she was not impressed.

"Seriously?" she inquired. "You just ruined the moment by spouting that nonsense."

He leaned in and gave her a light kiss.

"I'm still learning," he defended himself.

"It could be worse, I guess."

"Shut up," Eren ordered half serious and pressed his lips onto hers.

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	15. 14: Touching Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Annie discovers her sexual desire which results in adding the sexual aspect to her relationship with Eren as well as to both her and Eren as separate characters. It also contains awkwardness and me trying to keep things poetic to some degree. I hope it's somehow enjoyable.

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**Chapter 14: Touching Desire  
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"So, why did it take you so long to come at me with the heavy stuff?" Annie wanted to know. Same as always she hadn't allowed Eren's dominance for long. With their lips still locked she had gradually shoved him off herself while turning sideways. Then she had broken away from him, so now they were just facing each other.

"What are you saying?" Eren asked, thumb stroking the outline of her jaw. He was more fixated on looking at her and feeling her than keeping up a proper conversation right now.

"You know, all this sweet talk – but it wouldn't be you if you didn't give a fuck about the shit I've pulled," she pointed out. "I thought I'd be in for another interrogation right when you came back here earlier but you really took your time with that." She was actually exaggerating here, because she hadn't known what to expect back then, but, thinking about it, Eren not going right into questioning-mode upon arrival struck her as odd. "I was just wondering how come?"

"Well," Eren tore his eyes from her cheek where his thumb caressed her and met her gaze, "I just got distracted."

"Distracted by…?" The skin of her forehead wrinkled as her eyebrows wandered higher up, challenging him. She wouldn't let him get away with such a vague statement.

"Eh, you know…" Eren shrugged, looking a little abashed. His eyes wandered swiftly down to her hands before meeting her again. It wasn't really like he was avoiding her gaze, Annie thought, but more like he was indicating something in order not to have to put it into words. Realisation sparked up excitement inside of her.

"Ohhh, am I distracting you?" she asked suggestively, eyes glinting up at him. "I've got to remember that for some other time."

"I'm curious to see how that turns out." Though Eren wasn't as good at teasing her, he still could adapt to and play into certain situations quite well – she had to give him that. The prompt was too tempting to not follow it up right now.

In a swift motion Annie pushed him onto his back and seated herself on his stomach. The chain which was attached to her right wrist slid from Eren's left forearm and chest and came to rest a little unpleasantly on his neck. But if that bothered him he didn't point it out. She had a feeling he was getting distracted by her again, because the way he gazed up at her looked like he wanted to suck her in with his eyes. Annie was very pleased by this, she actually had a hard time not to break into a full satisfied smile.

"You're a curious one, aren't you, Eren Jaeger?" she inquired smugly, letting the smirk tug at the corners of her mouth, dragging out each word in a soft whisper. "You want to know things – how they look, how they work, how they taste. So how can I help you with some of that today?" With every word she leaned in closer, until her lips almost touched his and her hot breath brushed his skin. She had also taken the liberty of pinning down Eren's wrists, straining the chain on her right arm against his throat.

"How about not strangling me to death," he suggested, voice cracking under the pressure of metal constraining his vocal chords and windpipe. Annie liked the way he sounded and she couldn't get enough of that look in his eyes that seemed to beg her to pin him down and do with him as she pleased. "I think having such a close encounter with your chains once today was more than enough for me." Or maybe she had just been making it up. His words at least were contradicting her impression and rather disappointing her.

Annie released his wrists and slid back onto the mattress next to Eren. These chains were really starting to annoy her. If they kept getting in the way she would have to consider getting rid of them somehow.

"Man, I hate being tied up," she mumbled at the ceiling. She didn't even try to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

"Then we'll have to work around your chains getting in the way," Eren suggested, rolling on his side next to her.

"And how would you say we do that?" she asked in annoyance, because there seemed to be no way to kiss Eren, to touch Eren, to be close to Eren without those stupid shackles weighing on her like the bothersome burdens they were. Even if she was lying still like this they got in the way and Eren had to shift them over his head to free himself from their restriction. It was simply ruining her mood.

"Maybe," he inched closer, placing a faint kiss on her cheek, "if you stay just like this and don't move."

"And let you do all the work?" Annie turned her head to look at him. "Do you even know what to do?"

"Erm," he paused, brows furrowing together in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Do you even know how to pleasure a woman?"

Bewilderment gradually gave way to shock mingled with a pinch of fear and it was almost amusing to watch. His reaction didn't surprise Annie though. Eren was a lot worse at overplaying his insecurity than she was and when it came to sexuality and bodily pleasure he probably had the experience of a cobblestone.

Annie had heard some guys talk about masturbating at the dinner table (because she had kept so much to herself, people had actually forgotten she was there at times) and she had even caught some girls shamefully discuss touching themselves as well. However, more often they had stuck to talking about guys and who of the male trainees they liked – and that in a not at all shameful manner.

As for direct experience, Annie had tried masturbating herself a few times and even felt aroused by her own touch, but the outcome hadn't been very satisfactory for her, so she had seen no point in continuing it. She had briefly wondered if it was more of a boy's thing or if it just wasn't something for her specifically and then moved on.

She hadn't thought of kissing anyone before Eren had sat there in the cell with her for the first time and it still surprised her a little how his inexperienced touches could spark things in her that her own hand had never been able to achieve. But it was exciting – it was actually thrilling to her – and something Annie wanted to explore further if she had the chance as she was more than inclined to go with this new-found curiosity. And if she had to guide Eren's every move for that, then it seemed worth the effort.

"Alright," she spoke out, gripping his hand and pulling him closer, "let's try it. I'll be a good girl and stay on my back, so my chains won't interfere too much."

"Oi," Eren exclaimed, eyes wide in panic, "hold up, Annie!" He drew away, sitting up and turning his back on her. "I don't think I'm ready for this."

Annie rose up and leaned over towards him, so her chest slightly brushed his arm. While she rested one hand on his shoulder, she reached around his neck with the other and placed it against his jaw. He tensed a little beneath her touch.

"It's okay, Eren," she whispered, "you don't have to be scared. I will guide you."

"Have you ever done this?" he inquired, his uneven breathing indicating his nervousness.

"Only with myself," she let him know. "And that wasn't particularly exciting, so you don't have to worry about living up to any high expectations."

"Why do you want to do it then, if it wasn't really exciting?" He had turned his head around to look her right into the eyes.

"Because it's different when you touch me," she explained, her voice faint. "I can feel it all, like sparks exploding under my skin wherever your fingers go." Breaths were hot on skin and Annie felt electrified by being so close to Eren and her longing for him, because he was not yet close enough.

"I want your fire, Eren," she whispered, fingers gracing his cheek. "I want to feel it deep inside of me." His eyes keep escaping her for short intervals, stealing a glance at her cheeks, her lips, her breasts, before meeting her blue orbs again.

"Don't you want to touch me? Don't you want to _feel_ me?"

At those words of her Eren's gaze came to rest on her knee that she had cocked a little upon sitting up. Looking down, too, Annie saw his hand as he slowly moved it closer. Together they watched in anticipation until the distance was covered and his fingers flattened against the folds of her trousers. She held her breath as her gaze followed his movement and she could feel his hand wander slowly, reluctantly up the inside of her thigh.

Annie felt the heat rise in her body, her nerves yearn for the sensation of his touch. A gasp broke free from her mouth and she recognised the particular sensitivity in her centre. But now – unlike the times she had handled herself – her arousal seemed to have a purpose: it had risen because of Eren and she wanted for Eren to bring her the release she had never quite found on her own.

Maybe her expectations were higher than she had stated, but there was no point in admitting that now. Eren's hand was resting on the inside of her thigh, all the way up by her crotch, and his eyes searched for hers. Blue orbs met green and both their hitched breathing combined to an irregular rhythm filling the anticipating silence between them. Her lips were luring him in – she could see his gaze shift down to them for seconds – and her hands in his hair were tempting him to lean in closer until their mouths met.

It began slowly, then gradually their kiss intensified. Annie sank backwards onto the mattress and she wasn't quite sure if she pulled him along or if Eren was the one pushing her down. It didn't matter though, because his hands tentatively shoved up her shirt.

Annie was all longing and need and instinct. Inelegantly she yanked Eren's shirt up and over his head. She didn't even glance in the direction she threw it, just took in the sight of Een's bare chest with her eyes. She brought up her hands and let her fingers slide over the small set of muscles he had acquire during military training. However that seemed to mesmerise Eren so much he stopped moving completely and the touch of his still fingers became unsatisfactory.

To rectify that Annie broke off her own exploration and took hold of his hands. She guided them up to her bound breasts and instructed him on massaging them. Though hesitant at first, Eren began to learn his way around the wanted movement and even dared to kiss her while rubbing her nipples beneath the cloth.

There was no point in Annie trying to get out of her shirt – her shackles made it impossible if she didn't want to tear it apart – so shoving it up as far as possible would have to do. However, Eren took it upon himself to unbind her breasts and then had the glorious idea to take one of her nipples into his mouth and suck. Annie gasped in approval and raked her fingers through his hair.

There were several other places Eren tended to with his lips on his own account and Annie closed her eyes to experience the sensation to its fullest. Only when it came to opening her trousers he became a little hesitant again and needed an affirmative nod from her.

By the time Annie unbuttoned Eren there was already a distinct bulge straining the fabric over his crotch. Losing his trousers was a little harder than taking off Annie's because they were sitting tighter, but eventually they got rid of the currently unnecessary cloth. They hadn't bothered to stay in their underpants for any longer than needed be and stripped them off together with their trousers.

Kneeling by her ankles Eren tended to Annie's cocked legs. A little nervous he slowly slid up his hands from one of her feet over her calf and up to the upper end of her thigh. She could feel the tremor in his fingers as they felt up the muscles she had gained through her harsh combat training.

With great care he placed kisses and traced lines on her skin with his lips. Gradually his mouth wandered upwards. He caressed her hipbone and made her sensitive belly quiver under his touch. Air escaped Annie's lungs in shaky breaths.

Eren grew more confident with each peck he landed on her body. She closed her eyes to fully appreciate the sensation of his rough lips' and his hands drawing small figures on her skin. And still her yearning grew. Every peck, every caress made her long for more, wish for him to be closer.

With increasing passion Eren nipped at her breasts and sucked on her neck and Annie cursed herself for having promised to stay put on her back so her chains wouldn't get in the way. Actually the shackles on her wrists were what displeased her. If it weren't for those she'd switch her position with him, have Eren be the one to writhe beneath her touch.

It still scared Annie a little how he could get under her skin. If she at least were on top in this situation, had things under her control, she'd feel more secure and comfortable. But it was Eren who pinned her wrists down, pressed her into the mattress with his body weight and had her caught in an open-mouthed kiss. It was Eren who brought down his hips and let his hard member rub against her overly sensitive clit, making her gasp just as much at the friction as he did.

The contact was exactly what she needed. Annie arced up her hips to cause a repetition of the sensation with both of them reacting similarly.

"I think I'm ready," he breathed after he had broken away from her lips.

Consumed by her desire Annie did not even think about winding him up for that unnecessary statement.

"Hold on," she instructed hazily. "I need a little more work."

She took hold of Eren's hand and brought it down until his fingers slid between the wetting folds of her womanhood. Watching his face she took in the row of expressions he displayed upon getting accommodated to the unknown sensation. While his lips were still parted she initiated the movements, having him explore the dampening skin around her entrance.

He reflexively jerked his arm a little back as his fingers made contact with some fluid, but Annie held his hand in place. She had him stroke up her folds and rub over the sensitive nerve bundle in her clit. Though Eren had absolutely no experience and she was the one placing his hand where she needed it his touch did more for her than she ever had been able to do for herself.

It struck her as a little odd maybe, but Annie didn't question it. She was only focussing on his hand between her legs, had his fingers stimulate her nerve ends and probe her entrance. She tested the sensations his touch could spark and went with whatever felt right.

Annie's lids fluttered shut, her breathing going faster as she heard Eren in- and exhale heavily. Almost unaware of it she began moaning, increasing pressure and speed of the fingers stroking her. She could feel the tension build up in her muscles and soft tremors shaking her insides. She could not stop, she could not let Eren stop until that hunger inside of her was satisfied.

Her walls clenched with the intending movements and then release came over her, washing through her body like a chain reaction. Her lungs found it hard to hold air and Annie failed to find words to express how she felt. Instead she let out a long cry before going limp on the mattress. Completely overwhelmed she tried to catch her breath.

"Annie?"

Upon hearing her name Annie's eyes snapped open. She found Eren's green orbs looking down at her filled with a mixture of confusion, insecurity and fascination.

"I'm sorry," she breathed heavily. "I got a little carried away."

"Yeah, I noticed." His smile only lasted a moment, quickly wiped off by his insecurity in this rather strange and completely new situation. "Are you okay?" A hint of worry had sneaked into his voice.

"Yes," she reassured him, panting heavily. "That was...," she still struggled to find a fitting description, "amazing!"

"To me it was a bit scary," Eren admitted. "For a moment I thought you were having some kind of fit."

Annie's laugh was breathless as her lungs still couldn't hold in air for long. She gripped his head and pulled him into a passionate kiss. While there tongues were pushing and playing around, she sneaked one hand between his legs. She stroked over the length of Eren's still hardened shaft, making him nearly bite down in pleasured surprise.

"How does that feel?" Annie asked and let her thumb glide over the head. The way he sharply sucked in his breath through his teeth was answer enough.

She attempted to release her loose grip on his member, but Eren held her back immediately. "Don't stop," he begged.

"Come closer then," she instructed, stroking him again.

He had no reason to object and lowered his hips obediently towards her. Annie guided the head of his shaft over her womanhood, watching again how his body's reaction to the dampness displayed on his face.

She halted at her entrance, dipping it in excruciatingly slow and teasingly, not only to see his expression, but also to test how it felt for her. Eren let his head drop, barely holding himself up on his shaky forearms.

Annie had him pull out again, then guided him in a little deeper. His tip pressing into her was a weird sensation, but she realised as she repeated the procedure in the same cautious manner as the first time that she got more and more used to it.

Gradually Eren pushed deeper into her with her guidance. Though her muscles tensed a little she felt no pain or actual discomfort. It was a weird sensation of being filled up though, making Annie wonder at least a bit if this would be worth it or if she should stick to working with Eren's fingers – because those had been doing really great for her with some support.

Eren meanwhile sharply sucked in air and, his shaky arms giving under his body, he sunk onto her chest and buried his face in the curve of her neck. Annie brought up one hand to file through his hair.

"Are you alright?" she asked gently, a little worried.

Strands of his hair rubbed against her neck as he nodded.

"Yeah," he breathed. "Just...that was a really amazing sensation just now."

"If you say so," Annie noted unimpressed. She had become acquainted to the feeling of him inside of her, but there was nothing that made her gasp for air like when his fingers had stroked her womanhood earlier.

While she was still hung-up on filtering out sensations Eren began to move inside of her. He slowly pulled halfway out of her and then slid back in, repeating the motion until he began building up a steady rhythm.

Annie slung her hands around his neck and kissed the skin over his pulse as his breathing became faster. Though it didn't even feel half as good as Eren's hand stroking her over the edge, she let him continue, just holding him close while he was working towards his peak. She could feel his member throbbing inside of her and then, with a long groan that transitioned into a cry, he came.

After a few more thrusts that became weaker with the slowing pace he pulled out of her and collapsed into her arms. Annie just held him close, placing a few kisses along his hairline.

Eventually Eren recovered and pulled his head up. He kissed her gently, stroked her cheek and brushed through her hair. Rolling off her he rested his head beside Annie on the pillow. His fingers kept playing with a few wet strands of her blond hair and his eyes were resting on her face.

"How was that?" Eren inquired.

Annie shrugged. "It was alright I guess. Not bad, but there's definitely room for improvement. How about you?"

"I don't know." His gaze trailed off to the wall. "It just felt really good." He seemed a bit downcast, like he was ashamed he'd felt pleasure while she hadn't really enjoyed it.

Annie rolled over and wrapped her arms around his back in a hug.

"You know what," she whispered in his ear. "Your fingers touching me before blew my mind."

"Yeah..." Eren pulled back so they faced each other again. "But wouldn't it have been better if we could have experienced it together?"

"We'll figure out how to get that done," she stated nonchalantly.

He nodded unenthusiastically and let his gaze wander again. Annie studied his face: his lips pressed together in a thin line, the narrowed brows complimenting the gloomy look in his eyes. She looked at the boy she had just given herself up to, grown yet some more, closer to becoming a man. Even though his simpleminded tendencies could drive her up the walls he seemed like the one she wanted to settle for.

She snuggled up to Eren, resting her head on his shoulder.

"How much time do you have left?" she inquired.

"Mh?" he asked absentmindedly. His hands were holding on to her sweaty back and she thought he took in her scent with each of his deep breaths.

"I'm assuming you can't stay here forever," she pointed out, "so I was wondering how much time we had left."

"Oh, I'm not even sure." Eren turned his head and kissed Annie on the temple. "But I guess I can stay a few more moments."

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	16. 15: Possibilities And Premonitions

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**Chapter 15: Possibilities And Premonitions**

.: :.

Maybe Eren had a tendency for bad ideas sometimes. Maybe it came down to his instincts. Maybe he just had to break his neck to realise that balancing on a rope high up in the air without any security measures and no experience or thorough training was suicide. Meanwhile most people would merely have to look up at the rope to consider it common sense not to go up there.

Eren however could be really stubborn. If he deemed walking the rope worth the risk – because he wanted to find out what it felt like to balance up in the air like this, because he wanted to get to the other side and the rope was there and he didn't want to bother with looking for another way to go over that might not even exist – then he would do it no matter how many people told him not to. Not even the strict military training he had gone through had been able to alter him in that aspect.

Mikasa had said that being with Annie would be his downfall, that things were bound to end badly. Eren couldn't see that. To him every moment spent with Annie was absolutely worth it. Especially after the bliss he had felt in Annie's arms, after the sweat had trickled from their pores as they had tried to explore every inch of each other's uncovered skin. Kissing her had been one thing sparking excitement inside of him, but nothing compared to feeling her surround him, being taken in deep by her, having the touch of her body quickening his pulse.

The echoes of her moans and cries as she had writhed beneath his touch still resounded in his head. The memory of how she had taken him in lingered with him as did her faint smell. He could still feel her hands wound around his neck while her walls had been surrounding him. Recalling the images and sensations from the intimate moments spent with her sent a shiver down his spine and the blood rushing to his crotch, making him ache to be touched again – by Annie and no one else.

Eren pressed his face into the pillow to muffle the frustrated groan that had built up in his throat. There were a million other things he was supposed to think of instead, there were at least half as many reasons for him to sleep and get a good night's rest instead of dwelling on memories. There definitely should've been more important things than his throbbing member calling for attention.

He tried to think of something to distract him from his bodily need. He attempted to recall unpleasant memories – fighting titans, Reiner's and Berthold's betrayal, even his mother's death – but nothing worked. His mind kept stubbornly returning to Annie: how she had lain almost completely naked beneath him, how she had reacted every time their bodies had met, how she had felt on his bare skin. The thoughts were torture to him until he finally took matters into his hands and stroked himself to a hasty release.

The act seemed a lot more practical than sensual to Eren now and it left him with the need to change his underpants. He found himself wondering if Annie thought of him like this as well. Did she recall the memories of them being together and yearn to be touched by him again? Did she resolve to her own hand to satisfy her need? Or had he left her with too little to spark that kind of desire in her by the memories?

Wide awake and restless, Eren went over to pacing up and down in his small room. He had thought that he'd finally be able to fall asleep after taking care of his body's need, but now sleep was the farthest thing from his mind. Instead he found himself trying to put the pieces together in his head that made up Annie Leonhard and how she felt about him.

He was pretty sure she loved him though she'd never directly admitted to it. She had to love him – and not because she had slept with him, but because of what she'd shown towards him. There were these hints and as he gradually fit them into each other they began to form a picture.

Annie cared for Eren. She had wished for his understanding and feared his rejection. She felt dependant on him and hated it, because it made her scared of losing him. She had opened up to him and let down her guard. She had let him see her tears. How far would she go for him? What would she do to keep him by her side? What would he do to stay with her? What could they do together?

If only things were different. If only they were free from everything, if she wasn't a prisoner and he wasn't burdened with mankind's future. What could they do if only they were away from these walls...?

Eren stopped pacing. Was he seriously considering to run away with Annie, to leave the walls behind and make a new life with her? He knew right away that the answer was yes and the more he thought about it the more he was willing to do it. But he still had doubts.

Apart from what he would be leaving behind – Mikasa and Armin who were basically his family, the soldiers of the Scouting Legion who had decided to put their faith in him and his powers – he would essentially be running away. That didn't sit right with him for one thing. And anyway, where would they even go? The land beyond the walls was mingled with titans. Even as shifters he and Annie would have a hard time surviving on their own. They probably could go to Annie's home village, but Eren wasn't sure how safe that would be with the people there constantly in danger of turning into a titan and losing control of themselves.

It seemed like no matter where they turned there would be no peace and quiet for them. But what was left for Annie inside the walls? Now that he thought about it, Annie most definitely had no future if she stayed here. She had given up all essential information, what else did she have to offer? Even if she showed remorse, what she, Reiner and Berthold had done was unforgivable. If he was honest to himself the chances of Annie not being sentenced to death in the end were basically nil.

Eren's heart cramped itself together unpleasantly in his chest. He had given in to a false sense of security thinking that things sure were complicated and unfortunate, but they would turn out alright somehow. Never had he considered that they most likely would get even worse – and now that he did there were few options for what he could do for that matter.

He had changed into his clothes – including his 3DMG harness, more out of habit than anything else – without giving it another thought. There was no time for planning, if he wanted a chance to succeed in saving Annie he had to do it now while everyone else was asleep. Eren had absolutely no qualms about leaving this damp basement cell that had been designated as his room behind.

The hallways were dimly lit with torchlight, but he could find his way blindly if he had to. He had walked from his room to the stairs every day and the way from there to Annie's cell had seared itself into his head over the last few days. Things were easy up to that point, getting rid of the guards in silence would be a lot harder. Eren had to halt and think before the turn into the hallway where two scouts reliably held watch.

He didn't aim for super effective strategies – that was something Armin could do, not Eren – all he needed was a way to get close to the guards and knock them out quickly before they could alert anyone. He didn't consider that not only releasing Annie, but attacking soldiers to do so would most likely earn him a charge for high treason. He ignored the faint voices in the back of his head shouting at him that if he did this he would pass the point of return.

Eren already had some practice in walking down the hallway as if he belonged there when he knew exactly that what he was doing was unauthorised. As he approached the two male guards with firm steps he took in their whole appearance and measured their strength. They were about his height, maybe two or three years older than him and beneath their uniform they probably had the amount of muscles necessary to last with the 3DMG and manoeuvre it effectively. But Eren had that, too, if not a little more from his passion for sparring. And he had the moment of surprise on his side.

The guards eyed him, wary of his approaching figure. But because of the dim light they probably couldn't make out who he was right away.

"Are you the relief?" the left guy inquired. "Where's the other one? We both want to sleep."

"It's too early for relief," the right scout informed his comrade. "It's only shortly after midnight and we're here all night."

"Damn," the first one exclaimed. He sounded disappointed that he had to remain on duty for so long. By now Eren had halted in front of the two guards and was looked at with sceptical eyes.

"What do you want," the left guard inquired in a harsh tone.

"I'm sorry" – Eren tried an apologetic smile – "I forgot something earlier."

"Forgot someth-"

The guy could not finish echoing the words. Eren had taken the time in which both guards had looked at him puzzled by his presumptuous act to bring up his hands to their heads and smash them together with a dull sound. The bodies of the two scouts slipped unconsciously out of his grasp and to the floor.

Eren stared down at his fingers. So he'd actually done it. He'd used his hands against other humans – and not just in the course of training, but to harm them. It was something he had still condemned three years ago, but now here he was.

"So this is the path you choose."

Eren's eyes widened in horror at the sound of these words. He knew the voice which had spoken them. He knew the impassive tone that discussed everything with mild disinterest. He knew exactly who it belonged to.

Slowly, Eren turned his head to his right where the voice had come from. The captain stepped out of the shadows of the hallway beyond and into the glow of the dim torchlight. Eren's whole body tensed at the sight of the man. Levi stood there calmly with his arms crossed before his chest. The orange firelight cast deep shadows onto his features and made it hard to tell if they were as expressionless as ever or if the angry lines in his face weren't just figments of Eren's imagination. The boy barely dared to breathe and his features were completely out of his control.

"Oh, don't worry, you didn't wake me up when coming here," Levi answered the unspoken question in Eren's eyes. "I was expecting you."

"How did you know?" Eren whispered, still in shock.

Levi tilted his head to the side for a very short moment. "Instinct," he replied, starting to walk closer. "I knew you'd end up coming here – probably before you even made up your mind."

Eren remembered his conversation with the captain after Annie's interrogation. The man had asked him if he was leaving. Eren had replied that he wasn't and back then he had honestly meant it. Still, here he was now: ready to make a run for it with Annie – and Levi had expected it.

"Well" – Levi stopped next to one of the unconscious scouts on the floor and looked down at him while poking his shoulder with the tip of his boot – "good job at knocking them out. They won't thank you when they wake up with a headache."

Eren remained quiet. He just watched the captain while his chest felt heavy and his muscles remained tense.

"So," Levi returned his full attention to the teen, "it's probably unnecessary, but since it's you I have to ask: Eren, are you aware of what you're in the middle of doing?"

"Yes," Eren replied, eyes staring back in determination. "I'm saving Annie."

"Saving her?" Levi knitted his eyebrows together sceptically. "From what? Justice?"

"What kind of justice does a system have to offer that willingly sends its own people to die?"

Maybe it were just the dancing shadows of the torchlight, but Eren thought that he saw Levi's eyes widen for a split second. Admittedly, the boy himself was surprised at his own sharp remark.

"So," the captain's quiet voice broke through the silence that had built up between them, "you're just leaving it all behind. The injustice and sorrow of the walls, have they become meaningless to you? Is Annie all you care for now?"

"No," Eren breathed, surprised that the man would even think of him like that.

"Instead of ensuring that all those people didn't die in vain," Levi continued, "you're turning your back on the people you asked to put their faith in you?"

The accusation struck Eren and he denied it louder than the first time: "No!"

"But you're intending to leave, Eren, aren't you?" Levi persisted. "Or will you come back after you brought Annie away from here? Will you expect us to continue trusting you and relying on you after leaving us in the dark about your intentions? Do you expect us to ignore that you're saying one thing and then do the other?"

The questions were being hammered, bored into Eren, he didn't even find the time or words to reply to each single one.

"No, that's not how it is!" he called out desperately.

"Then how is it, Eren?" The captain remained calm and unmoved. "Be honest, where will you go from here?"

"The basement," the young scout declared.

Levi gave him a curious look and raised his eyebrows slightly, prompting him to elaborate. Eren was astounded himself at his own prompt, but the adrenaline had kicked in, making his brain work flat out.

"You know as well as I that there's no chance the Scouting Legion can make it there anytime soon," he continued, making things up as he went along. "But Annie and I can get there and we can find out what my father is hiding."

"And what makes you think Annie would help us just like that?" the man inquired sceptically.

"Because there's a chance we can save her people with what we find there or with my blood," Eren blurted out without having to think much about it. Then he caught himself a little. "I will come back, I promise. I will render these walls useless," he assured his superior.

In the silence that followed he watched the torchlight reflect and occasionally flicker in the man's pupils.

"Even if you come back," Levi finally spoke, "I can't guarantee you will still be welcomed as an ally."

"I'm not asking you to trust in me," Eren offered after a moment, "but if I keep my promise at least consider it."

The time Levi took to give it a final thought seemed to pass tremendously slow. It was definitely enough to make Eren think that he must be out of his mind to propose what he just had and that the captain wasn't as mad to actually agree with it.

"Fine," Levi finally spoke, leaving Eren dumbstruck. After giving the young scout one last intense look the man walked past him.

"I will vouch for you in front of the commander," Levi declared when walking away without looking back. "Don't make me regret it."

"Yes," Eren replied. He was too flabbergasted to speak above a whisper and doubted the captain could hear him, still he added: "Thank you, sir."

With a shake of his head the teen finally gathered his wits again (by that time Levi's footsteps were already fading away in the distance) and focussed back on his task at hand. He got to his knees and briefly searched the pockets of both unconscious guards to find the key to the cell. There was a set of two keys attached to a chain that Eren undid from the guards belt with calm fingers despite his quickening heartbeat.

As soon as he had fit the right key into the lock and turned it around, Eren yanked the door open. The noise apparently disturbed Annie's sleep, because by the time he had reached her bed she blinked lazily to adjust her eyes to the dim light.

"Eren?" she asked confused, voice raspy upon just having woken up.

Without any further ado Eren unlocked the cuffs on her wrists.

"What are you doing?" Annie inquired, again with no success. She already was being pulled off the bed without an answer.

Eren lost no time. Any explaining could be done later, now he just wanted to get her out of these heavy walls. Taking her by the hand he dragged Annie along. Why was she even resisting him?

But Annie had a mind of her own of course and after all the reason she even let Eren pull her along like that was possibly due to the fact that she had just woken up. They were barely out of the cell however when she yanked her wrist out of his grip.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she hissed demandingly.

"Getting you out of here," Eren replied, having stopped only unwillingly.

"You knocked them out," Annie noted upon gazing down on the unconscious guards to her feet. "Are you out of your mind?"

"What's the matter?" he retorted impatiently. "Don't you want to get out of here?"

"That's not the point," she exclaimed. "A few hours ago you told me that you can't follow me down the road I'm going and now suddenly here you are, breaking me out?" Eren merely blinked, still not understanding why she made such a big deal out of it, so she added: "I know you can be an impulsive idiot, but this is extremely stupid even for your standards, because you definitely are going to regret it."

"I won't," he objected, leaving Annie speechless. Her eyes were searching his face like she could find something there that could help her make sense of this situation.

Closing the distance between them Eren placed his hands on her shoulders. "Leaving you here like this – now that is something I would end up regretting for sure," he clarified. "I won't let you come to any further harm here, Annie."

He could see her eyes widen in surprise for a split second, then Annie grabbed his head and pulled him into a short, fiery kiss.

"Why have I fallen for such an honest fool?" she breathed upon breaking away from his lips. Eren scanned his brain for a witty reply, but clearly wasn't fast enough this time: Annie had gone into business mode before he even got close to thinking up a half-assed remark.

"So, do you have a plan?" she inquired.

"Erm, not really," he admitted sheepishly.

A sigh escaped her lips. "Planning really isn't your forte, is it?"

That was the second hit on his intelligence in a short time, Eren really would have to set a few things straight with her. However there was no point in arguing over this right now – that would be really stupid on his part.

"Oh well," Annie declared, her thoughts apparently having gone in a different direction, "we'll figure something out, I guess."

"Let's go then," Eren prompted, reaching for Annie's hand. Her fingers intertwined with his.

"Let's go," she agreed and together they started walking, leaving the open cell and the still unconscious guards.

"Where are we going by the way?" she then inquired halfway down the hallway.

Eren realised that the prospect of explaining it to Annie made his idea of a plan seem a lot more ridiculous to him than when he had shared it with Levi. Still he told her: "First to Shiganshina – I want to see what my father hid in our basement and you can help me getting there. And then to your village. I'll donate some blood or see what else I can do to help your people out."

She stopped in her tracks and their fingers slipped out of each other's loose grip. A sense of dread settled in his stomach as he halted and turned towards her.

"Are you bargaining with me?" Annie asked. Eren thought he could make out a trace of disbelief in her voice, but it might as well have been anger or possibly both – he wasn't sure at all.

"Maybe… a little," he admitted cautiously. He scanned her features carefully as she glanced sideways and breathed out a short "ha", but to no use: he really couldn't tell what was going through her head.

"Fine then," Annie eventually spoke and turned to look at him again. "Even if I run when shifted, the way to Shiganshina should take us a couple of days. There's no time to prepare any provisions, so we'll have to rely on hunting. To preserve our own strength and avoid detection we should get to Wall Rose on horseback. Any chance we can get our hands on at least one 3DMG to climb the walls?"

"Erm…" Eren was baffled by her quick planning and took a moment to access the part of his mind that held the information she required. Just as it was custom for every military branch the harness was the only thing the soldiers took to their quarters. Everything else was kept in a designated storage, because no one wanted to wear the full 3DMG in the mess hall or after the end of duty. "There should be some spare equipment in the storage, I'll take you there.'

"Good."

Annie started walking again and Eren found it easy to catch up with her and take the lead. However, he couldn't help casting a few concerned glances in her direction. Yet as ever so often her face gave nothing away of the thoughts in her head.

"Are you mad at me?" he finally inquired which earned him a curious look from her.

"Do I seem mad to you?" she asked in return.

"No, not really- I mean, I don't know..."

His uncertain stammering drew a faint smile on her lips, but it was gone all too soon.

"I'm not mad," Annie assured him. "You get my credit for bargaining with me, because that means you're not a complete love-struck fool and have still a sense of realism at least."

"Do you believe love is contradictory to realism?" Eren blurted out. She took a deep breath and he found himself thinking that right now was probably not a good time to have this conversation. Why the hell hadn't he kept his mouth shut?

"Not necessarily," she answered his thoughtless question. "I just think that there's a limit to how far love goes and how far anyone should go for love… But let's not talk about that now."

"Right," Eren agreed, guiding her up the stairs.

But while their conversation had effectively ended, he kept mulling over the topic. He had wondered before what the extent of his feelings for Annie was and though he hadn't given the idea too much thought he now agreed with her that love probably wasn't unrestricted. That didn't bother him much, though. What filled him with unease now was the apprehension that Annie would probably reach her limit before him and it would end just like Mikasa had said: badly.

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	17. 16: The Matters at Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend [chapter 2 of _A Sight Beyond_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1045697/chapters/2349060) if you want some more insight on Erwin and read how Erwin and Levi got drunk together the night before Annie's interrogation.

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**Chapter 16: The Matters at Hand**

.: :.

Saying that Levi was tired would be an understatement. Not only had he waited in a cold hallway of the basement for Eren to show up – which was ridiculous in itself now that he thought about it. Never mind getting there by taking a detour through the labyrinth of underground passageways in order for the guards in front of Annie's cell not to notice him – but hanging out in the dark for almost two hours had really not been worth the impressive entrance he had made after Eren had knocked out the guards.

On top of that he hadn't been able to fall asleep upon returning to his bedroom. Instead he had repeatedly gone over his conversation with Eren and questioned whether he had made the right decision in letting the boy break out Annie Leonhard and run away with her. Then Levi had proceeded to curse those stupid teenagers in love and only after that had he eventually been able to drift off to sleep. So summed up he felt like shit.

It was very rare for him to postpone getting out of bed. Even yesterday he had pulled out from beneath the covers without delay, despite having a few drinks with Erwin the previous night. (Levi wasn't partial to drinking alcohol, but Erwin had insisted and so they had both ended up downing a few glasses.) Today however was a completely different story. He might've fucked up big time. He might've supported Eren who was under his charge in doing something really stupid. And there would be consequences. The only question was who would the one to pay the biggest price.

A firm knock on his door educed a groan from Levi's lips. He dragged himself out of bed and picked up his shirt from the chair next to the window where he kept his clothes neatly folded over night. He slipped into the piece of white clothing, but didn't bother to button it up. Upon opening the door he found himself face to face (or rather chest to face, given the difference in height) with the commander who was fully dressed and standing as upright as ever. The man's face was so grave it might as well literally have "serious business" written all over it. For a moment both of them stared at each other in silence.

"What?" Levi prompted then.

"I was wondering why you hadn't shown up for breakfast yet," Erwin stated, "but given the sight I'm greeted with now, I don't want to complain."

Levi stared. It wasn't the first time he heard a flirtatious comment from the tall man, but the serious face and grave tone were at odds with the words even for a formal man like Erwin. (The commander was never formal when flirting. Actually his comments ranged from mildly suggestive to so absolutely inappropriate it would leave most people gasp for air from shock and indignation.)

The captain knew about the blond man's feelings for him as well as he had made it clear that he was not interested. Erwin mentioning or indicating it in any way did not intimidate Levi or make him feel uncomfortable. In fact it didn't bother him in the slightest, he had just figured the topic was off the table. Erwin hadn't brought it up in at least three years, so the captain had considered the incident the other night as an exception that could be blamed on the alcohol.

The commented just now had simply come absolutely unexpected and Levi needed a moment to recover before turning around and walking past his bed to the window. "I generally don't mind such remarks," he muttered while picking up his trousers from the chair with his clothes, "but please not today, Erwin"

"I'm sorry." Levi heard Erwin's footsteps and then the dull sound of wood on wood as the door fell shut. Only then did the blond man continue: "I see you're having a bad day and it's not my intention to add to that. However, I'm afraid I have bad news."

Levi paused in adjusting his trousers and glanced over his shoulder at Erwin. The man now stood stiffly in the middle of the room between the bed and the closet at the opposite wall, his hands crossed behind his back. The shorter man knew what was coming now, however he was surprised at how calm and formal the blond still was. It seemed like the commander was completely unfazed by the loss of two people that played a crucial role in deciding mankind's future. Especially given the fact that the Scouting Legion was close to being disbanded (and thanks to Annie Leonhard they had a better idea as to why) that was rather odd.

The captain wondered if he should test his luck and tell his superior the truth right away or if he should pretend to be clueless for now and see how things unfolded. He still could come clean to Erwin later after figuring out what mood exactly the man was in. (Maybe the commander already was planning something to turn the situation in their favour. It wouldn't be unlike him.) But that was cowardly and considering the history the both of them shared it was actually unacceptable.

"I know what this is about," Levi noted, facing the window behind the chair again as he began to button-up his shirt. "I figured Eren would eventually end up making a run for it with Annie. I should've stopped him. I _wanted_ to stop him."

"What do you mean," Erwin inquired calmly.

Levi tucked his shirt into his trousers and then leaned down to pick up his cravat. It served as a means to gain some time before making the now inevitable confession. He put the cravat around his neck, but let it hang down unbound and paused.

"I caught Eren knocking out the guards last night," he stated. He had his back turned to Erwin, so he was oblivious to any reaction that might display on the man's face. It was a deliberate decision. Confessing was hard enough as it was, he wanted to postpone having to face the consequences for a little bit at least. "I let him go."

The silence that followed marked one of the few times Levi felt tense and uncomfortable due to the recess in talking. Rarely did he trouble himself with what others were thinking or anticipate a reaction, but this time he was. It was eating away at him in the short moment that seemed to stretch out into an eternity.

"Why?" Erwin finally inquired.

Levi couldn't help being a little surprised at the simpleness of the question. He turned his head to stare at the taller man over his shoulder.

"I know you, Levi," Erwin explained matter-of-factly. "You wouldn't let Eren go without a good reason, so I'm asking you why you decided to do so."

Levi turned around completely and scratched the back of his head.

"Eren argued that he and Annie could make it to the basement," he explained then. "Considering how things currently are, the chances of the Scouting Legion making it to Shiganshina any time soon are nil."

"Sounds reasonable," Erwin agreed. "But do you know if he's actually going to come back and share with us whatever it is that he may find hidden away there?"

"I don't," Levi admitted quietly. "Eren said that he wanted to come back, but a lot can happen in the time he's out there…" He let his voice trail off, because he didn't want to think through the possibilities and he knew he didn't have to.

The blond man nodded. "True. We don't even know if Annie is willing to help Eren to get to the basement."

"I think he wanted to bargain with her," the short man offered as he began to tie his cravat around his neck. "She helps him to get to the basement and in exchange he helps her with finding a cure for her people."

"Mh… Not a bad offer," Erwin noted. "I was considering to do something like that as well." Levi shot him a curious look, but said nothing. "Either way, we can expect that some time will pass before Eren comes back – presuming he's coming back at all, of course."

"Yeah." After a short contemplation the captain had decided not to leave the harness off as he had been tempted to do and so had begun to strap it to his body.

"Meanwhile we can talk to Berthold and Reiner and see if they are willing to help us sort this big mess inside the walls out like we intended anyway." He fixed a strap that had twisted around and pressed uncomfortably against his flesh. "Even with Eren and Annie down for the count there should be something we can do."

"Ah, about that," Erwin remarked placidly. "It seems like Berthold and Reiner got away before we were able to talk to them."

Levi looked up at the man in disbelief. "Now that definitely isn't my fault," was all that he could muster.

Erwin closed his eyes and smiled softly. "I wasn't implying that in the slightest. It's simply bad luck, I guess."

"What the hell are you smiling about?" the captain demanded, startled by how his superior acted like it was no big deal at all or – even worse – some kind of joke.

"Oh, I just thought how ironic it is that we lose all four shifters at the same time," Erwin disclosed his thoughts vaguely.

The dark-haired man gave a short "hmph" while adjusting the last strap on his harness.

"Now imagine both groups would happen to run into each other out there," the commander mused. His blue eyes stared off into the distance like he could see the events unfold outside the window. "Who could possibly predict the outcome of such an encounter…"

Levi needed a moment to collect himself, his grey orbs hefted at the man in front of him in incredulity. Sometimes Erwin creeped him out. Usually he didn't bother with what went on in that brilliant head covered with blond strands, but every now and then it seemed like something switched or snapped inside the man's head and that was unsettling to witness.

After over five years Levi had seen pretty much every side to Erwin Smith. He was familiar with the gentle man that showed a kind heart and a reassuring smile, the ruthless commander that sacrificed lives for the sake of mankind without batting an eye, the cunning strategist that thought several steps ahead of anyone – he even knew the flirtatious man that unashamedly cast glances filled with fiery desire. Neither of those characteristics alarmed him even in the slightest. But the rare occasions in which Erwin seemed to scrape at the surface of insanity left Levi with a sense of fright. It had him wonder if there was a side to the man he didn't know, a side he didn't _want_ to know.

"I must admit," the captain began, hiding his unease at Erwin's behaviour and sticking to responding to his musings, "I find that thought rather terrifying. Annie sold Reiner and Berthold out after all. I can imagine those guys are pissed."

"Mhh..." was all that the commander offered in reply. The shorter man picked up his jacked and eyed him warily. He didn't want to let his superior's strange demeanour slide, but he also didn't dare to be completely blunt.

"What are you thinking, Erwin?"

At the sound of his name, Erwin finally focussed on his conversational partner again. It seemed he had snapped out of it and returned to the way Levi felt comfortable with.

"I was just wondering what Eren would do in that case," the blond man answered simply.

"I'd rather not think about that," the captain murmured, casting aside the troubles he had just felt at his friend's short change in nature. "It would surely be enough to give me nightmares."

"Aren't you being a bit harsh, Levi?" Erwin questioned, sounding more conversational and less serious than usual.

"Ha!" Levi retorted. "I know that brat's impulsiveness and lack to think things through. I wouldn't be surprised if he went berserk and got himself eaten by titans after powering himself out."

"You know I don't bet," Erwin mused, "but if I had to...I think I would bet on Eren making it through somehow. I believe there's more to him than most people give him credit for"

Levi limited the expression of his disapproval to an indistinguishable sound.

"Anyway," he then continued, "instead of speculating about something we can't possibly influence, let's focus on what we actually can do inside these walls." He proceeded to walk over and lean against his bed post, crossing his arms. "The loss of Eren and Annie isn't exactly improving our chances on not getting disbanded."

"Yeah, I was thinking about that, too," the commander agreed. "I'd say we return to the headquarters and hold a meeting to discuss our options. But before that there is something I'd like to be taken care of first."

"And what's that?" the shorter man inquired.

Erwin stepped over to the window and inspected the cloudy sky outside.

"I'm afraid Mikasa is taking the news of Eren leaving with Annie really badly," he informed the captain then. "She demanded to start tracking him right as his disappearance was discovered this morning and was really upset when I informed her that we cannot afford to search for him under any circumstances. I almost feared she'd take off by herself."

"Mh," Levi pondered, "she's pretty…fixed on Eren after all."

"Levi, please!" Erwin exclaimed, turning his head to look at his subordinate in mild indignation. There was a hint of scold in his tone, but no trace of actual anger.

"I was trying to put it nicely," Levi declared unimpressed.

Erwin shook his head upon facing the window again, but his friend noticed the trace of an amused smile on his lips.

"Anyway," the commander returned to the actual topic, "I think someone should try and talk to her, to help her get over the first shock at least."

Levi glared at him. He didn't like where this was going and he hoped the blond man could feel the grey eyes boring deathly into his back.

From what he knew Mikasa's fixation on her foster brother could make her hard to reason with if she thought Eren was in trouble or danger. The recruits currently stationed at the old headquarters weren't even twenty yet. They knew how to slay a titan, but Levi doubted they were able to counsel a stubborn girl that was upset about her stupid titan-shifter-brother taking off with the Female Titan. Well, not that he was too sure how he would go about it either. But from how he judged things it would come down to him having to think up a way to deal with her.

"You know that she isn't very fond of me since I beat up Eren in court," the captain pointed out.

Erwin turned around and raised an eyebrow at him. "I wasn't saying it would have to be you…"

"Oh shut up," Levi snapped, not caring if the man was hiding his true intentions as so often or actually telling the truth. "I'll see what I can do," he offered nonetheless. Sometimes it was still best to do it yourself if you wanted a job done right.

"Thank you," the commander said, giving him a grateful nod.

"I should get an extra wage paid for that," the captain declared. "Counselling brats is not part of my jurisdiction."

Erwin closed his eyes, inhaling patiently. "Here you go again," he noted with a soft smile, "always acting like you don't care one bit about other people's well-being."

"Shut up!" Levi remarked again, this time sharper. "Instead of making stupid comments why don't you make my bed while I take care of that idiot's foster sister. I wouldn't just want to leave it in a mess, but there are important matters at hand."

"You want me to straighten out your bed-sheets when I didn't even get the pleasure of messing them up?" Erwin asked playfully.

The dark-haired man knitted his eyebrows together and gave another deadly stare. "Don't push your luck, old man," he threatened. As he turned away and started to walk towards the door he continued: "Don't make me count off all the times for which you owe me."

"You're right," the tall man offered, "I'm sorry. I had promised not to act like that again today."

Levi dismissed it with a low "mh". Only at the door did he stop to address one last matter.

"About that thing with Eren," he began, "I was hoping we could keep that between you and me."

"Yeah, I thought so, too," came the commander's reply.

With that said, the captain left the room to find Mikasa Ackermann. Though it was not the kind of unpleasant development he had expected for today, it was still a troublesome task and he wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. He had actually no clue what to tell the girl, but he figured he'd improvise once he stood in front of her.

Levi tried the mess hall first. If Mikasa wasn't there, there still was a chance someone was around who could help him look for her. But there was thankfully no need for that, because she sat indeed at one of the tables together with Armin and Jean. All three of them seemed to just stare blankly ahead.

"So Eren really ran away, huh?" remarked Jean just as Levi approached. None of the other two looked like they wanted to reply, so Levi took it upon himself to do so.

"Yes," he agreed, stopping behind Jean. The young recruit visibly jumped at his superior's voice and three pairs of eyes fixed the captain. "And as you've probably already heard we're not going to track him down. Eren Jaeger is no longer our business until he happens to come across us or you're told otherwise. That means you don't have to concern yourselves with him and just sit by and wait for orders."

Levi could feel the displeasure growing and though Mikasa surely was the strongest source of it, she wasn't the only one radiating dissatisfaction. But he figured that Armin and Jean would be fine without him giving them a heart-warming talk or some shit like that.

"You two" – he pointed at the two boys – "get me something to eat."

"I'm pretty sure we're still soldiers and not servants…," Jean began to protest, but the captain had none of it.

"That's an order, so stop arguing and get going," he persisted. "You don't want to bear me when I'm hungry. I'll have you scrub the whole castle on your own if you don't obey right away."

"It's alright," Armin intervened, already getting up. "We're going. Come on, Jean."

Jean muttered something, but followed Armin's example and got out of Levi's sight as fast as possible. Satisfied to have the two boys out of the way, the captain took the seat opposite of Mikasa. The girl narrowed her eyebrows at the sight of him. He merely returned her stare.

"What is it?" she finally demanded.

"You tell me," he simply replied.

"The whole mess-hall is empty and you have to sit right in front of me," Mikasa pointed out.

"That's not what's bugging you the most right now though, is it?" Levi inquired bluntly, knowing of course the answer.

She remained silent for a moment, measuring him with her eyes. Probably she was deciding which words she should use to tell him off.

"It's none of your business," Mikasa finally stated.

"Wrong," Levi informed her. "As captain of the Scouting Legion the business that keeps my soldiers from fulfilling their duty properly is also my business. So what is it?"

The girl turned away. At first she seemed to stick to her rebellious silence, but eventually her resistance broke.

"I told Eren that things weren't going to end well if he went down that path," she murmured. "And what does he do two days later? Run away with Annie Leonhard!"

"Looks like you and I warned him," the captain noted, "but he didn't listen to either of us."

"So what do you care?!" she shot at him, head snapping around so she could fix him with flashing eyes. "You just carry on, saying that it doesn't concern us anymore. But Eren is the only family I have left." He could hear the dreading tears tempering with her voice as she could no longer bear to look at him. She let her head sink and a curtain of black hair fell forward to shield her face. "I cannot go on like it doesn't matter. I have lost so much – I thought already I had lost him once. I cannot _bear_ the thought of him being gone."

Mikasa had collapsed, her torso slumped forward and her face buried in her hands. Levi could see the tremors running through her body. He was very aware that she was crying and he cursed internally, though he wasn't quite sure whether he should blame himself for it or just the circumstances. But he knew he had to show some sympathy. These brats surely were straining his limits.

"I know-"

"No, you don't," the girl cut him off sharply and met his gaze with accusing eyes. Despite the tears she still had fire in them. "You don't know, so do us both a favour and don't act like you do."

Levi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She was straining his patience, but he had hardly expected anything else.

"Actually I do," he corrected her as calmly as possible and let his gaze rest on her face. "You're certainly not the only who lost people that were dear to them. So _you_ do us both a favour and don't just assume things about others."

Mikasa looked at him with wide eyes, frozen in shock.

"I'm sorry," she finally mumbled, averting her gaze.

"Let me tell you something," the man said without dwelling on her apology. "People come and go and in the end there's not much you can do about it. But what you can do is take care of yourself. That's what I told Eren to do and that's what I'm telling you."

He took a moment to inspect her reaction. She refused to look at him, head stoically turned away. Her shoulders were still slumped and she had wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"I'm not saying you should give up on Eren, but you should also not give up on yourself," Levi continued. "You can live through this, you just have to want it."

"Tell me," Mikasa whispered and looked at him again, "have you given up on Eren?"

"I haven't," Levi replied. "But right now there is nothing I can do for him, so I'm focussing on the people in front of me."

She nodded slowly, indicating that she understood what he was saying.

"Do you think we'll see him again?" she inquired after a moment.

"I honestly don't know," he admitted truthfully.

"Right," the girl breathed. He could almost see the reflection of her breaking heart in the dark orbs before they disappeared behind her closing lids.

"But I have to hope that I'll see him again," she spoke up then, leaning her head back. "I have to hope that he's alright."

"Hope is good," Levi noted. "Hope keeps us going."

"What is it that you hope then?" Mikasa asked then, returning her attention to him. The question came sudden and unexpected, he wondered if she had actually surprised herself with it. But if so she didn't show it and she didn't take it back or apologise for asking something so personal.

He looked at her and he wanted to be honest.

"I hope that I'll live to see that day when we'll achieve what we're fighting for and all those deaths I've witnessed will feel less pointless," he told her quietly.

Well, that was at least part of the truth.

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	18. 17: Unfamiliar Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie and Eren are entering titan territory.

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**Chapter 17: Unfamiliar Territory**

.: :.

They reached Wall Rose at dawn. The world was still fast asleep and the birds had long fallen silent in the chilly and foggy mornings of autumn. Neither of them had spoken since they had snuck out of the old castle in the pale light of the moon and the peace and quiet got only slightly disturbed by the dull sound of their borrowed horses trotting over the ground.

All the while Annie had felt like in a dream, her body's movements and the dark scenery passing her seeming surreal to her. But the air in her lungs was fresh for the first time in a month and as daylight approached she came to comprehend the fact that she was free: free from the chains but also free from the lies that had bound her inside these walls. And now stretching out in front of her lay the humongous construct, the final barrier she had to overcome before she was truly her own master again.

Standing beside her horse, Annie craned her neck to look up to the top of Wall Rose. She still remembered how tall and unscalable Wall Maria had seemed when she'd seen it for the first time as a girl of eleven years. Now five years had passed and the walls of the humans rose still high up above her, but she had means to overcome them.

"Are you alright?" Eren asked, calling her back from her thoughts.

Annie let her gaze linger on the upper end of the wall for another moment before she nodded and looked at him. "Yes," she replied quietly. "I guess I just can't quite believe I'm finally leaving this place."

As soon as she saw Eren's expression harden slightly, she wanted to take back her words and wished she had phrased it differently. She couldn't quite tell what the changes in his face meant and it worried her. After all, shouldn't she become better at reading him instead of worse?

Usually Annie would ignore it. Usually she wouldn't care. But this was Eren, the boy who had managed to crawl under her skin. They had given themselves up to each other in a way, had laid themselves bare for each other quite literally and metaphorically. Why did he feel so distant all of a sudden?

She couldn't let it slip. She couldn't let it go uncommented. Maybe she was just imagining things right now, but she had to ask at least.

"What's that?"

Eren looked at her incredulously, the stern tension not quite leaving his facial muscles. "What's what?" he inquired after a few seconds, apparently not understanding what she was getting at.

"Did I say something too offensive, or what is with that look?" she expanded her question.

He blinked and knitted his brows in wonder. "Since when are you worried about being offensive?"

I'm worried about offending you, idiot, was what she would've liked to say, but the words got lost on the way to her mouth. She really wasn't good at this continuous being-honest-thing. Especially not when there was reason to fear that she would be sounding ridiculous or being rejected or – even worse – both. And the insinuation of tension in Eren's face earlier seemed like more than just one reason.

When had she become so insecure? When had she started to over-think so much?

"You just looked a little sullen at my remark about leaving this place, that's all," was what she said instead. Eren didn't pick up on her avoiding answering his question.

"Oh, sorry…" He reached up subconsciously, ruffling his hair with his hand. Annie felt a pinch of jealousy that he could do that so easily and she didn't dare – not in this situation anyway. "I was just thinking of the long and difficult road we have ahead of us."

"Yeah, right." Annie bowed her head while nodding. She felt a little stupid, but also like something was still off, like he'd only said half of the truth. "We can't underestimate that."

"Let's go send them off then," Eren suggested, indicating the two horses they had brought along. He turned his back to her on which he carried a backpack. They'd hastily packed it with back at the old headquarters in the short time they'd dared to stay around.

She turned around to the mount that had carried her here and gave it an appreciative pat on its strong neck. Together they guided their horses to face away from the wall and sent them off with a slap on their flanks. They watched for a while as the two animals strode off together. Then they turned and climbed Wall Rose.

They fell silent again. All that could be heard was the hissing sound of whirling wires and the gas they released as they propelled themselves higher. Annie's heart felt a little heavy. She was unable to shake off the thought that something was on Eren's mind, something that bugged him, but he wouldn't share with her.

She didn't want to dwell on it. She didn't want to wreck her brain about something she might have been imagining and she didn't want to ask about it anymore. So she did what she could do: she focused at the task at hand, their way to Shiganshina.

Upon reaching firm ground with her feet, Annie crossed the broad top of the wall to look down at the titan territory. They had headed south-west from the old headquarters to avoid crossing Wall Rose too close to Trost District and it seemed to pay off: there were no titans in the near vicinity from what she could tell with her eyes. And still they had not strayed too far east so they could head to Shiganshina District without too much of a detour.

"Looks like Trost is still doing its job in attracting most titans in the area," she declared. "We can descend here."

Eren joined her side to peek down. "And then which direction?" he asked.

She took a moment to stare at him judgingly, until she realised that he might not have asked which direction Shiganshina was – which would be worth judging, because it would show poor orientation skills for a trained soldier – but rather which route they should take in her opinion. After all, the further south they got the more titans they had to expect. And Annie knew first hand that even as a shifter it was dangerous to cross titan territory. The less distance they had to cover and the fewer titans they encountered, the better.

With a short glance to the sun that now rose to the left in the field of her vision, Annie confirmed that they were facing south-east.

"I'd say we go straight ahead, aiming for the shortest distance to Wall Maria," she explained her thoughts. "Once we climbed that we can head to Shiganshina walking along it and should be able to avoid trouble until we're there."

She glanced sideways to see Eren nod in agreement. "I could make it in a couple of hours even if we include a good break to have some rest," Annie continued. "Covering the actual distance is not what I'm worried about, though."

"Provisions?" Eren made it sound more like a statement than a question, but it showed that he was following up with her considerations.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Technically it would be easiest to hunt on the area inside of Wall Rose, but I doubt that would be safest in our case." She took a few steps back from the edge to look over her shoulder on the land behind them, human territory. "We don't know when they'll notice our absence, but they're bound to come after us and I honestly don't want to take our chances by staying where they could reach us easily."

"So we'll hunt on titan territory," she heard him conclude next to her.

"Yeah," she confirmed and turned towards him again. "But first, let's try to cross at least half of the distance."

The look with the knitted brows he cast her way was completed by his worried question: "Are you sure you can make it in one go?"

Annie gave him a pointed stare before softening her features. "Don't worry," she assured him. "I'm the long distance runner of the team. I trained for this." When he still looked unconvinced, she added: "And I'm not out of practice too much. We'll be fine."

Eren nodded, his expression taking on that hard edge again. It was like he was holding something back and Annie felt that mixture of curiosity and insecurity nag her once more. She forced it to the back of her head, reminding herself that there were more important things to focus on right now.

"Let's go," she suggested. "As soon as we're on the ground I'll shift and pick you up."

"Okay," Eren confirmed simply.

They descended the wall with ease, both their training paying off well. And finally Annie's feet touched ground again which wasn't ruled by mankind. She allowed herself a shaky inhale as the excitement rushed through her, but that was all the time she let herself take before getting back to business.

With a few determined steps she brought some distance between Wall Rose and herself. Out of habit she reached into her pockets, only now remembering that her father's ring had been taken from her upon her capture. Annie paused, shocked that she'd forgotten about it.

"Annie…? Are you alright?" Eren's voice was strained, his nerves probably tingling in alarm at her hesitation.

Annie remembered herself and looked up to him. "I'm fine," she assured him. "I just got confused because I forgot for a moment that I didn't have my ring." She offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Old habits you know."

She didn't mention the jolt of guilt that had surged through her. She had forgotten about her father who was supposed to be her sole ally in this world. She had bonded with Eren and she didn't regret it, but that made her guilt in that moment even bigger.

Once again she pushed aside her feelings. She forced herself not to think about how she'd face her father. She forced herself not to think of her return to her home village. Now was not the time for that, not yet. Instead she thought of Eren – of carrying him, of protecting him – and raised her hand to her mouth.

Annie wasn't used to biting so hard. She wasn't used to biting _herself_ so hard and feeling the pain. She wasn't used to fighting her instincts to draw away. She wasn't used to harming herself, biting harder, sinking her teeth deeper until her skin broke and bits of her flesh tore and she tasted blood.

How did Eren do it over and over again?, she wondered as the electricity surged through her body and a huge form of flesh and bones built up around her, taking her in and rising her high above the ground in its warmth. Annie took little time to adjust in the nape of her titan form and gain control over it. She became one with her artificial body.

Immediately, she knelt down and stretched out her hand for Eren to climb onto it. She could've picked him from the ground directly, but something about that wouldn't have been right. Instead she let him climb into her palm and made sure not to close her fingers too tightly around him as she lifted him up.

Her instincts had been right. Upon raising him to her shoulder she caught a glimpse of his face. Eren had clenched his jaw it seemed and the look he gave her reflected how turbulence was trying to break through the calm trust he had displayed to her ever since they had set out. Annie couldn't blame him for being upset about seeing her titan form again, though. The only two times he'd faced her when she was transformed they had fought as enemies after all. She wasn't particularly fond of the memories herself.

"Okay," she registered Eren's voice to her left where he'd settled. "I'm set, you can go."

Thankful that he didn't leave it for her to guess but actually gave her his go, Annie rose to her feet and turned away from the wall. With short but sharp looks in all directions she confirmed that the way ahead was clear for now. Then she headed off, adapting a light jogging speed that she would be able to hold for a few hours. The earth vibrated beneath her feet and her hair swayed rhythmically with each of her steps.

Knowing how easy it was for her thoughts to start wandering, but how vital it was for her to keep her focus, Annie recalled her mantra she had memorised for these occasions. Match your breathing. Stay alert. Keep your eyes open. Check left and right, but don't forget to look ahead. She went over it again, leaving only little room for any other thought. Occasionally she ascertained that she still could feel Eren's weight on her left shoulder.

Like this they left Wall Rose well behind them. Now and again Annie spotted a titan in the distance, but none of them seemed interested in her and Eren. As the sun climb further up, clouds hid it from view and eventually rain began to pour.

Annie cursed internally. It wasn't the softening ground that bothered her so much, though she had to throttle her speed in order not to risk slipping. In fact the falling water drops benefitted them by covering their tracks. She didn't mind her titan form becoming wet either, but she worried about Eren. She would have to find a place where they could take shelter, because she couldn't imagine it being pleasant on her shoulder at the moment.

Raising her hand to shelter Eren sitting next to her neck, Annie scanned their surroundings more carefully. A bit further left she could make out a large group of trees and she didn't hesitate to adjust her direction and head straight towards the forest. Even if it meant a little detour, it offered the shelter they needed now. Also it should be a good hunting ground that would allow them to bring down some game without becoming prey themselves.

Annie stopped at one of the giant trees which were still close to the edge of the forest. She let Eren climb from her shoulder onto a branch before leaning against the trunk. Thus she ensured that her titan form wouldn't collapse to its knees once she gave up control over it.

Willing the hot flesh to release her, Annie broke free from the sticky heat of the nape and climbed out. With a little effort she jumped over to the branch where Eren had settled down. Slightly panting, she looked at his wet figure. He was probably soaked to the bone.

"You look completely drenched," she noted, leaning her small body against the tree trunk.

"I don't mind the rain," Eren offered. "You look exhausted."

"I've been worse," she retorted and it was true. Despite all the running and the toll being transformed took on a shifter she wasn't at her limit yet.

"Let's get away from here," Annie suggested, looking back at her vacant titan form that had started evaporating into thick billows of steam. "This will probably attract some titans and I'd like to be way out of reach before they come running for lunch."

Eren didn't object and together they advanced through the rows of trees and higher towards treetops, trying to waste as little gas in the tanks of their 3DMG as possible. They settled several metres away, far out of reach of a fifteen metre class, but still way enough down to have several layers of thick leaves protecting them mostly from the autumn rain. Annie insisted to dry off Eren with the blanket they had brought along.

"You're going to get a cold if we don't take care of you," she warned him.

"Can we even get colds?" he asked surprised. "I thought with all the healing we could do that we couldn't get ill either."

"Our bodies may be more resistant, that doesn't mean we should get reckless."

That seemed to do it, because he let her rub him dry without further resistance. But while she tended to his hair he became sullen all of a sudden.

"Look at you," Eren noted, "acting all motherly."

Annie paused, a little perplexed. "I'm not acting motherly," she defended herself. "I'm taking care of you, because apparently you can't do it yourself."

He chuckled at that. "Now you're starting to sound like Mikasa."

She raised an eyebrow at that, but stopped herself from commenting on the unwelcome comparison as she noticed the change in his features. He looked grim again and only now it dawned on her.

"Is that what's bothering you?" She inquired, continuing to rub the blanket over his hair again. "Do you feel bad for leaving them behind?" She was careful not to mention any names in order not to make his guilt grow. He probably could guess that she was referring to their old comrades from the 104th training squad.

Eren shook his head. "Let's not make a big deal out of it."

"But it's troubling you," Annie stated, not willing to let it go so easily. She wanted to support him, to share his burden with him, even though she wasn't quite sure how.

"Forget about it, Annie," he snapped and she pulled back a little in shock. Eren sighed and continued in a softer tone. "We're here, we're heading to Shiganshina and then to your home village to save your people – that's all that matters for now," he assured her, not breaking eye-contact with her once.

Annie wanted to say that she was sorry. She wanted to apologise that she dragged him into this and he was now abandoning everything he knew for her. But the words didn't come out. She had deceived her comrades with silence for so many years. The truth was such a hard thing to utter.

Silence took over. Annie hung the dampened blanket next to her over the big branch though she doubted it would do much to dry it.

"Let's rest for now and then try to hunt something," she suggested.

Eren said nothing, just pulled her in. Like that they remained: Annie's against his chest while he had his arms wrapped around her and leaned against the tree trunk. For a moment she could feel his lips on her temple and she let her eyes fall shut.

The rain let off after a while and Annie decided they had rested long enough. She freed herself from Eren's embrace and told him it was time for hunting. While they packed away the blanket and descended with as little help of the 3DMG as possible neither of them spoke another word. Silence had become their new companion, it seemed.

On the ground Annie took the lead automatically. She knew it was risky to walk in titan territory, but they had to preserve their gas and hunting worked best on foot if no horse was available. She directed them further south along the edge of the forest, away from where they had left her titan body to dissolve and closer towards Wall Maria.

Along the way she cut off some materials she could use to craft a provisional bow and a few arrows. Annie was glad they had been able to bring along a good knife, because it was far more suited for this kind of thing than their double-edged swords from the 3DMG.

Eren kept watch while she tested the hunting weapon to warn her should titans approach, but they remained undisturbed. It seemed like all the man-eaters in the area were infesting the remnants of her titan form.

Annie had never seen him obey like that. Naturally he had followed the orders of Keith Shadis and the other instructors during their training time, but there had been a completely different air about him. The way Eren obeyed her instructions quietly without neither objection nor confirmation was remarkable to her. He really had grown since then, because it seemed to her that he could acknowledge that she had more experience in the area of hunting without feeling disregarded.

When she took the lead again, stalking through the woods to find game, he followed her as quietly as possible, still not questioning anything. Annie relied on Eren to have her back and look out for titans while she was searching the thicket for a possible prey. She really hoped their lucky streak continued and she could shoot something before they came across a titan.

They came across a stream and they stopped to drink some water. Annie decided to remain in the near vicinity, because the fresh water would come in useful for more than just hydration. She also set up a few traps in case she couldn't shoot anything. She would show Eren how it worked, but she still needed him to keep a look out for titans.

After some time they came across a deer. Annie crouched down and aimed for the heart, not allowing any doubt in her skills, because she was a little out of practice. But she managed to take it down without much trouble.

The next moments were essential. As fast as possible she dragged her quarry back to the river where she started to skin and dress her it. While she worked thoroughly with the knife, she instructed Eren on how to set up a fire to cold smoke the meat. Luckily the giant trees in the forest had mostly protected the smaller ones from the rain and they didn't have too much trouble. Setting up a fire with wet wood isn't impossible, but it's a lot harder to kindle flames with it.

"We should leave the meat in the smoke for at least a night if we want it to last us a couple of days," Annie proposed once the meat was cut into thin strips and hung over the fire. "So I suggest we set up our camp and stay here till tomorrow."

Eren narrowed his eyebrows worriedly. "Isn't that too risky?" he asked sceptically. "Won't the fire attract titans?"

"Actually" – she readjusted her shirt – "the fire here works to our advantage. The smoke covers up our scents and should keep the titans off our tracks."

"Really?" He sounded surprised.

Annie couldn't help raising an eyebrow at him in amusement. "Don't you people know that titans are primarily drawn to humans by their scent?"

"No?"

"Oh right, they didn't mention anything about it in theory class, did they?" She hadn't really paid attention during all of the theory classes, mostly when it was about the 3DMG and how it worked. Otherwise the things mentioned by the instructors were old news for her and she'd allowed her thoughts to wander.

"They didn't," he confirmed. "This is the first time I'm hearing something like it."

"In short," she summed up, "smell seems to be the most distinct sense of a titan – at least when it comes to scenting humans. The other senses seem to be diminished in some way."

"But I can't scent humans when I'm in my titan body," Eren objected, "and my other senses don't seem that impaired either."

"But you also can still use your brain when transformed," Annie pointed out. "When the conscience is shut down and overruled by that titan instinct that drives them to devour humans, it seems the senses start being processed differently."

He scratched the back of his head, still looking unconvinced.

"Look, I'm no scientist" – she was growing impatient – "but this knowledge has been passed down in our tribe over the years and we've been surviving thanks to it, so it's reliable."

"Okay, right," he nodded. "Sorry, I'm just trying to make sense of things when there's still so much we don't know."

"Fair enough," Annie mumbled.

A while later she had Eren watch over the fire while she went off to get some more firewood and check on the traps she had set up. To the meat of the deer she could add that of two rabbits which meant their provisions should last them for about a week. She also found some edible berries to slightly vary their menu.

They stayed in the forest until the next morning, forgetting about the walls that lay behind them and Shiganshina and the shifter village lying ahead of them as they lived just in the here and now. The fire had to be fed with wood, the process of the cold smoking observed and their surroundings watched in case a titan happened to come their way. Neither of them really spoke unless it was about either of those things. The limited communication didn't feel uncomfortable though and at night Eren pulled in Annie and wrapped them up in the blanket together to protect them from the cold.

When they woke up the next day, Annie found it hard to tell how far the day had advanced and hurried Eren to eat and then pack up their things with her. They stored away the smoked meat with the water they had stocked up the day before.

As soon as they were done, she climbed to the top of one of the giant trees to check the sky and make sure they would be heading in the right direction. The sky was littered with clouds, but she could make out a glimpse of the sun in the direction she'd assumed was east. Noon seemed still a few hours away and if they headed out now they would make it to Wall Rose way before nightfall.

Upon returning to the ground, Annie directed Eren southwards and they started walking until they reached a space in the forest that was big enough for her to transform. It felt like routine to let Eren climb into her large palm and then let him down on her left shoulder.

The forest stretched out a few metres before opening up onto a plain and since they had strayed into the thickets, Annie only walked until the trees lit up. When she had checked the surroundings in her usual manner, she fell into the same jog she had adopted the day before, focusing only on running, looking out for titans and Eren's weight on her shoulder.

Annie was glad it was October. Had it still been summer, running as noon approached would've been absolutely exhausting. But under the cool of the grey autumn sky she didn't have to take a break once for the rest of the distance to Wall Maria. Once or twice Annie slightly altered her course to avoid running into titans, but otherwise the second half of their trip between the walls went just as eventless as the first half. There wasn't even a drop of water from the sky.

The shape of the large construct came into view and gradually grew bigger as they approached. Annie placed her hand over her neck where Eren sat to keep him from falling off as she covered the final metres in a sprint and came to an abrupt halt in front of Wall Maria. Like she'd done the previous day with the giant tree she leaned her back to the wall before releasing control of her titan form.

Eren had already started to climb the construction when Annie broke out of her neck. A little strained from her final spurt, she gasped for the cool autumn air and lingered a moment on the limp, steaming body she had navigated effortless like she now moved her own body. Fighting back her exhaustion, Annie shot a hook into the wall and started to climb up behind Eren.

When she reached the top she didn't care about acting tough and sank to her knees, holding her side as her lungs still demanded an increased amount of oxygen. Eren crouched down beside her.

"You didn't have to run like that at the end, you know," he noted, offering her some water from his backpack.

"Shut up!" she snapped, accepting the hose pipe in his hand and taking a few sips. "The running was boring me and I just wanted to get it over with."

Eren got back to his feet and stepped to the other side of the plain top of Wall Maria. Annie allowed herself a few more breaths as her lungs gradually calmed and then forced herself up, too, to walk over to him. She stored the hose pipe in the bag and stood next to him. Together they looked at the landscape stretching out beneath them, knowing that no human had seen or touched it in five years at least.

"I've never been up here," Eren mused, a trace of awe in his voice. "I've always wanted to go out there as a kid, but I never even got to see it."

Annie remained silent next to me. It seemed he had a moment and she didn't want to disturb him. There was not much she could offer in reply and she still was processing the scene for herself.

"Where's your village?" Eren suddenly asked.

"I'm not sure..." She took a moment to orientate herself. "See that chain of mountains there?" she then wanted to know, pointing at a mountain range ahead of them.

"Somewhere there?" he inquired, leaning in close to follow the direction of her finger with his eyes.

"Yeah, somewhere," Annie confirmed, letting her hand sink.

"Shiganshina is a detour then?"

She looked up at him. He still standing closed, but no longer leaning his head against her. His face looked solemn, dutiful. Annie wondered what he was thinking, but she could only guess.

"It's alright," she assured him. "We have a deal."

At that Eren looked down at her, examining her carefully. Something passed through his eyes and again she couldn't pinpoint it. This was beginning to drive her mad, and upon looking at his lips so close to her she realised that she hadn't kissed him in over a day, which didn't help at all. She wanted to fix that, but she didn't dare.

Why had she brought up the bargain anyway? Why hadn't she told him that she was doing it for him, that she _wanted_ to do it for him? Instead she had highlighted the business-like sense their joint trip held. She had talked about agreements instead of feelings. What if Eren was acting so distant because of her behaviour and by brining that up she had just enforced that image in his mind?

Annie forced herself to let it go. A part of her wished she had kept her distance to everyone and never gotten mixed up in this mess called relationships, because it stirred her up and left her confused and definitely made her think too much. But she knew she was in too deep by now and there was no easy way out anymore, just like they had come all this way to Wall Maria and couldn't simply head back to human territory without facing severe consequences.

"Shall we go then?" she asked Eren, tearing herself away from him and the edge of the wall they were standing at. "Let's try and get some more distance covered before it gets dark."

He didn't object and Annie pushed away the thought that she missed the days when he had spoken his mind all of the time.

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	19. 18: Passage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie and Eren have reached Wall Maria and continue on their way to Shiganshina.

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**Chapter 18: Passage**

.: :.

Sleeping on an open plain fifty metres above the ground in autumn wasn't pleasant. The first night up there Eren got little rest. All night the cold wind swept across Wall Maria without letting up. Their capes and the blanket in their baggage didn't offer enough protection against it. Eren and Annie had cuddled up together as close as possible, feeding from each other's warmth. There was no wood to make a fire and even if there'd been Eren doubted the flames would've been able to resist the harsh weather. The sky remained clouded for the most part but there was no rain at least.

The second night they were luckier. They had walked almost all day to covered most of the distance to Shiganshina. At dawn they came across one of the stone huts that used to serve as a watch post for the soldiers of the Garrison who looked after the wall. The space was more than alright for two people. To the left were two bunk-beds and a table with chairs was set up in the centre. There was some wood next to the fireplace on the right which they lit it up in a warming fire. Outside, the wind continued to blow the rain descended, but it didn't concern them. They slept in the same bed despite the shelter of the stone walls.

When Eren woke the next morning, the bed next to him was empty though. With some rubbing and blinking he tried to get the sleep out of his eyes as he sat up and looked around. Daylight fell through the small windows into the interior of the cabin. There was nobody there, it seemed he was alone.

"Annie?" Eren asked, vocal chords still lazy from the sleep clinging to his muscles.

There was no answer, not even the shuffling of feet or the rustling of clothes. He looked around, but he couldn't make out Annie's familiar form. There was no sign of where she might have gone and for a moment fear spread in his chest that she might've run off alone and left him behind.

Eren shook his head to dispel the doubts that dreaded to settle in his mind. Annie wouldn't do that to him, he was certain. They had built a mutual trust and he had no reason to distrust her now. He loved Annie and he was sure she loved him as well. Nothing had changed since they'd left the old headquarters. Not even if their communication had grown slim and now consisted for the most part of discussing their next course of action.

Over a chair at the table hung Annie's cape where she had left it the night before. Eren got out of bed stretching and walked over to pick it up. Burying his nose in the fabric, he inhaled Annie's faint scent lingering to it. Had it really been two days since the last time he had kissed her?

Eren let his hands with the cape sink. When he had decided that he needed to break Annie out of her cell he'd been so emotional about it. But then things had taken a strange turn. His confrontation with Levi had his brain trying to think pragmatic so he could convince the captain to let him go. Annie, too, had gone about their escape in a businesslike fashion and they had started to plan and weigh their options. And in all that Eren had felt the guilt nagging at him more and more the further they got away from the old headquarters. He had tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing and it would all work out somehow. But the truth was that he didn't know, he couldn't know.

Going about things step by step had helped him not to get sidetracked by his guilty conscience. A part of him felt still bad about leaving behind the walls. The Scouting Legion continued to fight titans and now also had to be on the lookout against the Founders. It felt like he was letting them down by running off with Annie.

Eren still was trying to adjust to the new situation. It was no longer him against the titans to protect what he loved and fight for his dream. Things had turned out to be more complex and he was struggling to reconcile everything that mattered to him.

He wasn't abandoning everything for Annie. But he also wouldn't just disregard her for his friends and comrades, let alone mankind. The discovered pragmatism was his way out. He had learned it from Levi and Annie, but only now that he was leaving the walls behind was he coming to appreciate it.

He learnt to filter the options in his head to find the best way to get what he wanted. And that was proving to be a lot more effective than rushing forwards and trying to force his head through a wall. It was just hard for him to balance it with his emotions. He feared that if he gave way for them he wouldn't be able to return to this calm state of mind. And he needed it to pull through with everything.

He needed it to get to Shiganshina and discover what was in the basement. He needed it to accompany Annie to her home village and help her people. He needed it to return to the walls and support his comrades from the Scouting Legion.

A thumping that sounded like footsteps on wooden stairs drew Eren's attention and he turned to his left, facing the back of the room. There was a trapdoor in the corner he hadn't noticed until now and Annie was emerging from it.

"You're finally up," she remarked upon noticing him standing by the table, still holding onto her cape.

"Yeah," Eren replied.

"I just checked for supplies downstairs," she informed him, throwing the wooden trapdoor shut. "The food has definitely gone bad and the whole room smells funny." She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the thought of it. "I wouldn't even touch the water."

"So that's where you've been," he concluded, indicating the now covered-up stairwell. "I was already wondering what you were getting up to."

Annie raised her eyebrows at him and pointed at the cape he was still holding in his hands. "Were you trying to pick up my scent with the help of that?"

"How do you know I was sniffing your cape?" Eren asked, feeling caught.

"So you were actually sniffing my cape." She regarded the realisation with the same face she had pulled at the thought of the room beneath them. (No one had aerated it in five years after all while food had been rotting away in it.)

"Shut up!" Eren snapped with little edge to his voice and threw the piece of clothing in his hand at Annie. He was only a little offended by her words.

"I don't need this right now," she remarked, letting the cape fly right back at him.

"I must've misunderstood the shiver running through your body," he teased, but he put the cloth back down on the chair.

Annie started strolling towards him. "That was disgust at the thought of rotten food, you dumbo," she declared.

"Oi, watch it," Eren growled. He closed the rest of the gap between them and pulled her in. Without giving it thought he pressed his lips onto hers before she could protest. But she didn't seem to have any objections considering how she melted into him. A moment passed before he interrupted their kiss only to add: "After all it was me who got you out of your cell."

"Yeah, that was really dumb of you," she muttered.

Her hands had wandered around his neck, drawing him into another kiss immediately. She seemed greedy for him the way she pushed her body against his and probed his lips with her tongue, begging for entry. Eren's resolve from the last two days began to melt and he gave in to the passion their deepening kiss rekindled in him.

His mind was shutting down. His body was running on instinct and muscle memory as he let his hands wander along Annie's familiar curves. But reason wasn't so easy to overcome once it had settled in. It remained persistent in the back of his mind and reminded him that he hadn't left all his comrades in Wall Rose behind to give in to pleasure with Annie. He had a goal, a set path – his basement in Shiganshina, Annie's home village and then back to the walls. He couldn't lose sight of that.

Eren jerked back, breaking free from Annie's clutching hands and releasing his grip on her. He only caught a glimpse of her face as he turned away. His actions made him feel ashamed and he forbade himself to try and analyse her expression which was everything but blank.

"I think we should get going," he suggested, trying to act like nothing had happened. In the silence that followed he turned to the bunk they had slept in and picked up the blanket to put it back into the bag they'd brought.

"Seriously?" Annie asked, a sharp edge to her voice. "Are you fucking kidding me right now, Eren?"

He paused at his name and turned to look at her. Sha had narrowed eyebrows and her blue orbs pierced him. It was different from the glimpse he had caught of her expression before. That had seemed vulnerable, hurt. She was definitely angry now.

"What?" Eren prompted, not understanding what her problem was.

"You kiss me like you're boiling over with passion in one moment and next you push me away and go on like nothing happened?!"

He dropped the blanket back onto the bunk. "I had assumed we're trying to move forward and wanted to avoid any unnecessary delays," he explained, close to losing his temper.

"'Unnecessary delays'?" she echoed, sounding offended. "Is that what this is to you now? A delay? A distraction? Because the great Eren, saviour of the world, has to get to his basement as soon as possible and has no time for the girl he told told two days prior he wanted her in his life."

"I just want us to get there as soon as possible, so we can move on to your home village," he shouted, having grown angrier with each of her words. "Is that a problem now?"

"No, that's not it," she shot back, but caught herself. She gave a long sigh before continuing: "Just…what the hell has happened to you, Eren? What happened to the guy rushing into my cell, not giving a damn about anything as long as he got to see me?"

He turned away, gripping the top bunk in front of him to steady himself. Things were hard to balance for him and now Annie called him out on it. He struggled with words in his mind, trying to find the ones that could help him explain what was going on. And he fought the anger, frustrated over how lost and incapable he felt. Everything seemed just a bit too much to cope with.

"I'm trying to get a grip of things," he declared with gritted teeth. "We're out here on our own and it feels like everything is more uncertain than it ever was... And I'm just trying not to lose sight of what's important. I don't want to fuck this up or get us into trouble like I used to. Back in Trost I almost got my whole team – including myself – killed because I let my emotions guide me instead of using my brain."

Annie came to his side and pried his grip on the bed frame with careful fingers. She turned him to face her, holding on to his hand.

"It's okay, I understand," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "But next time talk to me. Don't make me feel unwanted by keeping me at distance and pushing me away when I get closer. Just don't make me believe my worst fear has come true and I'm in deeper than you, but can't have you the way I need you."

Eren swallowed hard, holding her gaze. He felt horrible and stupid for not having considered how his behaviour affected Annie. Two days and he had let her down already in a way he had never thought he would be able to.

"I depend on you now," she continued, struggling to say it out loud while her vocal chords seemed to let her down. "Please don't leave me hanging."

A mixture of emotions spread out in Eren's insides. In a need for physical contact he pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair where he left a few gentle pecks.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, fighting the impending tears as much as her. "I'm so sorry." Annie held on to him as tight as she could or maybe just as tight as she dared. "I've been a real idiot," he rambled on. "I was so wrapped up in my own worries that I forgot. I forgot things trouble you, too, and you're not as indifferent as you always seemed. I should know by now…"

"Shh," she soothed him, her hands rubbing over his back. "Don't worry about that now."

"But…," he wanted to object, but had no idea what he even wanted to say.

"I just want you to remember that you have me," she continued in a hushed tone. "You can rely on me. And I won't let you get too carried away with your emotions." He shut his eyes, letting the comfort of her words wash over him while dwelling in her scent at the crook of her neck. "I will protect you, Eren, even from yourself. Like back then, in the forest of giant trees when you almost lost yourself to your rage during our fight."

Eren opened his eyes wide at that and became limb as she removed her hands from his back and wrapped them around his neck. "You…"

He hadn't even realised at that time, but thinking back he understood now. When he had knelt over the Female Titan, over _her_ and roared at her in rage about the damage she had caused. Waiting for his splintered hands to regenerate, he had been losing himself in the thoughts of tearing her apart, of devouring her. That had been the moment she had taken hold of his arm. The touch had given him focus again, her counter attack forcing him back into full consciousness.

"You saved me back then," Eren whispered, overwhelmed by the realisation.

"Of course," Annie replied in the same tone, her body swaying against his because she was standing on her toes.

"You say that like it's a given."

"It was a given to me, you just didn't know."

He pressed his nose into her hair again, regaining his calm in the comfort of her touch and her familiar scent. He didn't want to think about where he would be without her; how desperate, how lost he'd be.

"Thank you," Eren murmured. He didn't specify what for exactly and Annie didn't ask. She didn't need his reasons, because she knew him.

She turned her head to give him a soft peck on the cheek. Eren moved in and captured her lips. The kiss was less passionate than the previous. Their mouths moved slower, not greedy but gentle this time.

When Annie released her embrace to look at him he let his hands rest on her hips and his gaze linger on her blue orbs. He brought up a hand to push her blond tresses out of her face and let his fingers wander over her forehead.

"I won't shut you out again, I promise," Eren declared. "And if I ever act like such an idiot again," he added, "you're allowed to beat me up."

At that Annie showed one of her rare beautiful smiles. She never dared to look at him, but always directed her eyes to the ground. Acting on a sudden intuition, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. Then he pressed her against his chest once more.

"Did you even have anything to eat yet?" Annie wanted to know after a while. Releasing his hold on her, Eren denied.

"I thought we could do it on the way," he explained. "We're almost at Shiganshina and I don't want to waste any time now that I'm so close to the basement."

The nearer they were coming to their first destination the more the curiosity and tension had risen inside of Eren. The question what he might find there was now more pressing in his mind than ever. For the first time it felt in reach, it was in reach. He would finally get to find out what his father had hidden away in secret in the basement of their old home. His father, wherever was now…

Annie nodded, showing her understanding. She urged him to have a few sips of water before they finished packing up and headed out. They needed to get to Shiganshina soon, because they had to refill their waterskins.

When they stepped out of the stone hut the sky greeted them in its now usual grey. There was no sign of rain however which they appreciated in silence.

"I've never eaten so much meat in such a short amount of time," Eren noted as they were on their way. He sank his teeth a third time into the piece of smoked meat he was holding.

He registered the sound Annie's faint chuckle as she chewed a bite of her own breakfast. "Right, you people need to be resourceful with your game."

"Yeah, _us people_ ," he echoed in a humorous tone. "Stuck inside the walls with our limited resources – I always thought it sucks."

"How long have you been dreaming of the world outside?" Annie inquired after a pause.

Eren looked over to her, surprised by the sudden question. "Six or seven years," he then replied after some consideration. "Ever since Armin showed me the book which spoke about the world outside of the walls and the things it holds."

"Isn't talking about the outside world forbidden by the king?"

"Yeah. And now I know why exactly that is." He narrowed his eyebrows in anger. "What a bastard, the king! He better not cross my path. I couldn't guarantee for what I would do to him…"

"Well, you no longer have to worry about that now," Annie pointed out.

"Yeah…," Eren replied, letting his voice trail off.

He still hadn't told her that he intended to return to the walls. It hadn't been his focus over the last two days and now that he recalled it again he didn't know how to explain it to her. They just had argued about him keeping Annie at distance and he feared that if he brought it up now she would think he didn't trust in her.

But most of all he didn't want to pressure Annie into feeling obliged to come back to the walls with him. He wanted her safe with her family and people. Once they were in her home village working on saving her tribe he would discuss it with her. Right now it would only distract them from getting there, he was sure.

They finished the rest of their meat in silence and shared the last few berries they had collected in the forest two days ago. The fruits wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway, so there was no point in rationing them. Then they allowed themselves a few more sips of water and headed on.

The wind increased, blowing the cool autumn air through their hair. They drew their capes tighter around their bodies to preserve the warmth inside their clothes as well as possible.

"I don't like autumn," Annie noted, walking close beside Eren. "The weather is so inconsistent and you're never wearing the right clothes. It's always either too cold or too warm – never mind being too wet."

"Are you complaining about the weather?" Eren asked, aware that it was an obvious question, but he needed to express his surprise.

"Can't I complain about it?"

"No! I mean, of course!" he tried to clarify that he didn't have an issue with that. "It's just…you never complained before. In the summer when we were sparring and I was whining about the heat and exhausted you just pushed your fringe out of your face and carried on like it was nothing."

"I don't find summer that pleasant, actually," Annie declared. She didn't jump at the chance to call Eren a lousy student who gave up way too early during their fights. (She had pointed that out many times before.) "Winter is more my season," she noted instead.

"Winter is bloody cold," Eren exclaimed, shivering at the mere thought of it.

"So what?" she asked. "You put on warm clothes and keep moving so you won't get cold." She made it sound so simple. But he had done those things and still shivered in the freezing winter air, so he didn't agree with her on that.

"The winter air is so fresh and clear," Annie continued, her voice touching on a hidden excitement which was rare for her. "And the snow is just wonderful. Everything is so peaceful and quiet."

"Makes sense," he mused. When she gave him a questioning look he added: "For you to like that season, it makes sense somehow."

"You think so?" she inquired and Eren nodded.

"Like I said, somehow," he told her. "I can't really explain it though."

"Mh," she commented, letting silence take over for a moment.

"And you?" Annie asked then. "Your favourite season is spring then?"

Eren tried not to sound too impressed. "How did you know?"

"You always complained about the heat in summer. When I voiced my dislike of autumn you didn't object. But when I talked about the beauty of winter you pointed out that it was too cold," she summed up. "So that only leaves spring."

"Well, I don't have a favourite season per se," he admitted, "but if I had to pick one it would be spring I guess."

"Like I concluded," Annie noted and she sounded pleased with herself.

"Now, my favourite time of year would be September though," Eren declared with enthusiasm. "The weather is beautiful most of the time. It's still warm, but not too warm - I really like that."

"We call that 'Altweibersommer[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1023017/chapters/2664829#chapter_19_endnotes)'," she informed him.

"Ult-way- _what_?" he echoed, confused about the unfamiliar sound of the word.

"I don't know, it's an ancient term," Annie explained. "Our scholars still learn this dead language called 'German' and it's borrowed word from that. I think it translates to 'Old Wives' Summer' or something."

"Old Wives' Summer?" Eren laughed at the name. "Who even came up with that?"

"Some idiot hundreds or thousands of years ago I presume," she noted, causing him to chuckle a bit more.

"Old Wives' Summer," he let the word melt on his tongue. "I like that. It's ridiculous, I love it! Do your people have any more weird terms like it?"

Annie gave it a thought. "I don't know about weird," she offered then, "but your surname means hunter."

Eren looked at her in surprise. "Jaeger is German?"

"What? You've never stumbled over the sound of your own name?" she questioned and raised her eyebrows at him. "Jaeger doesn't have a particular English ring to it."

"English?" he echoed the unfamiliar word.

"Yeah, English," she confirmed. "The language we're speaking right now."

"Wow," he noted and let his gaze wander ahead. "I never thought there was a name for it. Everybody just _uses_ it, you know."

Annie's voice rang through the air as she laughed at his suggestion. That was when Eren saw it and stopped in his tracks. Falling silent, she paused one step ahead of him. With questioning eyes she turned around to look at him.

"Shiganshina," he breathed at the sight of the wall that enclosed the district in the utmost south of Wall Maria.

A tumult of feelings was welling up inside of him. The sight of his home district was affecting his emotions like the wind was tousling Annie's blond hair. At the edge of his field of vision he saw her turn to look ahead as well. Eren felt like a mess. All the memories were crashing down on him. All the pain and desperation of that fateful day he'd had to leave this place behind came back to live in vivid detail.

But there was also the excitement. He knew he was so close to uncovering what his father had hidden in the basement like never before. It was what took control over his feet and led him towards his destination. He didn't even pay attention if Annie was following him. His thirst for the truth rose with every step. Somewhere in his mind a part of him begged whatever force decided the course of things that he hadn't come all this way for nothing.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 **Altweibersommer** ( _germ_ , literally "Old Wives' Summer") denotes a period of uniform weather in autumn, often in September, which is characterized by a high pressure area, stable weather and a warm decay of the summer.


	20. 19: Hardened Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to [PrimaMalum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimaMalum) for helping me with this bloody part and also my thanks to [Euregatto](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Euregatto) for checking it over as well.

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**Chapter 19: Hardened Skin**

.: :.

Shiganshina lay in grave silence. Time had taken its toll on the buildings and – unattended by their owners – they had started to decay. For the most part it looked just neglected and less resistant than the high walls surrounding it. But Annie recalled that day she had entered the district for the first time. She remembered the cries filled with panic and fear of the people who had run for their dear lives. Their misery resonated in her head and the wind seemed to carry the sound of it through the deserted alleys. She knew it was a graveyard.

Annie stood next to Eren at the far edge of the walls encasing the dilapidated human settlement. Neither of them spoke a word of the ghosts hunting their minds. They battled them in silence, each of them on their own. They didn't feel quite the same things at the sight, she was sure. Eren, she supposed, recalled names and faces. He remembered happier times before the horror of the titans had come over Shiganshina.

Annie didn't know who the voices which screamed in her head belonged to. She had no pleasant memories of this place. All she thought of was blood and destruction and loss: The blood she had shed, the destruction she had caused, the loss she held responsibility for. For years she had avoided this, but now that she was looking at the aftermath of her actions the guilt hit her in its entirety.

It was different from Trost where she had helped to carry away the dead bodies of soldiers or their remains. The people who had died there only two months ago had been familiar faces. Though she hadn't even been close to Mina Carolina during their training days – when she had stood over the dead body of her former bunkmate she had felt the need to apologise anyway.

Shiganshina had been full of strangers. But having Eren stand beside her reminded her that they had family and friends, someone who cared for them, someone who lost them. And she knew like her they just had wanted to live.

"I'm really sorry," Annie whispered, in a similar manner to how she had apologised back in Trost.

She hadn't meant for Eren to hear it, she had just needed to get it out like once before already. Somehow it just seemed to help and take some of the weight off of her chest. That's why it surprised her when Eren spoke.

"Are you sorry for me or for the people that died here?" he inquired in a low tone.

Annie couldn't tell his mood. She wasn't sure whether his thoughts were circling around the same thing as hers. He could be contemplating the role she had played in the destruction of Shiganshina and the demise of its people. But the tone of his voice had given nothing away. His thoughts could be with different matters for all she knew.

After a moment of consideration she brought herself to say: "Both, I guess."

Eren didn't respond and Annie didn't attempt to stop the silence from unfolding anew. But she could feel his eyes resting on her. So she turned towards him to meet his gaze, finding herself faced with yet another riddle to solve. He didn't look gloomy as she had expected. Instead there seemed to be a curiosity in his green orbs. She wanted to know what he was thinking. Yet, once again, she was unable to read him.

"What?" she prompted him, sounding less fierce than she would in different circumstances. Unsettled by the whole situation – the memory of the dead that were part of both their history at their feet – she almost didn't dare to ask at all.

Eren blinked like he'd been far away with his thoughts, but he kept his eyes trained on Annie. "I've just been thinking about how you said the other day that you didn't care about the people that got killed here."

Feeling self-conscious, she looked away. Yes, she had said that she didn't care and though she had been upset at that time she had meant it. In the end she had just refused to give it a thought, to let the nameless and faceless victims become actual people in her mind. But now it had happened and Annie thought that it had been bound to happen sooner or later.

"I didn't care for as long as I could avoid thinking about it," she admitted, her voice hoarse. "This is why you shouldn't look back when there's blood on your hands."

She was staring down at the ruins of the district, but she was no longer taking in the scenery. Her vision had gone blurry. Her thoughts were whirling around people who had gone about their ordinary lives until she had brought dread, destruction and death upon them.

Fingers entwining with her own brought her back from the dark corners of her mind that had drawn her in. She looked up into Eren's green orbs again. They were void of sorrow and she thought she had seldom seen him so determined without at least a trace of grimness in his features. If he still felt pain over what had happened in Shiganshina he did well to hide it.

"Then let us not look back any longer, but keep moving forward," he suggested. The sullen tone in his voice was the only hint of the unpleasant memories that were doubtless still gnawing away at his mind. He squeezed her hand in reassurance for an instant. "How would you suggest we proceed?"

The lack of accusation in his green orbs astounded Annie. She had to draw her gaze away from them or she would keep wondering about it. Instead she forced herself to focus while her eyes searched for a hint or an idea down in the ruins beneath them to inspire her blank mind.

"The river," she stated upon taking notice of the wide canal. It was passing through the abandoned settlement some metres to their right. "We should refill our water supplies there before we head to your house."

"Sounds reasonable," Eren agreed. He guided her away from the edge of the wall, walking at a slow pace and not letting go of her hand.

Annie felt a little silly. Eren had known many of the people who had died here. He had helplessly watched while gigantic teeth had squashed his mother down in those alleys. How often had they haunted them in his dreams? How dearly was he missing them now? How many times had he sworn to take revenge for them? And still here he was, not brooding or angry, but calm and collected. While she had been dreading to get lost in her guilt he had taken the lead with ease and made her focus again.

"Is it my imagination or have you actually become less hot-headed and more dependable," she asked.

"Like I said this morning," he reminded her, sounding almost amused, "I'm trying."

At that Annie had to smile. "Well, seems like you're doing a better job than me at the moment," she mumbled. If Eren had heard her words he didn't comment on them.

They released the grip of their hands only for them to climb down the walls. There seemed to be no titans wandering through the ruins, so they could focus on replenishing their water supplies in the river.

"This is definitely a lot better than that mouldy-smelling water back in the cabin," Annie noted. She was allowing herself to scoop a few sips with her hand before filling the waterskin she was holding.

"Well, we would've been pretty screwed otherwise," Eren remarked before drinking some water himself.

They were so at ease filling up their waterskins, they forgot they were on titan territory and should be watching their backs at all time. Only when she felt the ground vibrating from heavy footfall, Annie's alarm bells went off.

"Eren…," she breathed feeling tense. A glance at his grim expression told her that he had noticed it, too.

Together they looked across the river, in the direction the sound was coming from. Just then the first titan stepped through the gate Reiner had shattered five years ago. The seven metre colossus exposed its teeth in the familiar sickening grin of the predators. It was ready to devour any human it could get its hands on. Under her breath Annie cursed herself for being so stupid and letting her guard down.

"So," Eren spoke in a hushed tone as the titan stepped towards them, "do you think it can cross the river?"

Annie kept her gaze fixed on the threat ahead and out of the corner of her eye she could tell Eren was doing the same. More titans were appearing in the gaping hole left in Wall Maria.

"I doubt it should have much of a problem getting to us," she informed him through gritted teeth.

Two or three smaller titans, Annie could make out so far, followed by taller ones. At least three of them were fifteen metres classes. Things were looking bad indeed.

"Do we fight?" he asked beside her.

"No" – she didn't avert her gaze from the group of eight or nine titans heading their way – "we run!"

Annie jumped up, jerking Eren to his feet with her. She had the presence of mind to grip their bag pack. Then she made a run for it, holding on to his arm as she almost had to drag him along. It didn't matter to her which way she was going, as long as it was away from the broken gate and the group of titans.

"Annie," Eren shouted as they passed the first houses, "we can't outrun them like this!"

"I know!" she shot back, not letting up her pace. She glanced over her shoulder to check on their persecutors. They hadn't lost interest in her and Eren, but none of them broke into a sprint to catch up with them. That meant there were no aberrant among them at least. Still, the titans were on their tail. The first of them had already crossed the river.

A few metres into the straight alley Annie dragged Eren around the corner of a building. There she stopped and dropped the bag. Pressing her back against the decrepit stone wall, she caught her breath. Eren gasped for air as well.

"They can smell us, right?" he pointed out between heavy breaths. "They're going to easily find us like this."

"I know," Annie hissed, feeling pressured and tense. "Let me think."

"We should climb the wall," he suggested, ignoring her order.

"And then what?" she hissed. "Stay up there and wait until even more arrive? They surely won't walk away now just because we're out of reach and then how the fuck are we going to make it to your basement?!"

"So we _have_ to fight them."

"Yeah, and if you'd shut up for a moment I might come up with a strategy in time to improve our chances of winning!"

"Annie, if we're going to fight them, we have to transform now. There's no time for strategies, we just have to charge at them and take them down somehow."

"Fuck!" Annie cursed, because she knew Eren was right. And all the while the vibrating footsteps were growing louder, coming nearer.

"Alright!" She pushed herself away from the wall and turned around to face him. "Let's do this!"

Eren picked up the bag she had dropped between them and shouldered it while stepping to the centre of the alley as well. He kept some distance between them, so their titan bodies would have enough space to grow. They looked at each other while raising their hands towards their mouths, ready to shift. The titans had to be only around the corner by now.

"Good luck. Don't get yourself killed," Annie urged him, her voice low and tense.

"Yeah, you too," Eren replied, in an equal tone.

Annie felt the familiar jolt of electricity surge through her body as soon as she dug her teeth into her palm. The earth shook beneath her feet as she knew Eren had done the same. Flesh and bone built up around her, encasing her in their warmth. Her nerve ends grew longer and broke through her skin in several regions of her body and connected with the muscles of her titan form. In the course of seconds she had control of her extended body.

In front of her Eren had finished shifting as well and behind him Annie could make out the titans at the corner of the alley. They had stopped, confused by the turn of events at their prey's transformation. One thing working in her and Eren's favour at least, though the shock presumably wouldn't last long.

Eren spun around. With a loud roar he ran towards the group of titans. The three metre class that got into his reach first made acquaintance with his foot and flew through the air. He connected his fist with the chin of the closest titan of equal height. It flew backwards into a building and slid down the wall. The remains of the head were nothing but pieces of loose meat around the jawbones and leaked steaming crimson.

Annie approached a seven metre class. She hardened the skin over her knee and smashed it upwards. It met with the titan's chin and ripped off its head. She didn't waste her time to see where the severed body part landed.

Crystal covered her hand as she drove it into the neck of her opponent. She gripped what was left of human bones and nerves and ripped them out of the nape. Blood seeped out of the fatal wound and the mush between her fingers. She dropped it to the ground without a second thought where it joined the disfigured titan. She left the lifeless remnants there to dissolve.

From the side, a fifteen metre class came at her with jaws gaping wide open. She fed the hungry creature with her fist and punched a hole through the back of its skull. Teeth and shards of bone flew through the air and she left the titan stumbling as she drew back her arm.

She gripped the disorientated figure and pulled it forward to access its nape. She spread her jaw wide and drove her teeth deep into the meat where the vital nerves resided. She ripped it out and spat it on the pavement like she had tasted something disgusting (when in fact the buds on her tongue were almost incapable of perceiving any taste). She pushed away the lifeless form of the titan and let it sink into a heap on the ground. Billows of steam rose from its torn red flesh.

She hadn't fought titans in a while, but she wasn't going to take it easy with them. They had no brains but they outnumbered her and Eren. She had to take advantage of her speed and short reaction time to annihilate them before they could overpower her.

To her left, Eren stomped one of the smaller titans into the ground. Another fifteen metre class moved towards him. Annie used the advantage of her position and struck it from behind. The flesh of the titan's nape couldn't resist the exertion of power from her blow. She squashed it with little effort.

Hands grabbed her hips. Another pair of arms wrapped around her right leg. Annie cursed. She hated those little pests that were half her size or less. They were a lot harder to fight. She had focused on battling opponents that had a physical advantage over her. She knew how to use their strength against them. She wasn't used to dealing with an opponent that was smaller and weaker than her.

She brought down her fist onto the head of the seven metre class that already was biting into the left side of her hip. The skull caved in only a little. She repeated the motion several times until she split its head wide open. Despite this, the titan didn't release its grip on her. The four metre class that clung to her leg left her unable to manoeuvre.

Eren's sudden vehement roar startled Annie. She looked over just as he grabbed a titan coming up from behind by its arm and swung it over his head. The fifteen metre class crashed onto its back right at his feet, but he paid no heed to it. Instead he dove at the titan holding on to Annie's hips. He seized it by its shoulders and tore it away from her. Its arms which refused to let go of their prey got ripped off the body.

She made use of her regained mobility and spun around. She brought up the leg the titan was still attached to and smashed her shin into a nearby building. The combination of the momentum and her body weight squashed the four metre class into a bloody pulp against the stone wall. With her hands she freed her legs from most of the steaming remnants.

When she turned back, she saw how the fifteen metre class Eren had hauled to the ground was getting up again. Eren himself just stopped stomping onto the remnants of the seven metre class that had clung to her. She stepped forward and delivered a fatal blow to the nape of the titan's neck. She could feel its spine crunch against her fist. When she retrieved her bloody hand, the creature collapsed into a steaming pile of meat on the ground.

Annie locked eyes with Eren who stood a few steps away from her. Scattered in the alley around them the remnants of the titans they had slain were dissolving into billows of steam. It seemed they had taken care of their attackers for now, but she knew more predators could always come their way. They had caused enough of a spectacle to attract others.

Eren looked behind her and roared again. He sprinted past her and she turned in time to see him smash his fist into the face of another titan. The fifteen metre class must've been a latecomer. It didn't resemble any of the titans she'd seen among the group coming after them. He delivered a blow to the titan's head that disturbed its balance. It tumbled to the ground and he brought down his foot to squash through its chest. He repeated the movement to make sure he crushed its nape.

Annie theorised that once he had dealt with that titan they should head on right away. It would be best to abandon their shifter bodies as a distraction for any possible titans swarming in. If they kept a quicker pace they should make it to the basement by foot without further confrontation.

It was then that she noticed the movement at the far end of the alley, in the direction they head come from, in the direction of the gate. Annie averted her eyes from Eren. As she caught sight of what had attracted her attention out of the corner of her eye her heart sank. The worst predator of them all and the last one Annie wanted to see right now was standing there, glaring at her with hostility. Body completely covered in hardened skin, he was the one the humans had named Armoured Titan five years ago: Reiner.

Fear rose up inside of her, a kind of fear she had never thought she would experience like this ever again: the fear for her life. Reiner knew that she had sold him and Berthold out to the Scouting Legion. It seemed he had been able to escape and now was angry, angrier than she had ever seen him before.

And there was no sign of Berthold. Fear became panic and threatened to overwhelm her. It wasn't because she would've hoped or relied on Berthold to tell Reiner to calm down and not attack her. But if Berthold wasn't here that meant the Scouting Legion had captured him or something even worse had happened to him. Reiner would never forgive her for _that_.

Her eyes darted to Eren who appeared to be just as frozen to the spot as her. Billows of steam rose beside him from the remnants of his last opponent.

Annie returned her attention to Reiner, just as he began to move and came running straight towards her. She had guessed that a fight with him would be inevitable now. With a deep inhale of the sticky air in the nape of her titan body's neck she pulled herself together and assumed her signature stance. She'd never fought Reiner like this, but there was no need to fret. Her combat style and crystallising abilities should give her a chance against him at least.

Reiner swung his right fist at her, but Annie dove beneath it. She moved in and placed her hand on his shoulder. She kicked his foot out beneath him and he dropped onto his back. The move didn't catch him by surprise though. He kicked his legs up for momentum and in a smooth roll over his shoulders he got back onto his feet.

From his crouched position he attacked again. She brought up a crystallised knee as he leapt at her. It had little effect on his armoured abdomen though and he gripped her around the hips and pushed into her with his shoulder. Just in time she hardened the skin on her back before it collided with the wall. The stones gave way to the pressure weighing onto them and broke away.

From behind Eren slung his arms around Reiner's neck. The headlock forced the latter to let go of Annie. She reached for the frame of the wall that was still in place around her form to prevent herself from falling backwards.

Reiner rammed his hard elbow into Eren's gut to make him release his grip. Eren roared, but refused to let go of the other shifter. She pushed herself forward and thrust her open palm covered in crystal into the armour plates on Reiner's face.

Two against one wasn't particularly noble, but Annie didn't care. She didn't give a shit about being fair right now. She wanted to survive, so she would fight for herself. She would fight for Eren. And she wouldn't let anything stop them from getting to Eren's basement and her home village to save her people. She would choose that all over Reiner in a heartbeat. She would choose Eren's life over Reiner's in a heartbeat.

As expected her attack on Reiner's face had no effect. If so, it only caused him to get angrier. He ripped Eren's arms from his neck with such vehemence, that he tore them away from his attacker's body. Annie froze in horror as Eren stumbled and Reiner sent him flying backwards with a well-aimed kick into his abdomen. The rogue titan that had wreaked havoc in Trost crashed into a building and lumped to the ground motionless. Steam was evaporating from his arm stumps.

She had to fight the impulse to run over and check up on him. This wasn't like her at all. She was in a fight of life and death, she couldn't panic. Two ripped off arms weren't a big deal for a shifter anyway. There was no need for her to worry about him.

Reiner turned towards her again and she adopted her usual stance. He leapt forwards and she jumped aside to avoid his attack. She swung around and drove her hardened toes into the hollow of his knee. His defence was weaker there, she knew, so he could still move around.

He slumped to his knee, unable to hold himself upright any longer on the leg she had damaged. Annie covered her hand in an extra thick layer of crystal and aimed for the nape of his neck. If she wanted to end the fight as soon as possible she had to get him out of there at least. However, he reached over his shoulder and caught hold of her hand.

She raised her foot to fulfil the task, even if it meant the chance of not squashing his actual body was lower. But he pulled her forward and rendered her unable to aim her kick and harm his weak spot. Head first she flew over his shoulder and landed on her back.

He dove down to pin her to the ground, but she rolled sideways and escaped him. She pushed herself up and back onto her feet. He managed to stand up as well, despite steam rising from his leg injury where it was still healing.

They kept their distance from each other. Both prepared to either attack or defend if need be, they scrutinised each other. She was looking for any tells of him and she knew so was he. While she readied herself for round two she hoped that Eren was alright.

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	21. 20: Unexpected

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**Chapter 20: Unexpected**

.: :.

Eren cursed into the flesh of his titan form that was surrounding him. He looked down onto the stumps of his extended body that were emitting steam while regenerating into complete arms. He trained his eyes back on Annie who evaded another attack from Reiner. He cursed again. Annie was in danger and there was nothing he could do about it at the moment.

Why did Reiner have to appear here and now anyway? Why couldn't he have stayed inside the walls or gone somewhere else? Eren didn't even care what would've become of him as long as the other shifter didn't get in his way. It angered the boy who was currently stuck in the disabled titan body. He couldn’t do much but watch and think while he waited for his arms and hands to regrow.

Eren was at a point where he cared little for what Reiner had done and how many deaths he had caused. He cared little that Reiner had played the big brother for everyone in their training squad when, in fact, he was their enemy. So what if he was part of the events that led to the battle of Trost and the failure of the 57th mission beyond the walls. That was the past and Eren had other things to worry about now. But the titan shifter had shown up here and attacked Annie. He was keeping them from moving on to the basement, and _that_ Eren took personal right now.

When he first had spotted the Armoured Titan he had thought about reasoning with him. He wasn't completely naïve. He had been able to tell that Reiner knew Annie had betrayed them and their cause. The other shifter's hostility had made only too clear that he was angry with Annie for selling him and Berthold out. But Eren had thought that Reiner wasn't beyond reason yet.

Unfortunately, he was unable to speak in his titan form. And then Reiner had attacked. Releasing his transformation and trying to talk to the person inside the Armoured Titan had no longer been an option for Eren. He had no idea how to make the other shifter listen without getting squashed in the middle of the fight.

So he had intervened.

He had tried to get Reiner off Annie which had turned out to be a bad idea. As a titan shifter who couldn't harden his skin, Eren suffered damage a lot quicker. The result was the loss of both his arms and him sitting slumped down against a building where he was mulling in his thoughts.

Eren was sure he wouldn't attack Reiner so carelessly again. He had to consider the other shifter's hardened skin after all. But then, what could he do? (Apart from contemplating what had happened and dwelling on his anger.)

He looked down at his arms again which were almost completely regenerated by now. That only left his hands having to regrow which shouldn't take much longer than a couple of minutes. Yet, what would he do with them then? What could he do?

He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to beat up Reiner for showing up in Shiganshina and getting in the way. He wanted to move on with Annie and finally get to the basement of his old house. And most of all, he didn't want to lump around on the ground like this any longer.

Pressing his forearms against the wall behind him, Eren got to his feet again. The bones of his hands were complete and the flesh had already grown over a third of them. It shouldn't take much longer.

The ground vibrated when Reiner laid Annie on her back. Eren watched with dismay as the shifter heaved his armoured body onto his opponent and straddled her. She blocked his hands that dove for her shoulders to press her down with one arm. A thick layer of crystal formed on her skin. It spread over his hands, up his arms and entrapped him there. Surprised, Eren gasped in his meat shell. He'd never seen Annie utilise her crystallising powers like this before.

With her free hand she pushed back Reiner's knee. He struggled to rip away his hands and break them free, but the crystal remained persistent. She pulled out her legs from under him and managed to find her footing. Eren knew that sequence of movements. He remembered when she had used it against him in the forest of giant trees. And like he predicted, she pushed her foot against Reiner's hardened abdomen. When the crystal disappeared and Reiner's arms were released, she kicked him away. He flew through the air and crashed backwards into a building diagonally opposite of Eren.

"Isn't that Eren?"

Eren knew the voice that called his name, but had never expected to see the person it belonged to here. Bewildered, he turned around to the building behind him. Just then Berthold landed on its dilapidated roof. Eren had assumed Reiner was on its own, because he hadn't been able to make out his accomplice anywhere. But here Berthold was, equipped with the 3DMG and looking stressed beyond compare.

He wasn't alone however and that was the main cause of Eren's surprise. From Berthold's back climbed Ymir and it was her voice Eren had recognised just now. If he had been able to speak he'd express his wonder at her completely unexpected appearance.

Eren didn't know Ymir too well, but he'd had no trouble with her during their training years. And the fact that she was one of his comrades from the 104th training squad to join the Scouting Legion was definitely worth some credit to him. Still he couldn't comprehend what she of all people could be doing here with two shifters.

"Well then," Ymir spoke, patting Berthold on his shoulder which made the nervous boy wince. She ignored it and stepped closer towards Eren.

"Aren't you going to break them up?" she asked, drawing out her syllables in her usual manner which made her sound indifferent. With a nod, she indicated Annie who blocked Reiner's fist with her arm. "Or are you just going to let them tear each other apart."

Eren glared at her. Had he been able to speak in his titan form he'd let her know that he had tried and failed. He'd also let her know why he sure as hell wasn't going to just jump between the two shifters attacking each other like that ever again. But had he been able to speak it might've never come this far.

Instead he raised his arms to show her his steaming hands. His fingers were still regenerating and should at least give her an idea of why he currently was on the sidelines. He ignored Berthold who looked back and forth between Ymir and him with an uncomfortable expression.

"Oh," the woman dragged out the vowel in understanding which gave her voice almost a trace of sympathy. "I see. These two are tough, huh?"

Eren didn't even consider her question worth an affirmative nod. Of course Reiner and Annie were tough, what had she thought? Both shifters were trained fighters and could harden their skin. That was a lot to deal with when one's flesh was as unprotected as that of Eren unfortunately was.

He let his arms sink and returned his attention to the current fight. It seemed Annie didn't use her extended crystallisation a second time. Or maybe she couldn't, because it took too much strain on her. Reiner stood behind her and held her in a headlock. Things looked dire and Eren's heart cramped in his chest. On some kind of instinct he let out a loud roar.

He didn't expect it to have any effect. The more it surprised him that both Reiner and Annie stopped went instantly limb in the middle of their struggle and looked over to him. However, it lasted only a minute and Eren didn't even get the time to consciously register this odd behavior. Annie took advantage of Reiner's lowered guard and used her hands to force herself out of his grip.

"Okay then," Ymir stated behind Eren. "I'll help you out this time."

He turned back around to her. The look with which Berthold regarded her seemed to mirror Eren's own bewilderment at her words. (But maybe minus the tension that was all over the tall shifters face.) Ymir remained unimpressed. She just bent down, reached into her boot, and pulled out a knife. Confused, Eren wondered what she intended to achieve with such a small blade against two titans. Behind her Berthold took a step back in caution.

"Don't worry," she told the tall boy who looked panicked. She pointed at him with the cutting edge (which wasn't a reassuring gesture at all). "If I wanted to cut you up, I would've done it by now. But that's not my intention – though I really didn't like getting kidnapped by you guys."

That explained why Ymir was here, Eren thought to himself. It didn't however answer the question what she was planning to do with that knife in her hand. Eren had the impression that she was someone to be on his guard against and eyed her with distrust. (Maybe in this case Berthold's nervousness and caution around her weren't excessive at all.)

Unconcerned by the attitude the two shifters showed towards her, Ymir stepped back to the middle of the roof. "I expect you to back me up as soon as your hands are done regenerating," she called over to Eren. "I wouldn't consider it fun to get squashed while trying to break those two apart." Then she ran over the loosened tiles and jumped off the roof.

Eren was still puzzled over what Ymir could possibly do when he saw her fall in one moment and the familiar flash of light in the next. A familiar electric feeling in the air accompanied it. He knew both from the times he had witnessed someone shift or transformed into a titan himself. Then he made out the shape of a titan, dark hair in messy strands and about half the size of his own form, charging towards Annie and Reiner.

So Ymir was a titan shifter.

As soon as the realisation hit Eren, Ymir's titan form was on top of Annie. She clawed her sharp nails into the Female Titan's flesh. To Eren's surprise, the Armoured Titan had completely frozen upon taking notice of the titan interrupting their fight. He stared motionless at Annie who gripped her new attacker by the wrists.

Her attempts to shake Ymir off looked futile however. Despite the difference in size the smaller titan shifter had gained the advantage for now. Her claws were deep in her opponent's flesh. They had passed way beyond the surface which could be protected by a crystal layer if need be.

Eren checked his hands and noted with content that they had completely regenerated. He took the moment of Reiner's distraction as his chance and launched at him. He ran to gain momentum and pushed the other shifter until he was backed up against a building. He locked him in place there with an arm pressing against his less shielded throat.

Eren was willing to use everything he had against Reiner, but first he searched for his opponent's eyes. The look of the shifter was void of fighting spirit. He didn't even show any attempt of resistance. Eren took that as a good sign and backed off a little.

He held up his hands to indicate that he didn't want to fight either. However he kept his eyes trained at the Armoured Titan to ensure it wasn't just a faint of his opponent to gain the upper hand in their confrontation. Reiner remained motionless and unchanged. He no longer seemed to be an immediate danger.

The complete change in the older boy surprised Eren and he wondered what had caused it. He followed the other shifter's gaze and caught sight of Annie. It seemed she had freed herself from Ymir's tight grip and wasn't holding back her strength. The smaller titan was completely on the defence. She lay on the ground and held her arms up to shield her face from Annie's fists.

Eren left Reiner to himself. Ymir had indicated that she wasn't keen on getting squashed in this fight. And she had helped him after all, so now he had to return the favour and prevent her from being beaten to a pulp.

He came up behind Annie who swung her fist back to deal yet another blow. He caught hold of her wrist to keep her from punching Ymir and to gain her attention. She turned her head towards him and the look she shot him was sharp and furious. Only when she recognised him, her eyes softened a little.

When she relaxed her arm, he let go of it. She stepped back from Ymir, but when she looked down at the smaller shifter her features were hard and cold. Eren couldn't make sense of it. He doubted Annie's hostility was simply due to Ymir attacking her just now. Something venomous lay in her gaze like one only reserves for their biggest enemies. So there seemed to be more to Annie's aggression, but he had no idea what it was.

To be on the safe side he manoeuvred her further away from Ymir who was slowly picking herself up again. He also made sure to keep Annie and himself at an equal distance to Reiner. The latter was still leaning motionless against the wall where Eren had left him. The Armoured Titan's eyes remained fixed on Ymir's shape.

Something was going on here that Eren had no part in. Annie and Reiner wouldn't react so vehemently if they just thought Ymir for a mindless titan which they had to dispose of. Chances were they hadn't seen the woman transform and didn't know who it was. Thus they couldn't be hostile towards Ymir as a person, since they didn't even recognise her. So what was it that caused them to look at her with those eyes? Eren himself had reserved such a look for the titan which had eaten his mother.

No matter what it was though, there was no point in racking his brain about it right now. Instead he should get them all to release control of their titan bodies. Eren looked around between the other three shifters in the alley. He wondered how he could communicate with them without using words. He didn't want to climb out of his nape first. He didn't trust the situation enough to give up on the ability to intervene should another fight occur. And once he broke the connection to his titan he would be unable to shift for a while. He didn't have the same stamina yet the others seemed to possess.

Ymir had gotten to her feet by now. Billows of steam were emitting from the wounds Annie had caused. The flesh on the side of her mouth was missing and Eren noticed her sharp pointy teeth. At least she didn't try to launch a counter-attack on Annie. Instead her titan form went limp and collapsed. The amount of steam rising from her body increased vehemently.

Eren felt his body relax as first Reiner and shortly after Annie followed Ymir's example. He was the last to release control of his titan form. He wanted to be certain that the situation no longer needed handling in his transformation.

Exhausted from the fighting and the tension, Eren broke free from the muscle and the nerve cluster connecting him to his titan. As he peeled himself out if its nape and looked around, he found Ymir already climbing to the ground. Diagonally opposite of him he could make out Berthold on the back of the motionless Armoured Titan. The tall boy must've rushed to Reiner's side and was now helping him out of his titan's nape and onto his feet. To Eren's left Annie paused on her collapsed titan form, looking just as strained as Eren felt.

"Damn, you people are giving me some trouble," Ymir remarked. She was walking towards the other shifters from Eren's right.

"You shut up!" Reiner barked. He had reached the paving with Berthold at his side and looked like he was fuming. His hand pointing at Ymir, he made a few steps towards her. Berthold was staying right behind him.

The woman stopped and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Calm down. What's your problem?"

Eren watched the scene from the back of his crouched down titan through the rising steam. He still wasn't so adapted to shifting yet and needed longer than the others to recover from it. Inside of him frustration rose. Did these distractions and conflicts never stop? He was so close to the basement and still things kept getting in the way.

"You were the titan that attacked us on our way here five years ago," Annie noted, her voice as indifferent as it was typical for her.

She had climbed down from her dissolving titan form as well, but kept her distance to the others. It seemed to Eren however that she was siding with Reiner and Berthold against Ymir. At least now he understood why both Reiner's and Annie's reaction to Ymir's titan form had been so strange. Yet it didn't quite make sense to him why they were so hostile. He would've asked, if he hadn't felt too weak to raise his voice already.

"Oh," Ymir replied, her tone flat. "Did I really?"

"I haven't forgotten that titan," Reiner boomed with anger. "You're the one that ate Berick!"

At the mention of that name things snapped into place for Eren. Annie had told him of Berick who had been part of the mission to find the coordinate inside the walls. She had suggested that it had been particularly hard on Reiner whom Berick had protected from the attacking titan. But that Ymir was supposed to be that titan didn't make sense to him. She was a shifter. Shifters didn't eat people.

"Ah," Ymir drew out the syllable as it seemed to dawn on her. "Right, I remember something like that now that you mention it."

It shocked Eren how the revelation didn't seem to faze her at all. She made it sound like eating people wasn't a big deal to her when he thought that the memory should make her at least feel distraught. A thought flashed through his mind that some shifters maybe ate people as well. But he chased it away as quickly as it had come.

Either way, Eren had heard enough of this. His limbs felt less heavy by now as well, so he began with his descent from the remnants of his titan form. Meanwhile Reiner grew angrier over Ymir's indifference.

"You shit!" he barked at her just as Eren reached the ground. When the brown-haired shifter came around the limp head of his lifeless titan, he saw Berthold holding on to Reiner's shoulders. The tall boy struggled hard to keep his friend from throwing his broad body onto Ymir.

"Alright, let it go now," Eren prompted with raised voice before anything more could be said to add to the tension.

"Stay out of this, Eren," Reiner instructed him with a sharp tone. "This is none of your business!"

"You know what?" Eren hissed at him. His patience wasn't big enough to put up with this after all. "I don't give a shit!" With this he had gained everyone's attention. He could feel their eyes on him. Maybe his outburst, which seemed to come so sudden, shocked them. They hadn't been able to notice his annoyance growing ever since Reiner had appeared in the alleys of Shiganshina.

"I'm here to find out what my father hid away in the basement of my old house. I was forced to waste enough time already and I seriously don't have any patience left now," he continued. He was a little calmer, but there was still a cutting edge to his voice. "So whoever wants to join me can come along, but if you want to fight or do something else to delay me you can get out of my sight!"

Silence pressed down on the group of shifters. Eren stepped further away from his dissolving titan form. The singeing heat it emitted was becoming uncomfortable for him.

"Sounds good enough to me," Ymir remarked then. "Count me in."

Eren nodded at that. Then he shifted his attention to Reiner and Berthold. The two shifters looked at him with grim expressions. They didn't seem to be down with what he had suggested. Somehow it didn't surprise him much though – and that wasn't only, because it now meant they'd have to put up with Ymir.

After he had given them some time to think his offer through, they still showed no sign of accepting it. So Eren shifted his attention from them and turned over to Annie. She was still keeping her distance. Her eyes were still fixating Ymir with hostility.

"Are you coming, Annie?" he asked her. He was only worried for a split second that she and Ymir could get into another fight or that she would refuse to come along if the dark-skinned woman was joining them.

Annie drew her eyes away from the other female shifter and met Eren's gaze. Then he was sure there was no need to doubt her. Annie would come with him anyway, even if she wasn't fond of Ymir's company. Eren himself wasn't too sure about taking the woman along either, but as long as she didn't get in his way he wasn't going to complain.

Annie nodded at him in confirmation and started walking towards him. Eren turned away to head down the alley to his right, in the vague direction of his childhood home.

"Annie," Berthold spoke up before they could get very far. "Are you really going with him?"

Eren paused and turned to look back at Annie. She had broken her stride and was facing Berthold and Reiner. Eren watched both parties with attentive eyes. He could feel the tension in the silence which was unfolding between them.

"I am," Annie then stated without further ado. It was her final word it seemed: a simple statement that left no doubt about her intentions and needed no further explanation.

She turned her back on her former comrades and made her way over to where Eren was waiting for her. When she reached his side he averted his gaze from Reiner and Berthold again to look at her. He offered her his right hand and she glanced at it for a short moment before entwining their fingers.

When Annie looked up at him her blue orbs were searching his face. Eren gave her a reassuring nod and she faintly mirrored the movement. The question in her eyes had disappeared. Together they looked at the alley stretching out before them and started to head in the vague direction of his old home.

Ymir joined them and the three walked past the spot where only askew stones where indication of the fighting that had taken place there. No one of them looked them. They left Reiner and Berthold to themselves, standing between the remaining limbs and billows of steam of their abandoned titan bodies.

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	22. 21: Shadows Of The Past

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**Chapter 21: Shadows Of The Past**

.: :.

"So, are you two a couple then?" Ymir inquired.

She, Eren and Annie had left behind Berthold and Reiner between the remnants of the previous conflict. Now Eren was guiding them through the deserted alleys of Shiganshina towards his old home. All the while Annie hadn't let go of his hand.

"And what if we are?" Eren asked in a grumpy tone next to her. He was walking in between his two companions. "You've got a problem with that?"

Annie remained silent. She knew little of Ymir, but she didn't like being in the woman's presence. The fact that she was a titan shifter and also the one who had eaten Berick, didn't sit well with Annie. She only stayed around for Eren, because he was important to her. And she and Eren had decided to walk this path together. She didn't want to and she wouldn't backtrack now.

"No," the new member of their small group laughed to Eren's left. Her tone sounded almost mocking and unusually delighted for her standards.

Annie stuck to being impassive, but she felt Eren tense next to her. His grip on her hand tightened for an instance. With a glance at his face she noticed that he had his eyebrows narrowed at Ymir. But he relaxed again, releasing the pressure on Annie's hand.

"It's cute, actually," the woman continued, sounding completely unfazed by Eren's gloomy look. "I just didn't think she was your type – especially after what happened."

Annie felt an urge to punch her for that remark. Beside her, Eren took a deep, audible breath. She shot him another look just as he was opening his eyes again and let the air stream out of his lungs. It seemed his patience was running thin as well. She squeezed his hand in support. That was all she could offer though.

Annie wasn't keen on a round of questioning with Ymir and she was glad she could leave it to Eren at the moment. For the most part she averted her gaze as if the conversation didn't concern her. Only once in a while did she glance over to chance a look at his face and see how he was holding up. But she took in every word that was spoken.

"As you might have noticed I'm in a bad mood right now," Eren informed Ymir with a sharp edge to his voice. "So if all you can do is tease when opening your mouth, you better keep it shut from now on, before my temper gets the better of me."

A silence followed. Then, sounding surprisingly staid, the woman noted: "Seems like I misjudged you."

Eren didn't ask what she meant with that. Neither did Annie. This conversation was no longer about her, so she wasn't going to interfere now anyway. Ymir however provided the answer without needing to be prompted.

"You always struck me as a naïve and idealistic idiot that had little sense of reason," she explained in her typical blunt manner. "But looks like you're not that bad after all."

"You make it sound like idealism is something bad," Eren murmured just above his breath. Annie almost didn't catch his words.

A little surprised she noticed how he wasn't jumping into a big argument about it. She still regarded him as an idealist who was passionate about his beliefs and would defend them until the end. But it seemed that he had grown more regarding of other people's opinions, even if he didn't agree with them. Or at least he wasn't in the mood to get into a big argument right now. After all, warning something of his short temper instead of jumping into a fight was something Annie had never witnessed him do before.

Ymir seemed to have heard him as well. "I just think that it lacks realism and usually only makes way for disappointed," she replied. Indeed she wasn't someone to sugar-coat her words. "Sooner or later people begin to understand that they've aimed too high and their goals are impossible to reach."

"How's that your problem though?" Eren wanted to know.

"It's not," she admitted in her impassive drawl. "I just don't get along with people who want to force their ideals onto me when I already know it's pointless."

"And how can you be so sure that it's pointless?" he questioned her. He managed to remain mostly calm, but it seemed he wasn't letting Ymir off the hook so easily. "You make it sound like you hold all the wisdom in the world."

Annie took little interest in the direction the conversation was heading. But she noted with a fleeting sense of delight that Eren was still picking up on things he didn't agree with after all. She'd had her own times of struggle with that particular character trait of him. But it was part of what made him who he was. And though it could annoy her to great extents, she also admired him for it.

"I guess I can say I've been around long enough to know quite some things," Ymir hinted.

"Really?" Eren sounded sceptical and Annie shared the feeling. Though the woman seemed to be about ten years older than them she was still making a bold claim. "How long would that be?"

Ymir took a moment to consider her answer. "Around ninety years probably," she then stated.

Annie's head snapped around in alertness. Even if Ymir was a shifter, that was really old. And most of all, she didn't look like it. Annie had never heard of a shifter of such an old age that looked so young despite their age. She had to look over at Ymir to assure herself that the woman didn't have grey hair and wrinkled skin as it was normal for someone of that age.

"Ninety years?" Eren echoed, sounding even more surprised than Annie was. "How's that possible? Do shifters age differently or something?" He turned to Annie and gave her questioning look.

"No," she denied his question. "From what I know shifters age just as humans do. We might get a few years older, but that's about it. I've never heard of a shifter who didn't look their age."

"Oh yes, that's true," Ymir dismissed Annie's interjection.

"So what is it with you then?" Eren wanted to know, turning back to look at the dark-skinned woman. "How come you're ninety years old when you don't even look like you're in your thirties?"

"Must be the side-effects of sixty years as one of those mindless titans, I guess," Ymir mused. Despite the graveness of the matter she made it sound like she was talking about something trivial like the weather.

Annie tightened her grip around Eren's hand. The revelation fit into the picture considering how she remembered the attack five years ago. That Ymir had eaten Berick was proof that she couldn't have been in control of her shifting powers at all time. But it also stirred Annie up.

A part of her still thought that it had to be impossible for someone who'd been a titan for sixty years to turn back into a shifter. Yet it also gave her hope that they were closer to saving her people than she ever could've expected for them to be at this point.

"You were a titan?!" Eren called out in disbelief. He seemed to share Annie's alertness.

"Yep," Ymir offered, remaining unimpressed.

"Out of control and without conscience?"

"Yes."

"Wanting to eat humans?"

"So it would seem. It's all a bit of a blur." All the while she spoke about it Ymir drawled her words out as usual. She made it sound like what they discussed was completely normal and boring instead of the new discovery it was to Annie and Eren.

Annie thought that just maybe what happened to Ymir could help them. With her experience they could figure out how to help the shifters who were losing control over their powers. For the first time Annie was glad that Eren had invited the woman to come along.

"How is that possible?" Eren meanwhile continued his questioning. "I thought that once someone has turned into a titan they can't turn back?"

He sounded eager to hear every detail he could get on the matter. Maybe he had the same thought as Annie. She herself no longer managed to pretend that she had no interest in the conversation. Her eyes remained fixed on her two companions.

"So you know the secret behind the titans?" Ymir asked in return. Annie wasn't sure if she was avoiding answering the question on purpose.

"Annie told me." Ymir just nodded, so Eren followed up: "Then what happened? How did you turn back?"

"It would seem I ate that friend of yours." Ymir nodded into Annie's direction. "What was his name? Berick?"

"That worked?" Eren inquired. His tone was still ranging in the area of disbelief.

"Apparently."

"How?"

"I don't know." Ymir shrugged and sounded increasingly bored by the topic. "I'm not a scientist and I barely remember it. I came to in a forest near the walls. Most memories before that are just a wild mix of blurred images or not accessible at all."

"But what about the things you _do_ remember? How did you lose control anyway?" Eren remained persistent and that didn't surprise Annie. In fact she was glad that he was trying to get as much information out of Ymir as possible. It might be their only lead to solve the defect her tribe was struggling with.

"Why does this concern you so much?" Ymir asked in return. She sounded a little annoyed as if she was growing tired of answering all these questions.

Eren exchanged a look with Annie. He seemed unsure whether to tell Ymir what he knew about the degeneration occurring in Annie's tribe and was asking for her approval. But Annie herself couldn't say for sure how much information they could trust Ymir with. She was still wary of the woman and she couldn't measure the risks of letting her in on their whole plan.

"We need to help someone who's struggling with something similar," Eren stated then. He kept the explanation as vague as possible since Annie hadn't given him any signs. She was glad he'd decided to only disclose the most important information.

"Mh?" Ymir commented. "And you think I can help you with that?"

"Maybe…," he agreed. "If we can figure out what exactly happened to you."

The woman gave a short, dismissive laugh. "I'm not a lab-rat," she remarked. It was clear from the tone of her voice that she wasn't pleased by the idea.

Eren jumped in to object: "No that's not what I meant. Just–"

"Eren, wait!"

At the sound of the voice coming from behind them, all thoughts of their current conversation were pushed aside. The three of them stopped and turned around to find Berthold and Reiner coming after them. To Annie's surprise Berthold had been the one to call for Eren and was heading straight towards their group now while Reiner lacked behind a little.

"Changed your mind?" Eren asked in a challenging tone. The turn had forced him and Annie to let go of each other's hands.

"We thought it through and…," Berthold stopped, both talking and walking.

Eren crossed his arms in front of his chest, waiting in silence for him to continue. Annie stood by his side, scrutinising her former comrades. Berthold looked uncomfortable and was avoiding eye-contact even more than was normal for him.

"I'm not keen on this," he admitted. "You always talked about killing all the titans and it made me uncomfortable… Anyway since we're all here I thought…we could join up you know…at least for the time being." He paused to swallow hard. "And if we get to the point where we…want to head into different directions then…we can still split up and go our separate ways."

Annie tilted her head a little. Berthold definitely surprised her. He wasn't one to admit to his feelings a lot. He wasn't one to speak up at all. And he certainly wasn't one to make decisions or bargains. But it seemed this was all his doing. _He_ was taking the initiative.

Behind him Reiner had crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked away. He didn't make the impression like he wanted any part in this alliance – in fact he seemed to be pouting a little. But he'd come along, most likely for Berthold. Annie knew they were close. Not for the first time she wondered _how_ close they actually were. But she decided that it didn't concern her. As always.

She turned to Eren who'd remained silent for a moment. Now he nodded and said: "I would've suggested something like that as well."

Berthold looked relieved. Annie could see the air leave his lungs

"Deal then?" he asked for reassurance.

"Deal," Eren agreed. "But don't think that means I've just forgiven you for what happened here or for you pretending to be our comrades and then causing the mess in Trost."

"Seems like you've forgiven Annie," Reiner retorted. Now he was actually looking at them.

Annie felt a little twist in her stomach. Reiner had a good reason to point this out, but she didn't like him commenting on her relationship with Eren. She could tell that he wouldn't be pleased to learn just how close she and Eren had grown. And in a way she still felt a little obliged to Reiner. She had urged him to become their leader after Berick's and ensured him of her obedience. So she felt like she was breaking her word she gave him.

"At least she apologise," was all Eren offered on the matter. He didn't mumble it weakly though as if he was just looking for an excuse and knew it meant little. The way he said it – strong and clear – emphasised that it made all the difference to him.

"Seriously, what is it with the two of you?" Reiner snapped. "You suddenly have this _thing_ going on and barely act like yourselves anymore."

There it was. Reiner wasn't blind after all. And as expected he didn't like what he saw. Annie took a moment to distance herself from him in her mind. This wasn't a mission to her anymore. She hadn't lured Eren to succeed in her commission. They had mutually agreed to take this path. She no longer had to answer to Reiner for her actions – and even less for her feelings.

"It just seems like that to you because you don't really know us," she pointed out. Her voice was void of any sympathy.

Reiner looked at her in surprise. Her remark seemed to have come completely unexpected for him. His mouth was open in a reply he didn't or couldn't form.

"Can we get going now?" Ymir intervened impatiently. "I thought you were in a hurry, Eren."

"Yes, we can," Eren declared.

He turned around to take the lead again. Annie was sure that this time he took her hand just as a big "fuck you" to Reiner. But she didn't object. It helped to remind her why she was here and why she continued on the path she had chosen. It was all because of Eren.

The streets were completely unfamiliar to Annie, but Eren seemed to know his way around. Occasionally he would pause at a crossroads to decide which direction they should take. It had been a while since he'd been here and judging by the condition the buildings were in Annie reckoned the place had lost some of its familiarity after all.

Weeds grew from the joints between brittle stones. The group of five made their way through the alleys in silence. Annie made sure to listen out for any treacherous sounds that could be the footsteps of an approaching titan. But apart from their own footsteps on the ground, no sound was resonating in the alleys they were treading.

They were headed towards the other end of Shiganshina where Annie assumed Eren's former home to be. It was possible that the chances of coming across titans were decreasing for them since they got further away from the walls that still protected humankind.

"So, for how long are we going to keep walking?" Reiner broke through the silence after a while. "We're almost at the other end of the district."

"Yeah," Eren responded curtly. "And that's where I used to live."

That seemed to be enough to shut up the blond shifter for now.

As they continued forward Annie noted how the destruction of the district became more visible in their surroundings. Big chunks of rock had crashed through roofs and walls and left the buildings in a ruinous state. Parts of houses had collapsed into a pile of rubble and debris.

They passed a hunk of stone covered in a thick layer of green moss. Annie caught the sight of bones sticking out from beneath it and the pavement seemed faintly stained red from blood which no one but the rain had tried to scrub out. She glanced over at Eren who was looking stoically ahead. His jaw was set tight and his eyebrows were narrowed in grim determination. She could feel his fingers had tightened their grip around her hand. He seemed determined not to take note of anything which hinted at the massacre which had taken place here five years ago.

At the next street corner he turned left and stopped. Behind them Reiner mumbled a few curses. Annie could feel his presence only centimetres away from her, but she ignored him. Her focus was on Eren who was absolutely still. She followed his stare and caught sight of a building ahead which had collapsed under the weight of a big rock.

"That's it?" she asked him, keeping her voice low. He just nodded in confirmation.

It was worse than Annie had ever expected it to be. She wondered where Eren had been when the outer gate had been breached. A big part of her didn't want to know and still she inquired.

"What exactly happened?"

Eren gave her a short look. She couldn't filter out all the emotions in his eyes but it seemed he hadn't expected her to ask that question. No one spoke. Annie pushed away the thought of how Berthold must feel at the sight of the destruction he'd caused in his titan form.

"I was by the riverside with Armin and Mikasa when the ground shook," Eren began, his eyes trained at the ruins of his former home. "We ran into the streets to see what's going on and saw…the Colossal Titan appear at the other side of the wall." Annie noticed he avoided to say Berthold's name. Maybe even Eren wasn't willing to let things become that personal. "The rocks flew everywhere when he kicked in the gate and everyone around us started to panic as soon as they realised what just had happened."

Annie could imagine the mass hysteria breaking out. She had seen parts of it. She had seen equal uproar in her home village when a shifter had transformed accidentally and went berserk.

"I came running here, because I knew my mum was still in the house." Eren paused and swallowed hard. Annie watched him in silence and waited for him to continue. She knew the end of the story, but hearing the details turned out to be harder on her than she'd expected.

"She was buried beneath the collapsed pillars. Mikasa and I tried to get her out from beneath them...but what can two kids do?"

Eren wasn't awaiting an answer when he interrupted his narrative again, Annie was sure. But the resurfacing memories seemed to take their toll on him. It showed in the contortion of his features. Lines had forged into the skin on his forehead and he was pressing his mouth together in a thin line.

"My mum told us to run away and save ourselves" – his voice was getting hoarse and weak – "but I couldn't just _leave_ her there."

Annie understood only too well. When her mother had transformed unexpectedly during a meeting of the council, Annie had wanted to run over to her despite the danger the titan her mother had turned into clearly posed. Someone had held her back though. She didn't even remember who it had been. She only remembered her cries when her father pierced the flesh of the nape and the titan crumbled, leaving the disfigured body of her mother for her to mourn.

"Then one of the titans came right our way." Eren swallowed again and blinked several times. Annie could see the hint of tears glint in his eyes. "I still refused to leave her behind. Hadn't a guard come around and carried me and Mikasa away, we probably would've gotten eaten there and then as well."

For the first time during his narration Eren took his eyes off the ruins of his old home as he let his head sink. A shaky breath escaped his mouth that sounded like a short and bitter laugh. He was still holding back the tears.

"It picked her up from the rubble. The thing I couldn't do...it did with ease." Now a tear rolled down his cheek and he gulped again, as if it could help him swallowing all the feelings welling up inside of him. "I could see how she struggled in its hand...but its grip was too tight."

Eren's voice was so close to breaking and Annie just wanted to tell him to stop, that she'd heard enough, but no word came over her lips. She felt so horribly awful for asking him about it in the first place. What on earth had possessed her to bring that up?

"And then it swallowed her almost whole," he forced out the words. She could hear that he was at the limit and he pressed his hand to his mouth to stifle the sobs which came now rocking through his body.

Annie swallowed around the lump which had built in her throat during Eren's story. She stepped closer to him, so their bodies almost touched. Then she brought her hand to his cheek and gently turned his head to face her. When their eyes met Eren let his hand sink and for the first time she saw the full extent of the sorrow he'd carried around for so long. Though she had heard about it before, she hadn't imagined it to be this much.

She hated to see him like this, so hurt and broken. She hated that she'd had a part in the events which had led to his loss. And she knew any apology she had to offer – no matter how heartfelt and sincere – could amend for that. Because it couldn't amend what had happened, because she couldn't make it undone. It didn't matter that there was no accusation in Eren's eyes, even as he was looking at her now with all the memories resurfaced.

But Annie needed no words to offer him comfort. She pulled his head closer with a soft touch of her hand to his neck, encouraging him to rest it on her shoulder. Then she wrapped her arms tightly around is back. Eren relaxed against her body and stopped fighting his emotions. She could feel him tremble as he buried his face in the crook of her neck and mourned.

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	23. 22: Beneath The Surface

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**Chapter 22: Beneath The Surface**

.: :.

Eren paid no heed to Ymir, Reiner and Berthold while crying in Annie's arms. All that mattered to him was Annie holding him, her body curving against his. He was buried in her scent. The sweat from the transformation earlier still lingered on her skin, but he didn't mind the odour. She gave him support and comfort, just what he needed while the resurfaced memories of his mother left him agitated.

The tears ran eventually dry though and he was glad. He was so tired of crying. He'd shed more than enough tears in his short life. And it was time to finally move on. Even if he would never be completely over his mother's death, he was learning to live with it. He was learning that there were more important things than revenge, because nothing he did would bring his mother back. And holding on to the pain was just holding him back.

Eren pulled away from Annie and wiped the remaining wetness of his tears away. Her blue orbs were watching him with worry and he gave her a nod to assure her that he was okay now. It was also supposed to convey his thankfulness for her support, but he figured it was a bit of a weak gesture for that. He gently pushed back a few strands of her blond hair with his fingers and let his hand come to rest on her neck. He would've kissed her there and then, had he not become so uncomfortably aware of their bystanders in that exact moment.

Feeling self-conscious, he let go of Annie's neck and took a step back. (She quirked an eyebrow at him, said nothing however.) His gaze wandered around and settled on Ymir first. The woman had turned away from them as if she hadn't wanted to witness what was going on between Eren and Annie. Be it from distaste for the display of affection or sense for their privacy, Eren didn't bother to guess. The way she had her hand placed on her hip made her mostly appear bored though.

Turning the other way he found Reiner staring at him out of the corner of his eyes. The blond boy had narrowed his eyebrows in a grim expression, but Eren had barely met his gaze when he looked away. The brown-haired shifter couldn't guess what was going through Reiner's mind. He couldn't tell at all if the other shifter was feeling guilty. It was like Eren didn't know him anymore, that's how differently Reiner behaved compared to the years of their training. But maybe, Eren thought, he'd never known Reiner at all and the boy he had considered to be a comrade and friend was just a role the "true" Reiner had been playing.

Looking at Berthold was the hardest for Eren. The tall boy's titan form was the only one he had actually mentioned in his narration and after refreshing those memories Eren himself wasn't sure what he would feel at the sight of the person he now knew could turn into the Colossal Titan. But his curiosity won over his unease. Eren wanted to see Berthold's reaction for himself. So he turned his head a little further and looked past Reiner.

Berthold had bowed his head and was staring at the ground. From what Eren could tell, the tall shifter's features were distorted, facial muscles tense with guilt and distress. Then Berthold suddenly lifted his head and the eyes of the two boys met. He must've felt Eren's gaze resting on him.

Eren felt unexpectedly calm. He still couldn't quite make the connection between the figure in front of him and the humongous shape of the Colossal Titan that had smashed the outer gates of both, Shiganshina and Trost. Whereas he'd seen Reiner and Annie climb out of their respective titan bodies, he'd never witnessed Berthold transform.

The tall boy swallowed visibly while he and Eren held eye contact. Eren remembered what Annie had told him about Berthold having watched his father being eaten and he could read the guilt and sorrow in his counterpart's eyes. When had Berthold first fully realised what he had done? When had the extent of his deeds hit him like it had affected Annie earlier that day on Wall Maria when she had been staring down on the district?

Eren couldn't tell from looking into Berthold's eyes. But he felt like something was passing between them and he came to realise something: Eren would never forget what Berthold had done, but he knew he wouldn't confront the other shifter with it anymore, he didn't feel the need to. This shift in attitude on Eren's part had already happened towards Annie, but with Reiner Eren wasn't sure yet.

"Well, this really is a mess," Ymir's voice could be heard from farther away and both Eren and Berthold looked over to her. The woman was standing right in front of the remains of Eren's old home and appeared to be inspecting the ruins.

Together with the other three shifters, Eren made his way over to her position.

"Yeah," he admitted. "I guess we have to clear at least some of it up before proceeding."

"Tell me where the entrance to the basement is," Reiner asked. "I’ll shift and take care of uncovering it."

Eren inspected him carefully. For a moment he considered to simply reject the offer. Who knew what Reiner would do upon transforming? After all he might have just pretended to work together with Eren and Annie until he knew where the entrance to the basement was and now intended to kill them and continue with Berthold alone. Eren just didn’t really trust Reiner at the moment.

"You aren’t planning something, are you?" the boy asked sceptically, narrowing his eyebrows and keeping his green eyes fixated on his counterpart.

"Like what?" Reiner growled, sounding not at all happy about the display in mistrust.

"Like disposing of Annie, Ymir and me, while you’re at it."

Reiner stared and knitted his eyebrows together in anger.

"I’m not a murderer!" he exclaimed, indignation resounding in his voice.

"That depends on how you define the word," Eren retorted.

Reiner huffed and reclined, folding his arms in front of his chest. The corners of his mouth twitched into a bitter grin for an instant. But just as his facial expression didn't remain the same for long, he was too angry to hold up that posture.

"You know what?" he said and stepped closer, invading Eren's personal space. Leaning forward he pointed his index finger right into Eren’s face. "I don’t need your fucking permission," Reiner snapped. "Who made you the boss anyway?"

Eren didn’t even bat a lash as the accusing digit hovered only centimetres away from his face. And then Reiner retreated again and started walking away.

"By the way," he called over his shoulder. "If I wanted to get rid of you three I could do that even if you don’t show me the entrance to the basement. I can easily find it by myself now, I only have to remove all of that debris."

With that he stopped in his tracks and transformed on the spot. While Eren stepped back and watched how the Armoured Titan was heaving the remnants of stone walls and wooden beams aside and felt the occasional gazes of his companions on him, he didn't regret being sceptical of Reiner. So Eren knew he wasn't going to apologise, because he wasn't sorry at all. Well, maybe he could thank Reiner for the effort of clearing the entrance.

When Reiner was done, all that was left of Eren's old house was the stone fundament – and the basement beneath it of course. Eren ignored the titan with the hardened skin leaving the area and approached the barren ruins behind which the debris and rubble were piled up now. He knew exactly where the entrance to the basement lay. And getting to the staircase which led down to it was his main concern right now.

In the month before the 57th expedition beyond the walls, Eren had thought a lot about this place. Often he'd lain in bed at night in the darkness of his cell and stared at the key his father had left him before disappearing. He then had tried to picture what he might find in that place, what his father had known and how it might help him.

After the mission had failed, however, he'd discarded those considerations entirely. It had seemed like any hope for him to make his way here had been lost. And besides, there had been the thing with Annie to keep him occupied. And ever since he and Annie had headed out to get to Shiganshina, there still had been so many things for him to process that his mind was way too busy to picture the moment of him on the verge of discovery.

This very moment when all the obstacles were out of the way and he was finally able to descend the stairs to the basement.

Eren climbed onto the stone floor which had resisted the weighed of the crushed building and the big rock from the wall. The opening in the ground to his right was drawing him in like a magnet. He crossed the area without regarding the layout of the rooms. The building itself belonged to the past and Eren had no consideration for it. He was moving on now and all he wanted was the information stored away beneath his feet. Once he had acquired that, he intended to leave behind this place for good.

Eren wasn't sure what to expect, but he hoped that it wasn't all for naught. That somehow his father's secrets would help him and Annie in their quest. And yes, in the back of his mind resided the hint of a desire for whatever he was about to find at the bottom of those stairs to benefit all of humanity and lead them into a brighter future.

The road here hadn't been easy and yet – now that he was finally here he had to say that it went more smoothly than expected. Even if the Scouting Legion had made it here eventually, it would've at the cost of a several years and many lives. Years and lives which wouldn't be wasted like this. For the first time, Eren didn't feel the tiniest bit guilty for choosing to come here with Annie. Right now it didn't feel like he had let his comrades down by abandoning them, it felt like by leaving them behind and walking this path without them he was protecting them.

Eren stopped in front of the staircase. The upper steps appeared to have taken some damage from the demolition of the house and Reiner clearing the place out. Apart from that, however, the entrance looked fine.

He turned around to find the rest of the group walking towards him. The remnants of the Armoured Titan were nowhere in sight. Eren's eyes shifted to the left where a billow of steam was rising from behind a few buildings. Reiner had probably left his titan form there to dissolve, so any nearby titans which might get attracted by it wouldn't be lured towards them directly at least.

"Thanks," he told the beefy shifter whose only reply was an undefined grunt.

With that Eren returned to the matter at hand and shifted his attention back to the staircase in front of him. In the light falling down the opening he could make out a room at the bottom of the stairs, but most of it was being swallowed up by the darkness of the underground.

He tucked at the lace around his neck and pulled out the key he had received from his father. He still couldn't quite remember how it had gotten in his possession, but he'd figured it didn't matter as long as he could make use of it.

And now the door it was supposed to unlock was gone, removed by brute force. All those times he had pictured himself turning around the key in the lock and opening up the entrance to the basement – and now it would remain a fantasy he would never live. He couldn't help it, he huffed out a dry laugh at the irony.

"What is it?" he could hear Ymir asking from behind him.

"Nothing," Eren shrugged it off. He saw no point in explaining it to the others. (If it had only been Annie with him maybe he'd shared his thoughts, but that wasn't the case and it didn't really matter.)

"Alright," he told himself, "this is it."

He took the first step down. Then another one. Even though the stone stairs looked mostly undamaged, he treaded carefully in order not to risk anything. Also, his eyes could use the time to adapt to the lighting conditions in the underground room.

"I hope there's a lamp down there or something," Ymir commented behind him as they descended down the stairs. The others remained silent.

When he reached the bottom, Eren was thoughtful enough to take a few steps away from the stairs to leave way for the others. Then he stopped and looked around in the semi-darkness. From what he could tell with his limited eye-sight, the room took up the whole space beneath the house with occasional pillars keeping the ceiling in place. And it was a mess.

Papers were scattered around everywhere and objects of different sizes lay on various surfaces. Everything appeared to be covered in dust and small debris which must've trickled down from the ceiling. Eren guessed it was due to the destruction of the house, since he remembered his father to be a very tidy man.

However, the first thing he focused on was finding lamp or anything they could use to illuminate this place. Ymir was right after all, without some decent lighting examining everything would be a hard if not impossible chore.

Luckily, he found a lantern and some matches on a nearby table. After kindling a flame which fed from the oil, he used its dim glow to make out other lamps they could use to fight off the darkness in the place.

Annie moved past him and protruded further into the room. With careful steps she avoided any objects lying in her way in order not to demolish anything.

"Give me some light," she ordered and Eren obeyed. He held the lantern in her direction and followed her a few steps, so she could make out a route in its flickering glow.

She reached the wall of the room and pulled over a chair. By climbing it she could reach up to one of the blocked windows lining the upper end of the wall. With some effort she unlocked latch and opened the small window. Then she pushed the shutters aside to let more daylight flood into the room. The others followed her example and methodically opened up all the windows.

The dust became visible as it was dancing in the air. Simply by seeing all of it so clearly lying and whirling around Eren's nose began to itch and he almost sneezed. He ignored it – or at least tried to – and took in the room in full daylight.

His first impression had been right: the place was a pretty mess. Also, there was so much stuff lying around, it would probably take them some time to sort through all of it and filter out the things which were actually relevant to them.

"Where do we begin with this?" Berthold questioned, apparently having similar thoughts as Eren.

"Just grab something and we'll work our way through," Eren suggested, picking up some random documents on a shelf beside him.

"What are we even looking for?" Ymir wanted to know.

"Anything that can help us save our people from turning into cannibals, I'd say," Reiner pointed out.

"Oh, so they're all turning batshit crazy now? One by one?" Ymir followed up and Eren wasn't sure if she was making it sound so mockingly on purpose.

"Well, you don't have to help us," Annie intervened, "but at least shut up."

"Alright, alright," the woman relented. "But what about you, Eren? What are you looking for?"

Eren barely looked up from the files in his hands, trying to take in what they were about. "The same," he noted curtly.

"Huh?" Ymir sounded surprised. "You've come all the way here to help some shifters you've never even met?"

"I'm helping Annie," he countered, growing impatient with her questioning. But she had struck a nerve.

Eren knew about the general situation of things from what Annie told him, but she had mentioned nothing about how the Founders were organised or worked. That was probably because she didn't know, so he had to draw on other sources for that. However, he wasn't sure whether to expect his father having information about such things.

Besides, he had yet to tell Annie that he wanted to return to the walls once they had figured things with her tribe out somehow. And he really didn't want to bring that up right here and now. So he was trying to avoid the topic, but Ymir was a persistent one.

"Okay, but don't you want to know more about what is going on?" she asked.

Eren paused. "My dad was somehow able to turn me into a shifter, so he's got to have the formula somewhere and that's what I'm focussing on," he stated. "Assuming he knows way more than that and looking for information he might not even have collected here, would just end up delaying us."

Ymir paused for a moment, then shrugged and let it go – to Eren's relief. He wasn't sure how much longer he could've kept up the act. It hadn't been a blatant lie – technically he had actually been telling the truth. But the things he had omitted were weighing on him after all. The longer this went on, the more he felt like deceiving the others – most of all Annie. But he pushed aside his guilt and focussed on the search the others were applying themselves to as well.

Apart from the occasional shuffling of feet and the rustling of paper not much could be heard while each of the five shifters inspected a different spot of the basement. Eren seemed to have stumbled over some medical stuff. He casually flicked through files his dad had compiled of patients before putting them away.

There were also books on medicine which Eren figured weren't very relevant to their search. He took a closer look on some notes and sketches, because he recognised his father's handwriting. But they were just about human anatomy and medicine, so he put them back down.

"Well, what do we have here?" Reiner exclaimed after a while and Eren turned to see him hold some kind of book in his hands.

"You found something?" Ymir asked from the other end of the room.

Everyone else had interrupted their search, too, and was looking at Reiner now.

" _Codex Aegis_ it says here," the blond shifter announced the title on the cover. Eren had no idea what that meant, but he refrained from asking about it.

Reiner opened up the book and flipped through a few pages. Eren waited for him to note whether it could be of interest to them or not. The others seemed to do the same, because neither of them moved, but kept their attention on their beefy companion.

"Look at that," Reiner commented. "It's written in German." With a side-glance to Eren he added: "Didn't know you even use that language inside the walls."

"We don't," the brown-haired boy corrected him.

"Well, by the look of it at least some of you do."

Reiner kept thumbing through pages, but still gave no judgement on whether the book contained information which could be valuable for them or not. Impatience rose in Eren, but he held himself back. He didn't want to push the other boy further. Their dispute earlier was enough for the day.

"Could it be something from the Founders?" Annie asked. It seemed as if she, too, wasn't happy about Reiner taking his time and holding them up.

"It would appear so," he replied while turning some more pages. "Seems like it's some kind of rule book for the Wallists – or at least for some exclusive members of that weird cult." He looked up and over to Eren. "Where did your father get this?"

Eren tilted his head at the question. "I don't know," he retorted. "I presume at his entrance ceremony or something."

"So...you knew your father is one of those Wallists?" Ymir inquired, sounding a little startled.

"No," Eren clarified. "But by now it doesn't surprise me at all. I do remember him having some strange associations."

"And is there anything in there which could be useful to us?" Annie interrupted.

"No," Reiner replied. "Like I said, just a bunch of rules and stuff. Nothing about titans or shifters."

With that the interest of the group was lost. Eren moved on from the shelf with the medical records and looked for some other papers to look through. The rustling of the others going through pages became audible again. But Reiner didn't seem to let it go yet.

"Here, they seem to have some kind of oath," he declared. "Something about becoming the foundation, walls and roof of mankind to protect it." He gave a quiet chuckle at the idea.

Eren thought that it sounded more like the Founders were the restrictions of mankind, but he didn't dwell on it. He didn't care for anything of the Wall Cult right now, unless it was something which could help them curing Annie's people. He'd bother with anything going on inside the walls once he got back from the shifter village. But he made a mental note to take along that codex book for that purpose.

Annie was less quiet about her opinion. "Put that stupid thing aside and focus on something that can actually get us somewhere," she instructed sharply and Reiner obeyed without protest.

Some more time passed in which they all filed through more documents and books in silence. Eren didn't find himself to be very lucky: he came across some bills and accounts as well as some more material on human medicine and anatomy. That wasn't in the slightest what he needed.

"I think I found something," Berthold finally stated from a corner.

Once again the other four put aside whatever they were inspecting and shifted their attention to the person who had spoken.

"Looks like your dad was keeping journals," he told Eren.

That was enough to double everyone's interest, but Eren was the first one to reach Berthold's side. What could his father have noted? Whatever the diaries contained though, they seemed like a good place to search for the formula.

There were quite a few of them, so Eren suggested to get started with the newer ones.

"What makes you say that?" Reiner wanted to know.

"Don't know." Eren shrugged. "Just a feeling."

So Berthold picked up the journal with the most recent date and started flicking through it. The other four crowded around him crouching on the floor and tried to get a look at the pages.

"Hold on, what was that?" Annie remarked and leaned in to help Berthold turn back a few pages.

They scanned Grisha's scribbling to see what had caught her attention. Her finger came to a halt next to a short entry on the lower half of the page. _Shifters made contact again_ , it read beneath a date three months prior to the breach of Wall Maria.

"Again?" Eren questioned, pushing his hair out of his face, because it was a nuisance during reading.

"We trained specifically for this mission for a year," Annie explained. "During that time negotiations with the Founders were still going and it was only considered as a last resort." She paused, as if she had to overcome herself to continue. "I think that was the last contact before our council lost patience."

"I see," was all Eren managed in response. He continued to read the entry in his father's journal.

_Were unable to reproduce serum despite our best efforts. Every test had same result: specimen lost control upon turning. Key-component which determines the difference in outcome seems to be missing in the formula._

"So they actually were trying to help us out?" Reiner noted, disbelief sticking to his voice.

"I wonder who they were testing it on…" Ymir considered, a hint of bitterness ringing in her tone.

Eren remained quiet for now. He focussed on sucking up the information about his father. Now he knew why his father had been travelling around so much and refused to take him along on several of those trips.

_Doubting our ability to reproduce serum which turns human into reliable shifter. Determining the cause of the defect in shifter genetic and trying to fix it seems impossible._

_Maybe original formula was incomplete to begin with. Maybe it's in human nature to become a vile monster without conscience sooner or later._

"Alright, that's it then," Reiner remarked, getting back to his feet. "Looks like coming here was futile." He stretched his limbs which were probably strained from crouching down and walked a few steps.

"What are you saying?" Eren questioned him. He stood up himself and turned to look at Reiner.

"Look, I hate to say this," the blond shifter explained, "but if people who dedicated their time to finding a cure couldn't figure anything out, then I doubt _we_ ever will. In short: there's nothing we can do."

"They might have come across something afterwards," Eren objected. He was vaguely aware that the others had resumed to standing up as well.

"I doubt that," Reiner declared. "Sounded like your father was giving up."

"Well, there's _me_!" Eren insisted.

"Probably just an accident or a lucky strike," Reiner pointed out. "Either way, I don't think it's worth it for us to waste our time on any more of this stuff." He indicated the contents of the basement with his hand. "I'm going to look for something edible in this area now. Who's coming?"

Silence stretched out between the five members of the group. Eren could hear the shuffling if a pair of feet behind him and wasn't surprise to see Berthold pass him. The tall boy shot him a glance and mumbled "sorry" before following Reiner out of the basement.

Eren would've laughed at the absurdity of that if he wasn't so upset. Because Reiner was probably right: If the efforts of a group of scientists dedicated to the cause resulted only in failure and accidents, then that left them with nothing. And Eren hated to admit it, because it hurt. Being an accident fucking hurt!

I'm his frustration Eren kicked over a weird-looking gadgetry which happened to stand in his vicinity. It gave a shattering sound upon hitting the floor, but he paid it no heed and just ruffled his hair in his exasperation.

He had to admit to himself that somewhere deep down inside he'd hoped for some kind of explanation for how he came to be a shifter. That somehow he was supposed to be like this and that it served a purpose. That he was wanted – even if that meant he had been intended to be used like a weapon, to him that sounded better than being an accident.

It sounded better than something implying that his father had used him for an experiment while the outcome of it had been uncertain. His father had risked the likely possibility of turning Eren – his own flesh and blood – into a mindless titan. It made Eren sick!

He turned to face Annie, but she wasn't even looking in his direction. She was standing with her back to him, head bowed so her bangs were hanging in front of her face. Eren noticed how she had clenched her fist at her side and it hurt him even more.

He knew that she was disappointed, too. They had never talked about what they were hoping to find down here, but even if she hadn't expected much, this had to be a setback for her as well. After all it looked like the chances for her people to overcome that defect were even worse than anticipated. Eren felt so guilty, he didn't even have it in himself to walk over to her and try to comfort her.

"Let's continue," Ymir exclaimed and Eren's head snapped around to her in surprise.

"What?" He asked, completely taken aback by her suggestion.

"I don't think your father gave up," the woman stated. "You're proof of that. And I don't think we should give up either. Not before we haven't searched this basement from back to front for anything useful."

Eren was uncertain. He didn't dare to build up his hopes again in the likely prospect of having them shattered again. He chanced a look at Annie and found her to be facing towards him and Ymir again. Their eyes met and she held his gaze for a while with her blue orbs. Her face was untouched by emotion and in her eyes lay calmness. If she had been upset she'd overcome it quickly or was masking it well.

When Annie looked away at the journals now scattered on the floor she said: "Let's get started then, there's still a lot we haven't looked at yet."

Eren nodded, taking heart again. "Yeah," he agreed.

"What about Reiner and Berthold?" Ymir wanted to know. "Are you going to leave them to themselves like that?"

"They can do whatever they want," Eren murmured. "I don't care about them."

He picked up a journal from the floor and dusted off a chair to sit on. His nose itched again and his fringe was hanging into his field of vision. He brushed the annoying strands of her aside and ignored the dust in his nostrils as best as he could. His focus was on the words his father had written in his journal. After what he'd read so far, he wanted to find out who the man was he had believed to know for all his life. Because now he doubted that he'd known his father at all.

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	24. 23: In Conclusion

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**Chapter 23: In Conclusion**

.: :.

_"Dad, let me go!_

_"Stop it, dad, what are you doing?_

_"You're hurting me!"_

_Eren struggled with all his might, but his father's grip was too tight around his arm. The strength of his ten-year-old body was not enough to break away. Eren was panicking, he could no longer grasp where he was. And the man before him maybe looked like his father, but he surely didn't act like it. He was too forceful, too harsh, and he was hurting Eren. His father had never hurt Eren before._

_"Eren, look at me," Grisha demanded._

_But he still had Eren gripped by his arm, keeping the boy trapped where he didn't want to stay. Grisha still held a syringe threateningly in his other hand as he knelt in front of his son whose sleeve he'd already shoved up over the elbow in preparation. And Eren was scared and he just wanted to get away. He didn't mind injections, but this time he wasn't sick and his father wasn't giving him any explanation as to what was going on._

_"No!" Eren exclaimed, pulling his arm back with all his might. His effort remained futile, however. Grisha's fingers were locked around his upper arm and held him in place._

_In his desperation the boy was unable to hold back the tears. Only recently he'd had to watch how his mother had been bitten in half by the giant row of a titan's teeth. And now his father had finally found him and his foster sister Mikasa in the refugee camp, but he was acting absolutely weird. It was way more than Eren could handle and he just wanted to go home to the save shelter of his family – but his home was crushed and his family torn apart._

_"I'm really sorry," Grisha told his son. "I'm sorry for doing this to you, but this might be the only chance we've got."_

_Through his blurred up vision, Eren thought he could see tears streaming down his father's cheeks as well. Confusion flooded him – he couldn't make sense of his father's words and behaviour, they seemed to be contradicting each other – and he went limb, overwhelmed by the situation._

_"I don't even have time to explain," Grisha said as he injected the needle into a vein in the crook of Eren's arm. "They're coming for me, because I broke my vow to them."_

_Eren didn't even have time to wonder about his father's cryptic words. The content of the syringe entered his bloodstream and almost instantly he began feeling dizzy. The world seemed to turn into a flood of stimuli which were too much to handle for his brain and his sense of balance decreased._

_Eren saw a key dangling in front of his eyes. A key he thought was the one to the basement in his old house which his father always wore around his neck._

_"Take this key with you, Eren," a voice said and it faintly reminded him of Grisha's voice. "And try to make your way back to our old house and into the basement._

_"What you'll find there should provide you with all the information I can't give you right now."_

_Eren felt the the band slip over his head and come to rest around his neck. He thought he could make out the weight of the key holding it down and resting against his chest._

_"From there on it's up to you what you'll do with the things you'll learn."_

_The face that resembled the features of his father threatened to disappear in a stream of light and dark in front of his eyes._

_Hands took hold of his shoulders. It had to be his father's – or maybe Eren just thought so, because Grisha had been the only person with him when he had entered this confused state._

_"I'm sorry I have to leave you," the voice continued._

_"You and Mikasa take good care of each other."_

_The light was fading and darkness took over Eren's vision. He felt like his feet had left the ground. The hands on his shoulders seemed to have disappeared. All there was to him was the weight of the key against his chest._

_"I love you, Eren."_

With a start, Eren sat upright. He vaguely noticed a blanket slipping from his shoulders as he blinked in confusion and looked around. Slowly things were coming to him again and he recognised the vast chaos of the basement in the dim candle light. He realised that he wasn't ten years old anymore, but actually fifteen and he had made it all the way down here where his father had wanted him to go.

Still numb from in the aftermath of sleep, Eren rubbed his eyes and forehead with the palm of his hand. Strands of his hair were getting messed up by his touch but he didn't bother with it. His gaze got attracted by the journal still lying open in front of him at the table he was sitting at. He must've fallen asleep while reading through it. It had been a long and exhausting day after all, so he wasn't even surprised he'd passed out at some point.

Now that he was awake again, however, he seemed to have lost his sense of time. He'd stayed up way past the fading of daylight and it still seemed to be dark outside, so he couldn't tell if he'd slept for an hour or five. The dream was lingering in his mind and affecting him. Eren wasn't sure if he'd touched on a suppressed memory or if his mind had completely made up something based on the things he'd been reading about.

"You're awake," Annie noted quietly. Eren jerked slightly in surprise, because he hadn't noticed her until she was sitting down at his table.

"Yeah," Eren mumbled, once again giving in to the urge to rub his eyes. "How long did I sleep?"

"Oh, probably a couple of hours," she replied. She placed her elbow on the table surface and rested her chin on the palm of her cocked arm. "It's been a long and stressful day after all, no wonder you were exhausted."

He nodded and pushed aside the strands of hair which were hanging in his field of vision and got caught up with his eyelashes. They were growing really annoying.

"What about the others?" he asked then.

"Ymir's sleeping over there somewhere," Annie explained and nodded towards a spot by the wall where Eren could faintly make out the woman's brown hair behind all the clutter in the room. "And Reiner and Berthold borrowed my bow and went hunting. You know, more mouths to feed now."

Eren couldn't suppress a yawn and then blinked at her. He glanced over to one of the windows to make sure it wasn't barred up again to stop the light from coming in, then he looked back at her.

"It's dark outside," he pointed out.

"Exactly."

"How can they hunt like that?"

"Dawn is breaking and the titans aren't active yet," Annie replied, sounding bored by having to explain something as basic as that. "That's perfect for hunting out here."

"Oh," Eren mumbled. Now that she mentioned it, it made absolute sense to him.

"Do you think we can trust them?" he inquired then, remembering yesterday's conflicts.

"It's going to be fine," Annie assured him, unimpressed by his doubts.

"They could be heading on with our equipment and leave us here."

"Trust me, they're going to come back."

Eren studied her stoic expression for a moment. Considering the preceding fight Annie had had with Reiner, he was surprised to see her put her trust in him like that. But then he remembered that the two shifters had been part of the same team for several years and knew each other well. If Annie had decided they could rely on Reiner and Berthold in this situation, then Eren would trust her judgement.

"Okay," he agreed.

A pause followed in which Eren's gaze got caught on the open journal in front of him. However, he just stared at the words without taking them in. His thoughts were still lingering on the dream he'd woken from.

"So how are things going with your dad's journal?" Annie inquired, effectively bringing him back to the present. "Did you find anything of interest?"

Eren blinked to readjust his focus which had gone blurry.

"Not much," he explained then. "He continued his research in the two months before the fall of Wall Maria. There's even the mention of what he calls "progress", but that's on the last couple of pages and there is no word of any real success."

He gave in to the urge to stretch his stiffened limbs. The blanket which somehow had stuck to his back until now slipped further down.

"Apart from that there's not anything we can work with in these journals," he continued after giving in to a yawn.

"Apparently my dad joined the Wallists to attain a better education as a doctor," Eren gave an account of what he'd read. "It seems they like to get people with bright minds working for them. There's a lot about the research he did for them to improve medical procedures and such, but I didn't even get half of it."

"Sounds like he had some good intentions," Annie commented. Her gaze had wandered off to a spot on the wall and Eren wasn't sure if she only said it to try and comfort him.

"Still," he noted, "what we're looking for was probably in the notes he took with him when he left for the inner walls the day of the attack. And when he disappeared they very likely went missing with him. So in the end we came looking in the wrong place."

Eren let his face sink into his hands. It wasn't a conclusion he was very happy about. Besides, he still felt groggy from sleep and his muscles were sore from remaining in the same position for too long, on a chair with his head on the table.

"I guess that was a waste of time," he mumbled disheartened. "I should've known. I'm so stupid!"

He felt fingers brushing through his hair. They were coaxing him to look up and he met Annie's gaze. She had leaned closer and the orange light of the oil lamp was glinting in her blue eyes.

"You're not stupid," she objected. "You had every right and every reason to continue looking."

"But it was pointless," Eren argued. "Just like Reiner assumed."

"Reiner's an idiot who gives up way too easily," Annie retorted without hesitation.

She got up from her chair and moved next to where his elbows rested on the table.

"But you're Eren." She took hold of his hands. "You don't give up, you persist."

Mesmerised, his eyes followed the movements of her hands which gently pried his fingers from the table top. His arms were limp in her grip.

"You didn't give up on me," she continued and there was a rare softness in her tone.

She had him lean back in his chair so she could sit on his lap. His hands were reluctant to take hold of her when she placed them by her hip. His eyes were transfixed on her face which was now right in front of him. She wrapped her arms around his neck as if to ensure she stayed in place.

"And I'm really glad you didn't," she concluded. Her tone was low, but defined.

Annie leaned in and gave him a peck on his cheek. Eren's hands had taken hold of her hips by now, ensuring that she didn't slide off his lap.

"Besides," she whispered close to his ear, "you don't honestly expect me to believe that your only interest in this place was to find a way to help my people."

Eren stiffened notably in his chair. He felt caught, knowing that he'd put on another act and kept something from Annie. That wasn't exactly living up to his promise to confide in her – and it hadn't remained unnoticed by her. She had seen right through his small sham.

"I…," he began, without actually knowing what to say.

"It's alright," she interrupted him and leaned back to face him again. The unexpected softness of her features helped him to relax in his position.

"You want to know what happened for you to become a shifter," Annie continued. "I understand that. And I'm honestly sorry you couldn't find anything on that down here."

"Yeah, but I think I remembered something," Eren remarked.

She shifted the balance of her upper body and looked at him questioningly.

"Just before waking up I had a dream about my father injecting me with something," he explained. "I think it was a memory which had been buried in my subconscious and now resurfaced in my sleep. And now since I woke some more things came back to me and I'm starting to piece them together."

Annie said nothing. She just looked at him and Eren faintly noticed how her fingers played with the hair sticking into his neck. Her expression didn't signal boredom, but seemed to show her willingness to listen to whatever he had to tell. Her blue eyes were clear and attentive.

"The day Wall Maria fell, my father had left for a trip to the inner walls, so Mikasa and I were pretty much on our own when we found refuge inside Wall Rose," Eren began, giving her some context before getting to his dream.

"Well, not exactly on our own, I mean, Armin was there- but you get what I mean," he cut himself off, before he got into unnecessary rambling. His eyes had started to wander about the place while putting together the events of the past, but a quick glance at Annie told him that her expression hadn't changed.

"We'd been in the refugee camp for a couple of days when my father came to find us," he continued leading up to the events he had dreamt about. "He didn't say where he'd been, he barely said as much as that he was happy we were okay."

Eren let himself be temporarily distracted by Annie's fingers still playing with strands of his hair at the back of his neck. Her gentle touch sent pleasant chills down his spine.

"So, he'd barely stayed a day when he took me to a walk into the nearby forest. That's when his behaviour got really strange and he started to scare me."

He closed his eyes to better access his memories.

"'I know you've just been through a lot and I'm so sorry,' is what he said I think. And he went on about how he wished he could spare me this, but there was no time and no other way."

Eren furrowed his eyebrows as he dug deeper into things long past. He covered how his father had shoved up his sleeve and readied the syringe, leaving Eren to wonder what was happening. And then the panic when his father had forcefully injected him and things had started to fade and he had lost consciousness.

"When I woke up again, I was back with Mikasa and my father had disappeared," Eren concluded the narration of the events he was able to recall after his dream. He was looking directly at Annie now who'd remained serious.

"Mikasa hadn't seen him leave and when she asked me what had happened I honestly couldn't tell her and was surprised to find this key on me." He tucked at the lace around his neck and pulled the key to the basement out from under his shirt to present it to her. Then he let it drop onto his chest again.

"So…what do you think?" Annie inquired after a moment of silence in which even her fingers had ceased to move.

"I don't know," he admitted honestly and shook his head. "I mean, he probably stole the injection from the Wallists and was acting on his own account when giving it to me…but what for?"

Annie's gaze diverted while she was thinking about this.

"To give you a chance to get to here?" she suggested then. However she sounded doubtful of her own theory.

"But why?" Eren retorted. "Why make me go through all this to get here when he could've told me myself? What was he expecting me to do?"

"You'd have to ask him that in person," Annie noted quietly.

"If he's still alive," he added with a mumble.

"You don't know if he's dead."

"No, but I'm pretty certain the Wallists were after him, because he broke his oath and I somehow doubt they let traitors live."

Annie didn't have to respond. It was a reasonable conclusion after all. She shoved her fingers deeper into his messy hair and stroked him affectionately. There was tenderness in her eyes as she let her gaze wander over his features and follow the movements of her hand in his hair.

Eren sat in silence and watched her. It was still a rare moment for him to see her so open and showing compassion. And it was comforting, so comforting. He didn't need her to say anything, as long as she was here with him like that.

"I really don't know what your father was thinking or planning," Annie informed him quietly. Her hand moved around to his forehead and began brushing strands aside and out of his field of vision.

"And this is going to sound really selfish," she admitted with the hint of a laugh in her voice, "but I'm not complaining, I'm not going to wish it hadn't happened to you. Because whatever reason your father had to turn you into a shifter, in a way it brought us together. And I'm really thankful for that."

Annie leaned her forehead against his and Eren closed his eyes to better feel her touch and to fully take in her words. They danced around in his head and stirred his heartbeat as their meaning sank in.

"Eren," she whispered. "I'm glad to have met you."

Warmth spread from his chest and his skin tingled. Eren breathed in long and deep and caught a hint of her scent. It seemed like such a petty thing, but whenever Annie made these small confessions they washed over him and filled him with a mixture of joy and gratitude. It was these fleeting instants that had him growing so sure of her feelings for him, even if she hadn't put them into words as bluntly as he had confessed his love for her.

"Yeah," he responded, still revelling in the moment. "I'm glad to have met you, too."

His hands left her hips be and wandered up her back. He pulled her into a hug and rested his chin on her shoulder. Her hands had wrapped around his neck again.

"Thank you," he murmured, inhaling her scent once more. "For everything."

"What are you saying?" Annie inquired, the faint sound of a light-hearted laugh ringing in her voice. "I told you, I'm with you. Just like you insisted to be with me."

"Yeah, but I'm not taking that for granted," he whispered.

Annie wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. Eren responded by pressing her closer to his chest. He could not explain what this moment meant to him, so he hoped to convey at least some of it by holding her like that.

When Annie leaned back it was only so she could place her mouth on his. Eren was a bit taken aback by her lips moving against his and her tongue gently pressing him to let her in. Though he was very inclined to exchange affection in this way, he was suddenly incredibly self-conscious. He pulled away to catch her eye.

"You know I haven't had much oral hygiene in the last couple of days," he pointed out, feeling a little uneasy in the situation.

"I know. Me neither."

She cupped his chin with her hand to hold his head steady and persisted in her course of action.

"Are you turning into a clean freak or something?" she asked between a few pecks. Her tone sounded amused.

"No?" he denied, confused what point she was trying to make.

"Then shut up and kiss me, you idiot!" she demanded and brought her mouth to his again.

This time Eren was more compliant and matched the movement of his lips with Annie's. He accepted the challenge of her tongue and opened up to her. She kissed him deep and he could feel the hunger rise up inside of him. But this time he wasn't scared that he would lose sight of his destination over it. Annie had promised to take care of him and get him back on track should he need it. And he trusted her.

Her fingers were routing through his hair. His hands found pleasure in sneaking beneath her shirt and circling over the bare skin of her lower back. If they'd been alone in the room he'd entertained the thought of doing a lot more than that. But the knowledge of Ymir sleeping only a few metres away resurfaced in his mind and he didn't allow himself to even consider how much further he'd want to go.

Eren's lips trailed off and wandered until they found a place on Annie's neck to attach themselves to. She leaned her head back to grant him better access. I soft chuckle resonated in her throat and he could hear the delight in it. Her fingers kept playing with his hair, at one time even pulling when he sucked a little harder.

He grinned against her skin. It thrilled him to have her react to him this way. And he was so inclined to continue down that path. He wanted to make her moan, have his touch stir so much in her she couldn't moderate herself any longer. But he didn't want to disturb Ymir in her sleep and that thought outweighed his other ideas and helped him to moderate himself.

"You're hair's gotten quite long," Annie noted, still twirling some of his brown strands in her fingers.

"Mh-mh," he responded, too occupied with letting his lips glide further down her neck to say an actual word.

"Isn't it getting annoying?" she inquired, pulling away and effectively interrupting the travels of his mouth. She inspected his face while she ruffled through his fringe.

"Yeah, actually it is," he admitted after taking a short moment to ponder her words.

Annie paused and just gazed at him. Then she gently shoved Eren's hands out from under her shirt so she could slide from his lap. He watched in confusion as she left him sitting on his chair and started rummaging in the basement as quietly as possible in order not to disturb Ymir.

"What's the matter now?" he asked in puzzlement. Though he knew that he couldn't let things get too heated up between them, Eren was slightly disappointed. Annie had initiated the kissing after all, so why was she getting side-tracked now and left him hanging?

"Hold on," she instructed. "I just had an idea."

Though he felt weird he stayed put on his chair while she moved through the room, stopping here and there, picking up things or bending down to inspect something.

"Are you going to let me know what it's about?" Eren asked after a bit.

Annie stopped and looked at him over her shoulder. Her lips were curved upwards and slightly parted. Her expression reminded him of a kid who was up to something and though he liked to see her so at ease, her mischievous smile made him wary of what was to come his way.

"No," she declined. "It's a surprise."

While she resumed her search, Eren tried to get comfortable where he was. He bit back the urge to insist she should tell him what this was about and tried to swallow down his dreading worries. After all – considering the circumstances – how mad could her idea possibly be?

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	25. 24: At Leisure

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**Chapter 24: At Leisure**

.: :.

Morning was breaking and Eren had no idea what had gotten into Annie Leonhard. Yet he found himself walking her to the riverbank which wasn't too far from his old home where they currently resided. He was carrying the blanket she had asked him to bring along. Apart from that Annie hadn't given him any hint as to what she had in mind.

The daylight lining the horizon chased away the shadows of the night, but Annie had assured Eren that that wasn't enough yet for the titans to become active after the immobility they fell victim to during night time. Besides, Reiner and Berthold had scouted the district yesterday and hadn't reported any titans roaming the cobbled streets in between the ruins.

It was really unusual for Annie to be this spontaneous, but Eren had told himself to roll with it. In a way it was actually a likable distraction from all the stuff which was going on. However, when they reached the canal passing through Shiganshina district, Eren couldn't help his natural curiosity.

"So what exactly are we doing here?" he inquired as he watched Annie slip out of her boots.

"Washing," she replied curtly.

"Huh?"

"We're going for a swim."

She had left her shoes lying on the ground and approached the edge of the canal. During autumn the water line rose, so she could easily dip her feet into the water upon sitting down.

"Wait, with our clothes on?" Eren questioned in disbelief, as soon as he realised she hadn't pulled off her socks and hadn't even rolled up the legs of her trousers.

"Well, they have to get clean, too, don't they?" Annie pointed out. "So we might as well do all in one go."

"Yeah, but that's not how you wash your clothes," he objected.

She shot him a look over her shoulder. Her eyes glinted challenging and amusement tugged at the corner of her mouth. Both became fairly obvious in her tone when she asked: "Is that what your mum taught you?"

"No, that's common sense," Eren retorted easily.

He didn't bring up the time the captain had ordered him to change and wash his clothes after getting caught up in a spray. It didn't seem a good moment to bring up the man who'd mutilated Annie. Actually, Eren didn't intend to bring up Levi ever again unless he really unavoidably had to.

Annie laughed softly, unaware of the detour his thoughts had taken.

"It's better than nothing," she noted then, sounding still unusually light-hearted. "And we hardly can afford a washing day. So are you coming now?"

"It's autumn and it's cold," he reminded her, wrapping his arms around his upper body as if his mention of the low temperatures hit him like a chilly breeze. The folded blanket was pressed between his arms and his chest, where it couldn't such a good job at warming him as if he'd wrap it around his shoulders. But then, Eren wasn't actually freezing, so it hardly mattered.

"Even if we're shifters, didn't you say that we can get a cold as well?" he further explained the cause for his worries.

"That's what the blanket is for," Annie pointed out. She was obviously not willing to wait out his hesitancy and began slowly lowering herself into the water. When she was halfway in, she pushed her hands off the stone masonry and dived into the canal with a splash.

For a brief moment she was out of sight, then she broke through the surface for air. Her hand pushed back a few sticky strands of her blond hair which were a shade darker under the influence of water. Her bun dripped wet at the back of her head. Then she used her harms to turn around and face him again from where she was in the stagnating water.

Eren remained rooted to the spot a few steps away from the river. He still wasn't convinced this was a good idea. Besides, Annie had hardly searched the basement to go for a swim. Things just didn't match up, no matter how he thought about them.

She noticed his reluctance and swam right to the artificial bank of the river where she brought her arms up onto the edge of the masonry. With one hand she pulled out the band that held up her hair and placed it on the shore. The wet tresses of blonde fell in resistant curls onto her shoulders.

"Now come on," Annie prompted him. "Or can't you swim?"

"Of course I can swim!" Eren defended himself.

"I won't believe that until you prove it," she teased, still clinging on to the edge of the riverside.

And Annie's words were effective enough. With a grumbled "fine!" Eren put aside the blanket in his arms. He leaned down and shoved his boots off his feet. Then he took a few steps back for a better start before running to the edge of the dock and jumping into the water.

The cold attacked his body instantly, hitting him like countless needles into his flesh, and he instantly regretted having been so rash. But it was too late to retreat and he couldn't undo it, so he started moving frantically to fight off the tremor which his muscles automatically adapted to maintain his body temperature.

"Dammit, it's really cold!" he exclaimed upon breaking through the surface for air.

Annie dived under and swam towards him from the edge. Right in front of him she surfaced, hair sticking to her head. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her breasts brushed against his chest. Eren tried his best to even out her additional weight and keep them both afloat with the movement of his legs and arms.

"Well," she began, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Then we'll have to find a way to keep ourselves warm, won't we?"

Before their lips even touched, Eren knew she was intending to pick up where they had left things in the basement. And naturally he was more than willing to comply. Because here in the leisurely flowing water of the river they were without interruption and he had no reason to hold himself back.

The open-mouthed kiss was enough to distract Eren from the low temperatures around them. It took just that little impulse for him to feel like every layer of clothing was way too much and needed to be disposed of immediately. They seemed just like a nuisance, only there to get in the way. He wanted to feel her naked body against his, feel the warmth from under her skin seep into his system.

With numb hands from the cold, Eren fumbled with Annie's jacket. He tried to get it off while not having to break their kiss, his legs working hard to keep them from going under. She caught his cue and let go off his neck with one arm to shake off the sleeve.

Undressing in the water while trying to stay afloat wasn't so easy however. They had to interrupt their kiss after all for the sake of it. And it turned out to be a really clumsy endeavour until they had everything out of the way and safe on the shore. (They couldn't afford to lose any of their clothes after all. Who knew where they could get new ones around here?)

When their mouths finally met again they were even hungrier for each other. Eren had Annie backed against the stone wall framing the canal. With one hand he held on to the top of it to support himself while he was pressing against her body with growing desire. His free hand slid down her side and cupped her butt cheek.

She lifted her leg and wrapped it around his hip. The friction it caused between their crotches was enough for him to gasp into her mouth. She bit her lip with a satisfied smile, while he felt the blood rushing to his centre and accumulating in his swelling member. The freezing water certainly wasn't enough anymore to cool him down.

"So are you going to put your fingers to use down there or are you going to leave me yearning?" Annie asked between short breathes. The tone of her voice was deeper than was normal for her and it stirred something in him.

Eren emitted a throaty laugh, equally out of breath from the precedent kissing. He had every intention to give in to her request. Though he liked the idea of her yearning for his touch – yearning for him – he loved the idea of bringing pleasure to her.

He grandly enjoyed the memory of the other night when she had let all her guards down and fallen apart in front of him so beautifully. In that moment he had been insecure about what to do and unsure what had been happening, but now he wanted more than anything to witness her like that again. And how could he resist that tone of hers which had him feel light-headed.

His hand slid tentatively around her hip and between her legs. The warmth of her womanhood welcomed his fingers and her lips parted at his touch. Remembering how she had guided him last time, he stroked her clit a few times before travelling further.

Annie rocked her hips forward to increase the friction of his touch. She had brought up one arm onto the edge of the wall behind her to hold herself in place while he tended to her needs. Her humble breasts were just on par with the water surface. Eren attached his lips to a spot by her collar bone while his digit penetrated her entrance.

She gasped when his palm simultaneously rubbed over her clit. He found himself yearning for the same intimate care he was offering her. His member was throbbing with the need to be touched. But he also liked the build-up of tension.

"You're wetter than last time," Eren noted in between nipping at her skin.

Her laugh got mixed up with a moan when he inserted two fingers at once slowly into her entrance to tease her more.

"That's because I've been thinking of this ever since kissing you in the basement," Annie breathed in reply.

"And I thought it was because of the water," he joked.

Her hips rocked against his hand in need again and he grinned with satisfaction. He alternated between stroking and penetrating her with is fingers and it had her writhing against the stone wall.

"How are things with you?" Anne asked breathless. "Because I'm certainly ready to go for it."

"Wow, you're very seductive," Eren noted with amused sarcasm, interrupting the movements of his hand.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she retorted in a similar tone. "I didn't think you'd need more coaxing considering how eager your hand's been at it until just now. And I'm pretty sure I felt you go hard earlier."

Annie moved her free hand between them and he could feel her wrap her fingers around the base of his shaft. Eren gasped at the unexpected touch which had his senses tingling.

"But if you need a little help," she whispered with a teasing smile, her lips temptingly close to his face, "I'm sure I can provide that."

Eren's breath hitched in his throat as she began stroking him. When she moved her thumb to circle the tip of his member, a moan escaped his lips. He certainly wasn't good yet at drawing out the moment till his release, he thought in his dazed mind as he became aware of how close to the edge he already was.

"If you want any of that inside of you, I think you better stop now," he remarked with some difficulty. His breathing was accelerated and Annie's touch was very distracting. "I don't think I can last much longer."

Annie heeded his advice and released her grip. She leaned in for a kiss and wrapped her hand around his back. While their lips connected she gently pushed him backwards and guided him in the direction of the current until they reached a staircase which led from the shore into the canal.

Eren found himself on one of the stone steps, Annie hovering above him. Her blonde hair was sticking together in thick strands, beads of water dripping from them. Her parted lips were blueish and quivering as she was looking down on him. Her upper body was outside the water and he wasn't surprised that she was freezing. He slightly shivered himself and not only because his shoulders remained above the surface now as well.

His breath was uneven and heavy and his eyes wandered to her breasts right in front of him. The skin was wet and littered with goose bumps and her nipples were hard from the cold. He leaned forward to take one bud into his mouth. First he sucked on it, then he graced it with his teeth. Her response was a sharp gasp.

He cupped her other breast with one hand and began massaging it. The air rushed in and out of her lungs like hoarse whispers and he could make out every time her breath hitched due to his touch.

Annie's fingers slipped into his hair and gripped a fist full of strands. Slowly, she pulled him away from her nipple to which he had attached his mouth until his head was tilted back and he was looking up at her again.

She kept her hold on him to ensure he remained like that. Her other hand reached down and he could feel her fingertips touch his shaft. She shifted her position a little to place its tip against her entrance. Then she began lowering her hips steadily and taking him in. His heightened senses reacted to the tightness of her walls and Eren screwed his eyes shut with a moan as he entered her.

Annie remained still for a moment. He took the time to look at her and push a few wet tresses aside which were hanging into her face. She wasn't looking at him, but he found her face a sight to behold: the eyes halfway closed as she looked down, the lips slightly parted to let her short breaths escape, and the wet curls of her blond hair framing her unguarded features.

Then Annie began to move. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Eren's neck as she set up a slow pace with her hips. She leaned her forehead against his and he could feel her breath brush over his face in short intervals, matching the rhythm of his own breathing.

Things were so different from last time. Not only was Annie unchained, she was on top and had taken charge. It didn't surprise Eren, though. And he enjoyed the movements of her hips which only gradually began taking up in speed.

With his hands Eren cupped both of Annie's breasts and began kneading them. His lips hungrily reached out for hers and she did him the favour and met him. Their tongues hadn't even met yet when her hips rolled against him in a particular angle which had him moan into her mouth.

From there on his concentration went downhill. He gave up on trying to keep up with massaging Annie's breasts and left his hands limply on her moving hips. She released her arms around his neck and Eren leaned back against the steps. The stony edges pressing into his back bothered him little as he was ridden closer to his peak.

In his need for friction, Eren pushed up his hips and met her halfway. He heard Annie gasp as he couldn't draw things out any longer and came. As release washed over him, he was barely aware of things: how a long groan escaped his throat, how Annie kept moving while touching herself. He barely noticed the bleak sky he was looking up to in the growing morning light.

Eren blinked back to reality in time to see Annie throw back her head with a cry. Her walls tightened around him in, what he assumed was, her orgasm. He sat up and stroked back her messy hair as she rode it out. Her eyes were closed and her features unmasked.

Annie collapsed against him, burying her face in the crook of Eren's neck. They both were panting, wallowing in the aftermath of everything they just had felt. He stroked over the back of her head until she lifted it and looked at him.

Her lips where really blue now and Eren expected his to look the same. The water was cold, the air above the surfaces seemed even colder and his whole body was shivering.

He kissed Annie briefly. "Let's get out of the water," he suggested.

She nodded and got out of his lap, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she stood up and the cold air touched her skin again. Eren emphasised with that gesture only too well. He felt like he was seriously freezing now as he rose out of the water beside her.

Without thinking much about it, he picked Annie up and pressed her against his chest, so she was less exposed to the autumn chill of the early morning. She didn't protest, but wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips. Like this he carried her up the stone steps and over to where they had left their clothes.

Eren picked up the blanket they had brought and draped around Annie, rubbing it against her wet skin to dry her off. The movement helped him ignoring how cold he was himself.

She let him handle her upper body, then she turned the tables and took the blanket out of his hands. She wrapped it around him similarly to how he had put it over her shoulders and began rubbing him dry with it in return.

"You don't have to be all gentlemen-like, drying me off while you're freezing your ass off in the cold air," she commented.

"Weren't you the one referring to yourself as a frail maiden?" Eren teased her.

"Weren't you the one pointing out that that hardly rings true?" Annie countered.

He chuckled and tried pulling her into a hug, but she wound free and walked over to the messy pile of clothes. While she started to dress, Eren managed not to be offended by small rejection she just had given him. Instead he followed her example even though some water still remained in his clothes. The fabric was still dryer than after the rain had soaked him on the shoulder of Annie's titan form the other day. Compared to that, it was hardly uncomfortable.

To his confusion Annie ordered him to leave off his shirt (not to admire his abs, they weren't that defined, she noted in response to his teasing question). Then she had him sit on a piece of rubble which looked comfortable enough – for her definition at least.

While Eren squinted up at her in confusion she draped the blanket around his shoulders. He was about to stupidly ask what she was up to when he noticed the pair of scissors in her hand. Where she had kept them until now, he had absolutely no clue.

"What are those for?" he inquired in spite of his previous intentions, still sounding stupid though.

"I'm going to cut your hair," she informed him bluntly. Eren only managed a "huh?" begging for an elaboration of her statement as she already started to comb with her fingers through strands of his hair. Thankfully, she complied: "That's the surprise."

"Ohh," he drew out the vocal in understanding, feeling really silly now. "I kind of thought it was...you know…"

"Sleeping with you?" she finished his sentence since he was too embarrassed to do so himself. The cutting sound of the scissors was audible now as she made the first hair-ends fall onto the blanket.

"Yeah…," he sighed.

"No, that wasn't really planned," she explained, a hint of amusement in her voice. "I just thought that your hair would be best cut after a wash." He could feel her fingers work through another fist full of hair. "Though my mind was actually going there," she added then.

"Glad to know I wasn't the only one."

Annie didn't respond, but he imagined her smiling to herself at that. Eren couldn't know of course, and he could hardly turn and check, but he actually didn't want to. His mind had bloomed at the thought of the amusement in her voice before, and he liked the mental image too much to risk having it disproved.

They were silent from there, the scissors snapping together as they cut off his hair. Annie left his fringe for last as they had learnt during their military training. (Back then Eren had complaint about how unnecessary it was for them to be learning such things, but now he had to admit it came in really handy after all.)

He would return the favour if the sun hadn't risen above Wall Maria by now and the risk of encountering titans grew with every minute. So Eren put on his shirt while Annie shook the blanket to get rid of the hair sticking to it and folded it up.

When he approached, he was determined to finally get his hug. He took the folded blanket from her hands and threw it over his shoulder to get it out of the way. Then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in. She let it happen without any resistance this time and snuggled into him.

"Thanks for the haircut," he noted and pressed his lips onto the parting of her hair. (She hadn't tied her blond tresses back up again which pleased him.)

"It was getting annoying to watch you push your hair aside all the time," Annie offered in response.

Despite the rising sun, Eren allowed himself to hold on to her a little longer. And it seemed Annie wasn't willing to let him go yet either. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his lower back. They shared a moment of silence, comfortable in each other's presence.

"We should go back now," Eren pointed out after a while, no longer allowing himself to ignore that they were technically on titan territory.

"Mh-mh," Annie agreed. When he looked down on her, he noticed that she'd closed her eyes.

"Are you falling asleep?" he asked, his voice touching on a whisper.

"No," she mumbled, but her lids remained shut.

"How much did you sleep last night?"

Her answer came delayed. "One or two hours maybe? Or so I think at least."

"Oh dear…" Eren muttered, but he couldn't quite help smiling.

He pulled out of the hug and without asking for permission he shoved his hands beneath her shoulder blades and the hollow of her knees to pick her up. Annie slipped her arms around his neck and rested her head against the blanket which was still draped over his shoulder.

By the time Eren was halfway back to the basement, she was breathing evenly in his arms.

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	26. 25: In Relation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ymir and Eren have a talk.

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**Chapter 25: In Relation**

.: :.

Ymir was woken by the morning light breaking through the windows. The usual disorientation after sleep clung to her longer than most times and it took her a moment with repeated blinking to recognise the large basement room in which she found herself. Rubbing her eyes and stretching extensively, she sat up on the couch she had secured herself as a sleeping spot last night.

She scanned the room, but she couldn't make out any sign of the four other shifters. It had her wonder if they had ended up moving on without her. Not that she would've taken offence at it – she wasn't a team player after all, and they hadn't really been a team to begin with. Besides, she was used to taking care of herself, so there was no need for her to depend on those kids.

Ymir's contemplations were cut short by the sound of footsteps on the stairs. She stopped herself from another stretch and watched as a carefully treading Eren came into view. He was carrying Annie who appeared to be asleep, judging by how relaxed her body rested in his arms.

"Where have you two been?" Ymir greeted him as he stopped on the ground floor.

Eren turned in her direction, taking her in only now. If she had startled him, it didn't show though. She doubted he had expected to return to an empty basement after all, even though he had seemed pretty transfixed on Annie as he had entered the room.

"Washing in the river," he informed her and started to make his way over to Ymir. His eyes were mostly focussing on the floor now as he was careful not to trip on anything scattered in his way, and only occasionally shifted upwards so he could avoid bumping Annie's head or legs against a pillar.

He came to a halt in front of the couch where Ymir had remained seated while watching him move. With a nod in its direction he asked: "Do you mind?"

Ymir glanced down at the cushion next to where she sat and then understood the cue. "No, not at all," she said, slipping out of the way and getting to her feet, leaving the couch empty.

Once she stood upright, Ymir stretched again. Her eyes followed Eren's movements as he gently lowered Annie from his arms onto the cushion, mindful not to disturb the girl in her sleep. Ymir continued to watch as he covered Annie up with the blanket he had been carrying over his shoulder for some reason, and affectionately stroked a few loose curls of blond hair out of the girl's peaceful face.

A pang of jealousy struck the woman. Love and care was written all over Eren's face as he looked down on Annie, and Ymir was jealous that he got to be with and look after the person so dear to him, while she was so far away from Christa. And she hadn't even made the decision to come here in the first place. It really wasn't fair.

"What about Berthold and Reiner?" she asked to distract herself from those thoughts. "Where have those two gone?"

"Hunting, I believe," Eren responded, still not taking his eyes off of Annie's sleeping figure.

"You _believe_?" Ymir echoed. She was trying to focus on the conversation and not to get diverted by (and undeniably jealous at) the scene playing out in front of her. To her relief, Eren finally turned to face her.

"I was still asleep when they headed out," he explained, rubbing the back of his neck. "Annie told me."

Ymir leaned her hips against the table top next to her and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And doesn't it bother you?" she inquired. "Those two? On their own? _Again_?" She'd had the impression Eren was distrustful of Reiner and Berthold, so it surprised her she had to bring it up herself. "So they came back from scouting the district yesterday, but that doesn't mean they're going to come back now."

Eren turned sideways and eyed the area near the stairs where they had started piling up things that might be useful to them. Ymir followed his gaze to inspect them herself. Most of the things were stuff Reiner and Berthold had collected in the ruins, including another two backpacks in addition to the one Eren and Annie had with them and some gas supplies for their 3DMGs.

"They've taken a backpack with them – to transport the meat, I assume," Eren noted, "but they left the gas tanks untouched by the look of it. And what would be the point of collecting them if they were going to leave them behind?"

"To give us a false sense of security?" Ymir suggested. She felt she had every reason to be wary of the two shifters.

Eren looked straight at her and studied her face in silence for a moment. She wasn't sure if she'd actually made him reconsider his indifference to the current whereabouts of Reiner and Berthold.

"Annie is certain they're going to come back," he stated then. "And I trust her verdict."

The woman huffed out her breath in a dry laugh. "Oh, that's cute," she commented darkly.

The boy remained stubborn, staring at her with his jaw tightened. He didn't have to say a word to make clear that he wasn't going to just let her look down on him like that. But she could be the same as him, so she stoically held his gaze to test him.

It wasn't worth it, however, she realised after a moment. She was going to give him this one. If Ymir wanted to get by in this messed up constellation of people somehow, Eren was her best shot to be something like an alley. Things with the other three were pretty tense in the face of Ymir being the one who had eaten their companion. Butting her head with Eren over such a trifle matter was just pushing her already slim luck.

"Anyway," she relented, turning her head to look at the table beside her. The day and night before, she had spent hours of filing through mostly boring documents there.

"While you were already asleep, I came across something which might be interesting to you," she told Eren and reached for the book she had put aside for him.

"This contains some things about the origins of the titans and the building of the walls which even I didn't know," Ymir continued to explain as she picked the book up and turned back to Eren to present it to him. "Therefore I figured you might want to have a look at it."

The boy hesitated, but his features had already softened. So he was moving on from that petty dispute and she hadn't fucked that one up (at least not yet). Then he reached out his hand and accepted the book from Ymir. He gave it a quick examination and flipped through the pages, before putting it aside.

"Thanks," Eren offered, seeming determined to show good will. "I mean, Annie told me the essence of the events, I belief, so it's not my priority right now, but I appreciate it."

Ymir leaned back against the table and with a shrug she crossed her arms in front of her chest again. She honestly had other matters on her mind, more pressing matters. And she figured it was time to address them in one way or another. She looked away while internally debating how she could get the most benefit from this situation.

"So, tell me Eren," Ymir began, still not facing him, "where do you want to go from here?"

There was a pause in which she could hear Eren shuffle his feet. Was she making him nervous? Right from the beginning Ymir had had the impression that the boy wasn't entirely honest about his intentions, and had avoided to completely answer her questions.

"Not sure about Berthold and Reiner," he answered then, "but Annie and I are headed for the shifter village."

She turned back to him to get a look at his face. The feeling that Eren was hiding something didn't leave her, and she needed to figure out what it was. If she was going to win him as her alley, she wasn't going to trust him blindly without knowing what his deal was. Maybe she could at least catch a hint in his expression which would put her on the right track. "What do you want there?"

"Help them." Eren shrugged and leaned against the pillar next to him while shoving his hands into his pockets. "You might've figured by now, but the shifters there are turning into mindless titans." Ymir nodded, because the news hardly surprised her. "And though we didn't find anything helpful here, we're hoping that my blood could possibly be used to find a cure."

At that the woman raised an eyebrow. Eren seemed almost as determined to help the shifters as he had been to fight for humanity. It didn't fit the picture she had of the boy and she wondered what could've caused him to change his mind so drastically. She couldn't imagine it was all for just one girl, just for Annie, no matter how much he seemed to care for her. And if he actually was so love-struck to do this, then maybe he was in dire need of a wake-up call.

"You say 'we', but what about you?" Ymir questioned Eren challengingly. "What have the shifters got to do with you? You owe them nothing! Unless we're talking about revenge here, now that I could totally understand."

"I'm doing this for Annie," he stated without hesitation.

The woman barely suppressed a sigh. She couldn't decide whether she was more disappointed or alarmed.

"Revenge has become pointless to me," Eren continued to explain before she could comment. His face was calm and unaffected like his voice. "It won't bring my mother or all the other victims of the titans back to life."

He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, probably to sort his thoughts. Ymir watched him, now curious for this change of mind Eren had gone through. She wanted to hear more about that, but knowing him he would continue talking and state his case now that he'd started to share a piece of his mind.

"But I can try to protect what I have," Eren noted then, lids flickering open to reveal his green orbs again. His gaze was drawn to an unspecified spot on the wall. "I came here with Annie, without the Scouting Legion having to waste many years and countless lives to maybe eventually get me to this place."

He rolled his head on his shoulders to look at Ymir for a short moment. The woman held his gaze in silence before he turned away again.

"I don't want to leave my friends and comrades behind," Eren said, voice solemn. But as he continued, his tone became fierier. "Not in a place where they're sent out to their eventual deaths just to keep humanity under the control of a horribly flawed and unjust system."

Ymir picked up on the hint of anger which was familiar to her from their training days together, but the way he managed to rein it in now surprised her. He clearly had grown in the two months she hadn't seen him, and the woman wondered how much of that was down to the developments with Annie – whatever exactly happened between the two teenagers.

"I want to go back to the walls and fight with them for their freedom," Eren spoke calmly. "But only once I know Annie safe in her home village, where no one will cut off her limbs or worse."

By now Ymir was sure that he was devoted to Annie and that still filled her with a sense of worry. However it seemed like he hadn't given up on his old ways and ideals, at least not completely. The woman couldn't help feeling confused by the contradiction she found in his words.

"I thought you were fighting for all of humanity?" she asked him, her surprise audible in her voice.

Eren sighed and readjusted his position. His shoulders slumped noticeably and Ymir wasn't sure if it was in resignation or if he just was relaxing after deciding to open up to her completely.

"I cannot fight for all of humanity when it's not really united," he declared then. Ymir understood from his tone that at least part of him had given up on mankind and it was that which also was showing in his posture. "I cannot fight for the people who resent me because I've turned out to be something they cannot and are not even willing to try to understand in their ignorance. I cannot fight for the people who sacrifice lives just to hold up the system which benefits them at the expense of others."

The woman had to admit those were fair points. But from what she had seen of the idealistic boy, she hadn't expected him to come to this conclusion – not so soon anyway. She felt a little sorry for him. Ymir herself had learnt early that "her people" weren't a union and fell into disputes, but even for her that had been disappointing when it had dawned on her. It must've been harder for Eren to face such facts, and she wondered what had brought the realisation for him. Maybe it had something to do with how he'd been treated ever since people had become aware of his shifter abilities, but Ymir could only speculate.

"If I have to choose," Eren continued quietly, "it's always going to be my friends before anyone else. Those people who stuck with me through everything and put their faith in me."

Ymir was stunned by how grave he made his words sound.

"And I don't intend to disappoint them," he added with firmness, turning his head in her direction and letting her witness the fierceness in his eyes, but not trying to make eye contact. Ymir remained calm and quiet, looking at him, but avoiding his gaze. She saw the muscles beneath his sleeves flex as he probably clenched his fists in his pockets.

Eren leaned back his head again and exhaled the tension which had taken hold of his body. "But for now I have to get Annie away from them," he declared, his voice adapting a more neutral tone, "because they cannot accept her at this point. And even if, they wouldn't be able to protect her – they already struggled protecting me. So this is why I'm here, this is why I chose this path, since you keep asking."

This time Eren fixed Ymir with his green eyes. There lay a challenge in his fierce glare as if he dared her to disagree with him. But she had no intention to. The woman understood his reasoning very well – in fact it surprised her how well she could relate to him right now – and she just nodded in agreement.

Her eyes began to stray again. At least she had uncovered the boy's full intentions now and it put her more at ease to know that they were able to understand each other. Eren had proven he definitely had some reason to him and he quite possibly was the most open-minded among their group. If there was someone to hear her out and try to understand her side of things, it was him.

Because Ymir was concerned with something she hadn't dared to bring up so far. She still wasn't entirely sure if she could trust anyone with this at all – Ymir wasn't good on the trusting department, and she had her reasons. But now that she had a better idea of what made Eren tick, it seemed worth a shot to get over herself and tell him about it. And since she was technically talking to Eren alone (Annie was asleep on the couch after all), she might as well use the opportunity. Actually, she felt like it was her best option at this point.

"I can't go back to the village, Eren," Ymir stated without further ado.

This clearly took the boy off guard, because his reply came delayed. "Okay… Why not?"

Of course he would ask about her reasons, but the woman wasn't keen on disclosing the details right now. Even if Eren had gone into the details of his motivation (and that without being prompted), Ymir had no intention to do the same. She didn't feel like digging up unpleasant memories, for a start.

"Let me just say I got into some trouble and got banned about sixty years ago," she explained vaguely, shifting her attention back to Eren. "And even if the people from back then are no longer around, I'm not particularly keen on returning there."

"Okay." He nodded, indicating that he understood without learning the details. "We'll discuss what everyone's preferred plans are now once Reiner and Berthold get back from hunting and Annie is awake."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Ymir objected. "I can't tell the others. _You_ can't tell the others."

Eren looked at her questioningly, but she found no suspicion in his eyes. "And why not?" he simply inquired.

"I don't know how they'll react to me being an outcast," the woman pointed out. "Things are tense enough between me and them as it is right now. I don't want to risk making it worse."

"Well then… the stairway is unguarded," Eren pointed out. "Leave while the others won't notice and I promise I won't say a thing. That should get you enough time to get away from here, so even if they really wanted to – which I doubt – they couldn't come after you."

Ymir was baffled by how indifferently he proposed her escape. Though it had crossed her mind as well, she had ruled it out as a possible option.

"And where would you suggest I go from here?" she scoffed.

Eren shrugged, admitting that he hadn't thought that far. "I don't know, you could head back to the walls, if you like."

That prompted Ymir to give a dry laugh.

"And how do I explain showing back up there a couple of days after Reiner and Berthold took me hostage and dragged me _beyond_ Wall Rose?" she questioned. Though she wanted to return to the walls – she wanted to see Christa again – she had ruled out the possibility of that.

"Given everything that happened recently, I doubt they're just going to welcome me back without any suspicion," the woman pointed out. "The truth is that I won't be able to hide the fact that I'm a shifter, so returning to the walls would only spell trouble for me."

She shot a glance in Eren's direction to see if he showed signs of comprehending her words. He was wearing a frown on his face as he seemed to consider her objections.

"You had a hard time standing your ground and being accepted into the Scouting Legion as a titan shifter," Ymir still continued to explain. "After everything Annie did, I doubt they'll even take the risk with me. Even if I tried to plead my case, I doubt anyone would listen."

"The captain might listen."

Ymir's brain functions nearly shut down at Eren's words. For one thing she hadn't even expected him to reply, for another she couldn't believe what he was suggesting.

"Huh?" she asked dumbstruck. "That guy who beat you to a pulp at your trial?" The idea really didn't sit right with her. "I wasn't there, but from what I've heard it was pretty brutal. I don't know how you got by over the last two months under his charge, but I'm not playing anyone's pet to stay alive, as if some humans got to decide whether I have the right to live or whether I should die."

"It's not like that," Eren sighed.

Ymir couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in response. She couldn't quite believe how the boy reacted to her mention of the events during the trial.

"What happened at the trial was an act to prove to the judge that Levi would be capable of handling me," he declared with what sounded a lot like apathy.

"You're defending your abuser?" Ymir asked. "That's worrisome, Eren."

"I'm just clearing up the facts," he noted, eyes staring blankly at the wall. "I mean, it was brutal, but I might not be alive otherwise. So whatever, it's in the past…" He shrugged.

Ymir scowled. Had Eren reached a new level of calmness or why did everything about him expressed the absence of emotion? Being used to him wearing his heart on his sleeve most of the time, it was just a bit too much for her to see him shrug off an injustice towards him like that.

Before she could comment on it however, Eren distracted her from these thoughts by adding: "Besides, he knew I was going to break out Annie and he let us go."

Ymir tilted her head to the side and eyed him with disbelief. "He let you two go? Seriously?"

"Yeah," Eren simply nodded.

"And why would he do that?" The woman almost laughed at the idea. "I mean, I don't know the man, but I can't imagine him doing that."

"I'm not sure," he shrugged again. His eyes wandered to one of the windows above the couch where Annie was still sleeping. "I told him Annie and I could make it here and that I would return to the walls eventually."

"And he was satisfied with that?"

"Well, he said if I got back he would give me a chance," Eren answered. "So I can't give no guarantee, but if you tell him I sent you he might give you the same treatment."

Ymir considered his words. It wasn't the best prospect, but he was at least honest. And it was her chance to see Christa again, to see whether she was alright. The woman knew that she was being foolish, her realistic side told her that she shouldn't consider it – that she was mad for considering it. And maybe she was mad, because she knew that despite playing it safe for the last five years – despite holding back during military training in order not to stand out – she would blow her cover if it was to protect Christa. And she would even risk her freedom if it gave her a chance of being with the girl.

"You're being honest, I appreciate that," Ymir told Eren. "And even with your suggestion my chances aren't much, but I'm going to take you up on it anyway."

The boy turned his head to face her. "Did you change your mind?" he asked with an amused glint in his eyes. "Just a moment ago you didn't seem very convinced."

Just a moment ago you didn't seem like you remembered how emotions work, Ymir thought, but just shrugged as she said: "I have my reasons." Or rather one tiny blonde reason, but she wasn't going to mention that.

Eren didn't bother with it. He helped her pack and gave her the rest of the provisions he and Annie had brought along. Ymir didn't complain about the books he asked her to deliver to Levi for the Scouting Legion. She considered it as her leverage when they would meet your with mistrust or downright hostility upon her return to the walls.

Annie must've been up all night or something, because she slept through all the noise Eren and Ymir involuntarily made in the process of preparing the woman for her travel. But shifting was a really straining matter and the body needed a lot of rest to recover from it, so it didn't really surprise Ymir that the blonde girl had fallen into such a deep sleep.

Whatever delayed Berthold and Reiner from returning – if they were intending to return at all – Ymir didn't know. But she wasn't complaining that she didn't walk into them on her way out of the basement. It would've been a shame to get held up or stopped when she was so close to departing.

Eren followed her up the stairs to see her off. The situation was a little weird. In the prospect of the conversation they'd had Ymir felt like something had passed between them. But she had no idea what to do with this beginning of a connection, especially not in the prospect of goodbye.

"Well, see you," the woman offered, "if all goes well."

"Yeah," Eren responded, proving to be just as awful as her at this.

Ymir wanted to say more. She wanted to thank him for his support, but the words didn't make it to her mouth. She realised she'd never really learnt how to show gratitude towards someone.

"Good luck," Eren managed and she was glad he was prompting her with those words.

"Same to you," she returned the wishes.

Just as she'd taken a few steps away from the entrance of the basement, Ymir stopped.

"Don't be surprised," she told Eren without turning to look at him, "if the village ends up being just as much of a shithole as the walls of the humans."

She left him with that warning and no further explanation. The settlement of the titan shifters no longer was her business. She just didn't want Eren to be disappointed when he got there, so she told herself. And yet she felt like she owed him more than those vague words as she shifted by cutting her finger and headed out of Shiganshina.

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	27. 26: Admissions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel a bit like I'm only entertaining myself here, but hey, I brought an update.

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**Chapter 26: Admissions**

.: :.

"Has anyone of you seen Ymir?" Reiner called over from next to the staircase.

Annie looked around to see him scrutinise the supplies they had started to pile up there. From where she sat she could make out the frown on his forehead.

"I haven't seen her since early this morning," she declared simply and turned away in disinterest.

Reiner and Berthold had only returned from their hunting trip a while ago, and Eren had used that as an opportunity to wake Annie from her sound sleep. (The gentle peck he'd given her on the cheek in the process had been appreciated.) Now that they had new provisions they'd decided to have breakfast and discuss their further plans. Reiner only wasn't seated at the briefly dusted-off table with Annie, Eren and Berthold, because he'd wanted to get the leftover meat Annie and Eren still had in their luggage.

Ymir had been absent all this time, but no one had commented on it so far. It seemed nothing to be worried about though. To be honest, Annie didn't really care where the woman was. When she and Eren had headed out to the river they hadn't let the sleeping Ymir know where they were going either. And the woman surely could look after herself and didn't need a babysitter.

"Do you know where she went?" Reiner continued to ask about the fifth member of their little group.

"No idea," Annie replied. "She was still asleep when Eren and I headed to the river at dawn. By the time we got back I was sleeping myself." She didn't bother with what kind of impression her words made on Reiner and Berthold. Her relationship with Eren was hardly a secret anymore. Though it shouldn't concern them that she'd fallen asleep in Eren's arms and he'd carried her back here, neither did she feel the need to keep it from them.

"Eren," Reiner addressed the boy next to Annie who was basically hanging on the table top, resting his head in his hand, "was Ymir still here when you got back with Annie?"

Eren stopped playing around with the dividers he'd picked up for some reason, but changed nothing about his poor posture when he glanced over to Reiner. He looked even more disinterested in the topic than Annie felt.

"Yeah, she was still here," he answered the question of the blond shifter. "Why?"

"Because some stuff is missing," Reiner explained.

"And?" Eren inquired, starting to circle the dividers on the table top again. Annie followed the movements with her eyes, mildly curious.

"One of the backpacks is gone, there's no trace of your leftover meat, and the 3DMG equipment we got for Ymir doesn't seem to be anywhere either," the beefy shifter listed the reasons for his concern.

"You did get the equipment for Ymir, so why shouldn't she put it on?" was the only reply the green-eyed boy offered.

Annie was tempted to raise her eyebrows at him. His dismissive responses seemed a bit unusual, even if it was in reaction to Reiner whom he currently wasn't at good terms with. This behaviour stuck out to her and woke her interest.

During the last couple of days, Eren kept showing new sides to him, she hadn't been aware of so far. Mostly they appeared to be a sign of him maturing and she found it intriguing to witness. It appealed to her, actually. In this case, however, she wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

Reiner certainly was growing impatient. "Aren't you listening, Eren?" he snapped. "No one's seen Ymir and stuff is missing. Looks like Ymir played us all and made a getaway."

That was a good point, she had to admit. But to be honest, the blonde girl wasn't really faced by it. For all she cared the woman could do whatever she wanted. To Annie it was just one less person she had to get along with and that didn't sound so bad.

"Yeah, Ymir's headed back to the walls," Eren stated as if it was no big deal and actually barely worth a mention.

This did come as a bit of a shock and Annie couldn't stop herself from glaring at him. It wasn't learning the news in itself, it was how Eren treated them. First he hadn't bothered to mention it to any of them right away, and now he acted like the information was redundant.

Knowing Ymir's destination didn't change anything — the woman could return to those damn walls for all Annie cared. But the five of them had agreed to operate together for the time being and if one of then left it was only fair for the other four to learn about that as soon as possible. After all, knowing that Ymir wasn't coming back and they didn't have to consider her in their further plans did change their situation. The fact that Eren didn't seem to see the relevance of passing on the information startled Annie.

"What do you mean 'she's headed back to the walls'?" Reiner growled. He pronounced every word slowly, threateningly.

"I think you understand fairly well what that means," Eren countered insolently.

"I think I seem to understand far better than you what that means," the blond shifter declared. "Because if you used that little brain of yours" — he pointed at Eren and started walking closer — "you'd realise that this means she can give away our position and our plans to the—"

Eren's laugh cut him off. Annie caught a glimpse of bewilderment on Reiner's face before eyeing Eren with a similar expression.

"Now you're being paranoid, don't you think?" the brown-haired boy declared after regaining his composure. Annie was still startled by his behaviour — and even if she had anything to say, she was sure the words wouldn't make it from her brain to her mouth.

"Yeah, I'm being paranoid," Reiner retorted, "but that's necessary to keep us alive. You don't know how it is to live among the enemy for five years, having to be careful not to slip up and risk getting caught."

Annie tensed. She had no idea how Eren would react to humans being referred to as 'the enemy', not in the state he was currently in anyway. The fact that he was remaining pretty calm so far did little to put her at ease.

"No, I don't know how it is to live in constant fear of my enemy getting to me," Eren replied, sounding tense. She was about to exhale in relief that he wasn't throwing insults at Reiner, but then he continued: "After all I lived safe inside the walls for five years while the Colossus Titan and the Armoured Titan could appear any moment and break down the gates to let the titans in."

The sarcasm in his voice was obvious. But it was mixed with bitterness, traced with a note of accusing anger. It hit Annie right in the gut. She had been fooling herself if she had been thinking that this was over and done with, that what she, Reiner, and Berthold had done to humanity in the past had affected Eren too much for him to just forget about it. She couldn't blame him though — which made the guilt tearing into her insides with fierce claws even bigger.

Reiner on the other hand took offence by Eren's words. He started raging and shouting at Eren and Annie had no idea how Berthold who sat to her right managed to get up and hurry around to her to keep Reiner from attacking Eren. She had no idea how Berthold could react that fast after having the same accusation thrown into his face — and why he'd feel the need to hold back Reiner anyway.

Annie was too busy with herself though to really wonder about it. Reiner's curses and Berthold's soothing words faded in the background as she stared at Eren. Just earlier this morning they had been so close, Annie had felt like they were strongly connected and inseparable. And now it seemed to her like a thick wall had formed right between them and any effort to try and overcome it seemed pointless.

Eren remained unimpressed by Reiner's threats and instead shifted his attention to Annie. For the first time during this conversation he actually paid attention to her. They exchanged a long stare. He appeared calm and collected, there was no resentment lingering in his green eyes. Still, Annie couldn't tell what he was thinking and it bothered her. She made no effort to hide the hurt and guilt she felt. She wasn't going to pretend like everything was okay when they both just got confronted with how the past still undeniably took up space between them.

Shutting his eyes, Eren took a deep breath. When his green orbs reappeared from behind his lids, he trained them on Reiner who still struggling against Berthold's grip.

"You're not dumb, Reiner," Eren exclaimed so loud he drowned out the others with his voice and got their full attention. The room was silent by the time he continued in a more moderate tone: "So get over your panic and use that brain of yours."

Annie shifted her attention to Reiner. Though she was glad Eren seemed to try to appease Reiner, she wasn't sure if it wasn't too late for that. Eren's words might have pushed the blond shifter too far for it to have any effect now. And indeed, the Reiner was still staring down grimly, but at least his posture was more relaxed now.

"Why don't you have a seat," Eren suggested, "and we calmly talk this through?"

The proposal was accepted with little more than a nod. While Eren put aside the dividers, Annie took it upon herself to give everyone their share of provisions for breakfast and Reiner and Berthold sat down.

They listened quietly to why Eren was certain they didn't have to worry about the Scouting Legion coming after them. Annie earned a dark glare from Reiner at the mention of her giving away information to the captain and the commander. But he seemed convinced by Eren pointing out that the Scouting Legion was currently not allowed to make any expeditions beyond the walls and it should be impossible anyway: The route was too long, the to be expected losses would be too high, and the chances of the Scouting Legion catching up to the small group of shifters was too slim for any responsible soldier in command to go into pursuit.

"Besides," Eren reached his conclusion, "learning that the government was just sending them out to die so the broad masses won't ever consider to venture beyond the walls, pissed them off." He took a bite and barely finished chewing it before continuing: "So even if Ymir sells us out — which I doubt she'd do — I'm pretty sure we're not their priority right now."

That sounded reasonable, but something still bothered Annie about Eren's explanation.

"If there is no reason for us to worry about Ymir returning to the walls," she spoke up, "why did you keep it from us until just now?"

Eren leaned forward, resting one arm on the table while ruffling his hair with the other. "Ymir was worried you'd want to hold her back and hunt after her, so I promised her to assure that she got enough of a head-start," he declared, not appearing to be fazed by her questioning. "I thought she was being worried for no reason, but given Reiner's reaction just now, I'm glad I bought her the extra time — just in case."

No one commented on that. Annie decided that she would leave it at that for now. Since when Eren had become so supportive of Ymir, she wasn't sure. However, she didn't consider it as something to be worried about.

"Why is Ymir going to back to the walls anyway?" Berthold inquired suddenly and the other three turned towards him, surprised that he had spoken up. Despite being around him for five years, Annie still wasn't used to his occasional outbursts which contrasted with the reticence he showed otherwise.

"I mean, what does she want there?" Berthold added, as if they had prompted him to clarify what he was onto.

"Don't know," Eren answered with a shrug. "Since she didn't want to accompany us to your village, it seemed like her best option. And no," he added, "she did not specify why she doesn't want to go back there and I did not bug her about it."

"It's not a good option though," Annie commented and took a sip of water. "Considering the state of things, it'll be hard for her just to blend in and keep her identity as a shifter secret, don't you think?"

"Her problem, not ours," Reiner muttered over his last bite of meat.

"We actually thought of that," Eren pointed out. A curious look from Annie in his direction showed that he was staring away into the depth of the basement room stretching out around them. She didn't like the air surrounding him, as if he'd been caught red-handed and had to avoid their judging eyes now.

"What else are you not telling us, Eren," she asked, more sharply than she had intended to. But she wasn't sorry for her tone. After all having to worm everything out of Eren was really starting to annoy her.

When Eren looked back at her, it became fairly obvious that he was feeling guilty for indeed keeping more from them. He was chewing on his lower lip and struggled holding her gaze.

Annie wasn't going to make him feel at ease about it though — definitely not if he wasn't going to spill the beans soon. But seeing him wince under her stare made him seem more like the Eren she knew: the idiot who had a tendency to get himself into trouble by doing the exact opposite of calculating his moves.

"Go ahead, spit it out," she instructed him. "I don't think anyone of us wants to spend all day here waiting for you to finally tell us. You might as well get it over with as quickly as possible."

Eren shut his eyes briefly with a deep breath and banned the wrinkles from his forehead.

"I gave her my dad's journals and a few other documents we found here to bargain with," he stated then. "And I suggested—" he paused and bit his lip "—she should try talking to...the captain."

Annie felt her insides twist and turn at the mention of the man who mutilated her only a few days back. She also noticed how Eren avoided her gaze when bringing him up, as if he felt particularly bad for mentioning the man. That was almost cute, if it weren't for the context.

"What? _Him?_ " she questioned sharply. "Are you trying to get her mutilated?"

Eren's eyes widened in shock and he sounded defensive when he shot back: "No!"

She couldn't say she was mad at him or worried for Ymir — Annie wasn't in the state of mind for that. Besides, the woman could surely take care of herself. But it did make her wonder what Eren was thinking.

"And why would you tell Ymir to talk to _him_ of all people, considering what he did to me?" she asked slowly to emphasise her words. "Or did you already forget about that?"

His face fell and she didn't miss the unmasked hurt in Eren's eyes. Suggesting that he no longer remember the incident from only a few days ago was harsh, but she didn't know what to make of Eren's behaviour. And simply the idea that he had already moved on from what the captain had done to her hurt her immensely — even if she didn't want to admit it.

"No, how could I forget that?" Eren objected and leaned closer towards Annie. The resoluteness in his features was familiar to her. "That was one of the reasons I got you out of there."

She didn't pull away her hand which was resting on the table when he covered it with his own to lend weight to his words. She didn't look away to avoid his eyes, but held his stare. It was a little comforting at least, though she still hadn't figured out Eren's motives.

"Hold up," Reiner interjected, reminding Annie that he and Berthold were still sitting at the table with them. "Which captain did what exactly to you, Annie? And what was that about mutilation?"

Annie shut her eyes and tried to keep the memories at bay. She didn't want to think about it, she didn't want to put what happened into words. A lot of different things had occurred afterwards — enough to keep her distracted from remembering that awful night — but now that it was being addressed the memories were forcing their way into her consciousness.

Eren didn't let go of her hand when he took it upon himself to answer Reiner's question: "The night before Annie offered to talk, Captain Levi cut off both her arms and legs during interrogation."

His tone was low and one sentence describing the events was enough to send shivers through her body. She had actually taken hold of Eren's fingers which were wrapped around her hand. His touch was a source of comfort to her and she was thankful she didn't have to explain things herself. She only vaguely noticed either Berthold or Reiner inhale audibly to her right.

"Damn…," Reiner whispered weakly, as if I didn't know what to say.

"But he let me get away with breaking out Annie," Eren added and Annie's eyes flew open in surprise. She moved her mouth to exclaim her disbelief, but realised she had no words. "He figured that I was going to do it before I even knew myself. So he already expected me in front of Annie's cell."

"And then...he just let you go?" Reiner asked when Eren made no efforts to continue the story on his own. He sounded doubtful.

Annie wasn't even participating in the conversation anymore. She was too baffled by what she just had heard. It came unexpected and didn't make sense to her. Caught up in her own mind like that, the words being exchanged seemed to be muffled by an invisible wall and took their time to register with her.

"Well," Eren began and she could feel him squeeze her hand slightly. "I argued that Annie and I had the best chances to make it to the basement. And I promised him that I would come back once I helped your people out."

"What? You want to go back to the walls?" Reiner could be heard. "Did you know anything about this, Annie?"

At the mention of her name, Annie snapped out of her momentary trance and blinked to refocus her blurry view. She shifted her gaze from Eren to Reiner who had addressed her.

"No," she stated flatly. She hadn't let go of Eren's hand, but her grip had loosened.

"Yeah, I intend to go back to the walls," the green-eyed boy declared calmly. "I still have friends there who I can't just abandon. But that's my personal business and you don't have to get involved with that at all."

His thumb stroked over the side of Annie's limp hand. She let it happen in her typically impassive manner. Beneath the surface she was still agitated though. In fact, what she felt was mixed up and overwhelmed, leaving her unresponsive.

"Okay, very well," Reiner said meanwhile. "So you're accompanying us to our home village, did I get that right?"

Eren squeezed Annie's hand again before replying: "Yeah, you got that right."

The thoughts in her head were still a small mess. There were things left to ask and to clarify, but Annie decided it was something she wanted to discuss with Eren in private. So she pulled herself together and drew her hand out of his grip.

"We should prepare to leave then," she declared, officially ending the conversation.

None of the three boys had any objections. They all knew that the road ahead would at least take them a day if things went well. Considering that it was fall and the early hours of morning had unarguably passed by now, they would not make it to the village by the break of night. But they agreed to try and cover as much of the distance as possible until then.

Five years had passed since Reiner, Berthold and Annie had been sent out on their mission to recover the coordinate, the key element in finding the cure to curing their people. Five years they had spent inside the walls of the humans without much of a clue on where to find it. With Eren on their side, offering the help they needed, they didn't have any more time to waste.

Well, there was at least one last thing Annie wanted to get out of the way before that. She probably would have little chance to catch Eren alone while travelling and right now the matter was still fresh, so she wanted to bring it up before they would head out. She just needed to make sure that Reiner and Berthold were busy with preparing their departure.

Annie occupied herself with checking her 3DMG to not raise suspicion. She had barely used it since acquiring it, so the gas tanks were still pretty full. All the technicalities worked as they were supposed to and none of the parts seemed to have taken damage from the times she transformed.

A chanced look told her that Eren was still at the table and looked busy. So Annie took the liberty of checking his equipment as well, since she was at it anyway. There seemed to be no problems it and she decided to take the chance and talk to Eren now.

Annie rose from her knees and turned to find Berthold stand right in front of her. He was looking down at her with determination which was rare for him. Her heart sank. This sure looked like she was in for private conversation, but not the one she actually wanted to have right now.

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	28. 27: A Matter of Reason

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**Chapter 27: A Matter of Reason**

.: :.

It could be said that Berthold had a history of avoiding Annie — or rather of avoiding being alone with her. She couldn't blame him though, considering how they both had watched Annie's mother transform involuntarily and eat Berthold's father. Neither of them would forget that day and neither of them had ever brought it up.

The more surprised Annie was to find him standing right in front of her, looking determined. While she remained calm on the outside, she cursed his horrible timing internally. He'd placed himself in her path purposefully and it seemed like he wasn't going to let her go until they'd discussed whatever he'd come to talk to her about.

Just as Annie was pressed to get to Eren and have a private conversation with him.

Though he had seemed resolute at first, Berthold's lack of confidence was showing again. He was shuffling his feet, while avoiding her gaze even more than she was used of him. Annie eyed him sceptically. She was hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible, so she could get to Eren. However, if Berthold kept this up, she might walk past him and just leave him to it. He was wasting her time like this.

Just as she was about to ask him what he wanted, he blurted out: "I'm sorry."

Annie stood still, looking up at him in silence. The vehemence of his tone suggested that he wasn't apologising for taking so long to say something, but that it was actually what he had approached her for. Why though — what he was referring to — she didn't know. How to respond, she knew even less. So she was just staring at him with incredulous eyes.

"For what happened," Berthold clarified and she felt the tension grow in her body again. She really didn't want to talk about that. But it seemed he was concerned with something different, because he bowed his head and continued: "I let you down. I failed to keep my oath to—"

"Your oath?" she interrupted him, not believing what she'd just heard.

Berthold met her gaze again and nodded. "I swore to your aunt to protect you."

Slowly, Annie shut her eyes and let the air from her lungs stream out of her nostrils. She remembered how vehemently her aunt had protested to let her be part of this mission and argued plenty of times with Annie's father about it.

"We all knew this mission wasn't going to get easy and might end in failure," Berthold explained. "But if one of should make it back it had to be you."

Annie shook her head in disagreement. She tried hard to ignore the anger which was roaming at the edge of her consciousness.

"That's ridiculous," she declared, looking at Berthold again.

"Bu—," he tried to object. However, before he could say as much as a word she cut him off.

"Forget it!" Annie instructed him. "My aunt was making a fuss and she shouldn't have dragged you into this."

She paused to collect her thoughts remind herself that Berthold wasn't the one at whom she should direct her anger. It wasn't his fault and he wouldn't be able to tell why she was so displeased by this in the first place. She'd only shut him off temporarily though and it was very likely for him to respond with something that would set her off. In fact, he hadn't closed his mouth. His lips were moving faintly like he was trying to say something, probably to disagree with her.

"I'm not any more important as you, or Reiner — or Berick for that matter," she pointed out as calmly as she could manage. "And I'm not your responsibility, no matter what my aunt might've told you. So just forget about it."

That was all she could bare to say on this for now. She pushed past the speechless shifter and left him standing there. That he was letting her go without protest was hopefully a good sign. Even if Berthold was only obeying for the moment and would bring it up at some later point, that was still better for her than having to discuss this right now.

Annie was mad at her aunt for getting Berthold — of all people — involved with her personal agenda. But she couldn't afford to give in to this feeling. She needed to clear up things with Eren. She wasn't going to remain silent for as long as she had last time his behaviour had bothered her. Annie was going to bring this up right away, before anything else could get in the way or distract her.

She found Eren still alone at the table where he'd remained all this time. He was leaning over a map he had unfolded in front of him, studying it thoughtfully. His back was turned to her, but he noticed her approaching and shot a quick glance in her direction.

"I don't know how accurate it is," he declared, indicating the map he was hunched over with a nod, "but it might help us getting to your village. You guys haven't been there in a while after all."

Annie barely acknowledged it. She just stopped by his side and told him: "We need to talk."

Eren paused and glanced over. His eyes scanned her expressionless face.

"I fucked up, didn't I." It was a statement rather than a question. His shoulders slumped as he straightened his back and turned halfway to get a better look at her. The resignation was written all over his face as if he had already expected something like this to come.

Hesitating a little, Annie turned her back to the table and leaned against it. She had to crane her neck to the left to keep him in her sight. To occupy her hands she gripped the edges of the table top. Though she wasn't fidgety per se, even she had some trouble with her nerves. And beneath her emotionless exterior she wasn't always as calm as she seemed. There were things she cared for and those affected her just like any other person — even if she might be better at hiding it. She cared for Eren and not knowing what exactly was up with him made it hard for her to decide how to go about this conversation.

"No," she offered in reply. "Not necessarily."

Eren let go of a long breath and took a seat on the closest chair. "Look, I know I should've told you and I didn't really mean to keep things from you, but I had no idea how to mention it…"

She assumed he was referring to the part about the captain. Looking at him didn't disclose much to her though. He avoided looking into her searching eyes while speaking. After a while, Annie averted her gaze from him since he appeared to be wallowing in self-pity.

"I'm not mad," she clarified, before he could get too apologetic. "I'm just trying figure out what's going on in your head, what this whole thing was with you just now: you keeping all this stuff from us – _from me_ like I wasn't trustworthy enough, like we hadn't _agreed_ to trust in each other and be honest with each other."

That's what bugged her the most. They'd gone over this the day before, why was he doing it again — and purposely so, from what she could gather? Why had he promised to trust in her when all the while he had been aware he was still keeping something from her? Annie really didn't know what to make of that, but it hurt her more than she liked to admit.

"Annie…," Eren sighed, his tone pleading as he leaned forward and reached for her hand. Different from when they had been seated at this table earlier, she drew it away. She wasn't going to give him the relief of her touch, not until he had explained himself. "I'm sorry."

What was it with brown-haired boys apologising to her today? Annie didn't know, but this time she didn't soften at the words. That wasn't what she wanted to hear from Eren right now.

"There's no need for you to apologise," she informed him, "if you have a reasonable explanation for it."

"Okay." Annie caught his nod out of the corner of her eye. "Where do you want me to start?"

At least he had sensed that it was more than just one thing. But she wasn't going to give him acknowledgement for that. He'd have to offer more than just some small admissions. A part of her wanted to leave him to figure things out by himself. However she decided to guide him along. It probably would save them some time and proof to be more effective. She was going to start with the smallest matter, because it was easier.

"I'm not sure why you decided to support Ymir, but it's not like I see anything wrong with that in particular," Annie began. "And I can actually understand you chose to keep the news of her departure to yourself until you were prompted to share them, given the tensions between her and Reiner, Berthold and me. But…," she turned her head around to have a better look at his face. "Did you have to give Reiner that attitude?"

Surprise flashed in Eren's green eyes. It seemed he hadn't expected her to question his behaviour towards Reiner. Annie wasn't even specifically bothered by it — she didn't have the best relationship with Reiner herself. But it had caused unnecessary tension and Eren could've easily avoided that. Actually, he should have avoided it, being the one who'd taken charge of their group. She didn't mind he had, but in that case he had to make an effort to keep them together and not tear them apart.

"You don't have to be best pals with him — neither am I — but we decided to stick together for now and that's why each of us has to make an effort to get along," Annie pointed out. "I won't be able to hold him back as Berthold did — and I don't intend to. If you decide to be a complete ass towards Reiner, that's on you alone."

Eren lowered his gaze to the floor.

"Besides," she added, "if you just had given us all the information right away, Reiner wouldn't even have _had_ the chance to worry that Ymir heading back to the walls could mean trouble for us."

With a sigh he rubbed his eyes.

"I don't have a good explanation for that," he admitted upon looking up to her again. "I guess it just still pisses me off."

"What pisses you off?" Annie questioned. She couldn't quite follow up with what Eren was on about, so she wasn't exactly prepared for his answer.

"The way he acted during military training, lecturing us on how to be a good soldier and stuff and then it turns out he was the one to…" He froze and turned his head away. There was no need for him to finish though. Annie could guess very well where this was going. Even so, she didn't know right away how to respond to this.

"I'm sorry," Eren relented, before she could think of what to say. "This probably isn't something we should discuss."

"If we're not able to discuss this we've got a problem, don't you think?" Annie noted, her voice low. But there was a coldness spreading in her guts and her instincts signalled for her to avoid the topic. Even Eren was suggesting they shouldn't go there. He was being considerate, so why wasn't she simply agreeing with him and left it at that?

"It's just…," he started, taking it as the offer she wasn't even sure she'd intended to make. "I looked up to Reiner, during our training days." His voice rose with emotion, but neither of them bothered with the possibility that it might draw Berthold's or Reiner's attention. "I wanted to become as good a soldier as him."

Eren took a calming breath and Annie could tell the painful conclusion was just a sentence away.

"And then I learn that he's the one I saw breaking through the inner gate of Wall Maria."

She couldn't look at him, but she heard how strained his voice was. He clearly was trying to keep his emotions at bay.

"I can't help it, it just makes me so _mad_ ," Eren pressed out.

Annie remained silent. Her guilt kept her feet rooted to the spot and her lips sealed. She wondered how things would be if _she_ had been the one he'd witnessed breaking down the walls. Would he let out all his anger on her? Surely he would've long turned from her instead of insisting on talking to her.

It seemed fairly obvious that Eren felt more betrayed by Reiner than by Berthold, because he'd been closer to Reiner. And to him what Annie had done seemed to weigh less than the actual breaching of Wall Maria. Annie couldn't understand the reasoning behind that, but a part of her was definitely glad.

"You don't have to respond to that," Eren declared, sounding more composed. "Now's definitely not the time to discuss this."

Annie was actually thankful for that. But she filed away his words for later reference. Next time their conversation swayed into this direction she wanted to be better prepared.

"Okay," she said quietly.

They both took a moment to let things settle. It felt wrong to rush back to the original topic of their conversation, especially since Annie was certain that discussing it would affect her. She still had to figure out a way to address it without getting caught up in her memories.

"I'm pretty sure I know what else you want me to explain," Eren offered, doing her the favour of cutting to the chase.

"Is that so?" Annie asked stiffly. It was his offer to put it in words himself, so she wouldn't have to, but the idea of anything in regards of what had happened being said out loud still had her freeze internally. She was staring straight ahead and couldn't see what kind of expression Eren was making. She could only read his tone.

"It's about the part where I failed to mention that Captain Levi stood back and let me break you out and that I intend to return to the walls like I promised to him," he summed up quietly. "And all of that even though I promised you to be honest with you."

"That's right," Annie confirmed. She had retreated as far as possible into the confinements of detachment and must've sounded cold. But she feared everything she might feel if she allowed just one emotion to surface.

"I didn't want to keep it from you," Eren continued without a notable reaction to her tone, "but even less so did I want to confront you with the unpleasant memories at the mention of the captain — not so soon anyway."

Annie merely nodded. Her gaze was still hefted to a spot straight ahead, but she didn't register what it actually was that she was looking at. Yet again, Eren had shown consideration for her, but she'd forced herself too far into numbness to really be able to appreciate it.

"But you still could've told me that you intend to return to the walls," she pointed out when he remained silent. After everything they'd gone through together, she felt like she had a right to know — but she refrained from mentioning that.

"I was going to tell you once we were at your village," Eren declared. His tone wasn't strained by emotion or defensive, he was just calmly stating his case. If anything, he sounded defeated, as if he didn't expect his explanation to be reasonable enough for her.

"I didn't want to discuss a return to the walls before we even reached out first destination," Eren disclosed. "Besides, I didn't want you to feel obliged to come along with me."

That was unexpected and Annie turned to look at him. She tried to read his expression to get an idea of his mood, but she couldn't pick up on anything telling in his face. He was leaning forward, resting his arms on his knees, and his gaze was cast to the ground, so she couldn't catch a glimpse of his eyes.

"Why would I feel obliged to do that?" she inquired, managing to sustain her impassiveness. Inside she felt the tension rise. She was curious what his answer was going to be.

Eren shrugged. "I don't know… Because if I brought it up too soon it might come off like a condition?" he suggested. "'I accompany you to your village where I help as best I can, but in return you have to come back to the walls with me' — I don't want things between us to develop like that."

"You could've just explained this the way you're doing it now," Annie noted, "then that could've been easily avoided."

"Yeah," Eren agreed, shifting on his chair. "But there'd still be a chance you'd subconsciously feel obliged nonetheless."

It surprised Annie how much thought Eren had put into this. But she felt challenged by how he viewed possibility. She wasn't at the stage of admitting it yet — she still was struggling to accept it herself — but a part of her definitely was willing to go back to the walls with Eren. And what he was doing for her undeniably played a role in her considering it. The fact that Eren seemed to downright reject the possibility of this was a low blow when she was still struggling with the idea herself.

"And what would be so bad about that?" she questioned him, managing to hide her inner conflict.

Ruffling his hair, Eren leaned back in his chair and met her gaze.

"I don't want you to feel pressured into doing something you don't actually want to do," he declared sincerely. "I don't want you to think that I expect you to go as far for me as I'm going for you."

Annie took a moment to consider his words. She wasn't sure how much to read into them, yet she couldn't help but feel like he automatically assumed she wouldn't _want_ to do that for him. However, she avoided getting defensive when asking: "What are you playing at?"

Eren repositioned himself again, so he could rest his arm on the table. That gave him a better view of her, but from her position Annie found it actually harder to look at him.

"Just because I'd do almost anything for you," he said quietly, "doesn't mean I can expect you to do the same for me."

That seemed to be the core of the whole thing and admittedly it was better than anything she would've guessed. Annie pushed away from the table and made her way over to Eren.

"I'm hurt, you know," she noted, sounding unmoved when taking the few steps to cover the distance between them. "What makes you assume I wouldn't go to the same lengths for you?"

Eren laughed softly. They were almost at eye-level while he was seated. Annie was just half a head taller like this. She placed her hands on his shoulders.

"You called me an idiot for breaking you out of your cell," he reminded her, a hint of a smile still lingering on his lips.

"And you're right," he added shortly afterwards, getting serious again. His gaze had shifted downward and was resting somewhere on the lower half of her face or on her neck. "I'm the kind of idiot who puts others before himself." His hands came to rest on her hips. "But you're not — and you don't have to be." He pulled her closer, so she stood between his spread legs, her knees almost touching the chair. His eyes wandered upwards to meet her gaze. "I don't ever want you to feel like you have to be anything but who you are."

Annie paused, undecided how much she was ready to admit. These things still weren't her forte, but she was willing to try and get there.

"What if I want to be that kind of idiot for you," she asked to gradually approach her side on this.

Eren leaned his head forward and Annie mirrored him, looking down on her legs pressed against the chair.

"I'd rather you stay selfish and concerned with your own survival," he admitted quietly.

"Huh?" Annie pulled back in surprise, so she could take in his face.

"I don't want you to go back to the walls," he declared firmly, meeting her gaze and holding it. "You're not safe there."

At first, she'd been a little offended by Eren calling her selfish, but there was at least some truth to that. Now she felt patronised by him though. He might mean it well, but it sounded like he had made up his mind about what was best for her without even asking her what _she_ wanted. She didn't like the idea of that at all.

Annie took his head in her hands and leaned closer again. She had to softly force him to crane his neck upwards for them to keep eye-contact.

"But that's _my_ decision," she told Eren silently. "You don't get to make it for me."

He didn't object.

"So if I want to accompany you back to the walls I will damn well do it," she continued, "even if it means risking my own life."

"Please, Annie…" Eren lowered his head, shaking it. "I'm not worth it."

"Yes, you are," Annie objected, her tone defined. "You're worth it to me."

The words came over her lips a lot easier than she'd thought they ever would. She could see Eren's eyes widen for an instant as he looked back up at her.

"And if you leave me behind, Eren Jaeger," she declared, "I swear I will hunt you down and give you a beating that will leave you unable to walk for a week —despite your regenerative abilities."

"Annie, I…," he began, but let his voice trail off.

"I mean it," Annie insisted.

"I don't doubt that," Eren replied, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

She pressed her forehead against his and pushed her fingers into his brown hair. Closing her eyes halfway, she allowed herself to register his scent. "I'm coming with you, Eren."

Eren shut his eyes and leaned into her touch. "Let's see how things go back at your home village before you confirm that decision."

"If it makes you happy," Annie agreed. "But don't expect me to change my mind."

He said nothing, just rested his head in the crook of her neck. Probably he knew that there was no point in arguing about it any further. His hands remaining on her hips, he held her in place, ensuring she wouldn't break away yet. She could feel him breathe onto her chest while she had her fingers wound into the strands of hair above the back of his neck.

However, she only allowed it to go on for a brief moment before pulling back. "I think we wasted enough time now."

Eren protested by reinforcing his grip on her and placing a peck on the corner of her mouth. Annie brought her hands around to pry his fingers from her hips. He gave in, but only to take hold of her hands and leading one towards his mouth. He began placing soft kisses on it, starting with the back of her hand, but also tending to her fingers.

"Stop it," Annie told him as soon as she got over the first wave of surprise. However, she failed to sound harsh and Eren showed no intention to oblige.

"Eren…," she tried again. "You're getting side-tracked."

That had him stop. He looked up at her, pouting. "That's not fair."

"You asked me to prevent that from happening," she reminded him.

Eren looked playfully disappointed, but he didn't argue. Annie freed her hands from his loosened grip and brushed away his fringe with her fingers. She leaned in and kissed his forehead.

"I'm going to check up with Reiner and Berthold," she informed him and finally wound free from him. Eren let her go, half willingly at least.

Reiner was leaning at a wooden column near the exit with his arms crossed in front of his chest when Annie approached. He was staring blatantly in her direction and seemed to have been doing so for a while now. Berthold was sitting on the stairs and seemed occupied with looking at his hands.

"If your plan was to have us pack everything while you and Eren take some time to get all lovey-dovey then you succeeded," the blond shifter informed her. His friend commented with a weak "Reiner…", but Annie chose to ignore it either way.

"Eren found a map including some of the territory beyond Wall Maria," she informed them both. "We could check our route on it."

The suggestion seemed agreeable with them both and all three gathered beside Eren on the table once more. Eren slipped in a small apology for his misbehaviour during breakfast which Reiner acknowledged with few words. However, Reiner strongly disagreed with the directions Annie suggested for their travels. Berthold had to intervene and point out that Annie should be more familiar with the route since she'd been the one to take them here five years ago.

"Before we finally leave," Eren said while they all strapped on their full 3DMG equipment, "I have one last request."

The other three shifters looked at him curiously. Annie noticed that he actually seemed a little flustered about asking them.

"Let's hear it," she prompted after exchanging questioning looks with Berthold and Reiner.

Eren had finished attaching all parts of his equipment and stood there, eyeing them hesitantly. It had to be a tricky request if he put off asking for it and instead nervously fidgeted with his harness. Annie hoped that wasn't a bad sign. She wasn't sure if she could handle him dropping another cannon shell.

Finally, Eren forced his fingers to stay still and let his gaze wander over the faces of his three companions who were looking at him expectantly.

"Can you help me plug up the outer gate of Wall Maria?"

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	29. 28: The Returnee

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**Chapter 28: The Returnee**

.: :.

The sun was sinking beneath the grey clouds hanging in the sky and bathing Trost in its orange glow. Nanaba had found Levi on the western side of the wall surrounding the almost deserted district. (Few people had returned after the titans had been fought off. The damages to the buildings were too severe, the horrid memories too vivid and the fear of the titans too overpowering for most citizens to ever willingly return to a life on the front lines.)

The two soldiers sat on the outer edge of the masonry in silence. Their backs were turned on the desolate settlement and their feet were dangling against the stone. While Nanaba attempted to look into the distance despite the blinding light shining right into her face, Levi's eyes were resting on the land beneath him. She could only guess what he was thinking.

"Tell me how you feel about this," Nanaba requested eventually. With "this" she meant the current events that had led the soldiers of the Scouting Legion to preparing for a rebellion against the king and his royal government. "Because I really don't know how to feel about anything of it right now." The low tone and calmness in her voice were unrepresentative of the chaos occupying her mind.

She was being straightforward, because so tended to be the man she was talking to. And in contrary to most people buckling before the intimidating air he gave off and treading with caution around him, Nanaba knew he actually preferred people treating him with the same bluntness he showed. Besides, they'd been comrades for too long for either of them bothering with the difference in ranks.

"I can't say I'm happy," Levi stated, "but I'll do what needs to be done."

His reply wasn't very comforting, but Nanaba wasn't sure she had even expected that. She knew the two of them came from very different backgrounds. She knew Levi had seen and done things she could only imagine with a shiver running through her body.

A sigh escaped her lips.

"I know I must sound ridiculous to you…but I don't think I can do it," she declared. "I don't think I can actually kill a man — and I'm aware the path we chose to take will make it inevitable for us to take lives when fighting for our beliefs — at least at some point."

It was the first time Nanaba expressed this and its weight became less heavy on her chest now that she had put it into words. But it changed nothing about how the matter itself made her feel. Killing people wasn't normal. Killing people was wrong. She still remembered how her gut had turned when she had learnt that this actually occurred on a daily basis in some parts of the walls.

"We've been spilling human blood all this time, Nana," Levi reminded her. His tone was low, resigned — almost gentle.

She wished he hadn't said it, though she knew he was right. She wished he hadn't used her nickname which only he and a few others were allowed to use. (She preferred her full name above everything and made sure people stuck to that.) It made his words hit her harder for some reason.

For the first time, Nanaba let her gaze travel to the bottom of the wall where she half expected titans to press against the foundation, staring up with lusting eyes and their greedy mouths exposing the row of perfectly aligned teeth. She knew the expression well from the many times she had encountered those beasts — something inside of her simply refused to see anything human left in them. But the area was empty. They tended to stick close to the gate or walk around a bit farther away, lurking.

"I know," she whispered weakly. "Though I wonder how much of their humanity is actually still left in their state..."

"Who knows," Levi commented.

"But I hate it." With those few words bitterness and anger had entered his voice. "When I joined the Scouting Legion I thought I'd never have to take human lives ever again."

Nanaba looked over to him and found the usually impassive features of the man replaced by a grim frown. She rarely saw him like this and it was one of the few things which unsettled her deeply. The situation had to be really bad for Levi to lose his composure.

She wanted to rest her hand on his shoulder to offer him comfort, but she knew he disliked physical contact for the most part. Instead she averted her gaze to give him at least a little privacy with his emotions while he couldn't mask them.

"We're doing it for mankind," she reminded not only Levi, but also herself. "We're doing it for a better future."

"I sure hope so," he muttered grimly.

Nanaba let the silence take over between them. Levi wasn't a man of unnecessary words, she knew. He rarely bothered with filling the gaps in conversations. He spoke up if he had something to say that seemed relevant to him, otherwise he remained silent.

He rarely participated in small talk. For one he was actually pretty dreadful at it. Nanaba knew that the more familiar he was with people, the easier it got. But mostly it was a matter of getting used to the fact that he didn't know how to share what he'd consider as pointless information.

Besides, Levi actually wasn't too interested in the secondary details occupying people's minds. He didn't fake paying attention when people felt like sharing random things. Though he rarely told someone to shut up, his eyes were wandering and Nanaba was sure he didn't really take in people's words.

Nanaba didn't want to bother him with her issues. She didn't want to bring up how trapped she felt right now, at the edge of a revolution which might cause unimaginable bloodshed and whose results might not be worth it at all. She didn't want to talk about how anxious it made her having to stand by and wait for the return of the soldiers who had been dispatched to gather information.

After all, Levi probably wasn't doing any better than her. He was a man of deeds and hated waiting. The past month must've been hard enough for him with things seeming like they were completely stuck. Now another week was over and despite regrouping and Erwin issuing new orders, the captain was still forced into remaining passive. No wonder he'd picked up on training Mikasa Ackerman, the prodigy from the 104th Trainees Squad.

"Can I ask you," Nanaba tried, because she had been wondering about this for the last couple of days, "why you started mentoring Mikasa Ackerman? I've never seen you give so much attention to one single soldier before."

She knew that he wouldn't respond if he didn't want to, so she wasn't worried about crossing a line. Technically, she was pretty certain she would be getting no answer, but at least she had spoken it out. Yet, Levi surprised her by actually replying.

"She has potential," he declared. "And I think she can use the distraction."

"And you as well?" Nanaba inquired and the fact that he actually turned his head to look at her made her sure she had hit a nerve.

Levi's eyes scrutinised her as if he trying to read her thoughts. Internally, she prepared herself. She wasn't going to back down now even if she knew the man was making it really hard to discuss any of his personal matters with him.

"What makes you say that?" He wasn't changing the topic, but neither was he actually addressing it.

"Eren ran away with the girl that killed many of our comrades," Nanaba pointed out. "After everything you've done for him — I'd be mad if I were you."

Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before she could read it.

"What have I done for him?" Levi questioned and it startled her.

"You saved his life," she pointed out, incredulous that he didn't seem to consider it. "If you hadn't taken charge of him he'd probably be dead or being mistreated."

Levi huffed out a humourless laugh and turned away.

"I was being selfish," he declared, "because he offered the prospect of moving forward and a chance to actually achieve something."

Nanaba was stunned silent. Her eyes remained fixed onto his features.

"I _used_ him, Nana," he continued. "We all did. Saying that he's indebted to us for that would be really presumptuous, don't you think?"

Opening her mouth to disagree was more a reflex than anything else. When she realised she didn't have anything to contradict him with it she left it at that. After all he was right — he usually was in her experience.

"What about Annie Leonhard though?" she inquired instead.

"What about her?" Levi returned the question and looked back at Nanaba.

"After everything she's done she's just getting away," she pointed out.

He blinked at her, taking his time to answer. His eyes strayed into the distance again.

"She was going to get away anyway," Levi noted. "All three of them were. Erwin had already made up his mind on offering an alliance to them."

Nanaba nodded. She was aware of that. After all she was among the squad leaders around Mike who'd received the order to secure Reiner Braun and Berthold Hoover for that reason.

"Doesn't it bother you though?" she wanted to know.

Levi turned to give her a long testing stare. Again, Nanaba could only guess what was going through his mind. He looked away without as much as a twitch of his eyebrow.

"I don't care for revenge," Levi declared impassively, guessing what she'd been hinting at. "It's pointless."

It was in moments like this when Nanaba wasn't surprised a lot of people thought of him as heartless. You'd had to know him a little better to understand that he wasn't good at expressing emotions and that that didn't mean he was indifferent. It was true that Levi actually had compassion, but it was also true that something about him seemed always so detached. Even Nanaba still found herself wondering about the contradiction in these two characteristics.

"Whatever you do, you can't change what happened. No one will come back to life," Levi explained, his eyes still trained on the horizon ahead. "People get caught up on the past and try to find someone to blame or blame themselves — as if taking out your anger on someone or something could change anything about what happened or fill up the empty space that comes with loss."

Nanaba watched his emotionless face. She was familiar with what he described. In her early years as a scout she'd been so troubled by her grief over her lost comrades.

"But I live in the present," Levi concluded and Nanaba wasn't sure what to make of those words.

That was the thing with Levi. Now that Nanaba was a veteran soldier she had learnt to deal with the loss of her comrades, yes, but Levi seemed like it didn't affect him at all. They both had been part of the mission to recapture Wall Maria with the help of civilians four years ago (that had been the official purpose anyway) and even then he'd moved on so quickly while Nanaba still had kept cursing whoever had had a part in giving the order.

"How do you do it?" she asked quietly. "How do you move on so fast, while I'm still overcome with grief in the quiet moments?"

Levi met her questioning gaze and held it.

"I don't know," he admitted quietly.

When he looked away again, he added: "Maybe I'm just heartless."

"But you're not," Nanaba objected. Her hand was on his shoulder before she could stop herself. She could feel him tense under her touch, but she didn't want to back away now that she'd gone this far. Her words could use all the emphasis she could give them. "I know you, Levi. I know you care."

He eyed her searchingly, his lips slightly parted as if he got caught up in saying something.

"I never meant to say you don't," Nanaba assured him. He was still tolerating her hand on his shoulder. "You just seem so detached most of the time. And a part of me envies you for that while another part just can't comprehend how it's even possible."

His shoulders rose in a light shrug as he inhaled. He'd turned away again and muttered: "You know I'm bad with feelings."

"Yeah," she agreed quietly. "But that doesn't mean you have to deal with everything on your own."

"I prefer it like that," Levi declared absentmindedly.

"Doesn't mean it's the best option," she pointed out.

His silence was neither objection nor agreement. Nanaba decided that she wasn't going to pursue the subject any further if he didn't feel like it. She joined in with him quietly gazing upon the land stretching out in front of them: the territory of Wall Maria which they now might never be able to recover.

"Nana," Levi noted after a moment. "Your hand."

Nanaba realised she still was resting her hand on his shoulder and removed it quietly. She bit back the urge to apologise. It would be an automatism and not because she actually meant it. Levi was the kind that didn't allow affection, but that didn't mean it wasn't good for him once in a while.

The sun was close to sinking on the horizon ahead of them which meant soon the titans roaming around would become inactive. It was almost peaceful how the two soldiers sat at the edge of the wall, the quiet settlement lying beneath them. But the land ahead suddenly fell into commotion.

Nanaba took a moment to locate the disturbance she registered. There was a titan coming from the south and it seemed to be headed in their direction. It was moving fast, faster than most deviants she'd encountered.

"What...," she tried, but bafflement kept her from forming a coherent sentence.

Levi seemed to have noticed it, too. He pulled his feet onto the masonry and got up. Nanaba followed his example. She couldn't make out many details about the titan, but it appeared to be sprinting on all fours and was getting increasingly closer to where they stood.

"We should ring the alarm," Levi declared. "It might be an attack."

"You mean...a shifter?" Nanaba asked doubtfully. That made no sense to her. Its form was definitely not familiar, so it was neither of the shifters they encountered so far. And it seemed to be alone. How even was it going to attack? It had speed — maybe it was even faster than the Female Titan — and it didn't appear to slow down even though it had almost reached the wall they were standing on. Was it hoping to break through the thick construct like this? Impossible!

The titan nearly collided with the masonry when it came to an abrupt halt beneath them. Nanaba watched it go limp and it seemed Levi had also forgotten about his intention to alert anyone. Steam rose up from its body and it was hard to make out from the distance, but she thought she could see someone climb out of the nape.

Nanaba took a few steps to the left to get a better look. Her wonder at the unfolding events was overpowered by alertness when she registered the hooks darting out of the steam cloud. Whoever the shifter was, they had a 3DMG and they were climbing the walls.

Nanaba got the handles of her equipment out of their holsters and drew a pair of blades with them. She stepped forward, ready to attack the shifter as soon as they reached the top.

"Easy," Levi instructed, earning a questioning look from her. "Let's try talking to them first."

She was on edge, fearing that the intruder would dart past them if they didn't attack right away. But whoever it was, they dropped to their knees as soon as they had climbed the top only a few steps away from where Levi and Nanaba were standing by and watching the scene.

The short brown hair was tied back while a few strands hung into the person's eyes. Their breathing was uneven and Nanaba noticed the small pair of breasts rising and falling quickly with every breath. On their back they were carrying a backpack of some sorts which seemed to weigh heavy on their shoulders. But what stuck out the most were the Wings of Freedom patched to their upper arm: they were wearing the familiar uniform of the Scouting Legion.

"Ymir?" Nanaba exclaimed in disbelief.

It was a lot to take in all at once. The last time Nanaba had seen the recruit, Reiner Braun had held a blade to her throat. That she was here now — alone — after getting kidnapped almost a week ago was hard to believe in itself. But the fact that she turned out to be a shifter topped everything. Had they been fooled? Had Annie Leonhard omitted that there was a fourth one in their group? Had Reiner Braun and Berthold Hoover taken their own comrade as hostage to get away from the walls? But then, why had Ymir returned?

The woman looked up at the two soldiers watching her.

"Hello Squad Leader," she greeted Nanaba. "And the captain, too," she noted upon shifting her eyes to the man. "Looks like I picked the right spot to climb the wall."

Nanaba wasn't sure if it was sarcasm, but she didn't really care. The tension strained her limbs and her blades were still at the ready.

Ymir put the handles of her 3DMG into their designated holsters and picked herself up. She briefly dusted off her white trousers which had seen better days. Then she turned to face the two commanding officers.

"Eren Jaeger sends his regards," she declared.

Nanaba found her choice of words strange, but knowing that the dark-skinned woman had met Eren gave her something to work with. She didn't put away her blades, though. It was too soon to lower her guard.

"You met Eren?" the squad leader inquired. "Where? What is he up to?"

Ymir looked at her, then cocked her head to the side and fixed her eyes on Levi. "I believe the captain should know."

Nanaba shot a glance at her superior whose face was unreadable.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She was addressing them both, hoping that at least one of them would make sense out of this for her. She searched Ymir's face, but the women gave nothing away.

The one to speak next was Levi. "It means that I let Eren go."

Nanaba turned towards him in disbelief. The fact that he'd willingly let Eren get away didn't even surprise her much in the light of the conversation they'd just led. But that he'd keep it from her didn't sit well with her. They'd served so many years together as scouts, she'd thought he'd tell her something like that.

However, she knew better than to make a scene now. She could discuss this with him at a more appropriate time when they were in private. Besides, this was Levi, who had good instincts and didn't tend to make unreasonable decisions.

"I'm assuming you had your reasons," Nanaba suggested and Levi confirmed with a faint nod and a simple "yes".

Ymir followed their exchange with watchful eyes, but she didn't comment.

"We found some stuff in the basement that Eren thinks you might find helpful," she declared instead. "I can show it to you if you let me."

Nanaba exchanged another glance with Levi. By pushing down his hand he signalled her to stand down. She obeyed and put away her blades.

Ymir took off her backpack and opened it. Slowly, she stepped closer so she could present the contents to the two soldiers.

"Most of these are journals from Eren's father," she explained, "but there's also some other stuff in here."

Levi hesitated. Then he took the backpack from her offering hands and inspected the contents briefly.

"So, is it true?" Ymir inquired curiously. "You people are planning a rebellion?"

Both commanding officers eyed her suspiciously.

"What do you want?" Levi prompted her.

The woman paused and scrutinised him.

"I want Christa Renz," she declared then. "I want to confirm that she's fine and I want to ensure that she's safe."

Nanaba tensed, but she did her best to hide her reaction. Just like Ymir's name, the name Christa Renz had passed among the scouts quite a lot these days.

"Why her?" Levi asked impassively.

"Because she's important to me," the woman declared. She had narrowed her eyebrows and fixated the captain with a dark glare.

He faintly nodded, acknowledging her words. Nanaba thought it was best to remain as unresponsive as she could and stay out if the conversation for now. She still wasn't sure how much trust Ymir could be given and how much benefit of the doubt Levi was willing to offer.

"What about us though?" he wanted to know. "Why should we let you near to one of our comrades if we don't even know where your loyalties are?"

Nanaba wasn't sure if he was trying to figure out how trustworthy Ymir was or just trying to get as much information from her now that the woman was more or less willing to talk. But in Nanaba's opinion they couldn't afford to let their guard down, especially not in regards to someone whose agenda they couldn't be sure of.

"My loyalties are with Christa," Ymir insisted. "And I will fight in your bloody rebellion if it means that she has a future."

Levi cocked his head sideways. The movement was small and barely noticable, but it was enough for Nanaba to tell that his interest had been woken.

"In that case," he declared, "I'll talk to the commander and we'll see what can be done."

Ymir huffed out a sceptic laugh. She seemed like she hadn't expected this meeting to take a good end for her after all. Her posture became more relaxed, hinting at her relief. Nanaba considered that as a sign of the woman's genuineness.

"Nanaba, take her to see Christa," Levi instructed. "Don't let her out of your sight though. If she tries to do anything suspicious I want you to restrain her."

Nanaba chanced a glance at him.

"Understood," she replied and then told Ymir to come with her.

The woman complied and the two of them walked towards the main ring of Wall Rose, leaving Levi behind. Nanaba allowed herself a short look over her shoulder, but he stood with his back to them and she couldn't tell at all what was going through his mind as he seemed to be looking down at the backpack in his hands which he'd received from Ymir.

The building Christa Renz was located in wasn't in Trost but in the settling behind the second gate. Neither Nanaba nor Ymir spoke on their way there and they ignored anyone they passed (though at this hour of the evening most people had already retired to their homes).

Nanaba wondered if they'd find Christa to be alone or if not Connie or Sasha had joined her again. Especially Sasha had insisted on staying at Christa's side ever since their return to the headquarters. Her other comrades from this year's graduated trainees could only bear to be around the fragile blonde for a limited time and Nanaba couldn't blame them for it.

Once they reached the door to Christa's room Nanaba stopped. Ymir halted beside her, unaware of the news she was about to receive.

"Before you go in to see her I should probably warn you," Nanaba announced quietly. "You won't find the girl you were forced to leave behind in there."

Ymir didn't interject even when Nanaba paused to decide on the words she was going to use. The squad leader couldn't see the woman's face though as she was staring straight ahead at the door.

"We aren't sure who she is now," Nanaba continued, "but she's been like this ever since learning of your kidnapping."

She didn't wait for a reply from Ymir before discreetly opening the door and leading the shifter a few steps into the room. It was quiet and empty of any other visitors. Christa lay in her bed where she'd spend the whole week ever since arriving here. The dim light of a candle on her nightstand enveloped her still figure. She was resting on her back, her head facing the window. It was possible that she was asleep, but having checked on the girl regularly during the last week, Nanaba knew she had a tendency to stare blankly at the ceiling or out of the window instead of sleeping.

"Christa?" Nanaba tried carefully.

There was no reply. It wasn't surprising. Actually, it had to be expected.

"There's someone here to see you," the squad leader continued. Despite the lacking reaction she was pretty sure the girl was awake and could hear her.

Ymir walked past Nanaba and towards the bed which had been placed in the middle of the room so more people could sit at her bedside. (In Christa's first night here all of her comrades who had joined the Scouting Legion with her had gathered around her. But her silence and her empty stare must've been hard to bear for all of them.) Ymir's steps were tentative and her voice was cracked when she spoke: "Christa?"

Still, the blonde girl didn't move. Nanaba watched as Ymir approached further.

"It's me, Ymir," the woman added. She paused short from the bed and waited.

"Go away."

The voice was faint and rejecting. But Christa had responded. Nanaba would consider this a breakthrough if she wasn't feeling sorry for Ymir, for how the woman's shoulders slumped. The squad leader assumed she was thinking of what to say but failed. Nanaba's words couldn't have prepared her for this. Nanaba herself was shocked. She'd expected to finally see a glimmer of life in those blue eyes again, not for Christa to send Ymir away now that she'd returned to her.

"Didn't you hear me?" the blonde girl asked. She turned, her face resentful when calling: "I told you to go away!"

Ymir was frozen to the spot. Nanaba could only guess what kind of expression she was wearing, whether the hurt was showing which she had to be feeling.

"You're not Ymir," Christa continued, her voice shaking. "You're just a shadow looking like her that comes haunting me in my dreams." With every word she was breaking more, tears weaving into her voice. "Haven't you tormented me enough? Haven't you grown tired of mocking my pain yet?" She was sobbing now and staring down at her covers. "They've taken her…beyond the walls…she can never come back."

Christa's fingers duck into her covers and she clenched her fists around the hand full of fabric she'd grasped. "I will never forgive them," she hissed threateningly. "I'm going to make them pay for it… If they ever cross my path again, I'll kill them…with my own two hands."

The scene was familiar to Nanaba. She remembered finding Christa in her room with Sasha after the girl had learnt of Ymir having been taken as a hostage. Connie had called the squad leader, because Christa had been acting strange according to him.

When she'd seen Christa mumbling and cursing and wishing death upon Berthold and Reiner for taking Ymir she'd thought that Connie's words had been an understatement. For the always kind and caring Christa this was a complete change in character which was not only worrisome, but actually shocking. It didn't surprise Nanaba that Ymir seemed frozen to the spot, witnessing Christa like that.

"No," Ymir objected, taking the final step to the bed with such determination as if she'd used extra force to rip her feet from the ground. She reached for Christa's cheek and made her look up with gentle pressure.

"It's really me," the woman insisted. "I've come back to you."

From where Nanaba stood she could see Christa's wide blue eyes glisten up at Ymir.

"You're lying," the girl whispered. "You're just telling me what I want to hear."

"When have I ever done that?" Ymir retorted in an unexpectedly soft tone. Christa's eyes widened further in what seemed to be realisation. Her lips were parted with unspoken words.

Nanaba suddenly felt really intrusive. This moment wasn't meant for her to witness. But the captain had ordered her not to leave Ymir out of her sight and she didn't intend to let that happen.

"It…really _is_ you," Christa spoke, her quiet voice still on the edge of realisation.

"Yes," Ymir confirmed. Her hand stroked affectionately over the side of the girls' face.

Christa pushed forward and wrapped her hands around the woman's hips. Nanaba caught a glimpse of the girl burying her face in Ymir's shirt when turning to look away.

"Never leave me again," she could hear Christa whisper. If Ymir responded Nanaba didn't catch it.

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	30. 29: Against All Odds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to all of you following this story. I've had a writer's block for the last two months which made working on this chapter really hard to impossible. But I'm coming around now, so things can continue again.
> 
> This chapter is unedited for now, so sorry for all the typos, incorrect grammar or other mistakes you might come across. I don't have time to look over it now, because I need to sleep, but I wanted to get this update out to you. I will fix things up another time.
> 
> I hope you still enjoy.

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**Chapter 29: Against All Odds?**

.: :.

What possessed him to bring it up, Eren wasn't sure. Maybe it was because conversation still was hard to maintain — which was why the four shifters had sat in silence around the campfire for the most part. (The flames were being fed with herbs whose strong smell mixing with that of the smoke was supposed to cover their human scents as not to attract titans in the nearer vicinity. This trick, Eren learnt, was one of the basics each shifter was being taught at the village the small group was headed to.)

"So, what's it like?" Eren inquired when they had finished eating. The rain which had set in some time during the afternoon could be heard falling onto the leaves high above their heads. But the huge trees of the forest provided so much protection from the heavy drops they remained basically dry on the ground. "Your home village?"

"I don't know." Reiner shrugged, poking the embers beneath the fire with a stick. "Why are you asking all of a sudden?"

Somehow it wasn't surprising to Eren that he was the one to answer while Annie and Berthold remained silent. He'd always been the most communicative of those three, never mind the fact that Eren and Reiner weren't at very good terms right now.

"Well, I guess I kind of want to know what to expect when I'm getting there," Eren explained his train of thought. "Besides—" he paused, wondering if it was wise to bring it up, however deciding to do it anyway "—Ymir said something about it not being all that great. I've been wondering about that and I thought you might be able to give me some insight."

He let his gaze wander across the faces of his companions. The flickering flames cast orange light onto them and their features melted with the dancing shadows. Neither of their expressions seemed particularly worrisome. In fact they were pretty familiar to him: Annie remained stoic as most of the time. Berthold looked away like a student who desperately didn't want to get picked by the teacher to answer the question which didn't come as surprising either.

Reiner was reacting more openly. He twitched down the corner of his mouth and raised his eyebrows as he was giving Eren's words a thought.

"Well, I guess every community has its issues," he offered. "I mean, it's true: it can be a really shit place. But it's the place I was born in, so I feel kind of connected to it, you know?"

Eren nodded understandingly. "Yeah, I think I know," he agreed. He'd been driven to leave the walls behind, yes. But even so, he felt attached to the familiarity of the place he grew up in and the memories he'd made there. In his case, however, Shiganshina was in ruins and returning to live there was hardly possible. That's why in the past five years he'd grown more detached from it.

"Anyway… The social structure is probably not too different from the walls, actually," Reiner suggested, scratching the back of his head. "We've got a bit of a questionable hierarchy as well."

From the corner of his eyes, Eren registered how Annie locked her gaze on Reiner, but he was too interest in Reiner's words to give her reaction a thought.

"Really?" Eren inquired curiously. "How so?"

"Well…" Reiner leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees. "Where you have the royal government and the nobles inside the walls, we have the grems."

"Grems?" Eren echoed, unable to make anything of the strangely sounding word.

"Ahh… It originates from some uncommon language, but I can't remember the meaning or anything," Reiner admitted and threw his stick into the flames.

"They're basically the ruling class," Berthold helped out. "There's the council which governs our people and the families of the councillors — that's the people who are—" he gave Reiner a short side-glance before continueing " —loosely referred to as the grems."

Eren remembered hearing of the council before. Annie had mentioned that her mother had lost control and had to be killed at a council meeting. However, he was yet failing to make all the connections.

"They're the kind of scum who only think of themselves and send others to do their dirty work," Reiner declared. He knitted his eyebrows together in anger.

"Of course they decreed our mission,"he concluded. "And of course none of their own kin were included, they only chose kids from families that have nothing to say."

Reiner distorted his mouth at the thought.

"Bloody grems," he muttered.

Eren blinked in confusion. He clearly could see Reiner's frustration, but something wasn't adding up.

"Wait," he interjected and turned to Annie. "Didn't you say—" he pointed at her "—that your mother turned at a council meeting and ate Berthold's father?"

The sharp look Annie shot him was deadly, but Eren failed to take it as a warning for him to stop talking.

"What were you and your parents doing at a council meeting if you're not grems?" he asked instead.

Annie stared him down. Berthold brushed aside a few strands of hair on his forehead with fidgeting fingers. Reiner sat still. Eren was only beginning to realise what he just had hit on.

"What?!" Reiner burst out, his response apparently delayed by shock. "You guys are grems?"

Eren saw Annie exhale while her eyes brushed over Reiner's face. One glance over to Berthold revealed that the boy was looking to the ground as if he was ashamed. Eren wasn't sure what was up with his companions all of a sudden.

"I don't _believe_ this!" Reiner exclaimed and stood up. He turned around and started walking away without another word.

"Hey," Eren called after him. "Where are you going?"

The blond shifter didn't stop or slow down. "Away from _those_ people," he called over his shoulder and stomped off into the woods.

Questioningly, Eren looked back and forth between Annie and Berthold.

"What was that just now?" he wanted to know.

Annie remained silent and looked away.

Berthold's eyes darted around evasively, before he admitted: "He didn't know that Annie and I are from councillor families."

"And there was no need for him to learn it now," Annie injected sharply, fixing Berthold with her blue eyes.

"What?" Eren asked, having a hard time keeping up. "Why?"

His gaze swayed between the two others, but again both were reluctant to give an explanation.

"You heard him, didn't you," Berthold finally said, his voice weak. "There are basically two groups of people in our village and relations aren't too well." He paused to swallow. "The commoners feel disregarded by the policies of the councillors, but the councillors aren't willing to share their power as the commoners demand. You can maybe imagine there's a lot of tension."

Asking for the royals to share their power was unimaginable inside the walls, but Eren was familiar with the dissatisfaction with the ruling class. Though it were mostly murmurs where he came from, Eren imagined he had to multiply that to get an idea what it was like where Annie and the others were from.

"So, Reiner is from a commoner family?" he asked to make sure he was following things up.

"Yes," Berthold confirmed with a nod.

"And he didn't know that the two of you are — what did he call it? — grems?" Eren followed up.

"Don't use that word!" Annie hissed. "That's insulting."

"Oh, sorry," Eren mumbled. "I didn't know that."

"Well, actually I think it's just a short form of gremium — which is the official name of the council," Berthold clarified. "It originates from an old language called German which many of our ancestors spoke."

Eren was glad there was at least one word he could make sense of more easily in the flood of new information. Annie had mentioned German only the other day. Eren noticed how Berthold — just like Annie — managed the switch between pronouncing words that sounded entirely different, making the German words sound even stranger to his ears which weren't used to the harder sounds. Meanwhile the way Reiner had said "grems" had made it sound a lot like a word that could've actually been from the language Eren had grown up speaking — English, Annie had called it.

"It's being used in a derogative way," Annie corrected Berthold. "Just because it originates from a neutral term or Eren doesn't know any better, doesn't mean he should use it."

Berthold bit his lower lip. He couldn't argue with her reasoning. Neither could Eren — and he didn't intend to.

"That's why I won't use it again," he pointed out. "But what about Reiner now? Are you just letting him walk away?"

"He's going to come around," Annie noted impassively.

Eren's eyes swayed to Berthold whose gaze was hefted to the ground. The tall boy didn't look so sure about what she had suggested.

Annie's indifference wasn't very surprising. But the fact that Berthold remained passive after his friend had walked off didn't sit right with Eren.

"What is up with you?" he questioned the shifter who had slung his arms around his knees. "For three years you stick around him every day, and now you're letting Reiner just _leave_?"

Berthold fidgeted with the cloth of his jacket sleeve.

"It's not like I want to," he admitted. "But he's mad and there's not much I can do. In a way we've been raised in two different worlds…"

Eren wanted to shake his head at this weird reasoning, but he skipped ahead to arguing against it.

"You've been on this mission together," the green-eyed shifter pointed out. "For five years you stuck together — and that's supposed to be meaningless all of a sudden, just because Reiner learnt that you're from different backgrounds? What kind of bullshit reasoning is that?!"

Berthold's head jerked up and he looked at Eren.

"You know that if I had stuck to that kind of thinking I wouldn't be here right now," Eren pointed out. He held back the thought that the gap between Annie's and his background was most likely larger than the gap between that of Reiner and Berthold. He should be able to make his point without including that. "He's your friend, is he not? So go after him and talk to him."

Shifting his attention, Berthold's eyes fixated Annie. There seemed to lie a question in them Eren couldn't quite make out.

"What are you looking at me for?" Annie asked. "If you want to follow him, go ahead. I'm not the master of you."

Eren didn't think much of her choice of words. He simply appreciated she was supporting him in her own way — at least that's how interpreted it, because Berthold finally gathered his resolve at that. He got up from the log of wood he'd been sitting on and walked off in the direction Reiner had gone off to. Eren's eyes followed him as he walked deeper into the forest.

Annie sighed beside him and Eren turned to see her rub her eyes.

"You should sleep," he advised her gently.

"I've been sleeping all day," she noted. Her tone sounded actually a little annoyed which had Eren smile.

"You plucked up the gate all by yourself," he reminded her. "Though I admit it was pretty impressive how much of that crystal substance you produced all at once, I'm not surprised you're so exhausted after all that."

Annie rolled her shoulders as if to release some tension from her body. Her eyelids drooped and she blinked to keep them from shutting permanently. Eren wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in. As she snuggled up and rested her head against his shoulder he placed a soft eat on her nose.

"What's that?" Annie mumbled.

"I'm saying thank you," Eren explained.

She punched him playfully against the chest. "You already said thank you this morning."

"You were on the brink of sleep," he pointed out, "I wasn't sure you heard me."

"I obviously heard you," she clarified.

Eren inhaled deeply and released the air. His gaze swayed into the direction again in which Reiner and Berthold had disappeared.

"You think I did the right thing by telling Berthold to go after Reiner?" he wondered out loud.

"What?" Annie replied. "Are you already doubting your decision without even knowing the outcome?"

He wasn't sure if she was mocking him beneath the sleepiness in her voice. But he didn't feel like getting worked up over it anyway.

"It's just that I don't actually know how bad things are at your home village," Eren admitted. "Wasn't telling Berthold to go after Reiner a bit presumptuous of me?"

"No, I think it was alright," Annie stated. She had wound her right arm around his back and rested her hand on his hip.

"You think Reiner will come around then?" he asked for her confirmation.

"I hope so," she sighed. "We need him to come back with us."

Eren picked up on that. "How so?"

Annie shifted out of the light embrace and pushed back the strands of blonde hair hanging into her face.

"We already lost one member who's from a commoner family, we can't lose the other one as well," she explained. "It wouldn't make a good impression if only Berthold and I who are from councillor families returned."

"So politics, huh?" Eren concluded. He knew only little about these kind of things.

"Yeah…," Annie murmured in approval.

Eren paused, catching onto a thought.

"Was Berthold looking at you for approval before following Reiner politics as well then?" he inquired.

Annie fidgeted with her hair again. Eren couldn't classify it as a sign of her nerves though. Sometimes she did it repeatedly as if her fringe was nothing but a nuisance, other times she didn't seemed bothered at all by the strands of hair falling into her face.

"Different kinds of politics," she hinted.

That sounded like she wouldn't be willing to give the details about that away easily. However, Eren was wondering about something else anyway.

"Why did you and Berthold become part of this mission anyway?" he questioned.

Annie turned her head to look at him.

"Why not?" she asked in return.

Eren shrugged. "Doesn't sound like members from councillor families are the usual choice for this kind of thing."

"...true," Annie admitted quietly and looked away again. "Berthold was chosen because of his unique titan form," she recounted. "It was concluded that he had the best preconditions to break through the walls. As for me—" she paused for an instant "—it was my father's suggestion. My aunt didn't agree with it, but he insisted that I should go."

"Why's that?" Eren inquired. This time his curiosity was enough to not feel discouraged by the prospect of her taciturnity.

Maybe he could count himself lucky that this was one of the times Annie was willing to share information with a little prompt.

"My father was born a commoner," she told him. "His union with my mother was arranged in hope to ease the tension and bring together both fractions of our people."

Eren wasn't surprised to learn that things hadn't really worked out like that.

"Still my father continued hoping and working to reunite our people," Annie explained. "Meanwhile my aunt thought it was impossible and that as the councillors they just have to make the best decisions for everyone, even if it means ruling the commoners with an iron hand."

Eren recalled something she had mentioned during their first proper encounter during sparring sessions two years ago.

"Is that what you meant when you said your father was high on some pipedream?" he wanted to know.

A nod was enough confirmation.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not that I reject a reunification of our people, it's just that I don't see it as very likely, " Annie made sure to explain her point of view. "You've seen Reiner's reaction to us being from councillor families just now. And that was still pretty harmless compared to others."

Eren understood that things were complicated and from what he gathered over time, Annie was realistic. So he was inclined to trust her assessment of the situation. But something didn't add up to him.

"Then why did you come on this mission if you didn't think what your father intended was realistic?" he inquired.

"Maybe because I was still a kid and only learning to think for myself and question things?" she offered. "Besides I felt it was my duty…"

Eren got caught up on her addition. "Your duty?"

Annie nodded and took an audible breath. "Yes, my duty as the daughter and successor of the chief councillor."

"Your father is the chief councillor?" he exclaimed in surprise.

"My mother was," she clarified. "After her death her younger sister took her place, but only until I come of age."

"I… had no idea…," Eren mumbled, overwhelmed by that new information.

"Of course not," Annie declared dryly. "I didn't tell you after all. Only Berthold knows."

At the mention of her comrade, her facial expression became grim. While Eren still debated whether to ask her what that was about, she decided to share it on her own.

"Today I learnt that my aunt made Berthold promise to protect me at all costs." The words unexpectedly broke out  of Annie. "I'm so mad!"

Eren wasn't sure what to make of that. He was trying to follow up with the sudden change of topic. But instinctively he rested his hand on her back as she was hunched over and clenched her fists.

"I'm not worthy of protection," Annie declared, "especially not by Berthold who lost his father to my mother. I can't believe she dragged him into this!"

Taken aback by these words, Eren's protest turned out weak.

"Not worthy?" he echoed. "Annie, what are you saying?"

"I'm not worthy of taking over my mother's place. I'm not worthy of leading our people or anyone," she enumerated. "I'm just a coward."

Hearing Annie put herself down like that was like a stab in the chest. Eren wanted to object, but just saying "no, you're not" wasn't a strong argument. In times like this his inadequate way with comforting words was frustrating. All he could think of offering was gently rubbing her back.

Meanwhile Annie was surprisingly lavish with her words. It wasn't exactly the first time he witnessed the taciturn shifter become more talkative once given the right topic, but usually she avoided the really personal stuff. Even considering how things had developed between them over the last week or so it had always seemed like she dodged bringing up certain aspects of her past — and Eren didn't insist on trying to dig them up. Now however it seemed like a dam had broken, because Annie kept talking without needing to be prompted.

"When we lost Berick I thrust the role of the leader onto Reiner instead of taking up the responsibility myself. How is someone like me supposed to lead a whole people?," she asked while staring into the fire. It didn't seem like she expected an answer though, because she continued without much of a pause.

"By the time we had infiltrated the walls I just wanted to go home. I didn't even care for our mission anymore or what would become of our people if we failed. I only thought about myself. Just hanging on, ready to give up and let down everyone."

Annie wrapped her arms around herself. Her fingers dug into her jacket. The blue eyes had settled somewhere on the ground before her feet.

"I was scared," she admitted quietly. "But when Reiner told me to retrieve you I couldn't say no, could I?" Another theoretical question she expected no answer for, because she added immediately in a mumble: "It was one of the worst days of my life."

Eren had never considered what it must've been like for her to go after the Scouting Legion. In the time since he learnt about Annie being the female titan there had been so many things to process and honestly he wasn't very keen on remembering the day of the 57th mission beyond the walls; it left a bad taste in his mouth. Unease crept up inside him when he realised that Annie was about to evoke the memories of it under the roof of the gigantic trees that sheltered them from the rain. Still, he forced himself not to retrieve his hand from her back and ask her to stop talking.

"I didn't want to kill all those people," Annie declared towards the flames. "But I couldn't risk getting caught."

Gritting his teeth, Eren tried to chase away the pictures of the scouts whose deaths he had witnessed that day. All of them had died by Annie's hands — something he'd wished to never have to think about again. It left him agitated and confused, because the anger and hate he'd felt back then was still there, but he couldn't direct them at her. Annie had come to mean too much for him to push her away over what happened.

"But fighting you was the worst," Annie whispered.

This time Eren couldn't stop his body from going stiff. He'd somehow unconsciously convinced himself that for Annie it hadn't been as personal to fight him than it had become for him once he'd learnt she was the Female Titan. But she was telling a different story.

"You came at me with such a rage, your moves were a lot harder to predict and counter," she recalled. "I almost thought you were going to overpower me and I was done for…"

Annie gave a weak laugh at the memory. He wasn't sure what exactly she found amusing. The dryness of the sound suggested she found something about ironic though.

"And then you started to lose control," she continued. "Your eyes became unfocused and… I thought I was going to lose you."

"Lose me?" Eren interjected in surprise.

It was the first time since Annie had started to recall things from her past that he interrupted her. It was also the first time that Annie glanced at him for a brief moment.

"Don't look so startled," she mumbled when gazing on the ground again. "It's not like we only started talking after my imprisonment."

Eren thought he got what she was insinuating, he just never had thought of it this way — which felt, now that he was considering, laughable to him. Of course there had always been _something_ on Annie's part as well, she would've never bothered teaching him her hand-to-hand combat moves.

Just then something else came to his mind.

"You gripped my arm back then, didn't you?" he asked.

"I had to do _something_ …," Annie replied.

"Then I owe you a thank you," Eren concluded. He was growing more at ease again, his affection for her having seeping through him again at this realisation.

"Don't mention it," Annie retorted and knowing her he wouldn't be surprised if she meant it literally.

A laugh escaped his lips which spoke of the relief he felt at the direction things were taking now. She turned to look at him with critical blue eyes.

"What's up with you all of sudden?"

Eren shrugged.

"I was just thinking that the odds were really against us," he disclosed. "And yet here we are."

Annie stared at him for a moment before noting: "That's not funny, you know?"

"No," Eren agreed easily. "But it makes me happy."

That left her unable to reply. She glanced away as if she was tempted to roll her eyes at him, but couldn't pull through with it. Eren had to admit that he found some delight in her reactions to him sharing his feelings for her.

The rustling of leaves and the thumping of steps had both of them sit up and turn around in alertness. But they instantly knew that the resonance of the footfall was too weak for that of a titan. So it wasn't very surprising for Berthold to emerge from the darkness — with Reiner following close behind.

Both Annie and Eren just watched in silence as their two companions returned to their seats on the fireside. Reiner just threw short glances back at them as if he was uncomfortable with the situation after what had happened earlier. Annie, too, grew a little restless and averted her eyes.

Eren tightened his embrace around her back and pulled her in to give her reassurance. His eyes remained on Reiner. Deciding that it wasn't necessary to let this turn into an awkward reconciliation he asked the other shifter: "Are you ready to move on?"

Reiner held his gaze while considering what Eren was insinuating.

"Yes," he confirmed with a nod.

"Good," Eren noted. "I think that makes all of us, right?"

Berthold nodded quietly. Annie remained still as if she hadn't followed the conversation. When Eren slightly squeezed her shoulder she agreed with a "right" though.

Relief seemed to wash over Reiner and he relaxed his posture.

"Then I think I'll get some sleep now," the blond announced. "Tomorrow is a big day."

Of course he was right. If things wouldn't go completely wrong for some very unlikely reason, they'd reach the home village of Annie, Berthold and Reiner in the course of half a day.

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	31. 30: At The End Of The Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I'm home," Annie said into the forsaken room. "I've come back, like you made me promise."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been too long, I know. I've made multiple attempts to write this chapter, but for a long time things just didn't come together. It's kind of ironic, since I've been working for the last 20 chapters to finally get to this point and I didn't think it would take me this long to write down events I've been planning for months. (Not being invested in SnK didn't help, but after multiple rewatches of the anime last weekend my interest sparked again, so there's still hope for this story.)
> 
> The chapter title kind of sounds like it's the end of the story (and honestly, I've been considering), but I have at least good intentions to continue it. I've started the next chapter already, so the plan is to finish that, then revising the whole story (because I need to refresh my memory of what even happened) and settle on the direction I want to take with this story from here on. I don't know how long that will take though, so I'm not making any promises here.
> 
> Thank you for your support and patience so far. I hope we can continue this journey together and bring it to a satisfactory conclusion.

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**Chapter 30: At The End Of The Road**

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To say that she had dreamed of it would be an overstatement. But it was true that Annie had thought of it so many times over the past five years: The day she would see the familiar mountainside again, the day she'd climb up that steep path, the day her father would wrap her in his arms in a rare gesture of affection, the day she'd finally return home. There had been times she'd thought she'd never make it and there had been times the thought of it had been the only thing to keep her going.

Either way, it had defined her life ever since she had set out on her mission with Reiner, Berthold and Berwick. She had imagined how it would be to return successfully with the coordinate in her possession. She had imagined how it would be to just give up and run back with nothing to show for the years Reiner, Berthold and her had wasted. She had imagined how she would explain why Berwick wasn't with them. But she should know by now that things don't quite play out the way you picture them in your head — they never do.

Reiner had carried them to the mountains in his titan form, but they had to climb up the hillside to their village themselves, each of them relying on their own strength. Despite the exhaustion from transforming into a titan draining the colour from his face, Reiner had taken the lead going up the path. He seemed the most eager to return, Annie thought. Berthold followed close behind. She couldn't see his face, but she wouldn't be surprised to see a shadow of unease cloud his gaze. At least that was how she was feeling herself.

Berthold and Annie were members of councillor families. Reiner was a commoner — and so had been Berwick. Having a casualty in their group was bad enough, the fact that it was a commoner would surely increase political tension among the villagers. The closer they came to the familiar gates of their home village, the more anxious she felt about it.

Glancing back at Eren, Annie found herself envying him a little for being able to climb the mountain path without having to bother with such worries. However, she immediately reprimanded herself for that thought. It hadn't been an easy decision for him to depart from the walls, she understood as much. She couldn't tell how often he was berating himself for leaving his comrades behind — she hadn't dared to ask — but knowing him it was definitely on his mind.

Still, the way he'd stared up at the mountains earlier as if he'd never seen anything like it before left Annie with the impression that Eren's wonder outweighed any anxiety on his mind. She even had to take him by the hand and pull him along, because he wouldn't take his eyes off the grey walls of clouds shrouding the mountaintops. What made the sight so fascinating to him, she really couldn't imagine.

The village wasn't situated as far up the hillside as you might expect. Accessing it wasn't easy in human form, in titan form it was impossible. Thus there was no need to depend on height alone. Besides, like this reaching the valley for hunting took only a couple of hours. It was the optimal combination of security and practicability her father once had explained to her. As Annie looked up she could make out the familiar stone formation through the trees. A strange, but uplifting feeling settled in her stomach. Home was near. It almost seemed like a dream.

The joy flashing up inside her lasted only a brief moment before the unease weighing on her drowned it out again. After five years she wasn't the same anymore as back when she had left, she realised it in this moment. How could she explain what had happened to her? How could she explain what had happened between her and Eren? The thought actually made her stop in her tracks.

"Hey, what's up?"

Eren's hand came to rest on her back, his touch a soothing reminder that she wasn't alone. She turned her head around and caught a glimpse of his shoulder as she considered her answer. She was worried and a little scared, if she was being honest. But that was hard to admit.

"It's just…," Annie paused. "I've been gone so long, I don't really know what to expect."

"And I thought I had the most reason to be nervous," he admitted quietly.

She said nothing, just let the warmth of his hand seep through the fabric of her shirt and her skin. It was a comfort she hadn't asked for, but welcomed nonetheless.

"What are you two stopping for?" Reiner called back to them. He and Berthold were standing a few steps ahead and were looking at them. "We're almost there."

"Right," Annie responded and got into motion again, shaking off the thoughts that had caused her to pause.

Eren remained close behind her. Sometimes she could make out his accelerated breathing from the physical exertion of climbing up the steep path. The forest they'd been walking through lightened up and gave way for the grey sky. Up ahead the wooden fence of the village came into view. It was a meek construction — especially compared to the walls of the humans — but the only enemies Annie's people feared were the titans and they couldn't get up here. Thus the design had been kept simple.

The beating of Annie's heart accelerated as she saw the familiar sight. The worries still gnawed at her, of course. But that couldn't diminish the joy to walk the ground again she had wandered as a kid. The smell of wet leaves filled her nose like she remembered it from the autumns of her childhood. The memories brightened her mood. The fact that she was actually walking this path after five long years felt surreal, but she had finally made it. She was home.

Annie couldn't help a faint smile forming on her lips. She let her eyes wander over the old fence stretching out around the village. It was built with sturdy wood and thick ropes, worn out from the years, but still standing. Her gaze stopped at the gate, wide open and broken apart.

A sinking feeling settled in her stomach. Something was wrong here. Her pace had slowed as she tried to evaluate the situation. She couldn't imagine there had been an attack — neither humans nor titans could be expected to make it up here — and yet… Even if the gate had been damaged in an accident, the village was too quiet.

Similarly to Annie, Reiner's steps had become more careful. He exchanged a quick glance with Berthold and Annie and they drew their blades. Annie looked over her shoulder and met Eren's questioning gaze. Maybe he could feel the tension from his companions, because he didn't ask what was going on. He followed suit, understanding that there was the possibility of a fight and he had to be prepared.

The group of four shifters approached quietly, their steps as light as possible and keeping to the right of the broken gate. The fence should give them some cover and allow for them to assess the situation better as they closed in if they were careful. Annie's nerves were on edge, her heart beating in her throat. She didn't know what to expect and she was sure neither did the others. But she was ready to fight, read to take on any attacker that might await them on the other side of the fence — be it big or small.

When they reached the gate, however, there was no enemy to be seen. Before them, only emptiness and decay stretched out. Houses had partly crumbled. The ruined constructions showed signs of a heavy force which must have smashed into them and taken down roofs and walls. Here and there remained scattered bones that once had been held together by flesh and skin of which nothing remained. Death and destruction had come for this place and left nothing but the sound of the wind sweeping through the ruins.

Annie stood at the end of the short entrance path into the village which opened up into the lower plaza. Shock had rooted her to the spot. Her eyes were wide as if it could help her to better take in the view which presented itself to her. Somewhere in the back of her mind her thoughts were racing, but she could only grasp a few of them.

They were too late; far, far too late. Everything they had fought for, everyone of their people was gone. They had finally returned with a chance at saving them, but there was no one left to be saved. They had sacrificed so much — so many lives, so many people — and now it was all in vain. Five long years in fear, paranoia, desperation dedicated to a mission that turned out to be pointless.

Annie put away her blades with trembling hands. This was a dream, some kind of nightmare — it had to be! Part of her expected someone to come out of one of the houses. Just one or two survivors would give her something to hold on to. They couldn't all be gone, the people whose protection was her duty, her aunt and cousins, her father who had trained her and taught her everything she knew. She had to fulfil her promise. She had to come back to him. How could she do that if he was gone?

"No," Annie whispered weakly. "Father."

She started running, straight through the lower plaza and into the next street, further up the hill. She heard someone behind her call her name, but she didn't listen. It wasn't the voice of her father, the only one she needed to see now. She had to find him, he had to be here somewhere. He was tough, he was skilled. Whatever had happened, he surely had survived. He was waiting for her here. She only had to get all the way up to his cabin. There she'd find him. And he'd welcome her back into his arms.

Her feet carried Annie without her having to think about it. The 3DMG equipment was heavy against her legs, rocking with every step she took and bruising her thighs. But it didn't matter, as long as she got where she had to go. She had endured far worse than a few bruises to see this day, to be able to return. Wounds and scars were meaningless as long as she got to see her father again.

Annie crossed the upper plaza where the council members used to come together for their meetings. She paid no heed to the damage that was evident everywhere. Her eyes straight ahead, she climbed the light slope until she left the houses behind her. Just a bit further and she would be there. She was already on the plain where she had received her training in hand-to-hand combat. Ahead she could make out the cabin.

"Father!" Annie called out. Her lungs were burning from running, screaming for oxygen, but she ignored it. "Father!"

She reached the cabin and ripped open the door. She stormed through the living area and climbed the ladder to the sleeping area. She called for her father again and again, but there was no answer as she returned to ground floor. The house was empty.

But Annie didn't give up, couldn't give up. She hurried back to the entrance and out onto the plain. She looked around wildly, trying to decide in which direction her father must've gone. There had to be some lead she could follow.

"Father, please!" Annie forced out, tears welling up in her eyes.

She had stopped, no longer knowing where to go or what to do. She still clung to hope, fought the idea which she already knew was true deep inside: Her father was gone. Just like the rest of her people.

Her legs gave in. Annie sank to the ground and leaned over. The tears were rolling down her cheek and sobs escaped her lips. In her grief she wrapped her arms around herself. She felt so lonely and lost. What was she to do now?

"Come back," she whispered. Her throat was dry and hurt. "Please, I need you."

"Annie."

There it was again, the voice saying her name. It was soft and quiet. She felt a hand on her back, the touch warm and gentle. Eren had knelt down beside her and Annie leaned into his embrace. She cried into his shoulder as the harsh realisation caught up with her. This wasn't a dream, this was reality. Her home was destroyed and her people were dead. She had come too late and now could never see them again. She could never be with her father again.

Eren didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. He pressed his lips against the side of her head. His warm breath brushed through her hair.

Annie wept until she had no more tears to shed. And even then she held on to Eren and would not move. Once the first waves of shock and sorrow had washed over her, they left space for anger to build up instead. Hadn't Eren been supposed to save her people? What good was he now? What was the point of him holding her when he could do nothing to give her back what she had lost?

She dug her fingertips into his shirt. Annie knew Eren was one of the very few people she had left. Yet she couldn't help being mad. A part of her was blaming him, because she had no other target for her anger. Three years he'd been right in front of her and she'd never noticed he was exactly what she had been looking for. Then maybe the blame lay with her. She'd spent time with him, trained him, yet she'd never noticed what he was.

Frustrated Annie screwed her eyes shut. Her thoughts were going in circles and it threatened to drive her out of her mind. Eren wasn't to blame, she reminded herself. Besides, he had suffered, too. And he had lost family as well. Because Annie had been trying to save her people and thought no sacrifice would be big enough to accomplish that. But now it was all in vain.

She had convinced herself she had a reason. The humans wouldn't understand, wouldn't help. So she'd had to do everything necessary to save her people, even if it meant taking lives. But now she didn't even have that to fall back to. There were no excuses left to divert from the truth: Annie was nothing but a murderer.

Still, here Eren was, holding her, staying with her. He had said nothing would bring his mother back to life, but that didn't mean he couldn't still be angry about what happened. Could he really be over that? Could he really be beyond blaming her, now that there was absolutely nothing her actions had amounted to except the pointless slaughter of people? Even if he'd stuck with her so far, he had every reason to push her away now. But he didn't.

"Even now…," Annie muttered, sinking further into his embrace. "Even now you won't leave me, huh?"

"Why would I leave you?" Eren inquired, so honest, so oblivious to her thoughts.

"Because now you know that everything I did ended up being for people that no longer live," she pointed out, her voice quiet. "There are no more excuses for what I did — all the lives I destroyed… in the end it was all for nothing."

His hand remained on her back reassuringly. He was still a stubborn fool, she thought, that much hadn't changed. He had come on this journey with her and he was showing no intention of turning back even when what they had found here wasn't what they'd expected or hoped for. But what about her? When had she started to doubt herself like this? When had she started to question her path?

She knew the answer of course. It came all down to Eren and that she had started to care for him. Her father had warned her of this, but she had failed to heed his advice in the end. Really, it didn't matter anymore.

"We had agreed on this: I'm with you and you're with me," he said softly. "I already know what you've done and why — this changes nothing about it."

Annie closed her eyes, letting the words resound in her mind. He was right, that was the conclusion they'd come to. Eren wasn't the type to simply change his mind. She should've known. There was no reason for her to falter either.

...and yet she didn't feel like she deserved it. A part of her questioned what someone like Eren wanted with someone like her. That someone like him could really forgive her all she'd done.

"I used to be mad," Eren explained as if he could tell what Annie was thinking. "For five years, ever since the fall of Wall Maria, hate was the main driving force which kept me going. I drew on it to fight, but really, after the battle for Trost it started to feel more and more pointless."

Annie pulled away from his warm embrace to get a look at his face. He had his eyebrows furrowed and thoughtfulness lay in his eyes. She briefly wiped away the remains of the tears she had cried earlier, because they had left her vision a little blurred.

"Maybe I should hate you and Reiner and Berthold even more so — maybe that seems like the most logical thing to do." He met her gaze now and there was no shadow in his eyes. "But by now I just don't see how that would do anything. Nothing would come from it."

She couldn't help it, Annie had to shake her head in wonder. "How will someone like me ever live up to someone special like you?"

Eren stared back her in shock. "What are you saying, Annie?"

It was a thought that had slipped away from her, but Annie found she wasn't up for elaboration right now. So she dismissed it with a wave of her hand as she looked away. "Never mind."

Thankfully, Eren didn't press the topic any further. They were kneeling on the ground and only now Annie became aware of how wet and cold it was. She could feel the stiffness in her limbs from remaining in the same position for so long. To get some feeling back into her legs, she got back on her feet and took a few steps. She didn't bother to wipe the ground from her boots and pants. It would only result in her dirtying her hands with the wet earth.

"This might be a bad time to ask," Eren began carefully, "but what are you going to do now?"

Annie turned to find he had also risen and was watching her attentively. It was a fair question. Their plan had been to get here and help her people, but they hadn't thought beyond that. She knew Eren wanted to return to the walls eventually and she had told him she'd come with him. But that had been before she was faced with the fact that her family and people were all gone and her home was in ruins.

With a sweep of her fingers, Annie pushed back her bangs which hung in her face. She turned away and looked over the plain. Her thoughts were still chaotic. She had yet to comprehend that she was without roots now and what the meant for her.

"Can you give me a moment to myself?" she requested of Eren. "I need some time to think."

"Sure," he offered sympathetically.

Eren stepped behind her. While he briefly put his hand on her shoulder, he breathed a soft kiss onto her temple. Annie closed her eyes at the contact and inhaled deeply.

"I'll be back with Reiner and Berthold down in the village," he let her know before he started to walk away.

Annie crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked back at the empty cabin. The door stood wide open, the way she'd left it when storming out of it. Slowly she crossed the short distance to it and stepped back inside. Before, she hadn't really paid attention to the state of her old home. She'd only been looking for her father.

Now she stopped in the doorway and leaned against the frame. The room was gloomy, because the light that fell through the small window was limited, especially on a day like this where the sun was covered by a thick band of grey clouds. The air was musty and dust was everywhere, otherwise you might think someone was still living here.

When had been the last time her father had been here, Annie wondered. Had he been confident till the end that she would come back or had he developed doubts at some point? How long had the people in the village lasted anyway? It might've been one or two years or only a few months or weeks after Annie and her comrades had left. She couldn't tell and as things were she probably would never find out.

"I'm home," Annie said into the forsaken room. "I've come back, like you made me promise."

The cabin was full of mementoes of her father, yet she lingered in the doorway. She didn't dare to disturb the picture, not now that she was aware it was how her father left things before his death. She wasn't ready yet to look at anything in particular.

"I'm sorry it took me so long." She looked down at her feet. "Though it might've been impossible for us to make it in time. Who knows…"

She could feel the tears threaten to well up again and involuntarily pressed a hand in front of her mouth.

"I'll miss you." Annie choked. Her grief made it hard for her to speak. "Wherever I may end up…"

She shut her eyes which were wet again. As she buried her face in her hands, a few tears escaped her. Annie hated crying. It made her feel weak. But sometimes she couldn't suppress it. Like back in the Stohess District when she had been cornered and had thought she would never see her father again. Like now that she knew for sure that she would never see her father again.

To pull herself back together she wiped the traces of the tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath. It was surreal to her — the empty cabin, her father gone from it for good. It was weird to think he was dead. There was no body, no way for her to ascertain it. But it was the conclusion she had come to, the only logical conclusion. Her father would never leave this place — and not only because he had been waiting for her to come back.

Maybe if she had some proof, something that could help her to take it in. But she had nothing like that. It didn't really matter now anyway. Whatever had happened to her home village, it was secondary now. She couldn't change the past whether she knew anything about the events that took place or not. The question was: where would she go from here?

"What do you think?" Annie asked out loud, though of course she knew she wouldn't get an answer. "What should I do?"

She didn't expect any counsel — she didn't really need it anyway. After all, she'd already decided she would accompany Eren back to the walls. He had told her to put off that decision, but she had no intention to take it back or change her mind. In fact, now she had more reason to go with him than ever, because there was nothing left for her here.

It was hard to determine what would expect her there. How many people would be willing to accept her back? Even with Eren at her side, even if he spoke up for her, there was really no one who had any reason to forgive her for what she'd done. The people who had known her, the people she had been in training with for three years, had no reason to spare her. Surely they must feel betrayed by her actions even more so, because she'd been there comrade for so long. She couldn't change that, but at least she could prepare for it.

With a sigh Annie closed her eyes. Eren had said himself that she wasn't safe inside the walls. The best strategy to survive was to remain here. She knew how to hunt and keep herself alive. But that would be a lonely life — a life without Eren. She could never ask him to stay here with her and leave the walls behind for good.

She didn't want to be without Eren.

The decision to go with him had long been made and she had no doubts about it, the only question was how they were going to return. If she was going back to people that considered her an enemy and had hunted and hurt her, she at least wanted to be prepared. Maybe she could find a way to bargain with them.

Annie shook her head. This was ironic. Until recently she had just wanted to survive and now she was willing to walk a path right into danger and risk her life — for Eren. She didn't think she would've gone this far for her own people. Yet she couldn't even feel guilty for it.

She took a few steps into the cabin and shut the door behind herself. This might be the very last time she would see this place after all. There was no need for her to turn her back and run away without a second glance. She could allow herself to have a good look around her old home before leaving it behind. And just maybe it would give her some inspiration to devise a strategy to ensure her survival on human territory.

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	32. 31: A Decision To Be Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You want to go back to the walls, right?" Berthold asked unexpectedly.
> 
> Eren shot him a brief glance. "Yup."
> 
> "To do what exactly?"
> 
> That was a good question.
> 
> "To overthrow the government, get rid of all the titans and render the walls useless." Eren chuckled humourlessly. "And no, I don't fucking know how to do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with the next chapter and forever sucking at chapter titles.

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**Chapter 31: A Decision To Be Made  
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Eren found Berthold and Reiner in the plaza near the village entrance where he had left them to run after Annie. Both of them had taken a seat on some rubble at the edge of the desolate area. They were sitting in silence with their heads hanging. Eren had no intention of disturbing them when he found himself a piece of stone that looked comfortable enough for him to sit on next to Berthold, placing his backpack next to his feet. He just figured he shouldn't wander off while waiting for Annie to join them, after all he'd told her he'd wait here.

"How's Annie?" Reiner wanted to know once Eren had let himself sink down onto his improvised seat.

Looking past Berthold, Eren casts a glance at the blond shifter. There seemed to be honest concern in his eyes. Of course Reiner would know well what Annie was going through right now. He probably didn't feel very different. The same thing could be said about Berthold who was peeking back at Eren with interest now.

"She's managing," the green-eyed boy replied. "What about you guys?"

"Same, I guess," Reiner offered with a shrug and looked away.

Berthold didn't say anything which was most likely an indicator that Reiner's words rang true for him as well. It made the conversation feel a little weird to Eren though. If it was only Reiner and Eren talking while Berthold was sitting quietly in between them, it was kind of like they were having a conversation over his head. However, Eren had no intention of commenting or otherwise evoking a change in the situation.

Of course Eren could get up and find a place to sit next to Reiner, but he'd rather not. They still weren't at the best terms, so Eren preferred to keep his distance from the blond shifter. Also, having Berthold right between them might be of help should things escalate for some reason. Eren didn't really trust Reiner's temper with him and the same went for his own temper with Reiner.

"I'm sorry this happened," Eren tried, because he didn't know what else to say.

"Our village is in ruins and from the look of it there are no survivors," Reiner pointed out plainly. "There's nothing to be done about that." He sounded grim, but not accusing, as far as Eren could tell. "But thanks...I guess. You would know how it feels to lose someone in such a senseless way, wouldn't you?"

There was a low chuckle from Reiner's throat. Eren assumed it might be because of the irony. Though he could only imagine how it really felt to have caused so many deaths knowingly and then return to your home to find everyone was long gone. Really, he didn't want to know. That was Reiner's and Berthold's struggle — and Annie's, Eren reminded himself.

"What do you think happened?" Eren inquired, because he was genuinely wondering about this.

"Who knows," Reiner mumbled.

It probably wasn't something he wanted to think about, Eren realised. He felt bad for asking, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him again. He just wanted to know what happened to make sense of it all. It has always been like that for him as far as he could remember.

"But it looks a lot like Trost or Shinganshina after being exposed to titans," Reiner continued unexpectedly. "Just in this case the titans were our own friends and family going out of control…"

There was a painful bitterness in his voice. It was only too understandable, considering the situation. Eren tried to imagine how it was to learn that people you knew and cared about — people who were your family — had gone on rampage and devoured each other, but he could only conclude that it must be horrible.

"Do you think they're all dead?" he wondered out loud before he could stop himself.

Silence followed and he thought there would be no answer to his indelicate question. He wanted to bite his tongue, but that wouldn't make his words unsaid.

"Probably," Reiner concluded then. "Either they turned and got killed, or they got eaten."

"But someone must've survived," Eren insisted, because things didn't quite add up.

Either all the shifters who lost control had been killed which meant there must've been someone left to kill them. Or everyone who hadn't turned had gotten eaten, but that meant that the ones who had eaten them had to still be somewhere — even if they were mindless titans now.

"So what?" Reiner snapped. "Maybe some of them are walking around somewhere, having forgotten who they are, only driven by the desire to devour people — is that what you're saying?" It sounded like he was running out of patience. "What are going to do about it? Are you going to hunt all of them down and turn them back to how they used to be?"

That was impossible to do and they all knew that. Eren felt like he had been punched into the face, but he figured he deserved that for dragging up this pointless and insensitive discussion.

"Sorry," he mumbled and looked to the ground, avoiding Reiner's angry eyes.

"Maybe you're right though, Eren," Berthold spoke up unexpectedly. It had Eren look up at him in surprise. "Maybe some of them didn't turn and were able to…kill the ones who did. I mean—" he glanced over to Reiner as if to search for confirmation "—we didn't turn either despite using our abilities."

Reiner didn't object or shoot him down as he had done with Eren, but there was still an angry glint in his eyes. He clearly didn't want to talk about this — chances were it was too painful for him. Berthold looked down, maybe to avoid Reiner's glare, but he didn't let it go.

"The reason we were sent on this mission was because it seemed the defect hasn't manifested in our generation yet," he surmised. "Maybe some of our generation made it…"

"In that case, where are they?" Reiner questioned, sounding a lot less rough than when he'd argued with Eren.

Berthold shrugged, looking a little helpless. "Maybe they just couldn't stand to stay here. Maybe they didn't think we would make it back…"

"Too bad they didn't leave us a note where they were headed," Reiner said bitterly.

Eren didn't dare to comment. He'd said enough already and it felt like it wasn't actually his place to discuss the topic. He watched as Berthold hung his head and shoulders and he felt sorry, but he had no comfort to offer except condolences that must sound awfully hollow.

Reiner seemed to have softened already. He put a hand on Berthold's shoulder and leaned in. Eren looked away purposefully. It didn't seem like the kind of moment he should witness. There was so much intimacy in that simple gesture, he felt out of place. Yet, the more he tried to ignore what was going on right next to him, the harder it became to blend out. He could make out a deep breath as if to release tension and something that sounded a lot like lips caressing skin.

Eren tapped his finger against his leg nervously and tried to pretend he wasn't there. He'd gotten used to being intimate with Annie, but witnessing others sharing affection was something he hadn't been prepared for. Since when were Reiner and Berthold this close anyway? Eren had never noticed an indication of it during their training days, but after the previous night he wasn't really surprised — though he hadn't considered they cared for each other like that.

Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Eren tried to chase away these thoughts. He didn't want to get involved in what other people felt for each other, it wasn't his business. He knew he wasn't keen on anyone prying into his relationship with Annie. Besides, Eren had other things to worry about.

He had promised the captain to return to the walls and he had every intention to — but to do what? How was he going to do anything? Even with the Scouting Legion backing him what could they achieve? First the Wallists had to be stopped, but he still hadn't found anything really useful on the cult that seemed to rule humanity inside the walls from the shadows. There was no way to eliminate them without sufficient information on them.

Eren ruffled his hair in frustration. He wouldn't be surprised if he ended up breaking his brain thinking about that. He wasn't Armin who had incredible deductive and tactically skills. Maybe Eren should leave it to his childhood friend to come up with a good strategy. There was no point to mull over this now; it had to wait for when he actually returned to the Scouting Legion. He didn't have to do this alone, he reminded himself — he _couldn't_ do it alone.

Annie had told him she would come with him when he would head back to the walls, but Eren had urged her to postpone the decision until they were at her village. Now he wasn't sure what she might do. She had nothing to keep her here now, probably, but she had also no reason to return to the walls — except for him maybe. Eren would be happy to have her at his side, but he couldn't ask it of her if she didn't want to come.

And what about Reiner and Berthold, Eren wondered. They had agreed to stick together for as long as they shared the same goal. Eren had assumed that they would part ways once they made it to their home village. But what they found here didn't seem like much of a village, let alone a home. Eren wasn't sure what he'd do in their stead, but remaining here didn't seem like a very appealing option to him.

He glanced over to see that they'd gone back to simply sitting next to each other in silence. It was a bit of a relief, because he didn't know for how long he'd been able to sit next to them being entangled without wanting to dissolve in his discomfort.

"So what now?" Eren voiced the question on his mind, prompting Berthold and Reiner to look at him. "I mean, what are you going to do now?"

"Who knows," Reiner grumbled and shrugged. "What do you care for some homeless murderers?"

Of course it was a jab at Eren and what he had said to Reiner the other day in Shiganshina. Really, Eren couldn't blame Reiner. He knew he hadn't been at his best behaviour with the other shifter. Still, Reiner's words left him feeling uneasy.

Berthold made a distressed face at that and Eren noticed how Reiner squeezed his hand in comfort. Eren couldn't help feeling a little bad now for putting Berthold in the middle of him and Reiner.

"Actually, I'm past throwing around accusations," Eren offered and scratched his head.

He didn't feel like getting into a confrontation, but he couldn't expect Reiner to just play nice when only a day ago Eren hadn't done so himself. What a mess all of this was. Eren sighed.

"Whatever," Reiner mumbled, but he didn't sound like he was going to argue any further this time.

Eren figured he would leave it at that. Just because this place no longer had a community didn't mean Berthold and Reiner had any intentions to leave it again now that they were back. This might still be better for them than what would expect them on human territory and Eren doubted they would try to find any survivors of their people, because they had absolutely nothing to go on for a search. Besides, even if they didn't end up staying here, they weren't obliged to tell Eren about any of their plans.

"You want to go back to the walls, right?" Berthold asked unexpectedly.

Eren shot him a brief glance. "Yup."

"To do what exactly?"

That was a good question.

"To overthrow the government, get rid of all the titans and render the walls useless." Eren chuckled humourlessly. "And no, I don't fucking know how to do that."

Berthold didn't respond. Probably he had no idea what to say. It didn't matter to Eren. He took the silence without complaint or frustration, because he hadn't expected anything else. It wasn't the responsibility of someone who doesn't come from the walls to figure out a plan to save the people there.

"I know what you're thinking, Berthold," Reiner noted eventually, "and to be honest it's anything but a good idea."

Eren had no clue what Reiner was on about. It seemed like some non-verbal exchange he hadn't noticed had processed between them before Reiner had decided to speak up. It didn't concern Eren, so he wasn't going to pay it much attention.

"But isn't it kind of our duty?" Berthold questioned, not clarifying what he meant with "it".

"Our duty? Hell no!" Reiner exclaimed. "It's not our fucking duty to get rid of those shitty ass Founders. That's human politics and I don't want to get involved."

Eren eyed the two arguing shifters curiously. If he wasn't misunderstanding things completely, Berthold was suggesting he and Reiner should return to the walls as well and of course Reiner disagreed for understandable reasons. The fact alone that Berthold was suggesting it surprised Eren.

"Don't you care about our comrades there? Do the three years we trained with them mean nothing?" the otherwise quiet boy argued.

"That's not it!" Reiner insisted and got to his feet. "But do you think that was enough for _them_ to help _us_?"

"How could they have helped us if they didn't know anything?" Berthold shouted and stood up as well.

It was a bizarre situation. Eren had never seen Berthold get so heated. But the strangest thing was still that he and Reiner were clearly arguing about going back to the walls. Eren hadn't even asked them to come — he had intended to keep them out of it. Yet here they were — and Eren was sitting on the side and witnessing it all, perplexed. He didn't know if this was better or worse than before when he'd been stuck next to them kissing each other.

A little lost and because he felt like he shouldn't stare at Berthold and Reiner while they were arguing and ignoring him, Eren let his gaze wander in search for something to distract him. It was then that he spotted Annie walking out of one of the streets into the plaza. It was actually a relief to see her return to the group whether her arrival would interrupt the fight or not. At least talking to her could distract him from the quarrel right next to him.

"Hey Annie, what do you think?" Reiner called out as he, too, happened to spot her coming their way.

Annie waited until she had crossed the plaza and stopped in front of the three boys who were all looking at her expectantly before she asked: "What do I think of what?"

Eren examined her carefully from where he sat. No traces of the tears she'd shed earlier remained. She looked calm and collected again, impassive just like he knew her. Once again it was hard to tell what she was thinking.

"Should we go back to the walls?" Reiner clarified.

Annie raised her eyebrows at him. She probably thought the same as Eren: It was strange of Reiner to refer to her for a decision. He didn't know what Berthold and Eren knew — and if he were aware of Annie's heritage as the daughter of the former leader of their people, he wouldn't care. That's at least what Eren assumed. But maybe he just wanted to solve this democratically and hoped she'd take his side.

"Why do you ask me?" Annie responded. "You'll have to decide that for yourselves."

"What are _you_ going to do then?" Berthold continued on Reiner's train of thought.

She glanced over to Eren before returning her attention to the two boys she'd been on a mission with for the last five years.

"I'm going back to the walls," Annie declared, sounding as indifferent as if she'd announce she was going to have dinner. "With Eren."

Reiner sighed, not seeming very pleased with her answer.

"Then I'm coming, too."

It was Berthold who had spoken out. Annie blinked at him, looking perplexed. Eren, who was still sitting on the stony rubble, was just as astounded to see him so determined.

"There's nothing we can do here," Berthold explained. "But maybe we can help the people back there." He swallowed, a little nervous and maybe surprised by himself. "We can try."

Now Reiner downright groaned. Eren was expecting he would try to talk Berthold out of this.

"Seriously?" the beefy shifter exclaimed.

From where he sat Eren couldn't quite read the look Reiner gave the other two. However, the displeasure in his face was evident. The more shocked Eren was to hear his next words.

"Fine." Reiner relented, his tone leaving no doubt about his exasperation. "We'll head back to the walls together, see how we can help there."

Eren sat and stared in disbelief. He didn't trust his ears, couldn't process what had just happened. Though he heard Annie point out that no one was forcing Reiner to come, Eren didn't register Reiner's response. His mind was occupied with other things. When he finally rose to his feet he didn't feel in full control of his body.

"Hold up," he interrupted the discussion that had been going on without him so far. "You don't have to do this. I mean—" he knew better than to include Annie and addressed Reiner and Berthold "—this isn't your fight."

Three pairs of eyes were scrutinising him. Eren had recovered from his shock. While he was convinced what he was saying was right, he could tell by the expressions on their faces that they weren't going to change their minds.

"Why?" he wanted to know.

It was Berthold who responded, voice soft: "Look at us. Look around you — there's nothing for us here."

Eren knew that — he wanted to say — but that didn't mean they had to return to a place they had caused harm to, leaving the people there to see them as enemies. He wanted to say that it was too big a risk for them to take. He could bargain for Annie, but he doubted he had enough leverage to guarantee for Reiner's and Berthold's lives as well.

"Are we just supposed to go into the unknown," Berthold asked while Eren couldn't say anything, "when there are people inside the walls we've come to consider friends over the past three years?"

That was something Eren hadn't taken into account. It was so easy to forget once he'd known that Annie, Reiner and Berthold weren't from the walls that the three of them still had spent time there. Despite knowing they didn't belong they had interacted with people, built at least a sense of comradeship with them. Eren himself had looked up to Reiner and Annie.

It didn't seem like it had been one sided either. Eren had spent enough time with them by now to realise they had formed attachments of their own. Of course Annie's feelings for him were definite proof, but also Berthold's words just now had suggested. So it wasn't his place to tell them to cut the only ties they had still left to ensure their own security.

"It's just…" Eren paused and let his eyes wander over the faces of the three others again. "I don't know how to convince them not to hurt you despite everything…you know…"

Reiner's eyebrows went up almost mockingly. Or maybe he was more surprised Eren was considering his wellbeing at all. Their relationship hadn't undergone the best development these past few days. Before Eren could comment on that however, Annie spoke.

"I thought about that."

All eyes were on her now.

"You did?" Reiner inquired and Eren thought he sounded almost admiring.

Annie gave a curt nod in response, but her eyes were trained on Eren.

"It's not only us who have to worry about our safety when we return to the walls, it's you as well."

"Me?" Eren asked surprised. He couldn't fathom where she was coming from. "I spoke to the captain about this. He let me go _because_ I promised to come back."

"That may very well have been the situation when you and I left," Annie countered unimpressed by his argument, "but that was before we learnt about Ymir and before you let Ymir go back without us."

Eren straightened up, realising where this was going. Things were worse than he had thought.

"For all we know it may have been impossible for Ymir to hide that she can turn into a titan as well," Annie concluded. "But she took the risk to go back there despite it — whatever her reasons may have been."

Eren nodded in confirmation, his heart sinking further.

"Do you think Ymir would cooperate with the Scouting Legion?" Berthold chimed in, coming to the same conclusion Eren had arrived at just now.

"I'd say it's likely," Annie agreed.

"You also gave her the few useful documents we found in your basement." She was addressing Eren again. "They may have very well decided that working with Ymir is more reliable than waiting for an impulsive teenager who ran away with his girlfriend to help the enemy."

It was a simplification of things, but Annie had a point. By letting Ymir return to the walls and giving her his father's diaries he may very well have wasted everything he could've bargained with.

Eren covered his eyes with his hand at the realisation. "I fucked up."

"So we're all equally screwed," Reiner noted almost dismissively. "That should improve the comradeship at least."

Letting his hand sink, Eren looked at the blond boy opposite of him. He'd thought so a few times over the past three years, but Reiner really had a bit of a twisted humour.

"What do you suggest," Berthold asked, catching Eren's attention. His eyes were on Annie.

"We'll make ourselves as indispensable to them as possible," she declared.

"And how exactly do we do that?" Reiner wanted to know. He had reason to sound sceptic, so far it didn't seem like the soundest plan.

"First Eren will learn how to use his powers properly," Annie explained. "That'll take some time, but that's also what we need to figure out the rest."

Eren stared at Annie. Something about the way her eyebrows were knitted together made it seem like her thoughts were elsewhere. He wondered what it could be she was brooding over. Did it have to do with the loss of her father and her people or was keeping parts of her plan to herself.

"Well, it's not like I have a better plan," Reiner concluded and it sounded like that was his approval. "Or has anyone else something to offer?"

Berthold shook his head and Eren answered: "I don't."

"Then that's decided I guess," Reiner said and began to look around. "Now to find a place where we can stay without debris falling onto our heads."

He started walking off towards the centre of the village, Berthold following behind. Eren stayed put and looked at Annie. She still seemed thoughtful, but turned to go with the other two shifters.

"There's something you're not telling us," Eren pointed out and made her stop in her tracks. "Do you have something in mind on how to make us indispensable to the Scouting Legion?"

Annie turned back and met his gaze.

"Let's say I have a hunch," she explained, "but I wouldn't want us to get hung up on it." She didn't wait for Eren's approval before she headed after Reiner and Berthold. "Only time will tell if it's really something to go on."

Eren nodded even though she couldn't see that. Picking up pace he caught up with her. He wasn't going to press it, but he sure hoped whatever Annie was considering would become something they could bargain with, because he was sure him mastering his titan powers better wasn't going to cut it. He was willing to trust in Annie though and focus on what he could do.

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	33. 32: Unexpected Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I admit, after all this time I didn't think you'd come back." Levi finally spoke and it made Eren's heart sink. " Yet here you are. I guess that speaks in your favour."
> 
> Even though the man's trust in him had dwindled, Eren didn't seem to have lost it entirely. That's what he hoped the final sentence implied. Or at least that it meant he could regain said trust.
> 
> "Of course," he assured Levi. "I promised you I'd come back!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been over a year, I know, and if you're reading this I thank you for sticking with me. I hope you enjoy it. (There's a times kip, how fitting.)

.

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**Chapter 32: Unexpected Reunions**

.: :.

"Do you really want to do this?" Reiner asked in a sceptical tone.

Annie didn't even pause from working what she hoped was the locking mechanism of the heavy metal door in front of her. "I've made up my mind. If you haven't then what are you doing here?"

"You know exactly what I'm doing here," Reiner commented, keeping his tone low. "Someone's gotta look out for you while Eren can't."

The glare Annie gave him could've been deadly, going by the intense anger she put into it. Hopefully, it was giving Reiner chills. She wasn't going to comment on how Reiner seemed to have gone back to being good buddies with Eren — and this time for real. Once you've overcome ideological differences, six months of living and training together can really bring you closer. She had no reason to complain about it, because it meant less tension, but there was a somewhat curious turn of events to her.

Reiner had put more effort into rebuilding a solid comradeship with Eren than he had into getting along with Annie. Apparently being on an undercover mission together which took up five years of their lives wasn't more defining than three years of training with the enemy. At least with regards to Annie that seemed to be the case (Bertholdt was an entirely different matter). Maybe she just never had given Reiner enough reason to like her, but that was okay since she wasn't particularly sympathetic towards him either. She sure liked Eren a lot more than him.

What bothered her, however, was Reiner acting as if he had to _take care of her_ — _for Eren's sake_. It was especially annoying, because so far Reiner hadn't done anything helpful for their current endeavour and now he was questioning her resolve. If he was going to discuss the basics of their plan next, Annie was going to snap at him for real. They had been over it and concluded with a vote: three in favour, Reiner had been overruled. She had no intention of replaying the whole argument.

"I can look out for myself, thank you very much," Annie hissed and tried to continue her lock-picking, though talking to Reiner was disrupting her concentration. "And unlike you, Eren knows that."

Reiner raised his eyebrows at her, as unwilling to play nice as she was. "So you getting captured by the Scouting Legion was all according to plan?"

Annie straightened herself up at his obvious provocation and turned towards him. Since his input had become more than just a temporary distraction from her work, she wasn't willing to remain in what was proving to be an uncomfortable position; it was straining her back muscles.

"Sure," she quipped. "I let myself get captured to get close to Eren and wrap him around my finger, so he would work for us. And just in case anything might go wrong and we were left with no place to go, Eren could ensure to get us the Scouting Legion as allies. Foolproof plan."

There was a hint of bitterness in her voice, but her feelings about what happened to their people didn't stop her to comment on the developments of the last year in such a manner. In Reiner's opinion, however, she seemed to have crossed a line. Eyebrows narrowed, he stared at her darkly and growled: "That's not funny."

"Am I laughing?"

Six months, that's how long Annie had pushed aside her grief over her father — her people — to train Eren. For six months she had gone over their plan again and again to ensure that they were able to negotiate once they returned to the walls. She couldn't imagine the bitterness and pain over having lost almost everything what was important to her would ever fully go away, but she was doing her best not to let herself be dominated by it, to move on. For Eren's sake.

Whatever Reiner was thinking, he didn't share. Begrudgingly, he crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned his back on her to keep watch. With the conversation over, Annie returned her attention to the metal door and its lock she was trying to pick. The dim light of the lantern at her feet didn't make it easy, but it would have to do.

There were no guards around which was either a good or a bad sign. With no regular patrols to be made out, it was hard to guess which parts of the huge tunnel system stretching out beneath the walls was actually in use by the Wall Cult and the royal government. Annie assumed the closer they got to the centre of it — and thus to the area in the confines of Wall Sina — the more of the place was actually in use. But since they had come all the way from the outside of Wall Maria, she wasn't sure how close to the centre they were and if they were looking in the right place. It was easy to get lost in the underground labyrinth without a map.

Finally, the lock relented and Annie pulled the heavy door open a crack to peek in. Inside it seemed even darker than the hallway would be without the lantern they had brought. Either the room wasn't in use at all or there was just no one in there right now, which should give her some time to snoop around. Picking up the lantern she told Reiner to continue to keep watch while she would take a look. He didn't seem pleased to stay out in the dark, but thankfully she didn't have to explain to him that him keeping their only light source would draw attention way more easily should someone come along. Besides, she needed it if she wanted to find anything in the room she had just unlocked.

Putting her back into it, Annie pulled the door open wide enough for her to squeeze through. What awaited her was a cold and damp room which didn't give her much hope to have picked the right place to start. (After all, it had been a random choice, nothing more, which led her to this door exactly.) The flickering light she was holding up was faintly reflected to either side of her by metal bars and her disappointment at the realisation was immediate: There was no valuable intel to be uncovered. This was nothing but a dungeon room.

Annie saw no need, to continue further into the darkness; she would try her luck elsewhere. But just as she was about to turn back, she registered movement at the edge of the light's reach. Unsure of what or whom she might find, yet curious and somehow hoping she hadn't come here in vain, Annie took careful steps towards the second cell on the right where she thought she'd seen something. But it could all just be wishful thinking on her part, a voice inside her head reminded her which she decidedly ignored.

The voice was proven wrong, as Annie stopped about two feet away from the bars of the cell and inside the dark shape of a person stood out against the stonewall in the back. It was a man, she realised, sitting on the floor with outstretched legs and leaning his back against the wall behind him. His face was half hidden by a beard and his blonde hair was longer and more unkempt than Annie had ever seen on him.

"Annie Leonhardt," Erwin Smith greeted her and his dull eyes lit up at the sight of her shocked expression. "I admit I didn't expect to meet you again like this."

'Likewise,' Annie meant to reply, but she was rendered speechless. She certainly was surprised by the sight in front of her, but there was also something else, something far more unpleasant. A memory was creeping up on her, a memory of this very man standing over her and thanking her for her cooperation. How she'd despised him in that moment and now, what had become of him. She almost pitied him for the miserable state he was in.

"It looks like our roles are reversed now, as opposed to last time we saw each other," the man continued as she was unable to fill the silence. "That must give you quite some satisfaction."

Annie stared. There was this feeling as if she was found out, because she had thought it: part of her relished in the fact that Erwin Smith was tied up at her feet, a wornout shadow of the powerful man he used to be. But there was another feeling that outweighed this by far: He still made her feel so small and weak. Here he was, a prisoner with barely anything more but the breath in his lungs and still he scared her like she was nothing but an insect he could easily squash beneath his bare feet if he so wished.

It wasn't the way he looked or how many men he had under his command, it was the things he said (or didn't say), the things he deduced. He never let on how much he really knew, what he truly intended, leaving her to guess. Annie had learnt to assess her enemies, to find out what they were capable of and what they were actually willing to do. With Erwin Smith she wasn't quite sure. He had lured her out with words, revealing information at the recruitment for the Scouting Legion that seemed far too classified to share with a group of soldiers before they even had joined the ranks under his command. Then she had thought him foolish, now she knew better. His mind was his strongest weapon and she feared it. She had learnt it the hard way after all.

"There's just one thing I'd like to ask you," Erwin started again, his tone calm and matter-of-factly as if they were in the middle of a briefing. "Where is Eren? Why isn't he with you?"

"Eren?!" a raspy and unfamiliar voice chimed in before Annie was able to reply anything.

In the dark to Erwin's right she could hear the rattling of iron chains. She moved her lantern closer so she could see the metal bars that separated Erwin's cell from next one. Between them appeared the face of a man, cheeks fallen in and dark rings beneath his eyes. Yet he appeared to be more groomed than Erwin as if shaving and combing your hair was a privilege that some prisoners still received. His dark eyes glistened in the orange light as they seized Annie up expectantly. "You know my son?"

It was like icy water was washing through her body and Annie couldn't pinpoint what feeling it was: discomfort, shock or even terror, maybe fear?

"You are…," she began, but was unable to continue.

"That's right," Erwin filled in for her. "This is Doctor Grisha Jaeger, Eren's father. Grisha, this is the one I told you about."

Annie felt as if she had been slapped in the face. She could make out no smile on Erwin's face but she knew this was exactly what he had wanted. Revealing her connection to Eren to Grisha Jaeger so she was obliged to answer to the man that was Eren's father. He had set her up. Something was boiling up inside of her and this time she knew exactly what it was: anger.

"Tell me about Eren," Grisha demanded. "Is he alright? Is he safe?"

At first, Annie had felt like lashing out at Erwin for trapping her yet again. But Grisha was infuriating her far more. It was not the way he was clinging to the bars of his cell and inquiring answers from her, it was what she knew about him from the trip to his basement. His words were only fire to the oil.

"Shut up!" she hissed. "How dare you speak to me about Eren, how dare you asked me if Eren is alright after what you put him through!"

"I...I'm not sure what you're talking about," Grisha stammered and Annie felt a tinge of grim satisfaction to have unsettled him.

But the anger dominated. "I'm not telling you anything, man."

"Will you tell me then?" Erwin inquired calmly. "What has become of Eren after you took him away?"

Annie wasn't going to correct him that Eren had been the one to take _her_ away. Instead she merely flashed her eyes at him. "I'm not answering to you, _Commander_."

Unperturbed by her lack of cooperation, Erwin responded: "That's all well and good, but in case you hadn't noticed, I'm chained up in a cell. That means I'm no longer the commander of the Scouting Legion."

"Then who is?" Annie wanted to know, an uneasy feeling tugging at her guts. Eren and Berthold were on their to the headquarters of the Scouting Legion right now to negotiate with Erwin about an alliance. Who would they find in the role of commander instead?

Could it be Levi, she wondered and the idea didn't appeal to her at all. His loyalty to Erwin may have been the only reason she was still alive and hadn't been butchered by him for the death of his squad. She had wondered, if Levi letting Eren free her hadn't been an instruction from Erwin. Without that practical and calculating mind of Erwin at the top, what was to stop Levi from capturing her, Bertholdt, Reiner — Eren even — and have his way with them?

But Erwin's answer seemed worse by far.

"No one," he said.

Even though she was sure she had heard right, Annie had to ask: "What?"

"With my arrest," Erwin explained, "the Scouting Legion was disbanded."

Terror clawed into Annie's lungs, making her feel as if she couldn't breathe. Her eyes went wide, but she didn't care Erwin could see it. She had far bigger worries than the former commander of the disbanded Scouting Legion witnessing her in a moment of weakness. She had Eren to be concerned with who may very well be walking into a hornet's nest. Who knew what the Scouting Legion's headquarters was being used for now.

"I have to go," she whispered, stumbling back already and then turned around. Even as Grisha called for her to wait she did not heed him.

.: :.

The headquarters of the Scouting Legion greeted them with silence. Eren had wondered about the barred windows and empty courtyard, but only now that he was wandering the deserted halls it was starting to sink in: there was no one here and there hadn't been anyone in quite a while.

"What do you think happened," Berthold asked as they were walking through the rows of tables in the mess hall. His voice was almost down to a whisper as if not to disturb the dust starting to gather on the wood and stone.

"Beats me," Eren muttered even though he had been going over possibilities since their arrival.

Had it been a simple relocation for strategical reasons? Or had something happened? But what? Everything had looked in order when they'd arrived inside the walls. Nothing seemed to have indicated a lack of military presence. Or was this about the Scouting Legion specifically…?

Eren wasn't expecting to find any answers in this place ever since he had realised it was deserted. Yet he had kept pushing on and even now wasn't willing to leave. He didn't know where else to look for the people he had meant to find here. He didn't want to admit that he dragged Annie, Reiner, and Berthold back for an empty building. Where was everyone, the commander, the squad leaders, his friends, _his family_?

"Go ahead, make a guess."

Eren spun around. The voice was familiar, but it wasn't Berthold that had spoken to him. The latter was just as surprised to find they weren't alone after all. Coming up from the entrance behind them were two cloaked figures. As they approached, Eren was able to make out the features of the short man in front.

"Captain," he exhaled, relief and disbelief mixing in his breath.

Levi didn't bother to pull down his hood as he came to a halt only a few feet away. Eren briefly glanced at his companion who stopped just a bit behind him. If Eren's memories weren't off it was squad leader Nanaba.

"Not anymore," Levi corrected Eren who felt unease at the gloomy air surrounding him.

"What do you mean?" Eren questioned.

The man gave a sigh that told of exasperation. He walked past Eren and looked over the empty tables in the semi-darkness. His back remained turned on the others as he spoke again: "It seems you still aren't as perceptive as I'd expect. But since you haven't guessed it yet, I'm going to make it as clear for you as possible." He briefly glared over his shoulder, causing Eren to swallow hard. "The Scouting Legion has been disbanded."

Eren couldn't claim it hadn't been an option he had considered, however actually hearing it was something entirely different. The Scouting Legion had been around for decades. Since he could remember it had been just as much of an integral part of the military forces as the Garrison or the Military Police. It felt as surreal as it would have to hear that any of the other military divisions had been disbanded.

"No way…," he exclaimed weakly even though he realised that this had to be the truth.

From the corner of his eyes Eren caught Berthold lowering his gaze in dismay. Eren understood that this had little to do with his personal feelings. He had no personal attachment to the Scouting Legion. His only affiliation to the walls were their comrades from the 104th Trainee Division and even there Eren wasn't sure if they weren't secondary to other things like the fact Annie and Reiner had decided to return and that he didn't really have anywhere else to go. His reaction now could be sign of guilt, because he knew it affected others. Eren had found he carried a lot of that.

It was a trait they shared, Eren was reminded yet again. He, too, felt the guilt weighing on him now that his insistence on teaming up with the Scouting Legion had led them into a dead end. Annie had suggested they should work alone and he still wasn't sure why Reiner and Bertholdt had overruled her in favour for him. With the Scouting Legion disbanded and their headquarters deserted, he had wasted their time in coming here.

But then, he realised, there was something that didn't add up…

"What are you doing here then?" Eren questioned Levi. "Without the Scouting Legion there's no need for you to come here. Or are you secretly still living here?"

Levi turned around and gave him a look as if he was pitying his deduction skills. "We followed you here."

It was an explanation, but it didn't please Eren much. "Since when?"

"Halfway through the town," Levi informed him. "You still gotta work on travelling undetected."

"Yeah, okay," Eren relented. He felt a little embarrassed at Levi uncovering his lacking skills, but tried to hide it. "Can't say it wasn't in our favour in this case."

"In _your_ favour…?" Levi echoed, his expression growing dark.

Eren didn't realise immediately that he'd started to hold his breath as the man seemed to ponder something. As he released the air from his lungs he tried to figure out what made him so tense. Despite Levi's intimidating aura, they had parted on good terms with Levi trusting him to do what he thought was necessary even if it meant releasing an important prisoner and running away with her. But there was nothing of that now.

"I admit, after all this time I didn't think you'd come back." Levi finally spoke and it made Eren's heart sink. " Yet here you are. I guess that speaks in your favour."

Even though the man's trust in him had dwindled, Eren didn't seem to have lost it entirely. That's what he hoped the final sentence implied. Or at least that it meant he could regain said trust.

"Of course," he assured Levi. "I promised you I'd come back!"

The furrows building on Levi's forehead spoke of scepticism. Yet Eren failed to identify them as a warning sign.

"And yet where were you two months ago?" Levi growled. Stepping forward, he grabbed Eren by his collar. "Where were you when the Scouting Legion was accused of treason against the crown?" His voice became louder as his anger was spilling out. "Where were you when Erwin took sole responsibility for _everything_ so that the rest of us could walk away instead of being imprisoned or worse?!"

Eren moved his mouth to speak on his own behalf, but to no avail; the words didn't form on his lips. What could he say, though? He wasn't going to take the blame for everything, even though the news shocked him — and yes, he did feel a pang of regret that he hadn't been around when it happened. But if he had learnt anything over the past months it was that it was impossible for him to prevent bad things from happening or set everything right — no matter how much he may have wanted to. Still, Levi was angry and lashing out and Eren couldn't think of anything to say which could change that.

"Levi." It was Nanaba who calmly walked around Eren and placed a hand on Levi's shoulder. "Don't take it out on him."

That seemed to be enough, because Levi loosened his grip around Eren's cloak and released him. As he stepped back and turned away Nanaba's hand had already slipped from his shoulder again.

"Thanks," Eren muttered at Nanaba who gave him a slight nod in return. He watched Levi carefully, not quite trusting the returned calm air of the man. "Do you blame me for what happened?"

Levi didn't reply. Eren wasn't sure if he was ignoring him or considering his answer. Eren wasn't sure about anything regarding him anymore. Never before had Eren witnessed him so openly worked up.

It was Nanaba who spoke up instead: "Levi knows just as well as me that that would be foolish."

Even if that was true, knowing it and not doing it were two entirely different things. Eren didn't point that out, however. Maybe he didn't want to know the answer to his question after all.

"Your friends are alive and well by the way," Levi informed Eren, brushing over the incident as if it had been nothing. "Though you didn't ask about them."

"You hardly left me the time to ask," Eren snapped. A voice in the back of his mind told him not to react to Levi's provocations, but that was easier said than done. Levi accusing him of not caring for his friends was uncalled for.

As he turned around, Levi caught a warning glare from Nanaba. So he only shrugged in response. Eren was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that this was supposed to mean something along the lines of "fair enough". After all, Eren didn't mean to fight with Levi; that wasn't what he'd come here for.

"So, where's your girlfriend?" Levi randomly inquired after casting a quick glance at Berthold as if he was only now realising who Eren had brought along.

"Don't call her that," Eren demanded. There was something about the term that made it seem unfitting for Annie. Or maybe he just wasn't used to it.

Levi gave him a questioning look. "Why? Did you break up?"

Bewildered, Eren blinked at Levi. He wasn't sure what was happening, though the thought occurred to him that Annie had to come up in this conversation sooner or later. This wasn't exactly how he would've expected it, however nothing about this meeting was going the way Eren had imagined.

The sound of wood slamming against stone echoed down the hallway. It left the group of four in the mess hall temporarily frozen.

"Someone apart from us know you're here?" Levi inquired quietly, eyeing the entrance of the room cautiously.

"Only Annie and Reiner," Eren replied over his breath. He didn't like the thought that their little gathering had attracted unwanted attention. Already he was trying to think of escape routes or ways to avoid detection, but he wasn't very familiar with the building which was proving to be trouble.

"Eren," Annie's voice echoed through the hallway. She sounded breathless and panicked. "Are you in here?"

A mixture of relief and worry spread from Eren's stomach. If it was just Annie they had nothing to fear, but her tone gave him pause. She sounded like she had encountered trouble. Besides, they had agreed to meet back in the underground tunnels near Wall Sina, so what was she doing here?

Signalling the others to stay behind, Eren started to sneak towards the entrance to check things out. If Annie's arrival somehow meant trouble, he didn't want everyone else to get caught up in it.

At the end of the hallway he came to a halt to peek around the corner into the entrance hall. In the sunlight coming in from the open doorway Annie was pacing, calling out his name. Why she wasn't heading deeper into the building if she needed to see him so urgently, Eren could only guess. Standing next to the open entrance, Reiner watched her with crossed arms. He looked at a loss and Eren couldn't blame him, considering her unusual behaviour.

Spotting no one else, Eren deemed it best to reveal himself. There was no telling who else Annie's shouting might attract if she kept going like this.

"I'm here," Eren announced himself, slipping out of cover and walking towards her. "What's the matter?"

Annie spun around and her tense expression relaxed at the sight of him. "Oh good, you're safe!" Without any explanation why she had thought otherwise, she came rushing towards him and fell into his arms. "I had to come as soon as I heard."

His gaze questioning, Eren met eyes with Reiner who shrugged in response. "I told her to calm down and not make such a fuzz, but as you can see she isn't listening to me."

Eren allowed for the hug to continue for a short moment, before he put his hands on Annie's shoulders and gently urged her to pull back so he could look at her. "Heard what?"

"Eren, I'm so sorry," Annie exclaimed breathlessly, "but the Scouting Legion has been disbanded."

"So I heard, but how do _you_ know," he voiced his puzzlement.

" _That's_ something I'm curious about as well," Levi cut in and Eren looked around to see him enter the entrance hall, Nanaba following right behind him. Berthold was already slipping out of Eren's field of vision, possibly to join Reiner on the other side of the room.

Annie tensed at their new company and Eren felt her take a tiny step backwards. He had wondered before how a possible meeting between her and Levi might be for her. Considering the man's strange mood, he'd rather not have them come across each other here, but that wasn't something he could change now.

Still, Annie tried to mask her discomfort as best as she could. "Erwin Smith told me."

Levi's expression changed, briefly showing a glint of hope. "You met Erwin? How?"

"I...came across the underground cells where he's being kept," she admitted hesitantly.

"You were at his cell? Then why isn't he with you?!"

This time Eren had spotted the anger on Levi's face and was prepared when he came charging towards Annie. It took one step for Eren to block his path and give him pause.

"You're upset, I get that." Eren glared down at the man. "Vent at me all you like, but I'm not letting you near Annie. Certainly not in this state."

Levi glanced up at Eren, over to Annie and back again. Eren held his gaze until he backed away and rubbed his hands over his face.

"Can you tell me where he's being held," Levi eventually asked Annie without looking at her. (Eren figured there was no point in reminding him to apologise.)

"No," Nanaba declared unexpectedly, gaining the attention from everyone. Levi looked grim, as if he had been kicked into the face during a box fight.

"Annie sharing Erwin's location would be appreciated, of course, "Nanaba continued before anyone could question the objection. "However," Nanaba turned to address Levi directly, "Hange would behead me if I let you charge into an incautious rescue mission."

"You're free to come along, Nana," Levi offered, unconvinced by the argument.

Nanaba's immediate response was a patient but defined headshake. "Out of the question. None of us is going to rush to Erwin's rescue without proper scouting and planning."

Levi didn't object this time, but only begrudgingly so.

"Right," Reiner spoke up, reminding everyone of his presence. "Why don't we continue the rest of this conversation somewhere more private, before someone stumbles in on us here and we all get into trouble."

"Good point," Eren agreed and was about to suggest the underground tunnels where he and the other three shifters had picked out a place to make camp. Levi was faster, however.

"Let's take you to our base."

"Base?" Eren echoed in surprised. "What would you need that for?"

"Organising the underground resistance against the royal government?" Levi offered as if it was obvious.

"Oh…" Eren's mind had gone into a completely different direction.

"What?" Levi raised his eyebrows, apparently guessing what Eren had thought of. "Did you think we were out begging and stealing when we caught sight of you?"

"No," Eren denied immediately. "…but I mean, weren't you a thug before?"

Nanaba chuckled, earning a side-glance from Levi, but he didn't say anything except: "Let's go. We don't have all day."

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	34. 33: To Each Their Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Eren, come with me, the rest will have to stay here."
> 
> Levi was about to turn away when Annie interjected: "You're not going to negotiate with us?"
> 
> "Me? Hardly." Levi fixated her with his glaring eyes. "That's Hange's job. She's going to be delighted to see Eren again."
> 
> Somehow that didn't sound very reassuring so neither did Eren when he said: "Alright, I'll be back."
> 
> To restore Eren's confidence, Reiner put his hand on Eren's shoulder. "I'm counting on you, Eren."
> 
> "Pretty sure you already told me that this morning before we headed out," Eren quipped, but he had to admit that it was helping, if only a little.
> 
> Reiner's grin didn't falter. "Can't hurt to say it twice."
> 
> "You coming or what?" Levi called. He had already started walking towards the main house and was stopping to look for Eren over his shoulder.
> 
> "Yeah, I'm coming," Eren replied and hurried to catch up. Mike and Nanaba stepped aside to let him pass between them. By the time he looked back they had closed the gap again. With one last glance at Annie, he followed Levi into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what, no eternal wait for this chapter. And it ended up being over 6k words, too. I hope you enjoy and don't worry about the chapter title too much, I'm just trying to get this out there and couldn't think of anything else.

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**Chapter 33: To Each Their Own**

.: :.

In retrospect, Annie may have overreacted in abandoning her search mission and running all the way to Eren. Reiner had advised her to calm down, but she wasn't particularly good at listening to him. Now she wished she had. It would've spared her the feeling that everyone was looking down on her now for such a display of irrational action. Soldiers who survived fighting titans don't start panicking at the first sliver of worry.

Eren had given her a kiss on her temple before heading out, but it only comforted her a little. Reiner had been even less helpful by pointing out that she and the captain — or well, Levi — had lost their cool on the same day. She couldn't share the assessment that it was somehow funny. Too much of Levi's behaviour in the entrance hall had reminded her of that night she had pissed him off too much. That night he had cut through her bones and ingrained the fear of him into her heart with his blade.

Now he was guiding them to the rebel base and Annie made sure to remain at the far end of the procession. She would have to be around the man again soon enough. Nanaba had ridden ahead to announce their arrival, taking along Levi's horse as well, since the four titan shifters had no horses at their disposal. Behind Levi, Eren was updating Reiner on what had happened at the abandoned headquarters before his and Annie's arrival. Berthold was ahead of Annie but he kept casting her quick glances over his shoulder. Annie was growing increasingly annoyed by the unwanted attention and it was showing on her face.

"I would've come running as well," Berthold finally noted, before Annie could complain.

This was definitely more than she was willing to bear. She just wanted to be left alone to carry her shame until more pressing matters at hand forced her to stop wallowing in self-pity. "I don't need you to try and make me feel better."

Slowing his steps, Berthold fell in line with her and looked ahead at Reiner and Eren who were just out of earshot. "They're strong, but not invincible. They'll need us to have their backs."

"Having their backs doesn't include barging into buildings and shouting for the whole neighbourhood to hear," Annie objected bitterly. "Besides, at no point was I going to leave it all to Eren — or Reiner for that matter."

A rare chuckle came from Berthold's mouth, but his eyes grew solemn as he looked to the ground. "You're right, that's just me."

Annie apprehended him for a moment. Berthold had never objected to returning to the walls, but neither had he contributed to any of their plans apart from voting either against or in favour of them. It felt more like he was a bystander who was tagging along. "You know, if you're just here for Reiner's sake...I'm not sure if that's enough."

When he met her gaze she found resolve in his eyes. "I'm not just doing this for Reiner," he told her. "Just like you're not just here for Eren's sake."

It surprised Annie to hear him talk like that. Berthold rarely pushed forward out of his own accord — or at least she had thought so.

"I know what you're trying to do, Annie," he continued. "I know why you insisted to search the underground tunnels even before we've secured our alliance."

Annie wasn't sure how to respond. Berthold was right, she had been driven to uncover the secrets of the Wall Cult. She had argued that gathering intel on their enemy was important and could serve as additional leverage to ensure their alliance with the Scouting Legion. But that wasn't why she really had wanted to go.

"You've been thinking it, too, ever since we found the notes of Eren's father," Berthold pressed on. "They've been working on something down there, a cure!"

"If you've been thinking that, why didn't you say anything?" Annie questioned him.

"Why didn't you?"

Considering it, she let her gaze wander to the ground. "With Eren on our side it didn't seem reasonable to make such a detour," she explained. "With our people dead it shouldn't matter anymore."

It was what she kept telling herself: Her people were gone for good, there was no point in hanging on to a goal that was about saving them. She should focus on the people that were alive. Yet somehow she couldn't let it go…

"But it does matter!" Berthold objected with unusual passion. However, it seemed to leave him almost immediately and he lowered his head and his voice in what seemed to be shame. "I...I don't want to end up like them. I don't want to become a monster."

Annie looked at him in surprise. Then a bitter smile settled on her lips. "Isn't it a little too late for that? Considering the lives we sacrificed, we already are monsters."

"Yeah, we killed, but it was our choice, because we deemed our goal worthy to achieve." Once again Berthold showed more determination than she would've expected. But even though his point was reasonable, she had to question it.

"We were kids, trained to kill and taught to hate the people living inside the walls. How much of that was actually _our_ choice?"

"I never did it out of hate."

Berthold's soft spoken words lingered in the air between them.

"I did it out of fear and desperation. When your mother turned…" He broke off. "I never want to end up like that."

"She killed people… your father…," Annie admitted. She still didn't really know how to approach the topic with him, but in this case there really was no way around it.

"She was in pain."

Annie remembered the way her mother had sunken to the ground, holding on to herself as if to stop her body from convulsing. She had screamed and then the hot air of the transformation had knocked everyone around her to the ground. Annie's skin had stung from the burns and she had felt disorientated. Her father had grabbed her and carried her out of reach while she had watched her mother's titan form grab its first victim. No one had dared to transform, in fear of ending up the same way.

"Until then transforming had seemed a choice if only you learnt to control it," Berthold concluded. "But what happened to your mother was completely out of her control."

"I get what you mean, I think," Annie admitted, though she didn't feel quite the same way.

They fell silent until Berthold eventually asked: "Do you think there's hope of us finding a cure or is it just a fool's errand?"

"I don't know," Annie responded quietly.

She wished she could claim that her wanting to search the underground tunnels wasn't a matter of clasping at straws. But then she remembered Grisha Jaeger in his cell. In all the tumult with finding Erwin Smith imprisoned and learning of the disbanding of the Scouting Legion, she hadn't thought of bringing Eren's father up. It occurred to her only now that the man who had been able to turn Eren into a titan shifter and according to his journals had been trying to help her people might be exactly what she had been looking for.

A hint of a smile stole itself on her lips as she added: "Maybe."

.: :.

By the time they arrived at their destination, the sun was hanging low in the sky. The place Levi had taken them to was a farmhold near a forest, consisting of a few wooden cabins and stables. It didn't seem to be in the near vicinity of any town or village, still Eren was sceptical.

"This...is it?"

Levi stopped his horse and turned towards Eren. "You've got a problem with farming?"

"That's not it," Eren defended himself. "But I mean, you're sitting out here in the open where anyone could easily find you."

When Levi huffed he seemed almost amused. "They _could_ , but they won't."

Leaving no room for protest, he continued. "As long as the provisions keep coming, those royal pigs won't bother with a simple farmhold. You have no idea the kind of things going on in places like this without the Military Police investigating."

"Like human trafficking?" Eren asked bitterly. He faintly remembered the night he had met Mikasa and what his father, a few years later, had revealed her kidnappers had probably intended to do with her.

Levi raised his eyebrows. "That's a bit of a special case, since the highest bidders in that business are mostly from the capital with at least good connections to the government."

Eren felt like he was going to be sick at the thought. Meanwhile Levi didn't seem too concerned with it, since he kept talking, unperturbed.

"The government is profiting from the way things are." Levi started walking again and led the way into the farmyard. "Leave people to stew in their own corruption and hardships and everyone will be too preoccupied to realise how they're being manipulated and kept in line." He paused. "That only leaves them with silencing the few that do fall out of line in quiet." 

"Well, they aren't doing a particular good job with you here," Eren noted.

"Aren't they?" Levi raised his eyebrows at him questioningly. "Our leader has been arrested and will be executed soon — whether they'll officially justify it with treason or whether they'll fabricate some story doesn't matter." His expression was turning grim. "The Scouting Legion has been disbanded under the pretense of wasting too much tax money to be sustainable. We have been allowed to continue our lives undisturbed as long as we don't cause trouble." A bitter huff escaped his lips. "For two months we've been sitting around, doing nothing but pointless scouting."

"B-but why?" Eren asked in surprise. "You said the government wouldn't find us."

"What does that matter when there are former scouts in the Garrison and the Military Police they can easily target, should we make a move."

Those were bitter prospects. Eren thought he was beginning to understand why Levi was so frustrated.

"Is that the reason you haven't broken out Erwin yet?" he wanted to know.

"Part of," Levi admitted.

If he wanted to say anything more, he dismissed the thought at the arrival of Mike followed by Nanaba and three other former scouts. The air around Levi shifted and Eren knew that talking time was over. As he stepped aside, the other trained soldiers surrounded Eren, Annie, Reiner and Berthold with drawn blades.

"A precaution," Levi informed them. "You may have proven you have honest intentions in the past, Eren, but I can't say the same about your companions.

"Well, we didn't expect a warm welcome anyway." Next to Eren, Reiner grinned, trying to disperse the tension. There was a hint of bitterness sticking to him, though.

Eren took a look at the other two behind him. While Annie seemed mostly unmoved, she couldn't stop herself from glaring at Levi. Berthold was eyeing the blade closest to him with unease. Even though they all had agreed that being met with hostility upon their return would be a likely scenario, he must've hoped it wouldn't include weapons being pointed at them. Admittedly, so had Eren.

Putting his blade aside, Mike stepped up to Eren and sniffed him like he had done on their first meeting. It wasn't less uncomfortable the second time around, still Eren found himself relieved over the smile Mike displayed when retreating from his personal space. Levi exchanged a look with Nanaba who shrugged and then gave a nod.

"Eren, come with me, the rest will have to stay here."

Levi was about to turn away when Annie interjected: "You're not going to negotiate with us?"

"Me? Hardly." Levi fixated her with his glaring eyes. "That's Hange's job. She's going to be delighted to see Eren again."

Somehow that didn't sound very reassuring so neither did Eren when he said: "Alright, I'll be back."

To restore Eren's confidence, Reiner put his hand on Eren's shoulder. "I'm counting on you, Eren."

"Pretty sure you already told me that this morning before we headed out," Eren quipped, but he had to admit that it was helping, if only a little.

Reiner's grin didn't falter. "Can't hurt to say it twice."

"You coming or what?" Levi called. He had already started walking towards the main house and was stopping to look for Eren over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm coming," Eren replied and hurried to catch up. Mike and Nanaba stepped aside to let him pass between them. By the time he looked back they had closed the gap again. With one last glance at Annie, he followed Levi into the house.

.: :.

Things have a funny way of turning out sometimes. A year ago Jean would've never guessed he'd abandon the prospect of a safer life inside Wall Sina. Half a year ago he would've never guessed he'd be walking the line of committing treason against the crown. But he was trying to work with it as best as he could, just like he was growing to accept that Mikasa would never see him as anything else than a comrade and friend. (Unless he managed to get on her bad side, then Sina help him!)

Currently the two of them were heading back from an unsuccessful scouting mission. They had been assigned to the search troop that was trying to designate Erwin's location after his transfer from the military court building, since not even their informant from the Military Police could tell them where Erwin was being kept now. All they knew was that Erwin's execution was supposed to be soon and while they would be better advised to lay low, they were growing desperate. None of the seniors was willing to let Erwin take the fall for them all — especially not if it meant his death.

Mikasa and Jean were the only ones of the remaining members of the 104th training squad who had joined the Scouting Legion to be sent out for scouting. Being the exceptional soldier she was, Mikasa had been the obvious choice and Jean hadn't be surprised — especially now that Levi was supervising and training her personally. As for himself, Jean wasn't quite sure how he got picked. Maybe it had been process of elimination, because he couldn't recall having done anything to have proven his abilities to his seniors.

Armin on the other hand had played an important part in the capture of Annie in Stohess District, so Jean wasn't at all surprised Hange had made him her strategic advisor (though Jean doubted there was much he could do with their limited resources). The rest had been assigned tasks that seemed less glamorous in comparison. Sasha and Connie belonged to the party to look after the stables and occasionally go hunting. As for Ymir, she was looking after Christa.

Admittedly, the latter was a special arrangement. When Reiner and Berthold had escaped with Ymir as their hostage, Christa had broken down and never really recovered from it. Even with Ymir having returned she remained unstable. None of the seniors wanted to drag her into a rebellion in this state, but she refused to leave Ymir's side and Ymir had decided to stay — for whatever reason only Ymir knew. Jean couldn't fathom it, maybe neither of the others could, but having a titan shifter with them was possibly the only advantage they had left. Otherwise their prospects were looking as bad as their chances of locating Erwin in time.

Honestly, Jean wasn't looking forward to giving his report to Levi and secretly hoped Mikasa would do the job for both of them. But those worries were easily forgotten when they entered the yard and found a group of people assembled in it. Jean recognised them as Mike, Nanaba, Gelgar, Lynne and Henning. They were surrounding three people who he would've never expected to find here: Reiner, Berthold, and Annie.

Jean couldn't believe his eyes. The way things had unfolded, he'd thought he'd never see any of them again (and he hadn't been sure how to feel about it), yet here all three of them were. No one could fault him for stopping in his tracks and staring at them open-mouthed.

Next to him, Mikasa had tensed and balled her fist. She'd been furious with Annie ever since she had heard about the girl disappearing with Eren. Speaking of which: where was that suicidal jerk? Wasn't he supposed to be with Annie? Yet he was nowhere to be seen. Jean wasn't sure what that meant, but it certainly didn't bode well.

While Jean was still sorting through his reactions, Mikasa seemed to have made up her mind. With firm steps she headed towards the group of people, her eyes set on Annie. "You've got some nerve!"

Annie who so far had made a good job at looking bored turned around lazily. A hint of annoyance mixed into her expression, but mostly she maintained her indifferent air. If Jean were in her shoes, he'd be really worried about Mikasa coming at him, but Annie didn't seem to be fazed by Mikasa's furious glare.

"Where is Eren?" Why are _you_ here, but _he_ isn't?!" Mikasa only stopped, because Henning and Lynne were blocking her way.

"Easy there." Reiner held up his hands calmingly and took half a step in front of Annie to give her additional cover. Jean knew that kind of behaviour from him, always looking out for his comrades. But Jean had never seen him do it with Annie (not that she needed it — not even now from the look of it) and even though Jean had _heard_ about them working together, it was still an unusual sight to see them together like this.

Annie was unimpressed by both, Reiner's gallantry and Mikasa's fury. "Eren's inside, talking to your leader. It would do you good not to jump to conclusions so quickly."

As Jean reached Mikasa's side he could see her face soften in a mixture of surprise and relief. "Eren is back?"

Nanaba gave a confirming nod. "Hange wished to speak to him right away."

As Mikasa made to move past the group occupying the yard and head to the main house, Jean reached for her arm on instinct and held her back. She stopped and looked at his hand, then up at his face, but he left her no time to question his motives. "I don't think it would be appreciated if we barged in there. We should wait till they're done. You'll see Eren soon enough."

The look Mikasa gave him spoke of displeasure at his suggestion. Of course she disagreed. She had waited six months for Eren and Jean wasn't sure if anyone noticed the way he and Armin had just how hard it had been on her. She had been forced to practice patience, but he wasn't surprised to see it run out now. Still, her body relaxed and as he let her go she remained.

"Mikasa! Jean! You're back!" Sasha's voice carried over from the stables and when Jean looked over she already came running across the yard, Connie following right behind her. Both displayed a happy grin and Jean found himself amazed yet again at how they managed to sustain their cheerful attitude throughout everything.

"Looks like we're not the only ones who made it back in time for supper," Jean noted and as expected his two friends stopped and stared at the unusual gathering in front of them.

"No way," Connie gasped with wide eyes.

"Surprise!" Reiner beamed and spread his arms wide as if he was presenting a price.

Jean for his part didn't take that gesture too well. Too much had happened for them to just hug it out and have a happy reunion. "Hold your horses, Reiner. Last thing we heard you were the ones breaking down our walls and costing a lot of people their lives. So allow us not the be so happy over your sudden arrival."

Reiner's smile faded and he let his arms sink. "Oh yeah…"

"I told you, we wouldn't be welcome here," Annie reminded him while looking away as if the horizon was far more interesting.

"Funny how you were the first one to talk about coming back here," Reiner muttered.

Annie let the accusation repel from her as if it was water hitting a greasy surface. "I never said anything about reviving old comradery and pretending like nothing happened."

"Good, because that won't work," Connie joined in. He looked angry though he seemed to have trouble speaking up. Confrontation never was his strong suit. "Don't think we'll just forgive and forget."

"You owe us at least an explanation," Sasha added.

"And don't think you can make us all teary-eyed with your story about saving your people," Jean concluded. "We already know about that and I don't think any of us considers that makes up for killing countless people. I certainly don't."

Connie and Sasha nodded in agreement while Reiner and Berthold cast their eyes to the floor. Annie pretended like she had no part in any of this the way she kept staring into the distance. It infuriated Jean, especially since he still had a bone to pick with her for almost killing him out on the field, but he figured that would get too personal for this big circle.

"They were looking out for their own," Mikasa pointed out. "I don't find that hard to understand."

Everyone had to be surprised at that, Jean certainly was and found himself staring at her. He'd never thought he'd ever hear her say anything even slightly in favour of Reiner and Berthold, let alone Annie.

Connie was shocked as well. "Don't backstab us, Mikasa!"

"I'm just stating the obvious." Despite that, Mikasa's expression was dark as if she was ready to attack the three titan shifters at any moment. "I'm not interested in going over why they did what they did. What I want to know is why they're back here at all after getting what they wanted."

That was a good point. Jean returned his attention to the three debatable guests. Reiner was looking over to Annie as if to confer with her, but she still wouldn't face any of them. It was Berthold who spoke up unexpectedly.

"Our people are dead. We were too late."

It was shocking to hear. Even though Jean had no affiliation to the place Reiner, Berthold and Annie came from and even less so to the people there, it was unexpected to hear they were all gone. Then came the anger, because if those people were dead, then what had the ones inside Wall Maria and Trost District even died for. Yet he was too flabbergasted to react.

"We infiltrated the walls, we caused a lot of death — for nothing." Berthold turned his head away and looked down at the admission. "Still, had I known the outcome, I don't think I'd done it any other way. I don't know what else we could've done."

Jean felt sick. Memories kept flooding back; of the people who had come to Trost District, escaping the horror of the titans that had taken over Wall Maria; of the soldiers who had died in the district five years later, buying the civilians time to evacuate; of the soldiers and civilians who had died during the two attempts to capture Annie. It was infuriating, so fucked up! How could Berthold of all three of them show no remorse at what they had done in the name of their people, not even after learning that it had all been in vain.

"You scum!" Mikasa lashed forward, sending fear to Berthold's face. She didn't reach him though, because Lynne held her back with one hand.

"No attacking them!" Lynne declared. "We wait for Hange's orders."

Jean was too upset to move. From the corner of his eye he noticed that neither Sasha nor Connie seemed to fare any different. The only strange satisfaction he could find in this situation was that Reiner was staring at Berthold in shock himself and even Annie bothered to look over at him, though Jean couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"There's no redemption for what we did," Berthold continued. The distress hadn't left his face, but he was standing his ground. "But that's not why we're here."

Though Mikasa had backed away again, she still fixated Berthold with a look like she wanted to cut him up into little pieces. Jean couldn't fault her for that, he himself was grating his teeth in anger. Still, Berthold was right, there could be no redemption and maybe it spoke for him that he didn't ask for it.

"Then why _are_ you here?" Jean prompted.

Berthold looked at him and for a moment Jean thought he hesitated.

"We're here, because we have nowhere else to go," Berthold confessed then. "And after everything Eren was willing to do for us I wanted to do something for him in return."

Jean was a little impressed, but not enough to stop himself from making a sarcastic remark. "How touching."

Reiner was still eyeing Berthold and looking a little distraught for once. "You know, you could've just skipped to the part where we're here to help out some old comrades" — he turned his head to face Jean and the others — "because that's also one of the reasons we've come back."

Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Jean gave Reiner a sceptical look. He found that hard to believe after Berthold's little speech.

"I have no delusions about being accepted back," Berthold argued. "No matter how we feel about training with them for three years, after everything that happened you can't expect them to believe us."

"Who knows," Jean responded, an edge to his voice, "we may have given you the benefit of the doubt."

"I sure would be disappointed if you said those three years together meant nothing to you," Connie added.

Berthold let his gaze sink, looking ashamed. It seemed like his moment of bold declarations had passed. As if to confirm that things were back to proceeding the usual way, Reiner was speaking up for him. "Of course they mean something! I don't know about Annie here, but to Berthold and me they surely do!"

Annie had returned to staring off into the distance as if the things going on here didn't concern her. Obviously she was still listening though, because she gave a huff at Reiner's mention of her. Jean wasn't sure if she was amused or annoyed to be excluded like that. Though he figured if she was angry they'd know.

"I don't care," Mikasa snapped. "As far as I'm concerned none of you is welcome here."

"I don't know, Mikasa…" Sasha trailed off.

Connie looked indecisive as well. "Jean, what do you think?"

Jean contemplated the situation for a moment. "I think it's not our decision to make."

That earned him some surprised and confused looks, so he elaborated. "Eren's talking with Hange at the moment, right? It will be up to her if any of them gets to stay and under which conditions."

Reiner was the first to agree. "That's true."

While Connie and Sasha nodded, Mikasa set her jaw. "I'm not going to wait for that."

Surprised, Jean looked at her. He halfway expected her to charge at the three titan shifters again, but she ignored them and their guards and headed past them.

"I'm going to see Eren _now_."

"Hold up, Mikasa," Jean tried calling after her, but she was already heading through the door of the main building. He thought about going after her and stopping her from barging into Hange's office, but he figured there wasn't much of a point in trying. If Mikasa really had set her mind on it, she wouldn't be swayed anymore.

.: :.

Armin had heard of Eren returning but only once Eren was standing in the room with Hange, Levi and him did he really dare to believe it. He had meant to greet his friend warmly, but something about the gloomy air around Levi and even Hange had him remain frozen in his place next to Hange's desk and offer only a weak smile. Eren seemed tense as well and left it at an acknowledging nod.

It was strange. Half a year ago, Eren had earned the trust of the Scouting Legion and now everything seemed to have come undone. Even Hange didn't seem happy to see her favourite titan shifter back. She had pushed her glasses out of her face, a sign that she was absolutely serious. Armin had witnessed her do it occasionally since Erwin's arrest and not only was no sign of her otherwise easy going nature to be found when her glasses were on top of her head, she could also get downright scary.

"Eren," Hange greeted him in the deep voice she always used in this state. "Let's skip the pleasantries and get right to the reason you're here."

Eren apprehended her cautiously. "I've returned like I promised the Captain — Levi I would."

"But to do what exactly?"

Instead of giving an answer, Eren looked at her questioningly.

"Let's not beat around the bush here." Hange leaned forward in her chair and folded her hands in front of her mouth, propping up her elbows on the table. "As you already know, the Scouting Legion is in the past. We're also under scrutiny of the government — not too closely, but if we take in a known titan shifter considered an enemy of the crown — let alone four — that won't go unnoticed for long."

She left it up for Eren to figure out why he seemed to hold the same status as Annie, Reiner and Berthold. But considering that he didn't bat an eye and didn't ask, Armin assumed he could guess what that was about. Armin had feared that he was naïve enough to believe him running off with Annie would remain without consequences, but despite bringing up his promise to return, he didn't insist that it would settle everything. In fact, Armin got the feeling he hadn't come unprepared.

"So tell me Eren," Hange continued. "What can you offer that we would want to risk our lives for letting you join us?"

The room fell silent as everyone was looking at Eren expectantly. He didn't appear to search for what to say. The calmness with which he met Hange's gaze told Armin that he'd decided on the answer before entering the room. It was as if he was holding out on them and taking over control of the negotiations. If he played his cards right and only revealed the piece of information he had to, he could string them along and wrap them around his finger, Armin was sure. It made Armin wonder when Eren had learned to be as controlled as that, but then he reminded himself that six months were a long time.

"We have what it takes to turn this sorry excuse of a rebellion into a real one."

Armin held his breath. Eren always had to go and provoke people, he was daring like that. Though Armin had to admit that — if done well — it could get you what you wanted, he wouldn't suggest anyone to try it out. Especially not Eren who had never been good at it and only got lucky once in awhile. So far.

Levi's eyebrows shot up at Eren's words, but apart from that he remained leaned against the wall next to the door. Hange stared and then a sly smile formed on her lips. There was a sharpness to her eyes as if she was analysing Eren's every move to test for weaknesses in his facade.

"Well played," she declared. "I am all ears."

Eren allowed a small smile, pleased that things were going in his favour. Or maybe it was relief that he got away with his provocation. Armin guessed it was a bit of both.

"All in good time," Eren noted. "For now it should suffice for you to know that all four of us are capable and each has their own strong point." He sounded confident at least. "I would offer a demonstration, but that would cause too much unwanted attention."

"So we're definitely talking about letting all four of you stay?"

Eren confirmed Hange's question with a nod. "You only get me if you'll have them, too."

"Interesting." Hange unfolded her hands and leaned back in her chair. "But if we're talking about special abilities in titan form, they seem way more useful to us than you. We know about Annie's crystallisation and everyone has at least heard of what the Armoured Titan and the Colossal Titan are capable of. But what can _you_ do?"

Armin looked at Hange in shock. Was she serious this? She made it sound like the other three had an easier way in when Eren had been the ally of the Scouting Legion from the start. He didn't think that Hange of all people would expect Eren to prove himself once more.

If Eren was unsettled, he was good at hiding it. He merely contemplated his answer. "I have the power and the knowledge to tear down the walls in an instant."

A shiver ran through Armin. The way Eren said that made it sound as if he was actually willing to do it. But that couldn't be. Armin knew his childhood friend. He had always been fighting for humanity, he would never do something that would lead them to their doom. Of that much Armin could be sure, couldn't he?

"Just to give you an impression of what I'm capable of, not that I would actually do it," Eren added, dissolving the tension in the air. "I will tell you more in time."

Armin found himself relieved. For a moment he actually doubted his trust in Eren, that was how much Eren had scared him with those words. It was almost like that time Eren had declared he was going to kill everyone with frightened Garrison soldiers in earshot, just that this time Eren was completely lucid. But it had been just a theoretical visualisation, nothing to worry about. (Armin still filed it away in the back of his head, just in case.)

"That sounds impressive," Hange commented. "If it's true."

A pleased smile flickered over Eren's lips. "There's another thing that should interest you."

"That so?" Hange sounded intrigued.

"We know where Erwin Smith is being kept."

This time Hange smiled a knowing and satisfied smile. "It's kind of you to bring that up by yourself, though Nanaba mentioned already as much."

"I just wanted to make sure you know we're willing to share this information if you agree with our conditions," Eren explained.

"Then I think it's time you name your conditions to us."

Armin tried to read Hange, but he couldn't figure out what she was up to. But he was certain that she had been playing her cards just as well as Eren. They had reached the crucial part of the negotiations and Hange gave no sign of making this easy. Eren seemed to know, because Armin caught him swallowing.

"We get to join your cause as your allies, no guards or supervision as long as we do nothing to sabotage you," Eren began, keeping his voice steady and firm. "We get a say in the planning of the moves the rebellion is going to make. Withholding information out of caution is acceptable on both sides as long as it does not endanger any of us or our goals. Do you accept?"

Hange let her gaze rest on Eren. "You're really daring to make demands like that." A gleam had appeared in her eyes and Armin thought he could touch the tension in the air. "But you've convinced me and I accept as long as we're clear that I'm in charge and have the final word in everything."

Stopping himself short from sighing with relief, Eren offered: "That's fair, I suppose."

"Then you have your deal." Hange pulled down her glasses and displayed an open smile that was more like her usual self. "I'm glad to have you with us again."

"Oh." Eren looked baffled. "That's it?"

"Of course!" Hange clapped her hands together excitedly. "I was just testing your resolve and I have to say: you've exceeded my expectations."

Maybe Eren was a little offended, but mostly he looked like a big weight had fallen off his shoulders.

"Seriously, putting up this whole act when you were set on saying yes anyway, shitty glasses," Levi commented from the back of the room. "And you brat, were you bluffing or why do you look so fucking relieved?"

"I wasn't bluffing, I just wasn't sure how much you'd let me get away with," Eren defended himself. Besides, Armin considered with a smile, he wasn't exactly practiced at this kind of thing.

The door flew open and almost hit Levi in the face, if he hadn't had the state of mind (and the reflexes) to stop it with his hand. Obviously he had picked the wrong part of the wall to lean against. Thankfully Armin was too surprised about someone barging into the room to laugh at the nearly fatal hit they would've landed on Levi had he not reacted. Armin didn't want to get into trouble with the man.

The involuntary attacker who wasn't even aware of what she had done was Mikasa. That meant she had returned from her scouting tour, though Armin hoped that Jean's absence wasn't bad news. Panting, she paused in the doorway. She had probably run here.

"Eren!" Barely catching her breath, Mikasa crossed the distance to her foster brother and slung her arms around his neck. Six long months they had been apart and now he had finally returned. Armin wasn't surprised that she started crying.

Wordless, Eren returned the hug and held her tightly. His face out of Armin's view, Armin couldn't tell what he felt at the reunion. Maybe he was just as happy as Mikasa to see her again, maybe held a semblance of guilt for leaving her behind. Armin was never quite sure how he felt about others, since he had a habit of running off on his own without considering that he was leaving the others behind. Annie was the only person he had run away _with_ and maybe that meant more than Armin had originally considered.

Apparently Armin wasn't the only one alarmed by Mikasa's sudden appearance, because Hange had jumped up from her chair and asked: "Mikasa? What happened? Did you encounter trouble underway?"

"Oh." Mikase seemed to become aware that there were others in the room apart from Eren and her. She broke away from Eren, looking flustered. "I…" Wiping the tears from her eyes, she regained her composure and saluted. "Ackerman reporting in: scouting operation completed without complications; no information on the whereabouts of Erwin Smith could be obtained."

Hange looked relieved. "Well, it can't be helped that you found nothing, but if we're lucky the information Eren holds will allow us to make our move before Erwin's time runs out. But we can discuss that after supper. You're all dismissed"

While she started sorting together some of the papers on her desk, Armin left his place next to her chair and walked over to Eren to finally give him a proper greeting. "You have no idea how good it is to see you again."

Eren accepted the hand Armin offered him. "Yeah, sorry I couldn't make it sooner."

Together with Mikasa they headed towards the door while Armin started talking about all the catching up they had to do.

"Oi, Ackerman," Levi said, and had them all stop in their tracks. When they turned back, he had a dark glare in his eyes. "Next time open the door with more care before you cause any damage or I'll have you work in the kitchen for a week."

Looking confused, but not willing to question him, Mikasa confirmed. "Yes sir!"

It was up to Armin to shed light on why Levi had made this odd remark. After they were out of earshot, of course.

.

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	35. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the part where I come in late with a Starbucks cup in my hand (that is filled with water, because I don't drink coffee).
> 
> Memes aside, thanks for sticking with me. I still have the intention of finishing this story, things are just complicated in my life, so there's no guarantee of frequent updates. It's gonna take however long it's gonna take.
> 
> Also I'm just so fucking done with chapter titles, I don't even care anymore.

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**Chapter 34**

.: :.

Throughout her life, Annie had never been a sociable person. Maybe it was due to her circumstances: first her father had trained her in isolation before she had been sent to infiltrate enemy territory, then getting close to anyone meant endangering her mission. But she had the feeling it just wasn't in her nature regardless of her upbringing. Add to it that everyone had been looking at her with wary eyes since her arrival at the hideout of rebellious former scouts and it was a given that she didn't mingle with the others.

She couldn't really blame any of her former comrades for their distrust, but she also didn't have it in her to make amends. The only thing she had resolved herself to was to not step on anyone's toes and stay out of trouble. It was almost like a revival of their training days, just that this time her origin wasn't a secret. If that meant that people were going to avoid her even more than they used to that was fine by her. The one she was here for was Eren, the rest didn't matter to her.

Annie stuck to Eren's side for the entirety of dinner and Berthold and Reiner joined them at their table without question. Eren was their entrance pass, their legitimisation for being here, their main connection to their former comrades. Though Armin and Mikasa sat with them, Eren was the only one they talked to. Annie had expected nothing else from Mikasa, but she didn't know what to make of the fact that Armin barely looked her way nor that of Reiner and Berthold.

She'd never had any issue with Armin, maybe she'd even liked him a little. Her regrets for not having killed him in the field which at least indirectly led to her being found out were long in the past. But maybe too much had happened for them to face each without reservations. Annie wasn't going to be sad about it though, she hadn't come to the walls to make friends.

It was different for Eren, he had returned home to friends. Though his absence had caused some displeasure among the others, he was soon forgiven once he explained himself. By the time they all had their plates it was almost like had never left and he was learning from Mikasa and Armin what they'd been doing during his absence. Annie barely even listened, she had other things on her mind.

Her thoughts kept returning to the underground dungeon, how Erwin Smith had played her and Grisha Jaeger had pressed his face against the bars, desperate for news of his son. She should just tell Eren that she had encountered his father in the same place as the former commander of the disbanded Scouting Legion, but something held her back. It felt almost like bringing a dead man back to life — something she would love to do with her own father, yet with Eren's father she'd rather have him six feet under for real.

It occurred to her that she had a limited and possibly warped view on Grisha Jaeger due to how she felt about Eren. Watching how Eren tried to find answers in his father's notes was something that impacted her more than she would've thought — the fact that the memory was stuck on her mind even half a year later was proof of that. She couldn't forget or dismiss how Grisha's actions shortly before his disappearance had affected Eren, yet he was the kind to who carried almost any weight which was thrust upon him without even questioning it.

What bugged her and kept her from mentioning her encounter with his father to Eren was the feeling that he wasn't impartial to this. The fear that he was going to accept whatever unreasonable answer his father would offer for turning him into a titan shifter made her want to keep him away from Grisha forever. She knew she was probably being irrational about this, though, so she decided she needed some help to asses the character of his father. However, she didn't want to bring it up with Eren himself, because she worried that if he should ask her about why she was bringing this up she would be unable to keep it from him.

So Annie concluded she had to ask someone else about Grisha Jaeger, someone who'd been around during Eren's childhood. The only question was whether she should approach Armin or Mikasa about it. Armin seemed like the easier choice, considering how she and Mikasa got along like cats and dogs. But she didn't know how long Armin had been friends with Eren as opposed to how long Mikasa had lived with the Jaeger family. Besides, someone living under the same roof as Eren might have had some additional insight. Biting in the sour apple might warrant better results.

"Eren!"

Their plates weren't empty for long yet when Christa appeared behind Reiner and Armin. She had been avoiding Annie and the others this whole time while shooting a few dark glares their way, so she was the last person Annie would've expected to approach any of them.

Ignoring everyone else at the table she fixated Eren with determined eyes. "Can I have a word with you?"

"Er…" Eren's face showed confusion. Though Annie was resting her head on her arm and pretended not to be interested, she could see him exchange a questioning glance with Armin before answering. "Sure, what's up?"

"Not here," Christa declared without any hint of her usually friendly demeanour. "Let's go outside."

Without waiting for a response, Christa stomped off, expecting to be followed. Eren raised his eyebrows as he let his gaze wander over everyone at the table — Annie didn't meet his eyes, still trying to appear unconcerned — but then shrugged and got up. As he reached for his plate to return it to the kitchen as everyone was expected to, Mikasa grabbed it and piled it onto her own.

"Thanks Mikasa," Eren mumbled and then headed towards the door.

In passing he brushed over Annie's shoulder with his hand. Holding up her left arm, she briefly grabbed his fingers in acknowledgment before he slipped them out of her loose grip again. She tried to be even more subtle as she followed him with her gaze until he was out of sight. Their relationship wasn't a secret — everybody seemed to know — she just didn't like to display affection in public. Probably for that reason Eren had started sneaking in gentle touches like that during they spent training with Reiner and Berthold. It took her some time to respond likewise, but by now she found it a convenient way to reassure him of her feelings for him.

They had talk about this and how Annie had a habit of showing little to no interest in her surroundings at times, leaving Eren to wonder what was going in her head. It was true that she had an easier time openly caring when it was just the two of them and while Eren understood that that was just part of her personality she couldn't change easily (and he wouldn't want to demand if her to overcome it) he could get insecure sometimes and need some reassurance that she still loved him even when she didn't kiss him or barely looked at him for some reason. For that the brief touches had proven to be really helpful so far.

As soon as Eren was gone the mood at the table shifted. The link that was keeping everyone together was gone and now the tension among them spread again. Annie tried to ignore the others as she had done before, but she could feel Reiner's eyes on her even before he spoke.

"Small and blond — looks like Eren has a type," Reiner noted and Annie couldn't say if he was joking to try and lighten the mood or if he seriously wanted to annoy her. To be honest, she wouldn't put it past him to mean this kind of comment and she was definitely bothered enough to consider kicking him beneath the table, but she decided against it.

"Lucky me you're tall," Annie quipped and gave him an unimpressed stare.

Reiner grinned and reminded her: "Also taken."

Armin chuckled cautiously at the exchange as if he wasn't sure whether he was allowed into the conversation. Meanwhile Mikasa sighed audibly and got off her chair. It seemed obvious she didn't want to associate with them any further. Without a word, she walked off towards the kitchen which caused Reiner to note that she hadn't changed. Armin suggested they shouldn't take it personal, but Annie wasn't listening anymore.

It was now or never, Annie told herself, but she still hesitated. Though she had set her mind on catching a word with Mikasa in private, she found herself lacking the initiative now that the opportunity presented itself. While it generally was fine with her if people didn't like her that only worked as long as she could keep her distance. Now that she felt herself reliant on learning something from Mikasa the fact that they didn't get along presented itself as a major obstacle.

Mikasa wormed her way back from the kitchen through the cramped room and passed the table without any further acknowledgement. By the time she was at the door to the hallway, Annie threw all her reservations in the wind. Gritting her teeth, Annie pushed herself away from the table top and got up. Angry with herself that she wasted so much time, she didn't even look away from the door where Mikasa had vanished when asking: "Reiner, could you take care of my plate? Thanks."

Without waiting for an answer Annie hurried towards the entrance, hoping to still catch a glimpse of Mikasa by the time she reached it. However, she wasn't that lucky and instead nearly ran into someone at the doorstep. She didn't have to look up far to meet a pair of eyes she'd hoped never to see this close up again. The mere presence of Levi whirled up unpleasant memories pressing against the sphere of her consciousness. Having him right in front of her like in the night he mutilated her sent chills down her spine.

"Sorry," Annie mumbled, lowering her gaze immediately and circling around him. She wanted to leave him behind as fast as possible, but in the hallway she looked up and down for a sign indicating which way Mikasa could've gone and had to realise that she lost track of the other girl.

"If you're looking for Eren, he's talking to Christa at the well."

The sound of Levi's voice was unpleasant, no matter if he tried to be helpful. Annie wished he would just leave her be. He had struck her as the type to mind his own business, so why did he have to bother with her now? Paranoia rose in her and inspired the thought that maybe he was keeping a close eye on her and if she stepped out of line he would strike her down or worse.

Shaking off the thought as best as she could, Annie forced out: "Thanks, but I'm looking for Mikasa, actually."

"Try the stables then," Levi suggested and was already turning away when she cast him a wary glance.

"Thanks," Annie muttered not to seem impolite even though he was already walking into the dining room as if he didn't care whether she was grateful or not.

Glad to get away from Levi, Annie rushed towards the door and scanned the yard. She still had to orientate herself in this unfamiliar place at which she only arrived today. Eren and Christa were indeed talking by the well, but she ignored them to head left of them to the building she identified as the stables. She hoped Levi's suggestion wasn't wrong — she hadn't bothered to ask if he had seen Mikasa heading there or if he was just making a good guess — otherwise she came out here for nothing.

This time Annie got lucky however. As she reached the stable doors, she spotted Mikasa standing by a horse a few bays down. Remaining near the entrance, she called out: "Mikasa."

As expected, Mikasa glared with displeasure when she took sight of Annie. But Annie just had looked Levi right into the eyes, compared to that facing Mikasa was nothing.

"Can we talk?" Annie requested, trying to approach this conversation with as much friendliness as she could muster.

Mikasa blinked once, then returned her attention to the horse whose head she was petting. "I have nothing to say to you."

If she had hope that would be enough to get rid of Annie, she was mistaken. Annie remained persistent, quietly standing on the spot, waiting for her to cave. She sighed, though it wasn't a clear indication of her resignation. "I'm not going to play nice with you just because you somehow weaselled your way into Eren's heart."

Annie had to suppress a sneer at that. In that aspect they had always been on the same page at least.

"I'm not going to play nice with you just because you're Eren's sister," Annie retorted. "If I'm being civil right now it's because I want something from you."

Letting her hand sink to the muzzle of the horse, Mikasa raised her eyebrows at Annie. It seemed her interest was woken, because she asked: "What do you want from me?"

"There's something I must ask you," Annie declared, still keeping her distance.

"Go ahead."

Annie figured that was Mikasa's indication that she was going to hear Annie out at least. Whether she was going to answer was another thing, but Annie hoped at least that it would concern her enough to be somewhat accommodating.

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, Annie leaned against a beam nearby. Her gaze wandered outside for a moment where she could see Eren still standing by the well with Christa. He had his back turned towards her, but she wasn't looking to him for any support. She was just trying to sort through her thoughts to figure out the best way to go about this.

"Grisha Jaeger," Annie stated then. "What was he like?"

Mikasa paused, her hand still as the horse nipped her palm with its lips as if it was suspecting something to eat there. Her eyes were hidden from Annie's view by her hair. "Is this about the journals you found in the basement?"

Though Annie hadn't considered it before, she realised now that it was likely Mikasa had seen the journals as well. Eren had mentioned passing them on through Ymir and she guessed that Mikasa would've wanted to know what had been going on.

"I'm just trying to understand what kind of man would do this to his son."

It was weird to think about, but Annie considered they might have common ground for once. Protective of Eren as Mikasa was, there was a chance she disliked the whole thing with Eren being a titan shifter even more than Annie did — and Annie sure had grown resentful of it over the course of the past months.

Though Eren was unlikely to meet the same fate her people had, Annie couldn't help but see the titan powers in general as something that brought more trouble than benefits. She had suffered for it and so had Eren, she didn't want that life and she wished it upon no one — especially not him. It was an ironic twist of fate that these titan powers were what brought them together and she'd been thankful for that. But over the past few months negative feelings about Eren having to bear the burden of this power had taken over.

"I've asked myself the same thing," Mikasa admitted while returning to stroking the neck of the black horse in front of her. "But does it really matter?"

To Annie it did matter. It mattered because the man she was trying to assess was rotting away in a cell and she was the only one here knowing about it. She wasn't sure if that was the equivalent of holding his life in her hand, but she was definitely trying to work out if he was worth saving. Though she felt a little guilty for not having told Eren about this, she was willing to keep it from him until she cleared Grisha Jaeger of the suspicion that he was going to ruin Eren's life even further if they were to meet again. She had considered using him to find a cure, but the longer she had thought about it the less likely the chances of that working out had seemed to her.

Mikasa was unaware of this, but while they seemed to have a different view on things, their wish to keep Eren away from harm didn't seem to be somewhat similar at least.

"If not for the ability to turn into a titan which Dr. Jaeger gave him, Eren would've died in Trost," Mikasa declared unexpectedly. "So call me selfish, but in a way I'm thankful for what Dr. Jaeger did."

It's what Annie had been thinking herself and yet… Nothing about it changed the inner conflict she found herself in. Mikasa was right, Eren would've died in Trost without his titan powers — and Annie would've been responsible (along with Reiner and Berthold). She was spared having to live with that specific guilt, yet that changed nothing about her feelings regarding Grisha Jaeger. He couldn't have predicted that this kind of thing would happen to Eren, so his actions couldn't be justified by such a happenstance.

"So what?" Annie deflected Mikasa's notion without going into any details on what she thought about the argument. "That doesn't answer my question."

"I can't say for sure." Mikasa shrugged as if it didn't really concern her. "I lived with the Jaeger family for about a year. In that time Dr. Jaeger was very busy, going on home visits and other things, probably related to his dealings with the Wall Cult. I considered him a kind man, if a little distant."

Kind, that clearly wasn't the word Annie would associate with the man she found tied up in an underground cell. Though she had encountered him under unique circumstances, she hadn't considered it as an attribute for him even before then. A kind man wouldn't put his son through this, is what she had thought. But then again, she had always considered her father to be kind and yet he killed her mother — the woman he loved — out of necessity and sent her — his own beloved daughter — on a dangerous mission when she was still just a child. People do what they think they must…

"Was that satisfactory for you?" Mikasa wanted to know and they exchanged another dark glare the way they used to during training days.

Annie shrugged. "I guess it'll do."

The information she received didn't help her much to decide how to deal with Grisha being locked up in the same place as Erwin. Her instinct was still to keep the man away from Eren, but she was also capable to gain enough emotional distance to the situation to at least _know_ that it wasn't her decision to make. Yet she couldn't form the will to do the obvious thing and tell Eren about her encounter with his father. Something still bugged her about the whole thing.

"You're still here," Mikasa noted, reminding Annie that she no longer had a reason to stay.

Annie remained nonetheless. This place was calming and quiet, unlike the house which was filled with more people than she was comfortable with. It was a better place to think than the cramped dining room and she definitely could use the opportunity for that. Whatever it was that she was trying to put her finger on regarding the situation with Grisha, she had to figure out before any plans to free Erwin were set into motion. Maybe she could clear her head enough in this place to fit the pieces together and get the bigger picture.

"I admit I was jealous of you," Mikasa stated out of the blue, almost as if she was trying to fill the silence between them. "I've never seen Eren consider anyone the way he does you. He abandoned everything here for you to help your people."

Though surprised at Mikasa's sudden honesty, Annie wasn't too baffled to make a correction: "I didn't tell him to."

"Yeah, Levi said as much," Mikasa noted and Annie suppressed a grimace at the mention of the man. "Still, the Eren I know dashed ahead without consideration for anyone," Mikasa continued, keeping her attention on the horse in front of her. "You changed him."

Annie scowled. She wasn't sure what Mikasa's intentions were, but she didn't like where this was going — definitely not when that last sentence sounded like an accusation. "Look, I didn't do it on purpose, okay? But if it helps you: I'm sorry, I guess."

"I don't want your apology or your sympathy!" Mikasa's voice was harsh now, more like Annie was used to from their rare interactions during their training days. If anything she had been unusually mellow so far, Annie had almost felt the need to worry. "I'm just...acknowledging it."

"I thought we weren't going to play nice," Annie reminded her.

Mikasa's response was silence. Whatever was going through her head, she didn't share it. Annie was almost curious to know what was the matter with her. But the chances of her revealing it were low and Annie had other things to worry about.

"Fine, let me tell you something as well, so we're even," Annie announced, making it sound as if she was doing Mikasa a favour while lacking any particular interest to do so.

In reality she just didn't want to feel like Mikasa had made one more step towards her than she had made towards Mikasa. She was fine to hold antipathy towards Mikasa without putting an effort into changing that for Eren's sake as long it was something mutual. If either of them let up with that it would reflect badly on the other.

"I met Eren's father." It was an impulse confession Annie hadn't thought through. She probably only made it because it was currently on her mind and a part of her wanted to share the weight of the knowledge while she felt unable to tell Eren about it. "He's locked up in the same place as Erwin Smith, but I figured it was better not to make a big fuss about it."

Mikasa froze on the spot, resulting in the horse pushing its head against her limp fingers to receive her attention back. That strategy didn't work however, so it gave up pretty quickly.

"Doctor Jaeger...is alive…?" Mikasa muttered. "I didn't think that… After reading his journals I wouldn't have thought…"

Things were adding up. Annie had figured Mikasa would've wanted to take a look at the journal, but now Annie could imagine her reading every word on every page just to understand what had happened to Eren. But maybe she'd had a bigger interest in Grisha's whereabouts than Annie would've guessed.

"I thought his disappearance five years ago could only mean one thing," Mikasa added though she was probably discussing it with herself rather than with Annie.

Five years. Eren had said his father was most likely dead for breaking his oath to the Wall Cult and it made sense from what they read in the journals. Erwin Smith was facing execution soon after a month of imprisonment, yet Grisha Jaeger had been kept alive for such a long time. Though executing him publicly may not have been beneficial to the Wall Cult the way they intended it to be with Erwin, Grisha's death still could've served as an example to others working for the Wall Cult to scare them off from breaking their oath. Unless they wanted something from him...

"What do you want me to do with that information?" Mikasa asked suddenly, having moved on from her initial reaction. Her voice sounded hollow now, as if she had pulled the plug and drained the emotions from herself. It was almost a little eery.

Annie looked outside towards the well again. Eren and Christa had disappeared from there by now, but she barely even registered it. Finally she had figured out what bothered her about finding Grisha Jaeger alive in that cell — she actually couldn't believe it had taken her so long. All that was left to decide was what she would make of it.

"Absolutely nothing," Annie answered Mikasa's question.

In the aftermath, she figured it may not have been the best idea to reveal this truth to Mikasa, but it was done now and even gave her the final nudge to put the pieces together. She wasn't going to cry about it, even if it turned out to be spilled milk. She also wasn't going to continue a conversation that had nothing more to offer to her.

Before Mikasa could question her any further, Annie left the stables and wandered off.

.: :.

"So what's this about?" Eren asked Christa once he'd caught up with her by the well in the yard.

Her approach had been unexpected and he wasn't sure what would come from it. Back in their training days they didn't have much to do with each other and even since joining the Scouting Legion there hadn't been opportunity for them to interact. To him Christa Lenz was a blank piece of paper of whom he only knew that she was kind to everyone and tried to look out for others if they were in need.

Since his return, Eren hadn't paid her much heed, though now that she was standing in front of him he felt like something was off. The solemn expression, the demanding tone with which she had requested to speak to him — it wasn't very reminiscent of what he recalled of her behaviour from their time in the military together. Come to think about it, she had seemed the type to break up tension and try to bring people together like Marco, yet she'd been keeping her distance and had been glaring at Berthold and Reiner from what Eren had noticed.

Christa looked up at the fading sky and took an audible breath. Then she turned to face Eren and displayed one of her common smiles. Though he'd never liked that overtly niceness to everyone, now it just felt off, like a facade she was putting up. It was such a contrast to the way she had acted when leading him out here that he didn't even know how to respond to it. Albeit subconsciously, he quickly had taken a liking to her bland behaviour earlier so that he was tempted to tell her to stop smiling like that.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did for Ymir," Christa declared in a gentle voice. "You gave her the chance to come back to the walls."

So that was it. Now Eren remembered she and Ymir had been hanging out around each other the whole time back in their training days. It didn't concern him much, but he figured it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for Christa to want to thank him on behalf of her friend. He hadn't found any time to speak with Ymir yet, but seeing the woman walking around freely like everyone else had been enough for him to take her from his list of things to wrap up. Though he saw no reason why Christa should ask him to talk in private just for this.

"Ahh…" Shaking off his bafflement, Eren noted: "You called me out here for this? You could've easily said that in front of the others, it's no big deal."

The corners of Christa's mouth were twisting but she maintained her smile. "There was no need to involve them with this."

Eren was getting annoyed. This whole thing felt blown out of proportion and he wanted it to be over and done with so he could move on to other things. Most of all, he needed Christa to stop smiling, it felt faker with every passing second. If she was doing it to show her gratitude then he'd rather have her do it with a solemn expression.

"I'm not that big on overbearing kindness, so you can stop smiling now," Eren told her, blunt as ever. "It's starting to look fake."

Christa's features changed, the smile evaporated and with it all the softness of her face. There was something almost lifeless in her expression, her gaze became hollow. Though it was a little unsettling to see her shift between such stark contrasts, Eren preferred this look on her and wasn't too bothered by it.

"You're right: the smile is fake," Christa confessed and she sounded lifeless for a moment. Then a glint of anger sparked up in her eyes and she looked away while clenching her fist. "How can I smile when that _scum_ is walking free?!"

"Scum?" Eren echoed in confusion. Though he hadn't expected for neither Annie nor Reiner and Berthold to be welcomed with open arms, this kind of resentfulness was surprising from someone like Christa. It reminded him of himself when he used to declare that he would eradicate all titans, just that in the light of what he had learned over the past half year he couldn't relate to that anymore.

"That scum Reiner and Berthold," Christa pressed out and turned towards the well to grip the edge of it with both hands. "They took Ymir as hostage to make their escape after all the damage they caused and now they're back as if nothing happened. How could you bring them back?"

Eren suppressed a sigh. Empathising with other people when they had a different point of view wasn't his forte, but he'd been meaning to keep trying. It had worked with Annie and even Reiner and Berthold. Besides, he was learning the benefits of trying to reconcile people rather than telling them to get lost if they didn't like something. In the end, they all had the same enemy, so whatever got into the way of focussing on that had to be worked out.

"I know it's hard to believe, but they're genuinely trying to help now," Eren offers, sounding tired already from an argument he wasn't prepared to have. "Besides, they've got nowhere else to go."

"So what?" Christa turned around and faced Eren. The angry fire was still burning in her eyes. "How can you just forgive them for what they've done? Weren't you the one who swore to kill all the titans?"

It felt a bit like Eren was confronting his past self who was angry how he turned out and questioned his choices. He wondered what he would tell to the version of himself who existed months ago, before the events of Trost changed his life forever. He could bring up how he came to care about Annie and how that made him listen to her side of the story, but that probably didn't matter to someone who didn't feel the same.

"Revenge won't bring anyone back to life. I've come to understand that," Eren explained, his voice growing quiet as he reminisced about the deaths he had witnessed. The anger at it hadn't completely subsided even now, but he had learnt that it caused more harm than good if he let it take over. "I want to do what I can to keep the people important to me alive, so that I never have to experience the horrible feeling of loss again."

Though Christa didn't object nor turn away, it didn't look like he'd come through to her. She was still glaring at him while she pressed her trembling lips together as if to keep herself from telling him off.

"Your loss wasn't permanent," Eren tried to appeal to her, "and if we all work together to take down the king, then we can prevent anything like it from happening to us again."

"What do you know about my loss!" Christa shouted, her rage spilling over before melting into tears dripping from her eyes.

"I was robbed of everything — my family, my home," she sobbed, her voice turning hoarse. "I was lonely for so long until I met Ymir. Without her I had given up on going on, even though I promised her to keep on living."

Christa was right, Eren had no idea about her past — he couldn't even remember if she was from Wall Maria originally. Though her story sounded like something a lot of refugees from the outer wall shared, he figured there was little point in bringing that up. Something he could determine though was that she had something to protect and it seemed worth reminding her of that.

"If the king and his men find out the truth about Ymir, they won't leave her be like they weren't willing to leave me be. We have to stop them before they take Erwin Smith's or anyone else's life." He was taking a gamble here — certain that someone like Armin would be making a more convincing argument than him — but he has to give it a try. "That's why I'm asking you to do what you can — and if it only means to put aside your personal feelings about Reiner and Berthold so we can work together to stop the people who are threatening our friends."

It made Eren feel bad to pressure Christa like that and most of all, to play on her fear of losing Ymir. But he was hoping that maybe it would help her see reason. He wanted her to grasp the necessity of them all putting their differences aside and help each other out instead like he'd come to understand on his way to Shiganshina and beyond the walls.

Christa broke eye contact with him and looked away. It seemed she was giving his words at least some thought and from the decrease of tears and sobs Eren guessed she had calmed down a bit. Then she wiped her eyes dry and faced him again.

"I can do more than that," she declared with determination.

The change in attitude was so sudden, it filled Eren with worry about what she intended to do. Somehow he couldn't shake to feeling that she had the look of someone who was ready to kill or — worse — sacrifice herself in a suicide mission. But before he could ask what she had in mind, she walked past him and headed back towards the main house.

The bad feeling knotted up Eren's insides and made his heart sink. He couldn't shake the thought that rather than make Christa put aside her feelings about Berthold and Reiner, he had given her silly ideas and his intention to work things out would explode in his face if he didn't stop her.

Running rather than walking, he followed Christa inside. If the situation with her were to escalate now because of something he said, Eren was going to kick his sorry ass back to Annie's home village.

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End file.
